


SEARED

by kurama3173



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Alternia, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Futuristic, Gen, M/M, Romance, Strider twins, space travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-28
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2017-12-09 20:19:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 39
Words: 105,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/777595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurama3173/pseuds/kurama3173
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Year 2078, United States of America. The U.S. was the leading country in space exploration and research. Hundreds of planets, inside and outside the solar system had been discovered, explored, and even a few had been colonized. The bursting population of Earth demanded outward expansion, and people were encouraged to embrace space travel from a young age.</p>
<p>It had, over the past 15 or so years, become somewhat common in the United States for young people to go off-planet in the summer between their sophomore and junior years of high school. Space Exploration And Research Educational Deployment, or SEARED, was a government run program, facilitating travel, accommodation, and safety for the young astronauts. </p>
<p>The 8 kids from homestuck attend high school together, not all of them friends, some complete strangers to one another. They eventually end up coming together to travel to Alternia through the SEARED program.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Year 2078, Earth

“Jane! Jane, hang on a sec!” A black haired boy with glasses runs through the crowded hallway to catch his friend. Panting, he catches her shoulder. Jane looks startled as she turns to face him.

“Jake!” she says, brushing her short black hair out of her face. “What are you doing, I thought you were at lunch.” Jake grins.

“I’m supposed to be, “ he says, still out of breath. “C’mon. I have the best Idea. You’re gonna love it.” Jane laughs softly.

“I have to go to-“

“Study hall? Sorry Jane, but fuck that, come on, you have to hear this!” he exclaims, pulling her arm. Jane’s cheeks turn slightly pink, and naturally he doesn’t notice.

“I don’t skip,” she says matter of factly. “I’ve never gotten a detention despite your best efforts, and I’m not going to change that now.” Jake sticks out his tongue.

“Fiiiiiine,” he drawls. “Have it your way. Enjoy your study hall, while I’m off thinking about the best idea ever had.”

“Whatever it is, you can talk to me about it after school,” she says with a tired smile. Jake nods enthusiastically.

“Oh, I will!” he says. “Bye Janey!” He disappears back into the crowd, and Jane watches him go for a little longer than she probably should.

Jane arrives in her study hall a few minutes late, but the monitor doesn’t even look up. She finds her seat next to her best friend, Roxy Lalonde.

“Hey girl,” Roxy whispers. Jane waves as she sits down.

“Hey. What are you reading?” she whispers back. Roxy grins.

“’Nother one of my great-grandma’s books,” she says, flashing the cover. “But I’m in serious need of some philanthropy from my bffsy.” Jane rolls her eyes playfully.

“Yes, master,” she says. Roxy giggles.

“I definitely slept through chem again,” she says. “Got the notes? Course you do.” Jane reaches into her bag with a sigh.

“Here,” she says. “I’m such an enabler…” Roxy takes the notebook and knocks her best friend lightly on the shoulder.

“Thanks girl, you’re the best.” She starts copying Jane’s notes in scribbly writing. After she finishes, she hands the notebook back, complete with some doodles of cats. “So, you hear Strider’s got a new girlfriend?” she says mischievously.

“Which one?” asks Jane.

“Dave, obviously!” Roxy says. “Is that even a question, girl you know nobody’s ever seen Dirk with a ladyfriend.” Jane shrugs.

“I don’t really keep up,” she says. Roxy pokes her with her pen.

“I keep you ‘up’,” she says. “But anyway, yep. Dave’s with Andrea Cohen. Kinda saw it coming really. She’s been into Dirk forever, but picky Is one thing she ain’t.” Jane smiles, tuning out her best friend’s gossip report and letting her mind drift back to Jake. What kind of grandiose, half-planned idiocy was he on about now? She smiles, thinking of the last time he had a ‘brilliant idea’, which ended with him soaked after many failed attempts at parasailing with a tarp.

“Crocker!” Roxy says, a little too loud for the study hall. “Are you even listening? I said do you want to come over after school?” Jane snaps back to reality and smiles apologetically at her blonde friend.

“Sorry,” she says sheepishly. “I don’t know just yet. Jake said he’s got something super important to tell me, some great idea he’s got.” Roxy chuckles.

“If it involves frogs again I’m out,” she says. “Definitely let me know what’s up though. It’s at least always hilarious to hear about.” Jane nods.

“I’ll text you as soon as I’m good to come over,” she says.

\---

“Okay Jake, what is it?” she asks, barely concealing a smile at the sight of her overexcited friend.

“Alright. Listen to me now,” he says seriously. She grins. He always says this.

“I’m listening.” She can’t hide her amusement.

“Jane, this is for real. No more homemade sleds or swamp exploration.” He also always says this. But for his sake, she assumes a serious expression.

“We are going to go to space.”

Jane’s jaw hits the floor. For all that he dreams big, Jake has never suggested anything like this. Hell, his stupid ideas haven’t even led them out of their hometown.

“Jake…” she says, unsure of how to react.

“I’m serious,” he says. “We’re sophomores. We qualify for SEARED if we go this summer. We’d need to find at least 4 other people to meet the 6-12 requirement, but that’s easy stuff.” Jane is still looking at him like he’s got 7 arms.

“Jake, I…” she stammers. “ _Space?_ ” He grins.

“Dream big, Jane,” he says, folding his arms. “We’re 16, well, you’re almost 16. We can do so much better than screw around in John’s boat.” Jane’s expression only relaxes slightly.

“I… Jake, how on earth could you even afford this?” she asks. “I mean, my family can afford to send me, but who knows if they’ll actually go for it, and you… no offense Jake, but your family doesn’t own a corporation.” Jake smiles.

“Scholarship,” he says, satisfied with his answer.

“They only give SEARED scholarships on the contingency that you attend aeronautical school,” she says. “I thought you didn’t know what you wanted to do when you were older.” He chuckles.

“I don’t! But What better way to find adventure than to go to space?” he says, hands on his hips. Jane sighs.

“Jake…”

“I could always go without you,” he says, leaning toward her. She pushes him playfully.

“I can’t decide on something like that now,” she says. The idea is appealing, she must admit. “I’m going over to casa-de-RoLal, so I’ll get back to you on that later.” Jake smiles.

“You’ll do it, Janey. You always do it.”

\---

Two months pass, and it’s November. Jane Crocker and Roxy Lalonde are again at Roxy’s house. Roxy is absentmindedly painting her nails to match her black lipstick, while Jane hangs upside down off of her best friend’s bed.

“So this whole space thing,” Roxy says. “If you guys go, who are you gonna take with you, besides me?” Jane sighs. Jake has not let up about this at all. Usually if she lets his brilliant ideas sit for about a week, he’ll be on to the next thing, but his enthusiasm about this hasn’t waned a bit.

“I don’t know,” she says. “I really haven’t thought about it.” Roxy sticks her tongue out before taking a sip of her drink.

“That’s boring,” she says. Jane’s phone starts ringing, and she quickly sits up and straightens her glasses before answering it.

“Hello?”

“Hi Jane!” It’s Jake.

“What’s up?” she asks. It’s a bit unusual for him to call her on Friday, his movie night with John.

“I got accepted for a SEARED scholarship!” he exclaims. “All I had to do was show that I was in good health and promise to attend one of the aero schools when I graduate.” Jane’s eyes grow wide.

“So… this is really a thing you’re doing,” she says slowly. Jake laughs on the other end.

“Of course!” he says. “And you’re coming with me! Right?” he sounds nervous at the end there. Jane closes her eyes. She’d talked with her dad about it before. He was skeptical, but truth be told, he’d let her do just about anything as long as she didn’t get herself killed.

“Jane?” She sighed shakily.

“You know what? Yes. I’m going with you,” she says resolutely. She can easily envision Jake’s face.

“YES!” he cries, causing Jane to hold the phone away from her head. “I knew you’d come around Janey! We have to get other people. This is gonna be awesome. Are you gonna ask Roxy? I’ll see if John wants to go. This is going to be awesome.” Jane smiles, still a little overwhelmed by what she just committed to. She wanted to be a detective. She’d never even thought about going to space before. 


	2. Bros

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Switching gears for a moment here.

 

John Egbert can’t believe his ears.

His good buddy Jake English is going to space, and he wants to take him with. John has no idea what he wants to do when he graduates. He definitely dreamed of doing SEARED, but never thought it was a realistic option for him. His family isn’t rich, and he isn’t ready to commit to aeronautical school.

“You okay there John?” Jake is looking at him expectedly. John nods.

“Sorry. Just caught me a little off guard,” he says apologetically. “So you and Jane Crocker are really doing it,” he says. “Wow. Jake, that’s amazing, but I don’t know if it’s something I can do…” Jake just grins.

“No worries,” he says. “In signing up for the program, Jane and I take most of the expense. Adding more people doesn’t cost as much. You can do it.” John sighs, but then his eyes light up.

“My friend Jade!” he exclaims. Jake looks at him quizzically. “Her grandpa’s an ambassador in the space program! I bet if we take her with us we can get it even cheaper.”

“Yeah! Let’s ask Jade!” Jake says, punching the air. John whips out his phone.

“Hey Jade?”

“Hey John,” a sweet voice replies. “What are you up to?”

“Well,” John says, concealing excitement. “One of my buddies, you know Jake English? He and Jane Crocker are doing SEARED, and they invited me to take the trip with them.”

“Wow John! That’s really exciting!” she says brightly.

“Yeah, it really is! I don’t know if it’s possible for me yet, but I was thinking maybe you’d like to go? Your grandpa being an ambassador and all.”

“That sounds like so much fun!” she says. “I’ve been to space a couple times, but nothing big like that! Lemme talk to grandpa and see what he says.” John smiles.

“Let me know!” he says. They say their goodbyes, and John smiles at Jake. “I think she’s on board.” Jake quickly grabs his own phone, and texts Jane.

GT: I think we’ve got a fourth.

\---

Dave Strider hangs lazily over the edge of his bed to kiss his girlfriend Andrea on the cheek. Her face reflects in his black aviators, and she giggles.

“Dave, why do I always have to look at myself when we kiss?” she complains. “Your eyes are so pretty.” Dave hauls himself upright.

“You only saw my eyes cause you swiped my shades,” he says with a shrug. “If you weren’t so curious, you wouldn’t have to miss ‘em.” She pouts jokingly, and he adjusts the aforementioned shades. Andrea turns to look out the open bedroom door when she hears footsteps, and gasps.

Dirk Strider, fresh out of the shower with a towel loosely wrapped around his waist and his signature pointed sunglasses in his hand. He looks in at them briefly, nodding to Dave as he passes. His eyes are a fiery orange, unbeknownst to just about everybody at school. Andrea’s eyes follow his muscled back into his room, and then she turns to Dave.

“His eyes,” she says. Dave chuckles.

“What is it with you and eyes?” he says.

“They’re bright orange!”

“I was aware.” She looks at him indignantly.

“I know you know,” she says crossly. “But… how does that work? How can you have different eye colors? Aren’t you twins?” Dave shrugs.

“Last I checked,” he says, leaning back against the wall. “It’s just how we are I guess. Doctors said we’re identical. We have the same DNA and shit. And hell, neither of our parents have eyes like us, maybe mom just smoked something while she was pregnant with us.” Andrea sighs.

“Why do you guys hide it?” she asks. “I don’t think anyone in the whole school has seen either of you without your shades.” He sighs.

“High school is dumb enough as it is without every asshole asking if he can see our eyes,” Dave says. “’Oh, Strider, is it true your eyes are red? What about your bro? Take off your shades, lemme see’” he mocks.

“Yeah, I guess you have a point,” she says.

“I sure do. Don’t tell anyone about his eyes, ok? Same as with mine,” he says sternly. She nods.

\---

The next afternoon, Dirk sits in calculus, barely awake and more than capable of handling whatever the teacher assigns him.

“Strider,” the wrinkled old instructor says sharply.

“Sup.” He runs a hand through his spiked blonde hair.

“I’ve told you more than enough times to leave those sunglasses at home,” she says acidly. He cracks a smile.

“And I’ve told you more than enough times, I ace every assignment you give me, so obviously they’re not causing any problems.” The teacher glares at him, and it looks like she considered walking back to his desk and snatching them off his face, but she doesn’t.

After class lets out, she hands him a detention and he takes it without even looking at her.

“Hey Dirk?” He turns on his heel. It’s his twin brother’s girlfriend, Andrea.

“Yeah?” he says nonchalantly. “What’s up? Is my brother an asshole? That’s usually what’s up.” Andrea shakes her head.

“Come with me for a sec, will you? It’s not really about Dave,” she says, grabbing for his arm. He pulls back before she can touch him, but follows. She takes him into the gym, which is empty for the day and smells vaguely nasty.

“I saw your eyes yesterday,” she says, looking intently at his sunglasses. He sighs.

“Yeah, and you’re wondering if Dave’s are the same?” he says. She shakes her head.

“No, I’ve seen Dave’s,” she says. “I was really surprised to see that yours were different. Can I see them again?” Dirk shakes his head.

“No can do,” he says. “The shades stay on. Dave’s your boyfriend, get him to show you his.” Andrea looks frustrated.

“Yeah. Dave’s my boyfriend.” She thinks back to the previous day, his muscular torso dripping water as he passed. “Dirk… You know I’ve been interested in you for a long time.” He sighs, combing fingers through his hair again.

“Andrea,” he says sternly.

“And after seeing you yesterday, and seeing your eyes, I know it’s not Dave I want to be with, it’s you,” she confesses. He sighs.

“I don’t honestly know what you’re expecting me to say,” Dirk says. “Do you think I’m just gonna say ‘oh yeah, let’s get together and shit all over my brother’s feelings’?” He furrows his brow. “I’m not interested. I don’t pull that kind of shit on my bro, and I definitely don’t want anything to do with a shallow asshole who wants to cheat on him with his own twin.” With that he turns and calmly walks out of the gym, with her running after him in protest.

“Dirk! You’re not going to tell him, are you?” she asks pleadingly. Dirk just chuckles.

“Course I am,” he says, continuing to walk.

“I’ll tell everyone what color your eyes are!” she hisses. He doesn’t even look at her.

“And I’ll tell them you’re full of shit and just trying to distract from the fact that you tried to play us.” She huffs, and stalks off to find Dave before Dirk gets to him.

\---

“Dave Strider!”

“Mm,” the blonde grunted boredly. Andrea steers him into an empty classroom.

“Look at me,” she says. He turns his head.

“What’s wrong?” he asks. She folds her arms.

“Your brother accused me of being a whore,” she says crossly. Dave’s eyebrows rise.

“Dirk? That doesn’t sound like him at all,” he says. Andrea huffs.

“Are you calling me a liar?”

“Not necessarily. Did he say it to your face, or did you hear about it from someone else?”

“He said it himself,” she says. He chuckles.

“Then yeah, I guess I’m calling you a liar,” he says, preparing to get smacked.

“Dave,” Dirk says from the doorway.

“Sup bro,” he says, standing. Dirk pulls him aside.

“Did she own up?” asks Dirk. Dave shrugs.

“She said you called her a whore.” Dirk shakes his head. He doesn’t want to be the bearer of bad news.

“Dude, she told me she wants to be with me. I told her to fuck off, and she ran off to find you before me I guess.” Dave looks down slightly.

“Thanks bro,” he says halfheartedly. He leaves Dirk, and walks back over to Andrea. “Dirk doesn’t fuck with me. Get out of here.” She knows she’s defeated.

“Dave, I’m sorry, I-“

“No. No you’re not. It’s cool. Just get the fuck out and don’t talk to me again, k?” he says, a bit of ice in his voice. Andrea glares hatefully at Dirk one more time before making her exit. Dave sits down at one of the desks.

“Man, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to have to tell you,” Dirk says softly. Dave runs his hands through his fair hair.

“I know. It’s not your fault. I’m just kinda sick of being the fallback for chicks you turn down.” Dirk rests a hand on his shoulder.

“You’re a totally different person than me,” he says. “Burn your way through a hundred of these shitwits, but there are girls out there who will treat you right.” Dave shrugs him off.

“Thanks.”

“Yup.”

“Hoverboard today?”

“Yeah, want a ride?” Dave nods. They get the board and head out to the parking lot, and clear an area around them. The twins step onto the hoverboard, Dave locking his arms around his brother’s chest, and Dirk kicks the ignition. They begin to levitate, and with a deft shift of his foot on the pressure plate, Dirk sends them shooting through the sky.


	3. Separated at Birth

TT: Roxy? Are you online?

TG: Yeah girl, what’s up?

TT: I think I know what I want to do when I graduate.

TG: That’s great Rose! What is it?

TT: Xenopsychology, the study of alien psychology, used to better understand the life forms outside our planet.

TG: Sounds like you. Hang on mom’s coming.

Rose sighs. She never gets to talk to Roxy for long. The most they see each other face to face is in the hallways at school. She wishes their mothers didn’t hate each other’s daughters so much.

It’s all dad’s fault, of course. When he was married to Rose’s mother, he had an affair, and as luck would have it, he managed to impregnate both his wife and his mistress within a few months of each other. He left Rose’s mom midway through her pregnancy, and destroyed her. She has not been the same, and Rose often wishes she knew what her mother was like before she was born.

Rose’s dad married his mistress shortly after the split from Rose’s mom, and within 3 months of each other, each of his daughters was born. Rose, to his ex-wife, and Roxy to his mistress. Rose’s mom expressly forbid her from interacting with Roxy for as long as she possibly could. Roxy didn’t know she had a sister until she was 8 years old.

The first time the two of them met, it was by accident at the grocery store. Each girl clung to her mother’s hand, following dutifully through the aisles. When the two women crossed paths, Rose caught sight of the small blonde girl grinning for no apparent reason. They stared at each other for a moment, trying to understand why they recognized each other.

“I’m Roxy!” the bubbly girl had said. The quieter girl extended her hand to shake. Roxy gladly took it.

“My name is Rose,” she replied shyly. Unexpectedly, her mother jerked her arm and led her away.

“Don’t you speak to that little girl again,” she had hissed. Rose didn’t understand.

“Why?” she asked? She thought Roxy seemed nice enough.

“Do you remember how I told you you had a half-sister?”

“That was her?”

“Yes. Stay away from her, you don’t want to associate with that family,” her mother had said with finality.

But over the years, the two of them couldn’t be kept completely separate forever. 6th grade was the first year they crossed paths in school. They’d gone to different elementary schools, but there was only one middle school in town, and they were in the same class.

“Rose Lalonde?”

“Present,” Rose said calmly, raising her hand and earning a quick nod from the teacher.

“Roxanne Lalonde?” Rose’s attention snapped to the girl at the back of the room. She hadn’t even seen her.

“Roxy,” Roxy said casually. The teacher gave a cursory nod. Rose tore a sheet out of her notebook and scribbled a quick note.

                Roxy- Meet me at lunch?

She crumpled up the paper and threw it at her half-sister, who was startled by the ball of paper landing in her lap. She unfolded it, and smiled as she read. She wrote a quick note onto it and threw it back when the teacher’s back was turned. Rose opened it, it was written in pink pen.

                Sure girl, we’ve got catching up to do.

Rose smiled in her sister’s direction, and Roxy winked back.

The two had become fast friends despite their mothers’ disapproval, and even though they didn’t get to talk all that much, they considered each other among their closest friends.

\---

Roxy sighs contentedly, sipping at the vodka she’d swiped from her mom, and waiting for Jane to get online. She’s a sophomore in highschool, and she’s recently discovered the joys of getting shitfaced. She turns her head when she hears the familiar blip of pesterchum on her computer.

TT: Rox

TT: I have to tell you something.

TG: Yo my ssitster.

TT: *le sigh. You’re drunk again?

TG: Yerp.

TT: Well, I’m going to tell you the good news anyway.

TG: LAy it on me

TT: I got accepted into SEARED on scholarship. I’ll be going to aeronautical school for xenobiology.

TG: Bloosd sistrer that’ the best you’re sgonnabe so good at space

TT: Thanks Roxy. I had to tell you first.

TG: *WOnk

Rose smiles. She worries about her sister’s drinking, but there’s nothing but nothing she can do to stop it. And she’s a little too excited to care right about now. She wonders what planet she’ll go to. Who she’ll take with her. She lays on her bed, looking up maps of their arm of the galaxy until it’s a little past 2 in the morning.

\---

“Dirk.” The wiry blonde boy turns. It’s Rose Lalonde. They’ve had classes together, but never really talks.

“What can I do for ya,” he says in his usual even tone.

“You build robots, don’t you?” she asks. Dirk smiles.

“Yep. Why, you want to buy one?” She shakes her head.

“No, can’t say as I have need for one,” she says. “But your technical prowess has caught my attention. I have a proposal for you.” He smirks.

“And what might that be?” he asks.

“I’m going off-planet this summer for SEARED. I need more people. I was wondering if you, and maybe your brother, would be interested in coming,” she says calmly. He adjusts his shades.

“Wow, that is a proposal,” he says. “You hardly know us. Why are you asking us to come on your space trip?”

“Like I said, technical prowess. You and Dave are smart, physically fit, and wealthy enough to afford it.”

“Haha, I like your style Lalonde. Right to the point, no subtlety, just business, cold and up front,” he says with a grin. “Lemme talk to Dave. Can I get your number?” He presses a button on the stem of his shades.

“Sure, it’s 440-555-5820. Pesterchum Is tentacleTherapist.”

“That’s a little disconcerting,” he says. “All lowercase?”

“First letter of Therapist is capitalized. That’s how most chumhandles work, isn’t it?” she says.

“Yeah, I s’pose. Mine’s timaeusTestified. You’ll hear from me,” he says with a casual nod.

Rose makes a note to keep her phone on her that evening, and sure enough, a message flashes on her screen around 8 o’clock.

timaeusTestified: Hey Lalonde.

tentacleTherapist: Hello Strider.

timaeusTestified: I talked to my bro.

tentacleTherapist: What did he have to say?

tentacleTherapist: What do you have to say?

timaeusTestified: We’re on the same page pretty much. We both like the idea, but we’ll have to think it through a little first.

tentacleTherapist: Naturally. Will you keep in touch to let me know?

timaeusTestified: Yup. If you want to pester Dave, he’s turntechGodhead.

tentacleTherapist: Thank you Dirk.

timaeusTestified: Yup.

\---

It only takes about a week for Dirk to contact Rose with his answer.

timaeusTestified: Rose.

tentacleTheraptist: Oh, hello Dirk Strider.

timaeusTestified: Dave and I are in if you’re still interested. Come over after school tomorrow, and we’ll work out the details.

tentacleTherapist: Perfect.

\---

Needless to say, when Dirk Strider flies off of the school grounds with Rose Lalonde clutching his waist, people immediately start talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why can't I chapter title? Thanks to everyone who is reading this, I really appreciate it! More to come soon.
> 
> Rose is the best at space. Spaaaace.


	4. Unite

“Hey,” Rose says softly, pulling Dirk’s shoulder so he faces her. He smiles.

“Mornin’,” he says. He’s got a piece of a bagel hanging out of his mouth.

“Where’s Dave?” she asks. “Did you guys not come together?” Dirk gestures to the bathroom.

“Hangover,” he says, and Rose assumes he’s rolling his eyes behind those shades. She smiles.

“It’s Wednesday.”

“He’s completely aware,” Dirk says, sounding amused. “He always does this on gig nights.” Rose raises her eyebrows.

“Gig nights?”

“Yeah. There’s a club in the city that our cousin works at. He tells his boss we’re 18, and some nights he can get us DJ gigs. We both do it, but Dave much more often than me, I just can’t deal with waking up for school after that shit,” he says, stretching his arms behind his head. “But Dave’s always down, and he’ll take every drink the chicks wanna buy him. I’ve had to carry him home more than once.”

“He’s a little more reckless than you,” she observes.

“Nah, I’m just better on the execution.” Dave exits the bathroom sluggishly, looking paler than usual and positively miserable.

“Oh hey Rose,” he says. She smiles.

“Did you puke?” asks Dirk. Dave shakes his head.

“No. I think I’m done,” he says. Never before has he been so thankful for his dark glasses. “Head’s killing me though.” Dirk claps him on the back.

“Good. Got you a water,” he says, handing the bottle to his twin. Dave drinks most of it in one go. “So Rose. We need to start looking for more people if we’re going to do this space thing.” She nods.

“I have some ideas,” she says. “But be on the lookout, We need at least 6, and preferably an even number.” Dirk nods and rubs his brother’s back.

“Sounds good. Wanna come over after school again? We can make plans and take care of this asshole,” he says. Dave flips him off weakly.

“Sure thing, though people have been asking me about you guys all week,” she says with a grin. Dirk sighs.

“Sorry. I don’t get what the big deal is with me never having a girlfriend,” he says, annoyance seeping into his voice.

“I think it just adds to your mystery,” she says. “Girls tend to love the mysterious type, and you definitely have that air about you.” He rolls his eyes.

“Yeah yeah. It’s just a nuisance. You’d think they’d get the hint. But no, every one of them wants to be the one who gets into my icy ol’ heart,” he says mockingly. “They’d be disappointed.” Rose smiles slyly.

“Well, you can rest assured, I’m simply a business partner,” she says. He knocks her on the shoulder.

“Thanks.”

\---

TT: Roxy, are you there? I really wish you’d log off or go idle when you’re away.

TG: I’m here!

TT: Oh good. I have more to tell you.

TG: Sup?

TT: The Strider twins are coming with me for SEARED.

TG: YOU’RE DOING SEARED?????

TT: *le sigh

TG: WHY DIDN’T I KNOW ABOUT THIS

TT: I told you last week, but you were wasted.

TG: Oh.

TG: STILL

TG: THIS IS THE BEST NEWS

TG: MASTER PLAN TIME BRB

tipsyGnostalgic is now an idle chum!

Rose drags her hand down her face. Her sister sometimes.

“What’s up?” asks Dave. He’s playing lazily with the turntables.

“My sister is an erratic lunatic,” she says. “She gets drunk and then forgets entire conversations, and then freaks out and runs off when I tell her again.” Dave grins.

“Siblings are the best though,” he says.

“Yeah. I know. I wish I could spend more time with her,” she muses.

“You should ask her to come with,” Dave says as though it’s obvious. Rose smiles.

“She doesn’t want to work in aeronautics,” she says with a sigh. “And there’s no way she could afford to come on her own. I’d ask, but I think I’d just make her sad…”

\---

“JANE!” Jane holds the phone away from her head, a common practice in her life.

“Ro-lal, what?” she says exasperatedly.

“ROSE IS DOING SEARED! WITH THE STRIDER BOYS!” she cried excitedly.

“Really? Wow, I didn’t know your sis was into space.”

“Yeah!” says Roxy. “She wants to study alien psych. You should take her with you! You’ve got Jake, John, and Jade, right? That’s not enough, you need 6. Those 3 would make 7, and I know you said even numbers are better, but it’s still enough to go.” Jane smiles.

“Roxy,” she says. “Do you want to go?” Roxy sighs on the other line.

“I can’t afford it, Janey,” she says sadly. “I would love to go on adventures with you, and it would be amazing to spend that time with my sister… but I ran all the calculations when you and Jake decided to go, and I just… can’t.”

“If you want to go, I will pay for it,” Jane says.

“…What?”

“I will pay your way for the trip. If your sister’s group is interested in merging with ours, we’ll have 7. 8 is so much better,” she says with a smile. “Adding Jade to the group will most likely lower the cost significantly. I’m sure my dad will have no problem with it.”

“Janey…” Roxy says quietly.

“Are you okay, Ro?”

“Thank you!” she cries. “Thank you so much, you have no idea, thank you, you’re the best best friend I could ever imagine thank you…” Jane giggles.

“It wouldn’t be any fun without my bffsy,” she says.

“I’m coming over.”

“Now?”

“Yeah. We gotta talk to Rose and get this worked out,” Roxy says enthusiastically. “And you need to ask your dad, and I want to be there to thank him.”

After a few minutes, Roxy shows up breathless at Jane’s door, not bothering to knock before letting herself in. Jane is standing in the living room with her dad.

“Hello Mr. Crocker,” Roxy says politely.

“Hi Roxy, how are you?” he replies, regarding her fondly.

“Dad, I have to ask you something about the SEARED trip,” Jane says sweetly. He looks at her. “Roxy really wants to go, but she can’t afford it, and since Jade’s affiliation with the space program cuts the cost, I was wondering if maybe we could pay for her to come along?” Jane’s dad looks at Roxy.

“Jane, you could have asked me earlier,” he says. “You two have been best friends for years, I figured you’d refuse to go if she couldn’t come too. Of course we can pay.” Roxy’s face lights up.

“Thank you Mr. Crocker!” she exclaims. “Thank you so much, you’ve always been so kind to me.” He just smiles.

“You’ve always been a great friend to Jane. What more can I ask of you?” he says. She’s grinning ear to ear. Jane beckons for her to follow, and they run upstairs, giggling excitedly.

“Now we just have to call Rose,” Jane says, pulling out her phone. “What’s her number?”

“Here, I’ll put it in for ya,” Roxy says, taking the phone and punching in her sister’s digits. Jane takes her phone back and dials.

“Hello?” Rose says.

“Hello! This is Jane, Roxy’s friend,” she says politely.

“Oh, she’s told me so much about you,” Rose says amusedly.

“Same of you,” Jane says with a chuckle. “I heard you’re doing SEARED?”

“Yes, you are too.”

“Yep. It’s a group of 5 now, because Roxy is coming with us now,” she says.

“Really?” Rose sounds surprised.

“Yeah. I’m paying for her to go. But the reason I called, is that we wanted to see if your group would be willing to join ours.”

“I would love that,” Rose says. “I’d need to ask Dave and Dirk for confirmation, but I can’t imagine that’ll be a concern.”

“Perfect!” says Jane. “Text me when you’ve got their answers. Nice to meet you.”

“You too,” Rose says softly. “Thank you for doing this for my sister.”

Jane hangs up and grins at Roxy.

“She’s in, she just has to ask the Striders if it’s cool with them,” she says cheerfully.

“This is all coming together so perfectly,” Roxy sings. A moment later, Jane’s phone blips.

“Looks like the twins are on board,” she says. “We’re in business.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roxy's the glue holding everyone together.
> 
> I feel like this chapter is short. Next couple are still going to be high school shenanigans, but don't worry, we'll get to space soon enough!


	5. Unconventional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's get the ball rolling on these space plans.

“Listen up, everybody,” Jade says cheerfully. “I talked to my grandpa today, and he has some wonderful news for us.”

“Lay it on us,” Dave says lazily, sprawled backwards across his brother’s lap. Jade looks at the twins and giggles.

“You two are so silly,” she says. “Anyway. Grandpa can not only get our entire group a discount, but he is going on a deployment this July. He has permission to bring the 8 of us on his transport ship.”

“Where will that ship be going?” asks Rose.

“That’s the thing,” Jade says. “If we go this route, our trip will be pretty different from a typical SEARED trip.”

“Ah shit, what?!” Jake cries. All eyes focus on him, and he reddens, holding up a dripping plastic spider that had been in his drink. John snickers. “Sorry. Continue,” Jake says sheepishly, prodding John in the side.

“Like I said, our trip would be pretty atypical,” Jade continues, resuming her serious face with some difficulty. “Grandpa is an ambassador. He’s tasked with maintaining diplomacy and facilitating interaction with other planets. And most of the planets on our arm of the galaxy don’t really need ambassadors right now.”

“We’re going off of arm?” Jane says. “Does that still count?” Jade nods.

“It doesn’t fall within the usual parameters of SEARED,” she says. “But Grandpa was able to negotiate it so this trip would still qualify as a SEARED expedition. Your scholarships’ll still count, and we’ll be nationally recognized as having participated in the program.”

“So what planet are we going to?” John asks. Jade reaches into her bag and pulls out a galactic atlas.

“Let me show you,” she says excitedly. “It’s the coolest.” She flips to a page boldly labeled ‘ALTERNIA’.

“Whoa,” John says with a lopsided grin. “I’ve heard of Alternia. I’ve always thought it would be cool to meet a troll.” Jade turns the page, to one displaying a few drawings of trolls.

“Well, if we go there, we’ll meet tons,” she says. “But guys, before we get too carried away, there is one more catch.”

“Sup,” Dirk says. He’s gotten impatient with his brother laying across his lap and shoved him off.

“Well,” Jade says. “We would be relying on Grandpa’s transport ship to return to Earth. His deployment is year-long, so if we went with him, we’d be there for a whole year instead of the usual 3 months.” The room is quiet for a moment, and then Dave speaks.

“Fuck it, I’ve got nothing better to do anyway,” he says. Dirk laughs.

“What about school?” Rose asks. “Would we be able to work something out with the school district so that we wouldn’t have to graduate a year late?”

“I don’t know,” Jade admits. “My thinking is that if we can get some kind of educational equivalent on Alternia, they might let us take that instead of our junior year.”

“Is that something your Grandpa could help us find out?” asks Jane. Jade nods.

“Yeah. I’ll have to talk to him again. I just wanted to ask you guys what you thought about the idea first,” she says.

“I think it’s a great idea,” John says. Jake nods.

“Me too! We’ll have so much more time to see another planet. We can’t pass this up,” he says enthusiastically.

“Sure,” says Dave.

“Works for me,” says Dirk.

“I would have to talk to my mother,” Rose says. “But seeing as I’m covered on scholarship I doubt it will be an issue.”

“Jane?” Roxy says tentatively.

“I’ll talk to Dad,” she says. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“Great!” Jade says, closing her book. “I’ll let Grandpa know you’re receptive to the idea. I’ve got you all on pesterchum, so look for messages from me soon!”

\---

“Where exactly is this club?” Rose asks, looking around the busy city street. Dave points.

“Off that way a bit. Just stay close, k?” She nods, and walks briskly alongside him as he cuts through an alley.

“Now remember. Bro’s trusting you,” Dave says cautiously.

“I still don’t know what you’re referring to,” says Rose.

“You’ll see, okay? I don’t get why he couldn’t just tell you, but that’s just his thing I guess.” They head up the steps to the backdoor of an old building. Dave knocks sharply, and after a moment, a woman opens the door.

“Dave, who’s your friend?” she asks, eyeing Rose’s dark clothes and long skirt.

“She’s a friend of mine and Dirk’s, s’all,” he says.

“Is she 18?”

“No, but neither am I, come on Claire. We’re here to see bro.” Claire sighs.

“If you weren’t Jack’s cousin you’d never get away with this on my watch,” she says disapprovingly. He chuckles, and nods for Rose to follow him through the door. They head through the back hallways of the club and into the main event. It’s too dark for shades, but Dave doesn’t take his off.

“Can you see?” Rose asks, shouting over the music.

“Barely,” he replies. He grabs her wrist and leads her into the thick of the crowd. They push past dozens of people, and stop up by the bar. Back in the corner, behind a big table draped with a black curtain, is Dirk. He’s got a big pair of headphones and a muscle shirt on, showing off the tattoo on his shoulder. He’s  fiddling with a whole array of electronics.

“This is what you guys do on your gigs?” Rose says, turning to Dave. He nods.

“We take turns, and sometimes on really busy nights we do it together,” he says. “Bro’s real competitive about it though, he doesn’t like to share the tables if he doesn’t have to.” Rose sees a young guy, probably around 19, approach Dirk’s setup with two shots in hand. Dirk lets his headphones fall around his neck.

He whispers something in the guy’s ear, and takes one of the glasses from him. And the older guy, much to Rose’s surprise, tilts his jaw and kisses him on the mouth before disappearing back into the crowd.

“Heh,” Dave smirks, watching Rose’s face. She faces him.

“This explains… a lot of things,” she says, looking a little dumbfounded. Dave chuckles, not used to seeing Rose caught off guard. “Was that his boyfriend?”

“Oh, god no,” says Dave. “Dirk’s never really had a steady boyfriend. Mostly just flings with whoever he meets up here.” Rose looks back at the other Strider, who has replaced his headphones over his ears and downed his shot.

“He trusted me to know that he’s gay?” she asks. Dave shoves his glasses further up on his nose.

“Yeah. It’s kinda weird for him to be so trusting, actually,” he says with a glance at his twin. “But he told me to ask you along tonight.” Rose smiles, watching Dirk. He looks up and sees her, and acknowledges her with a nod and a smirk.

“It’s honestly quite flattering,” she says. “But I don’t think it’s all that much of an honor. You just have to show to him that you’re interested in who he is. For no other reason than that you care.” Dave grins.

“I dunno,” he says, shrugging. “But either way. You want a drink?” Rose looks at him disapprovingly.

“Not in public,” she says. He smirks.

“Oh, you’re one of those drunks,” he laughs. “Suit yourself.”

The two of them end up staying until the end of Dirk’s set, and when he comes out from behind the booth, he greets Dave with a sweaty hug.

“Sick set, bro,” Dave says.

“Thanks.” Dirk turns to look at Rose, trying to gauge her reaction. She gives him a sly smile and a nod.

“I enjoyed it too,” Rose says. “It’s not really my scene, but you’re good at what you do.” He stretches, letting his hands rest on the back of his head.

“You have the car?” he asks Dave. Dave nods, and the three of them head back out of the alley. None of them make any mention of what happened for the rest of the night, but Rose can tell Dirk is glad he let her in on his secret

\---

John signs in to Pesterchum, and sees that Jade is online.

EB: Hey Jade!

GG: John! How are you??

EB: I’m great, my dad gave me the go-ahead for the trip, so you can count me in :)

GG: Great! I asked my grandpa about the school situation, and he said he’d talk to his superiors.

EB: Awesome, thanks so much for doing all this, Jade!

GG: My pleasure! :)

GG: So do you want to hang out sometime?

EB: Sure thing! I really want to get to know you guys better. We’re gonna be spending the next year together after all.

GG: Hopefully!

GG: I’ve gotta go John! But text me sometime, and we’ll hang!

EB: Ok, bye Jade :)

John sits back in his chair, smiling. He pulls up his SEARED forms for the third time that day. All that’s left to do is receive his trip dates, and then he can send them in and officially join the program. He leans back, and imagines himself and his new friends in a high-tech spaceship, wearing fancy jumpsuits and hurtling through the galaxy. He can’t wait to get to know everyone. He wonders what Alternia will be like, and what kinds of trolls he’ll meet.

He looks up at the screen, and Pesterchum is flashing.

TG: Egbert, you there?

EB: Hey Dave!

TG: Sup

EB: Not much, just thinking about our trip. It’s exciting

TG: It’ll be dope. You busy?

EB: Nah, not really.

TG: Get online, we need to play dumb racing games.

EB: Haha, okay.

He signs on to Vapor and invites Dave to a session of Hack Jam Racing, a ridiculous indie game his friend had found ages ago. It’s a glitchy game, but it’s hilarious and the game’s physics are preposterous.

John wins the first race easily.

TG: And the dashing Strider is stuck in a wall again.

EB: Where did you even find this game?

TG: Some idiot who reads my blog sent it to me. C’mon, let’s go again.

They play for the next hour, talking smack and goofing off in between each race. John’s relationship with Dave is an interesting one. They’ve been friends since they were around 12, but despite going to the same school, they rarely see each other in person. They met online, and both have always found it easiest to talk and interact online. They hang out on occasion, but they usually just find it more natural to talk on the computer.

TG: So Egbert, you ready to spend a whole year chilling out with gray aliens and a double dose of Strider?

EB: Yep

EB: Actually I’m really excited to see you more Dave

EB: We don’t hang out in person enough. It’ll be neat.

TG: Whatever floats your galactic space boat.

TG: It’ll be a chill time.

TG: Just don’t forget to bring mad games.

TG: Jade says if we go to trolltopia, it’s a three week ship ride.

EB: Well, I’ll have my laptop. Have your bro bring his Xbox?

TG: Nah, that’s his baby. Don’t think I’ll be able to get him to bring it to space.

TG: Worth a shot though.

EB: Ah ok. But you guys are definitely coming?

TG: Who would we get permission from?

TG: We’ve got the cash, so we’re set.

TG: Thanks to my skills in the stock market we pretty much tripled our inheritance last year.

EB: You and your bro have the coolest life.

TG: Yeah, it happens

TG: Hey I gotta go.

TG: Dirk’s making pancakes.

TG: Gotta get on that shit.

EB: Ok! Bye Dave!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who's reading, and thanks for all the supportive, positive comments! I'm really enjoying writing this, and I can't wait to get these kids into space. More coming soon!


	6. Otherworldly Transmissions

“Your pre-flight training will begin April 13th,” a uniformed man states to the 8 teens lined up in front of him. “Your departure date is June 12th. In order to take this expedition, you have to attend every session of your training. No exceptions. If one of you misses a day, you have to reschedule it with us.”

“How many sessions are there?” asks Jake.

“Seven,” the officer replies. “The dates will be sent to you.”

“And what about school?” Jane asks shyly. “We’ll be missing a year of school for this. Will we have to make it up the next year?”

“No,” he replies. “Ambassador Harley has arranged for you to participate in an educational cohabitation study with a group of Alternians your age. Your school district has accepted it as a replacement for your junior year.”

“We’re going to live with trolls?” John asks excitedly.

“Yes. You’ll be staying together and learning about each other. Your experience will provide useful data to us about their culture and lifestyle,” the man says.

“We’ll still get to go exploring though, right?” Jake asks.

“You will be free to do as you please,” says the officer. “As long as you complete your reports and fulfill your educational requirements, you have no restrictions as long as you follow Alternian and Intergalactic law.” Jake grins.

“Sounds pretty official,” Dave says, arms behind his head again. “Are we even going to be able to talk to these guys? I mean, they don’t speak English, do they?”

“Alternia has very advanced translation technology,” the officer says. “You will be given small temporary aural implants when you arrive. These will allow you to understand the natives’ speech as though they were speaking your own language.”

“Cool,” Roxy says enthusiastically.

“Now that you have finished registering, you’re free to go until the 13th of April,” the officer says. “Any more questions can be directed towards the Ambassador through Miss Harley.” He nods to Jade, and turns to leave them in the wide open hangar.

“This is the COOLEST thing!” John says brightly.

“I KNOW, RIGHT?!” Jake exclaims, high fiving John. “I don’t know how I’m going to wait 2 whole months!”

Roxy hugs Jane.

“Thanks so much for letting me come, girl,” she says. “It’s going to be the experience of a lifetime.”

“Yep!” Jane says happily. The 8 of them head out of the hangar, Dirk, Dave, Rose, and Roxy in Dave’s car, and Jane, Jade, Jake, and John in Jade’s.

“Thank you so much, Jade,” Jake says. “This wouldn’t be possible without you.”

“It’s just my grandpa and his connections,” she says cheerfully. “But you’re welcome!”

\---

John opens his laptop and starts up Pesterchum. The window starts blinking as soon as he opens it, which has become the norm lately. But this is a handle he doesn’t recognize.

CG: CONGRATULATIONS, YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE OF YOU HUMANS THAT HAS A PROPER TRANSMITTER. IS THAT NOT STANDARD ISSUE WHERE YOU COME FROM?

EB: Do I know you?

CG: NO.

CG: BUT YOU’RE ABOUT TO, BECAUSE YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE I CAN GET A HOLD OF ON YOUR END.

EB: ? On my end? What are you talking about?

CG: OKAY LOOK. SORRY. I CAUGHT YOU OFF GUARD.

CG: MY NAME IS KARKAT VANTAS, AND I’M IN CHARGE OF THE GROUP OF ALTERNIANS YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS ARE GOING TO BE WORKING WITH. EXCEPT FUCKING NONE OF THEM HAVE TRANSMITTERS THAT CAN RECEIVE MY SIGNAL EXCEPT YOU.

EB: Whoa, so you’re a troll?

CG: YES NOOKSTAIN.

EB: How can you contact me from all the way out there?

CG: HOW DO YOU HAVE A TRANSMITTER AND NOT KNOW WHAT IT DOES. YOU HUMANS ARE BEYOND HELP.

EB: Transmitter? I mean, my laptop came with a lot of features. It’s probably built in and I’ve never had cause to use it before.

CG: WHATEVER. REGARDLESS, I WANTED TO CONTACT YOU ASSHOLES SO WHEN YOU GET HERE IT ISN’T A FLOUNDERING CLUSTERFUCK OF CULTURAL STUPIDITY.

CG: YOU’LL HAVE TO DO.

EB: Hehe, okay. My name’s John Egbert, by the way.

EB: I’m really excited to come to Alternia and meet you guys!

CG: WE’RE REALLY NOT ANYTHING FANCY, BUT WHATEVER. IT’LL BE INTERESTING TO MEET ALIENS.

EB: Definitely :) How many of you are there?

CG: ELEVEN. THOUGH SOME OF US WILL BE GONE FOR PART OF THE TIME DUE TO BEING FLAKY ASSHOLES. THERE MIGHT BE A TWELFTH OCCASIONALLY, BUT DON’T HOLD YOUR BREATH ON HER.

EB: Awesome! It’s nice to meet you Karkat.

CG: THAT IS BULLSHIT. I AM NOT EVEN REMOTELY PLEASANT. ARE YOU AVAILABLE TO CHAT OFTEN? IF I CAN ONLY CONTANT ONE OF YOU YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO BE RELIABLE.

EB: Yeah, I’m on here all the time.

EB: And it really is nice to meet you!

CG: WHATEVER JOHN HUMAN. I NEED TO LET THE OTHERS KNOW I’VE MADE CONTACT. GOODBYE.

And with that, Karkat logged off, the name carcinoGeneticist graying out on the screen. John grins to himself. He might have a foul mouth, but John’s pretty excited to talk to Karkat. He wonders what he looks like, and what kind of cool horns he has. Now more than ever, he can hardly wait to make it to Alternia.

\---

“So I definitely have a thing for that Jake kid,” Dirk says casually, leaning against his brother’s desk. Dave looks up from his blog.

“Dude,” he says. “You never talk to me about this kinda thing. What’s up?” Dirk shrugs.

“I’ve never really been into someone enough to merit a mention,” he says. “But the more we hang around this group, the more I want to make a move on this guy. It’s a little disconcerting, actually.”

“Why?” says Dave.

“You know I don’t like to put myself out there,” Dirk says, stretching.

“Didn’t take you long to open up to Rose,” Dave says, turning back to his computer but still listening.

“Yeah, well, you know how it is with her. She’s quick figuring people out. She had a pretty firm handle on who I was by the time she came to see my gig. And you know she’s trustworthy. She’s too pragmatic about this stuff not to be.”

“All I’m saying is that if you can open up to her, you can open up to your boycrush,” Dave says with a shrug.

“Sod off,” Dirk says, shoving his chair a little.

“Whatever man.”

\---

“Rox, I’m such a wimp,” Jane says defeatedly.

“Why do you say that?” Roxy asks, putting a hand on her best friend’s shoulder.

“I STILL can’t get up the nerve to tell Jake how I feel,” Jane says. “It’s been years now. It’s ridiculous. And every time I go to tell him, I chicken out. And he’s never gonna catch on…” Roxy gives her shoulder a squeeze.

“Girl, you aren’t pathetic. You just have to remember, he’s not the judgin’ type. If he’s not on the same page, it’s not like you’ll lose his friendship,” she says. Jane sighs.

“Yeah… I’m just worried that he won’t treat me the same afterwards if that happens though.”

“Would you like tea?”

“Oh hey Rose! I wondered where you’d scampered off to,” Roxy says, taking a cup and handing it to Jane.

“Thanks,” says Jane.

“Anyway though. You’re a gorgeous lady who does all sorts of batshit awesome stuff with him all the time. He’d be mental not to say yes,” Roxy says encouragingly. Jane sighs.

“I dunno,” she says. “None of it will really matter if I can get up the courage to say something.”

“Are you talking about Jake?” Rose asks softly. Her mind shifts to Dirk, and his admission of feelings for him.

“Yeah,” Jane sighs.

“If you don’t say something, you will remain in the same place, with unspoken feelings and frustration,” says Rose. “If you want anything to change, it will have to come from you. That comes with risks, but you have to decide if the risk is worth the potential reward.” Jane nods.

“I know,” she says. “I’m just so bad at this kind of thing. I’ve never had a boyfriend before, and…” she sighs. “I don’t know.” Roxy pats her on the back.

“You can do it, Janey,” she says optimistically.

“Thanks. But I’m not so sure.”

\---

CG: JOHN

CG: ARE YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING ONLINE THIS TIME?

EB: Yep!

CG: GOOD. WHAT DO EARTH PEOPLE EAT?

EB: Umm…

EB: A lot of things, really. We eat meat, and vegetables, and grains and stuff…

CG: THAT DOESN’T SOUND HORRIBLY DIFFERENT FROM US. GOOD.

CG: I WAS WORRIED FOR A SECOND THAT YOU WERE INSECT EATERS UGH.

EB: Ew Karkat, that’s nasty.

CG: DAMN RIGHT IT IS. NOW HOW DO YOU VERTEBRATE DIMWITS SLEEP. I’VE BEEN TOLD YOU DON’T HAVE RECUPERACOONS ON YOUR PLANET.

EB: Recuperacoons?

CG: IT’S WHAT WE SLEEP IN, YOU OTHERWORLDLY IGNORAMUS.

EB: Hehe, Karkat you’re so funny.

CG: I’M GOING TO PRETEND YOU DIDN’T SAY THAT. WHAT DO YOU FUCKERS SLEEP IN?

EB: Beds?

CG: BEDS. WHAT ARE BEDS MADE OF.

EB: They’re like raised platforms… and they have mattresses on them. A mattress is a big square thing, it’s soft and comfortable, but it’s firm, not quite like a pillow.

CG: OK, I KNOW WHAT PILLOWS ARE. HOW BIG ARE THEY?

EB: About a foot longer than we are tall, so about 7 feet? And maybe 6 feet wide.

CG: DO YOU SERIOUSLY MEASURE WITH YOUR FEET? YOU TAINTCHAFERS DO KNOW THAT YOUR FEET AREN’T ALL THE SAME SIZE RIGHT?

EB: Hehe.

EB: It’s a standard unit of measure Karkat. It’s just called a foot.

CG: WHATEVER, I’LL ASK KANAYA ABOUT IT.

CG: SO THEY’RE FIRM BUT SOFT

EB: Yeah, they’re plushy on top, but they have springs on the inside to support your body. And we sleep with pillows and blankets on the bed.

CG: THAT IS WEIRD, BUT OKAY. HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THE NIGHTMARES?

EB: Nightmares?

CG: DO YOU NOT HAVE A SUBSTANCE ON YOUR PLANET TO RECUPERATE IN? THAT PREVENTS YOU FROM GETTING NIGHTMARES AND HELPS YOU HEAL?

EB: No, not that I can think of. And I only get nightmares every so often..

CG: INTERESTING. TROLLS SLEEP IN SOPOR SLIME. IF WE DON’T WE GET ATROCIOUS FUCKING NIGHTMARES, PRETTY MUCH WITHOUT FAIL.

EB: You sleep IN slime???

CG: DID I FUCKING STUTTER

EB: No, just… how do you breathe?

CG: IT’S JUST SLIME JOHN.

EB: Whatever, haha.

CG: I DON’T SEE HOW THAT’S SO FUCKING DIFFICULT TO GRASP. ONE MORE QUESTION.

CG: DO HUMANS BATHE

EB: What? Of course we do!

CG: THANK FUCKING GOD.

CG: WITH SOAP AND SHAMPOO IN A TYPICAL ABLUTION TRAP, I HOPE?

EB: That’s a weird word for a shower, but yeah, pretty much.

CG: GOOD, NOW FUCK YOU AND GOODBYE.

EB: hehehe, bye Karkat.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update for my lovely readers!
> 
> I love writing Karkat. He's my absolute favorite character in Homestuck, and he's just so colorful. 
> 
> Space next chapter, I promise!!


	7. All: Rise Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's finally time for some space travel! I skipped the boring training stuff, but the basic gist of it is that they were trained physically, and given basic training on how to operate certain systems in case of emergency on the ship.

“Fuck yeah, we’re done with the boring stuff!” Jake exclaimed as the group of 8 exited the hangar. They had just finished their last training and briefing session.

“I didn’t think it was so bad,” Dirk says, pulling on a shirt. “It’s been a while since I’ve gotten that kind of a workout.”

“I’ve never done it, and I don’t intend to again,” Jake complains.

“It’s good for ya.” Dirk claps him on the back.

“You really killed it today, Jane,” Roxy says encouragingly. Jane pulls her tank top back on, covering a light blue sports bra. “I never thought you the athletic type, but damn, the only ones who outdid you today were the Striders.” Jane chuckles lightly.

“I dunno, I guess I’m just a natural,” she says. “I was really scared of this whole deal at first, but it’s actually been a lot of fun.”

“Would you guys like to get ice cream?” Jade asks, Rose at her side.

“Fuck yeah, let’s go,” Roxy says, pulling Jane along. The four of them wave to the boys and start walking across the lawn of the base.

“Shit’s crazy,” Roxy says. The others look at her. “I mean, it’s May 24th. We seriously have less than 3 weeks before we blast off into space.”

“It’s definitely surreal,” Rose agrees. “But our physical training and mission briefing has left us well prepared.”

“It’s still kinda scary,” says Jane. Jade nods.

“Grandpa will be there with us,” she assures her. “I’m nervous too, but if anything were to go wrong, which is unlikely, he and his crew would take care of it.” Rose smiles. She’s been enjoying the time spent with her half-sister as of late. Their mothers were furious at first when they learned of their involvement together in SEARED, but there was nothing they could do to stop them once the applications were in.

“Rosie,” Roxy says with a poke to her sister’s side. Rose doesn’t flinch.

“Mmm?”

“Slumber parties. We’re going to have the best slumber parties,” she says with a grin. “I’ve always wanted to have you over to chill with me and Jane when we have ‘em. And Jade, you too!” Rose grins at her sister.

“Thanks Rox,” she says. “It’s been great to spend this time getting to know you better. I look forward to taking this trip together.” Roxy hugs her, and Rose pats her lightly on the back.

\---

CG: JOHN HUMAN EGBERT

EB: Hey Karkat! It’s been a while since you last pestered me. It’s good to hear from you again.

CG: FOR FUCK’S SAKE CAN WE JUST TALK BUSINESS.

EB: Okay.

CG: SO TODAY IS YOUR LAUNCH DAY

EB: Yep! We’re coming to see you!

CG: FANTASTIC. HAPPY WRIGGLING DAY TO ME.

CG: THE HIVE HAS BEEN PREPARED TO YOUR SPECIFICATIONS. YOU HAVE YOURSELF TO BLAME IF IT’S FUCKED UP.

EB: Wriggling day?

CG: YES. ACCORDING TO YOUR BIZARRE HUMAN CALENDAR, IT IS MINE.

EB: What does that mean?

CG: IT’S THE CELEBRATION OF THE DAY I HATCHED, BULGESTAIN. WHAT THE FUCK ELSE WOULD IT BE? THOUGH MY REAL ONE ISN'T FOR HALF A SWEEP.

EB: Hatched? Like from an egg?

CG: EGBERT, ARE YOU SO BATSHIT RETARDED THAT YOU CAN’T COMPREHEND WHAT HATCHED MEANS? YES. FROM A FUCKING EGG.

EB: Wow Karkat, that’s really cool.

CG: NO IT FUCKING ISN’T.

EB: I think it’s cool.

CG: WHATEVER, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU, ASSHOLE, YOU’RE LAUNCHING TODAY AND I DON’T KNOW IF I’LL BE ABLE TO LOCK ON TO YOUR SIGNAL WHILE YOU’RE HURTLING MADLY TOWARDS OUR ABYSMAL PLANET.

EB: I’m listening.

CG: OK SHITSTAIN, MAKE SURE YOU KEEP THIS TROLLIAN LOG. THIS IS KIND OF IMPORTANT TO YOUR GROUP NOT FUCKING UP EVERYTHING.

CG: THE COORDINATES OF THE HIVE YOU WILL BE STAYING AT ARE 33 LATITUDE, 60 LONGITUDE IN YOUR TERMS. YOUR SHIP DOES NOT NEED TO ACTIVATE ITS LANDING SEQUENCE, WE WILL TAKE CARE OF GROUNDING IT OURSELVES ONCE YOU ARE IN ORBIT ABOVE US. BUT FOR THAT TO HAPPEN, YOU NEED TO GET INTO A LOW ORBIT ALONG THAT 33RD LONGITUDE LINE.

CG: ONCE YOU ARE LANDED, YOU CAN DISEMBARK SAFELY. OUR AIR IS SIMILAR TO YOURS SO YOU’LL BE ABLE TO BREATHE IT. THEN WE’LL SCREW THE TRANSLATORS INTO YOUR DUMB PINK HEADS, AND EXPLAIN FROM THERE. BUT YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO COOPERATE AND NOT FREAK OUT LIKE A HERD OF MENTALLY DEFICIENCE MOOBEASTS BECAUSE YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND US UNTIL WE GET YOUR IMPLANTS IN.

EB: Ok Karkat. I’ll make sure the others see this. I have to go to the spaceport soon! But I’ll see you and your friends in about three weeks.

EB: Oh, and happy wriggling day :)

CG: WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THAT.

EB: hehehe. Bye Karkat.

CG: SEE YOU SOON.

\---

Dave straps himself into the launch seat, triple checking everything and cursing under his breath. He’s freaking out a little, not that he’s going to show it. He glances over to his brother, who looks cool as ice, as usual. Dirk has his sunglasses on inside his helmet, Dave acknowledges with a chuckle. Even he had taken his off for this. He heards a rumble beneath them, and feels it resonate through his entire body. It’s starting.

“SEARED sector, are you ready!” An electronic voice booms over the noise. Each of the 8 nervous kids presses a button on the arm of their chair to confirm that they are properly restrained. After a few moments, the voice returns.

“Beginning launch sequence. Liftoff from Earth in 10.” Dave swallows. He glances over at John. That goofball doesn’t even seem phased, he thinks to himself. Roxy’s eyes are screwed shut, and Rose appears to be reciting something to herself. Jake and Jane are both visibly scared, when he looks over at Jade, he can’t even tell if she’s awake. That girl could sleep through anything.

“9.”

“8.”

“7.” Dirk rolls his head to the side as much as he can with his restraints, and shoots Dave a grin. Dave hopes his brother can’t see how nervous he is.

“6.”

“5.” John is starting to look a little nervous now. Roxy’s gripping her armrests so tight her arms are shaking.

“4.”

“3.” Rose looks up at him, and they exchange a nervous glance.

“2.”

“1.”

“Oh, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!” he hears Jake scream even through their helmets.

The rumbling becomes a deafening roar, and Dave is thankful for the acoustic properties of his suit. He feels as though his whole body could shake apart, and he gives his brother one last nod.

The ship blasts upwards, plastering the teens to their seats. Jane and Roxy are screaming the whole way, and Jake’s eyes are wide open in terror and excitement. Jade looks like she was just awoken from a nap. John is biting hard onto his lip to keep from screaming, but he gives up, joining Jane in silent screams through the atmosphere. Dave’s eyes are sealed shut, and he thinks, please be over soon, please be over soon, I don’t know how much more of this launch I can take. Rose closes her eyes, reciting to herself again in attempts to calm herself down. Even Dirk has a firm grip on his armrests as the spacecraft violently ejects them from their home planet.

Then everything is still.

They’ve reached their cruising speed, and they’re outside of orbit. After about 10 minutes, a crewman comes in to assist them with their restraints, and they find that they drift easily out of them and into the air. Or lack thereof.

Once the crewman sees that they are all unharmed, he gestures for them to follow him. Even Jake is too shaken up to horse around in the antigravity, and the 8 of them clumsily drift after the man. He leads them into a well-lit hallway lined with doors, and indicates to them the metal nameplates on each.

Jane Crocker, John Egbert, Jacob English, Jade Harley, Rose Lalonde, Roxanne Lalonde, David Strider, Dirk Strider. Each is handed a stretchy coil bracelet with a key card, and the crewman gestures for them to enter their rooms.

“Ten minutes to artificial gravity,” announces the electronic voice from before. “All personnel, please grasp the bars on the walls of your chambers.” The 8 kids, in their respective rooms, clutch those bars for dear life. Sure enough, ten minutes later, a buzzer sounds, and they fall. The bars are barely enough to keep them from collapsing after the strain of the launch.

“Two hours to safe helmet removal clearance,” the machine drones. Jane sighs, and lays back onto her bed. It’s simple and sparse, but the blanket is heavy-duty. She hopes she’ll be able to get her luggage soon, so when she gets to take off the helmet, she can change into her favorite pajamas.

Jane isn’t the only one with sleep on her mind. It was already late when they launched, and any remaining energy was pretty much knocked out of them with the adrenaline of the ordeal. In fact, by the time the luggage is delivered to their rooms, and the ship is fully oxygenated, all but Jake, Dirk, and Rose have fallen asleep in their spacesuits. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again my beautiful readers! So SEARED itself begins, and now they've got a three week trip 'til they get to Alternia. There's definitely going to be some space drama. 
> 
> Thanks again to everyone who reads, comments, and leaves kudos. I really appreciate your support and feedback, and knowing so many people are excited for this gets me excited too :) More to come soon!


	8. Drifting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of talking, lots of feelings.

Dave ruffles Jane’s unbrushed hair as he walks past her in the ship’s mess hall. She’s in her pajamas still, and barely awake. She turns around, reaction time a little slower than normal.

“Stri-der..?”

“You’re not a morning person at all,” Dave remarks with a smirk.

“Yeah.” She lifts up her fork and eats some of her eggs. “Ugh, space eggs.” Dave sits down next to her.

“Yeah, I haven’t tried ‘em yet. Space juice is okay,” he says, sipping a glass of apple juice with satisfaction. Jane takes a drink of her own, spilling it out the sides of the glass in the process. Dave chuckles.

“Why are you up so early if you’re so low functioning?” he asks. She shrugs.

“The fake air’s a little funny,” she says. “Once I woke up and took my helmet off, I couldn’t get back to sleep, just thinking about how goofy it tastes and smells and stuff.” Dave raises an eyebrow and grins at how she’s slurring her speech.

“Yeah, not gonna lie, I don’t like it either. But we’ll get used to it,” he says.

“Sup bro,” Dirk says from the doorway. “You’re up way early.”

“Yeah, Rose wanted to talk to me,” he says.

“Oh?”

“Nope, no telling,” Dave says. Dirk shrugs and heads up to the counter to get some breakfast.

“These eggs look sketchy as fuck,” he says.

“They so are,” says Jane, stirring hers around her plate. Dirk eats quickly as usual, and unsheathes his katana.

“Dude, they let you have that shit on here?” Dave asks, eying the sword.

“Nah, it was supposed to stay below, but I snuck it into my other bag,” says Dirk. “I have yet to find a good spot for a strife though.” Dave rolls his eyes.

“Are you serious?” he complains. “It’s just three weeks, can’t you just calm your tits once in your life and wait till we get there?” Dirk chucks him another sword. “Dude, what, really? How many of these did you bring?!” He catches the sword, but only because it would otherwise hit Jane.

“20. Figured we’d break a few, and the rest would last us until we could get more on Alternia,” he explains.

“Bro, no, this isn’t gonna be a thing,” Dave says, finishing his juice.

“I will just cut the shit out of you if you refuse to fight me.”

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Jane interjects. The twins turn to look at her. “You guys can’t swordfight in space. If you’re gonna fight in space, you gotta use a laser gun or something.” She then returns to her breakfast. Dirk just laughs.

“When I find a good place, you’d better be ready,” he says, strolling out of the room. Dave sighs. He enjoys their strifes, but Dirk almost always wins, and he’s not in the mood to get his ass kicked in space.

“You ok?” Jane asks, nudging Dave’s shoulder.

“Hm? Yeah. Just kind of a pain how he always wants to fuck my shit up.” She smiles.

“You guys are pretty fun to hang around,” she says. “You’ve got the coolest relationship.” Dave shrugs.

“We’re pretty much all we’ve got,” he says. “So we put up with each other.”

“That’s right,” she says, suddenly sounding more lucid. “You lost your parents a long time ago, didn’t you…” He thumps her on the shoulder.

“Yep. Don’t worry about it,” he says. “We’ve got a shitload of inheritance money and our own apartment. It’s a pretty sweet deal.”

“I’m sure it’s still hard though, being without them,” she says. “If I lost my dad, I would be devastated.”

“I dunno,” Dave says. “We were like, 8 when it happened? Either way, we’re alright, we get along.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re ok,” she says. “I’m going to take a shower. Don’t get into too much trouble with that sword.” He sighs heavily.

“For fuck’s sake, I hope he doesn’t find somewhere to attack me.” Jane giggles, and waves as she steps out of the room.

\---

“Hey Jake,” Dirk says from the doorway. Jake hadn’t even heard the door open.

“Hey DiStri,” he says, tossing him a metal trinket. Dirk sighs.

“Roxy’s got everyone calling me that,” he says, examining the trinket. It’s a little brass pin, shaped like a baseball cap. “What’s this?”

“It’s a badge. If we’re space explorers, we need them,” he says, holding up his own, a skull. Dirk slides the door closed and plops down on the floor next to him.

“You’re a goof,” he says, shoving Jake lightly.

“Yeah, well you’re not supposed to have that,” Jake indicates the sword on his back. Dirk chuckles.

“That’s what Dave said too. Look. I want to talk to ya.” Jake looks up at him, seeing his own reflection in his pointy shades.

“What’s up?” he asks.

“Alright, look. This is kind of personal to me, so can you keep it quiet?” Jake nods. “I… fuck. This is stupid.” He runs a hand through his spiky hair.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I- Why am I such a schoolgirl about this. I’ve got enough experience. Jake, I really like you. I want to date you. And it’s cool if you don’t feel the same, and that’s not your thing. But I wanted to let you know.” Jake looks at him blankly. It’s taking him a moment to process what he just heard.

“Dirk…” he says. “I had no idea you were into… guys,” he says sheepishly.

“Yeah, I’m pretty good at making sure nobody has any idea.”

“I’ve never really dated anyone before,” Jake says. “I mean, I always kinda figured I’d go for a girl, but it’s not like I’ve given the idea a lot of thought.”

“You don’t have to answer me right away,” says Dirk. “I don’t want to pressure you or rush you.”

“I don’t know if I can answer just yet,” Jake says. “But I’ll give it serious thought, and I won’t take too long and leave you hanging.” Dirk grins at him.

“Thanks, man,” he says. “I’m kinda just glad you didn’t laugh in my face.”

“That would just be mean,” Jake says.

\---

“Hey John?”

“What’s up Jake?” John says, turning away from his laptop.

“I talked to Dirk a couple hours ago, and he’s got me thinking. I kinda just want to talk this out,” says Jake.

“Is everything alright?” John asks as he types into pesterchum.

“Yeah, it’s alright. Who are you talking to?” John grins.

“Karkat,” he says. “Turns out I can still get his transmissions up here. He’s kinda pissed off about it too.” Jake sits down on the edge of John’s bed.

“Well,” he begins. “Dirk has a crush on me.” John’s eyes widen, and he tells Karkat to hang on before setting his laptop to the side.

“Dirk’s GAY?!” he whisper-shouts. Jake nods his head.

“Yeah, apparently,” he says. “He said he’s really good at hiding it, plus he’s kinda the manliest guy I’ve ever met, so it’s not even easy to suspect him.” His face reddens.

“Yeah, I’ve known Dave for years and he never told me, I figure it’s not his business to tell me,” says John. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know,” Jake admits. “I never really spent a lot of time thinking about my own sexuality.” John nods. “I mean, I’ve never had a girlfriend, or I guess a boyfriend, so I never really thought about it too much. I mean, I tend to like chicks in movies, but I dunno.”

“Well, what harm would it do to give Dirk a shot?” John says. “You don’t have to marry him, and maybe you’ll learn some things.” Jake nods.

“I guess that’s a good point,” he says. “I mean, he’s such a chill guy, I’m sure if things went wrong, we’d be able to be friends afterward, right?” John shrugs.

“I dunno. I don’t know the guy very well. I’d talk to Rose if you want to get some insight on the Striders.”

“Yeah. I think I’ll talk to her,” Jake says, smiling at John. “You’re a great pal,” he says as he runs off to find Rose.

\---

EB: I’m back

CG: SO YEAH… WHAT’S IT LIKE IN SPACE. I’VE ALWAYS KIND OF WONDERED.

EB: It’s weird, honestly. The air is really strange, and the artificial gravity isn’t perfect, so occasionally, we stumble a little

EB: But it’s not too different from a cruise ship other than that. Cept we can’t go outside.

CG: WHAT’S A CRUISE SHIP.

EB: It’s a big ship you go on for vacation! It’s like a floating hotel.

CG: WHAT IS A HOTEL.

EB: A place for people to sleep, temporarily.

CG: OH LIKE A RESPITEHOUSE.

EB: Sure Karkat.

CG: DON’T YOU SURE KARKAT ME, JACKOFF. YOU’RE THE ONE WHO’D NEVER HEARD OF A RESPITEBLOCK.

EB: Even through the translators you guys have some goofy ways of saying things, hehe

CG: YEAH, THE TECHNOLOGY ISN’T PERFECT. CLOSE, BUT NOT QUITE.

EB: So the ear pieces… Do you really screw them into our heads?

CG: YES.

EB: That’s scary.

CG: YOU’LL BE ANESTHETISED. WE’RE NOT BARBARIANS.

EB: I’ve never had surgery though, it’s still a little daunting…

CG: I BELIEVE YOUR TERM WAS “MAN THE FUCK UP”?

EB: Karkat, I said man up, you’re so grumpy.

CG: BRILLIANT OBSERVATION. ANYWAY, IF YOU’RE JUST GOING TO BE FLOATING AROUND IN A GIANT SPACE VACATION BOAT, THEN WHY THE SHIT DO YOU NEED TO TALK TO ME?

EB: I don’t! I just like to.

CG: WHY? YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT, AND I ALWAYS CUSS YOU OUT, BUT I DON’T GET WHAT ABOUT ME YOU COULD POSSIBLY INTERPRET AS PLEASANT OR IN ANY WAY NOT ABHORRENT, REALLY.

EB: Aw come on Karkat, don’t be so hard on yourself.

CG: YOU DON’T KNOW FUCKALL ABOUT ME JOHN EGBERT, AND IF YOU DID, YOU WOULDN’T BE SAYING THAT.

EB: You’re right, I don’t know you very well. But we’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other!

CG: YES, AND YOU CAN GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE SOPORIFIC BULLSHIT CLOUDS YOU FLOAT AROUND IN, AND SEE HOW I AM IN REAL LIFE.

EB: I look forward to it :)

CG: ARE YOU EVEN GODDAMN LISTENING? FOR FUCK’S SAKE, YOU JUST LET ALL MY WORDS SLIDE RIGHT THROUGH YOUR THINK PAN AND OUT. I AM NOT A GOOD PERSON. I AM NOT A NICE PERSON. I AM NOT FUN, OR PLEASANT, OR LIKEABLE. THE FRIENDS I DO HAVE WERE SHOVED INTO MY LIFE BY CIRCUMSTANCES DICTATING THAT WE INTERACT, AND THERE’S A REASON I DON’T HAVE ANY OTHERS.

CG: SO IF YOU’RE GOING TO INSIST ON IGNORING MY WARNINGS, AT LEAST BRACE YOURSELF TO BE HIDEOUSLY FUCKING DISAPPOINTED WHEN YOU MEET ME FOR REAL.

EB: Karkat…

CG: FOR FUCK’S SAKE WHAT.

EB: I consider you a friend, even if you don’t think I should.

CG: WHATEVER. I DON’T CARE.

EB: Hehe. I have to go. Talk to you later Karkat!

\---

Karkat Vantas sits back in his chair with a frustrated sigh. He goes invisible on Trollian, and spins the chair around to face his pile of luggage. He isn’t looking forward to moving all that crap into a new hive, but he’s definitely not going to miss his current shithole.

Why does this stupid alien blindly insist on liking him? He doesn’t get it. His friends all met him online, and had no trouble understanding that he was a prickly motherfucker with a foul mouth and a tendency to fuck things up.

He can’t stand the kid. He’s the densest cognizant life form he’s ever had the misfortune of conversing with, and Karkat wishes he’d just wise up and leave him alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And you guys thought I wasn't going to update tonight! I've got my last final of the semester tomorrow, so I've been a little busy, but I managed to get this chapter written, and I'm really liking where it's going. 
> 
> So, on another note, back when I was writing chapter 2, I definitely got drunk and decided that I needed to wrap up the chapter in my inebriated state. So here is the unabridged monstrosity that I wrote in its glory:
> 
> "Doint write whilt dronk dave said hilariously as he fucked dave in the asz with his hoeverboard in tow over his shoulder, using his glasses as a condom, breathing in his brotewrs sweat stoknk. Karkat screaed dumb sollux. Fuck john Egbert no t a homosexual giving him lip about this and that and not being a hermaphorodicitc gay crab monster fuck. Karkat’s lips drooed with sexy anticipatiomn as he lobstered his way fuck ow
> 
> What happened what oh god john could feel the cake falling
> 
> God damn rhat was dirty fuck you mtoe on slant walk some guy called me a weirdo back to me story u wireless dronk looli stubbed my6 toe on slant walk mu wireless is a bitch fuck my shirt has Kirby on it back to the plot dave and dirk have sx I guess cause theyre twins ad twins obviously have sex all the time and john Egbert and karkat vaaaaaantas have all sorts of weird alien sex I spose cause you have to ship everything or you aren’t really a hoemstuck fan or something fuck oh why am I so ddrunk roxy was right doint writjte wihilt dronkssssssssssssssssssssssssssss lol I couldn’t even feel the s key under fingers
> 
> Humberto sighed as he took hold of oh god dawmn it this story is present tense not past you mongoloid of the hour SHUT THE FUCK UP MU WIRELESS
> 
> .3 `why am I afraid of porn karkat fucked joh with his big red tentacle dick oh god why fuck that’s not evne thing oh mt god I wish homestuck characters were a thing I wpuld be all ofer girk stirfdre fuck lol im typiijgn tlike megan
> 
> Hell shit lol autocorrect don’t minimize on me you shit oh god what I wish that dj guyhwas straight"
> 
> \---
> 
> So yeah that happened.


	9. Interstellar Strife!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things heat up in a multitude of ways.

“Oh Dave!”

“Ugh, what? Why are you shirtless?” Dave groans, rolling over in his bed to face his brother. “It’s like fuckall in the morning.”

“I found the perfect place to strife,” Dirk says proudly. “C’mon, get up. You still have that sword I gave you 2 days ago?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dave grumbles as he rolls out of bed. “Gimme a second to get dressed at least.” Dirk turns around and grins before shutting the door. Dave rolls his eyes, and picks up his shades from the sparse bedside table. He puts them on, and pulls some black jeans out of his suitcase and tugs them on over his boxers. He doesn’t bother to change out of the white t-shirt he slept in, and only gives his hair a cursory swipe with a comb before sauntering out to the mess hall.

“Hey Dave,” Rose says, coming up silently behind him.

“Yo,” he says with a yawn. “Remind me to kill my brother.” Rose smirks.

“Oh, but I’m so looking forward to your strife,” she says. “I’ve never actually seen one before, it’s rather exciting.”

“Ugh. Getting a sword swung at my skinny ass at tits o’clock in the morning sure is exciting all right.” Rose just chuckles, and when they get to the mess hall, she pulls Dave in close to whisper in his ear.

“You know, Dirk told Jake how he feels 2 days ago,” she says.

“How’d he take it?”

“He’s open to the idea,” says Rose. “I encouraged him to be open minded, and assured him that Dirk was unlikely to alienate him if they were to break up. The man’s too used to ignoring and covering up his own feelings to let bruised egos and heartache get in the way of this trip.” Dave winces.

“You sound like you’re forecasting their breakup before they’re even dating,” he says.

“I’m not. But it’s a possibility. And I know that bothers you.”

“Pff. Whatever, Rose. Unless it makes him attack me more often, it’s really not my problem if he’s got boy trouble,” Dave scoffs. Rose raises an eyebrow and shrugs.

“To preserve your ego, I won’t press the matter,” she says bemusedly. “Good luck in your strife.” Dave sighs and eats his space eggs.

\---

Jake steps through the hatch to the observation deck of the ship to join his friends. It’s a large semispherical  bubble encased in foot-thick plexiglass or other such material, and it’s a wide open arena as far as the Strider twins are concerned. All the furniture is shoved to the side, and Dave and Dirk are rapping and talking smack on a bench, and Dirk hasn’t bothered to put a shirt on. Jake stands over next to Jane.

“Hey,” she says brightly. “How did you sleep?”

“Pretty well,” he says. “It’s a nice change from the night before, I guess I just had to get used to this place.” He had been awake for hours wondering what to do about Dirk the night following his confession.

“Sick shit, bro,” Dirk says as he and his brother finish their rap throwdown. “Now let’s stop wasting time and get dangerous.”

“Man, are you sure you want these guys in here?” Dave says, gesturing to the 6 teens gathered to watch.

“Yep,” says Dirk. “We’ve got enough control to give ‘em a clearance. Now come on. Pick up that cheap piece of shit and fight me!” Dave grabs the sword and approaches warily, and Dirk assumes a fighting stance with his beloved katana.

“Check it,” Dave says before launching into a flurry of strikes and footwork. The group looks on, awestruck as the twins move faster than their eyes can track, making calculated attacks on each other and dancing about acrobatically.

Jake had no idea these two were so skilled in a fight, and looks on with fascination. He can’t help but watch Dirk, and he blushes when he notices that, okay yeah, the muscles rippling under his sweat-beaded skin are awfully impressive.

Rose gives him a sideways glance, and he looks sheepishly to the side. But it’s hard to keep his eyes off the twins’ heated strife. Dirk lands a blow on Dave’s shoulder, tearing his thin shirt and wetting it with blood. Dave recoils for a moment, but regains balance and launches forward to parry the next strike.

“You’re getting rusty, bro,” Dirk says between the sounds of clashing metal.

“Oh fuck off, you know this fake gravity throws me off,” he retorts. “Your flash-step isn’t perfect either right now.”

“Right now,” Dirk says smugly. Dave thrusts his sword forward and grazes Dirk’s ribs, leaving a very shallow gash on his side. Jane looks away, not enjoying the sight of the brothers cutting each other up, but her gaze returns to the fight after a moment, because it really is a fascinating exchange.

After about ten minutes of strenuous, fast-paced swordplay, Dirk manages to knock Dave to the ground with a forearm to the chest, and holds the tip of his katana to his twin’s nose.

“Shit’s over,” he says, extending a hand to Dave. Dave takes it, and stands up to inspect his shoulder.

“Fuck, man,” he says. “That was a good round.” Dirk grins and nods. He claps his brother on the back and sheathes his sword.

“C’mon, let’s get patched up,” he says. The Striders nod to their friends and head below to tend to their wounds.

Jake watches Dirk as he leaves, eyeing the shallow groove down his spine, and the rigorously trained muscles of his back. He shakes his head, flustered. This whole crush thing is really messing with his head.

\---

“You wanted to talk to me?” Dirk is standing in Jake’s doorway, shades reflecting the fluorescent glow overhead.

“Yeah,” Jake says, looking down at his hands.

“Hey, no need to be shy,” Dirk says as he shuts the door and walks over. Is it about what I told you the other day?” Jake nods.

“I won’t be mad,” Dirk reassures him. Jake swallows.

“I talked to a couple of my friends about it,” he starts. “And I guess it all comes back to me not really knowing much about my own sexuality or anything like that…” he sits on the edge on his bed.

“Dude, it’s cool. We all go through that shit one way or another,” says Dirk.

“Yeah. Well, I guess…” he exhales. “I want to give you a shot?” Dirk’s cheeks turn pink – they _actually_ turn pink, and he grins.

“You sure about that, man? I’ve got a lot of experience on you,” he says. Jake looks down.

“I don’t really know if I’m sure,” he admits. “But I’m curious. And you’re a good guy, and I do look up to you, and…” he trails off, not really knowing what to say.

“It’s cool,” Dirk says softly. “if it makes you feel any better, I’ve never actually had a real boyfriend before.” Jake looks surprised.

“You just said you have a lot of experience,” he says.

“Yeah, well, most of my experience has been with guys whose names I don’t even remember,” Dirk says, running a hand through his hair. Jake notes that he does that a lot.

“Oh,” he says awkwardly.

“Hey,” says Dirk. “I’m not gonna push you. If you’re not comfortable with something, it’s not happening. Got it?” Jake nods.

“Are we… boyfriends, now?” he asks quietly. His stomach is doing flips, and he doesn’t quite know how to feel.

“That’s your call, Jake.” Jake looks up at the other boy –though he’s hardly a boy. Dirk is most definitely edging in on man territory. He takes a deep breath. He remembers what Rose said, about how this could be an adventure, and how he’ll probably learn about himself.

“Then… yeah. Let’s… we are,” he stammers quietly. Dirk breaks into an even bigger grin, the pink returning to his cheeks.

“Awesome,” Dirk says. There goes that hand, combing through his hair again. “I really appreciate you taking this seriously. “

The two of them sit in Jake’s room for a long time, talking about their interests, their lives, and their pasts, though Jake finds that Dirk is a pretty private person. After about an hour and a half, Dirk stands.

“I have to get going, man,” he says. “I need to get a shower and change my bandage. It’s been really sweet talking to you.” As he turns to leave, Jake speaks up shyly.

“Hey, Dirk?” he says, voice wavering.

“Hm?”

“Would you like to…um… kiss me?” His face flushes deep red and he looks down at his hands again. Dirk takes a step towards him.

“Are you asking cause you want to, or cause you think you have to?” Dirk asks evenly.

“I don’t think I have to,” Jake says. “I don’t really know what I want. But we’re… boyfriends now, and…” Dirk grins and steps in closer to where the blushing teen is sitting on the edge of his bed.

“I would like to kiss you,” Dirk says, stepping between Jake’s knees and bending to his eye level. Jake can see his own nervous face in those pitch black shades.

“You… can,” Jake says, swallowing nervously. Dirk slips a callused hand past Jake’s face and into his hair, and touches their foreheads together. Dirk doesn’t have to ask to know Jake’s never been kissed. It’s all over his face and in his body language.

Dirk leans forward, and his lips meet Jake’s. The poor boy is quivering, and Dirk strokes his hair soothingly. Jake’s face heats up, and he squeezes his eyes shut. Dirk’s lips are warm on his own, and it’s not quite what he imagined kissing would feel like, but it’s nice. He puts his hands up on Dirk’s shoulders, and the latter snakes a strong arm around behind his back. Dirk kisses him deeper, humming slightly, and Jake does his best to respond to his motions. He’s kissing a man. He’s kissing Dirk Strider, his brand-new boyfriend, and it’s actually… kind of awesome.

\---

Jane strolls down the hallway, a tray of warm cupcakes in hand. She’s in a good mood after getting permission to bake in the ship’s industrial kitchen. She opens up Roxy’s door with one hand.

“Yo!” Roxy says brightly, leaning back to look at her.

“Hey girl hey. I made cupcakes,” Jane says, holding one out to her best friend.

“Aww, thanks bffsy!” says Roxy. “This’ll go great with my lunch.”

“What are you having?” Roxy grins.

“Vodka!” Jane rolls her eyes, and her friend giggles. “You really should try it sometime Janey. There’s no drinking age on Alternia.” Jane just smiles.

“We’ll see,” she says. “but for now, I have cupcakes to deliver to everyone else!” she knocks on Jade’s door, the next in line. She’s already tried Dave, Dirk, and Rose’s, but they’re all out in the ship somewhere.

“Hello?” Jade opens the door receptively. “Hey Jane! Those smell amazing.”

“Would you like one?” Jane offers.

“Sure, thanks!” Jade says, taking one gingerly. “I’ve never had your baking before, actually.” She takes a bite. “Mmm! Jane, these are great!”

“Thanks,” says Jane. “I make them from scratch these days. I wasn’t sure how they’d taste with the funky space ingredients we’ve got here, but they seem to have turned out pretty well.” Jade nods.

“Gonna go deliver those to the others?” she says, gesturing. Jane nods. “Well, thanks for the sweets, I’ll see you!” Jane smiles, and approaches Jake’s door. He’s always liked her baking, and she’s always been more than happy to share it with him. She slides the door open, and her mouth falls open. Her hands ball into fists.

The LAST thing she was expecting to see was Dirk standing between Jake’s legs, kissing him and leaning him backwards over his bed. As soon as the two of them hear her enter, Dirk backs up considerably, dropping Jake onto his back. Jake sits up and straightens out his hair, blushing furiously.

“Jane,” he sputters. Jane just stares at him incredulously, and then shifts her eyes to Dirk. Dirk doesn’t look particularly fazed. She turns on her heel and quickly walks back down the corridor and to the kitchen. She sets her tray of cupcakes on the counter haphazardly, and heads into the mess hall, where she buries her face in her arms atop the table she sits at. Hot tears flow involuntarily from her eyes, and she’s not sure which is stronger, anger or sadness.

“Hey. You okay?” It’s Dave. She looks up, and he’s lazily sucking on a lollipop.

“Not really,” she says. She takes off her tear-smeared glasses and sets them on the table. Dave sits down next to her.

“Talk to me.”

“I dunno if Rose told you or if it was just really obvious to everyone but him, but I’ve liked Jake for years, and…” she sobs quietly. “I walked into his room like I always do cause we’ve been friends forever and we never really knock, and he was kissing your brother!” Dave raises his eyebrows.

“That was quick,” he says. “And I didn’t know you had a thing for Jake. Sorry you had to find out that way.” She sniffles.

“It’s my dumb fault for being too nervous to tell him,” she says dejectedly. “I always wanted us to have our first kiss together, and I wanted to do sweet things for him, and I just couldn’t get myself to man up and say something… And it’s not like he was going to catch on. He’s so oblivious, ugh!”

“Hey, hey,” Dave says. “it’s ok to be shy an’ shit. But it’s not like they’re married or anything. You don’t have to give up on him.”

“How am I supposed to compete with your brother?” she says sadly. Dave sighs and looks down.

“That’s a damn good question,” he says. Jane looks up at him.

“You okay Dave?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about me, you’re the one who’s upset. I jus’ know how it feels to get one upped by my bro… repeatedly,” he sighs.

“But he’s never had a girlfriend, has he? I mean, I’m guessing he’s gay?” Dave shakes his head.

“No, no girlfriends. Though a pretty sizable selection of my past girlfriends had it bad for Dirk,” he says. “They’d ask him out, and he’d tell them no, and they’d settle for the next best thing, I guess. My last girlfriend seriously asked if he’d date her while she was still with me.” Jane looks sympathetic.

“Dave, I’m so sorry,” she says.

“Don’t be. It’s whatever. If they’re all hung up on my bro, they’re no good for me anyway.”

“But doesn’t it hurt your feelings?”

“No,” he says. “Pride, a little.” She looks at him skeptically.

“I can tell it hurts your feelings,” she says.

“It’s whatever,” he says. “It’s not like it’s bro’s fault. I mean, you can’t have him, you go for his genetic match. Makes enough sense from a shallow bitch perspective.” Jane looks down.

“I’m sorry that happened to you,” she says.

“Happens. It still definitely happens.” She looks down, and tears begin to leak out of her eyes again.

“I really wanted to be his first kiss,” she says shakily. Dave rubs her back awkwardly, he’s not too experienced in the comfort department.

“It’ll be okay,” he says. “He’s honestly kind of a dumbass. You can do better.” Jane glares weakly at him. “Sorry. This really ain’t my strong suit.” She sighs.

“It’s fine. I’m just sad,” she says. “You know, you can do better too. I’ve seen who you choose to date.” He shrugs.

“I figure if I’m second string, I might as well not get too attached,” he says. “Besides, it’s not like I’d be a decent boyfriend to anyone who actually deserves it.”

“You know, there are plenty of people out there who would take you over your brother, I’m sure of it,” Jane says, wiping her eyes. Dave chuckles.

“That’s wishful thinking, but hey, if you say so,” he says. “But really, just worry about you. I can handle my shit.”

“Thanks Dave,” she says quietly.

“No problem. If you need to talk any more, you know where to find me.” Jane smiles weakly, and lays her head back down as he walks out of the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So last chapter I posted my drunken stupidity, and in addition to getting great feedback on that, I've been getting more kudos and more awesome comments, and it's making me so excited about this story! I really feel like I'm making people smile, and I love it. Thanks to everybody, your support is deeply appreciated.


	10. Butterflies

CG: HEY JOHN?

CG: ARE YOU THERE?

CG: FOR FUCK’S SAKE IF YOU FORGOT TO GO IDLE AGAIN

CG: WHATEVER. I DON’T HAVE TIME TO WAIT FOR YOUR ASS TO SHOW BACK UP. I’M LEAVING FOR THE HIVE NOW, AND YOU WON’T HEAR FROM ME AGAIN FOR A WHILE. I HAVE TO FLY THIS STUPID POD DAY AND NIGHT CAUSE I WAS STUPID AND DIDN’T LEAVE MYSELF TIME TO GET THERE.

CG: SO YEAH. SEE YOU.

EB: Hey, wait!

CG: NOW YOU ANSWER, ASSCLOWN

EB: You have to fly for two whole weeks without stopping??

EB: Are you gonna be okay?

CG: I DON’T KNOW, NEVER TRIED IT. I’LL STOP TO EAT AND SHIT, AT LEAST.

EB: Karkat, you know you don’t have to do that. You can show up a little later than us.

CG: NO, I’M IN CHARGE OF THIS TEAM AND I’M GOING TO BE THERE BY THE END OF THIS WEEK SO HELP ME JEGUS.

EB: Wait, you’re going to get there EARLY?

CG: SOMEONE HAS TO GET THINGS READY

CG: WE SET THINGS UP MONTHS AGO BUT WE STILL NEED TO GET FOOD AND SET UP THE FINER POINTS. PLACE IS PROBABLY COVERED IN FORTY TONS OF DUST.

EB: But you shouldn’t overexert yourself like that! You’ll be working as soon as you get there, you’ll never get any sleep…

CG: IT’S BETTER THAT WAY. IF I SLEEP WITHOUT SOPOR I GET HELLACIOUS NIGHTMARES, REMEMBER? IF I SLEEP IN MY POD I’LL FLIP THE FUCK OUT ANYWAY.

EB: Karkat…

CG: WHAT. YOU’RE NOT MY LUSUS, NOW LET ME GO PACK.

EB: okay :/

CG: TROLLS AREN’T WEAK LIKE HUMANS, I’LL BE FINE, NOT THAT IT’S ANY OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS.

EB: Well, as long as we don’t have to take care of you when we get there :B

CG: WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF EMOTICON IS THAT? AND NO YOU WON’T BE TAKING CARE OF ME YOU MONGOLOID.

EB: It’s buck teeth! I’ve got a bit of an overbite so my teeth stick out sometimes.

CG: OH OKAY. FOR A SECOND I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS HORNS AND EYES. l:B

EB: You use horns in your emoticons there? Hehe, that’s so cute

CG: NO IT ISN’T YOU LUDICROUS FUCK

CG: I’M NOT DEALING WITH YOU A SECOND LONGER

carcinoGeneticist is now offline.

John giggles to himself behind his laptop.

“You gonna eat that?” Dave’s fork is hovering dangerously close to his sausages.

“Yes I’m gonna eat it!” John says, stuffing a link in his mouth. “I jush hadta talk to Krkat bfore ‘e left.” Dave looks amused.

“Are you ever not talking to Karkat?” he muses. John swallows and makes a face.

“I don’t think I could deal with talking to Karkat all the time,” he says. “He’s so grouchy. I don’t talk to him _that_ often.” Rose grins.

“You are at your computer more often than not these days,” she says.

“I’m at my computer more often than not anyway,” says John. “Besides, Karkat can’t reach anyone but me, so I have to keep an eye out for him so he can tell us stuff.” Rose just nods, standing up to head out of the mess hall.

“Morning everyone!” Jake says as he passes her on his way in. He takes a seat next to Dirk, who gives him a friendly nudge with his elbow. Jake smiles.

“Hey Jake,” says Dirk. “Slept in again, eh?” He nods, and whispers something only Dirk can hear, which makes the latter grin. Dirk leans over and says something into Jake’s ear, and Jake blushes.

“Later guys,” Jane says, standing abruptly and disposing of her half-eaten breakfast. Roxy gives her a sympathetic glance before she briskly walks out.

“I so would have eaten that,” Dave laments.

“Nobody’s stopping you from getting seconds,” John says. Dave shrugs.

“Guess not.” He heads up to the buffet, and John shakes his head.

\---

Jane spends the next several days avoiding Jake and Dirk, and the fifth time she gets a text from Jake asking what he’s done wrong, she throws her phone into her hamper.

She’s not ready to admit how she feels to him. And besides, it wouldn’t be fair.

“Hey Jane?” Dave. What does he want?

“What,” she says exhaustedly through her door.

“You left your glasses at dinner.” She feels her face. Shit, he’s right. What is wrong with her?

“I didn’t even notice,” she says. She opens the door, and Dave has them on his head. She can’t help but giggle a little.

“Here,” he says, attempting to take them off, but getting the stem tangled in his wispy hair. “Agh fuck.” She giggles some more. When he manages to free himself and hand her the glasses, there are a few  blonde hairs wrapped around them.

“Hehe, thanks,” she giggles. She plucks his hairs out and places her glasses on her face where they belong.

“You’re really out of it lately,” says Dave. He looks just like Dirk. She kind of wishes he didn’t.

“Yeah, so? I’ll be fine.” He steps in and takes a seat in her chair. She shuts the door.

“If you say so. You know, my bro is pretty damn good at a lot of things,” he starts. “It’s pretty aggravating actually. He’s a better fighter than me, he’s got his whole robot thing, he makes more tips spinning, and he’s pretty sick in a rap battle.” Jane clenches her fists.

“If you’re just gonna tell me all the reasons he’s better for Jake than me, then you can get out of my room,” she says through gritted teeth. He pushes up his shades.

“Nah,” he says. “That’s not what I’m getting at. Look. I’m no stranger to getting my ass beat by my bro, and watching him have everything fall into his lap. If you think I’m here to defend him, that’s hilarious. He’s the last guy who needs that kind of pity.” Jane looks down.

“What then?” she asks quietly.

“When we were kids I used to feel bad about myself for it,” says Dave. “I’d get all mopey cause I couldn’t measure up to my bro. But he kicked my ass about it, and wouldn’t let up about it until I believed him. He pretty much told me I’m his favorite person and he wouldn’t have gotten through our parents’ deaths without me. And yeah I still felt like he was better than me, but he forced me to look at myself like I was better than that.” Jane sighs. Yep. Great and noble Dirk.

“Look, all I’m saying is that he may be flashy and impressive and get what he wants all the time, but you’ve got your own shit going on, and he’s no better than you,” Dave continues. “People will get that. Like you said the other day, there’ll be people who would take me over my brother? There are people who’d take you for you and not give a fuck about people like Dirk.” Jane looks to the side.

“You don’t actually believe it about yourself, though,” she says. Dave shrugs.

“It’s whatever,” he says. Jane sighs.

“Thanks… again. I know I’m probably making things difficult for everyone by avoiding those two,” she mumbles. Dave throws a pencil at her, and she starts. “Hey!”

“You’re good, just don’t beat yourself up,” he says.

“You’re… sweet, Dave.” Dave looks up, his eyebrows rising above his shades.

“Now, I wouldn’t go that far,” he says. “I’m just doing the decent thing.” She looks to the side again.

“Sorry. I just appreciate you coming and making sure I’m okay even though I’m being so shitty to your brother,” she says quietly.

“You’re cool,” he assures her. “Like I said, he doesn’t need me defending him.” He puts his index finger against her forehead and pushes her head back jokingly. “Just try and keep track of your glasses.” He slides open the door, and in typical Strider fashion, nonchalantly walks away.

Jane rubs her forehead where he poked her, and shakes her head quickly when she feels color rising in her face.

\---

“Hey you,” Dirk says to Jake as they pass in the hall.

“Oh, hey Dirk,” says Jake. “What are you up to?” Dirk whaps him with a towel.

“Gonna get a shower,” he says. “Wanna come?” Jake turns scarlet and stutters.

“i- i- what-“

“Relax man, I’m fuckin’ with you,” Dirks laughs. Jake grumbles and scratches his head. “Anyhow, you should come check out the shit I’m doing with my glasses when I’m done. I’m going to integrate pesterchum.”

“Whoa, that’s really cool,” Jake says. “How though?”

“You’ll have to come see!” says Dirk. He turns and heads into the bathroom.

It’s about an hour and a half before Jake hears from Dirk, so in the meantime he pulls out his phone to see if Jane’s texted him yet. He sighs dejectedly when he finds that she hasn’t. He doesn’t know what he did wrong, and he misses his best friend.

After Dirk finishes his marathon shower, he knocks on Jake’s door.

“It’s open!” he says. Dirk slides the door open and beckons.

“C’mon, I have to show you this,” he says. Oh my. His hair is wet and haphazardly spiky, like he’s just towel dried it. There’s a towel lazily draped around his hips, but the rest of his clothes are in his hand. Trying not to stare at his boyfriend’s chest, Jake gets up and heads over to Dirk. Boyfriend. Still definitely not used to that one.

“You gonna get dressed?” he mumbles shyly. Dirk chuckles.

“Yeah, no worries,” he says. “Sorry I took so long by the way. Gotta get my ablutions, you know?” Jake nods. They turn into Dirk’s room, where he has a couple of tools strewn across his desk. Dirk grabs some more clothes and goes into his closet to change.

“So you’re making your glasses into a computer type deal?” Jake asks.

“They already are,” Dirk says. “They’re simple, but they show me things. Like temperature, etc. Basically enhance the environment I see. I figure if I can get Pesterchum working on there, I’ll be set.

“Whoa, so that’s why you wear them all the time? That’s awesome, are Dave’s like that too?” says Jake.

“Nope, and nope,” Dirk says with a smirk. “I’ve worn these for years and years. I only put that shit in them 2 years ago. And Dave’s are just shades. He doesn’t like all the fancy bells and whistles I like.” Jake nods.

“Can I try them on?” he asks. Dirk grimaces.

“I do want to show you,” he says. “but I really dislike taking them off in front of people”

“Why?”

“They can see my eyes. Makes me vulnerable. Besides, I have weird-ass eyes,” says Dirk.

“Oh, okay. It’s cool.” Dirk sighs. He slowly pulls his pointed shades from his face, keeping his eyes closed. His eyelashes are long and he has a few light freckles on the tops of his cheeks. “You don’t have to.”

“Look at me,” Dirk says calmly. Jake looks at his eyelids, and slowly, they open. Dirk’s eyes are a vivid yellow-orange, and the piercing gaze they give Jake nearly knocks the breath out of him. He’s positively beautiful.

“Whoa, those are some awesome eyes,” Jake says. “You sure you’re ok with me seeing them?”

“Yeah,” says Dirk. “It’s not like I hate them, I just usually only show them to people I trust. Rose has seen them too. Now let me show you my glasses.” He takes Jake’s glasses, and replaces them with his shades. Jake sees the date and time, as well as the temperature in his peripheral vision.

“Oh wow, that’s awesome,” Jake says enthusiastically.

“Here, let me show you the Pesterchum prototype.” Dirk reaches over and presses a button on the side. The login screen for Pesterchum appears, translucent. It interferes slightly with the vision out of his left eye, but overall he can still see well. “Don’t log in, it can’t handle it yet.”

“How will you type? Speaking?” Jake asks.

“I want to try and make it thought triggered, but there’s so little technology for that,” Dirk says, running a hand through his damp hair.

“Maybe the trolls can help,” suggests Jake.

“Maybe.” Jake takes off the shades and sets them on Dirk’s desk. His boyfriend’s eyes are staring deep into his own, and he finds himself blushing but unable to look away. Dirk cracks a small smile, and puts a hand on the side of Jake’s face. “You really like my eyes that much?” he says.

“They’re just cool,” says Jake. Dirk chuckles softly, and leans in to peck him on the lips.

“I think yours are lovely,” he says. “It’s only fair I show you mine.” Jake awkwardly rests a hand on Dirk’s ribcage. He shyly pulls him in closer, until their chests bump together. Jake flushes pink again, and tilts his head to give Dirk another chaste kiss on the lips. Dirk’s mouth curls into a smile as they kiss. He lays his hand on the back of Jake’s head and pulls him in tighter, savoring the softness of his lips.

He allows himself to melt into Jake English, and before they know it, it’s 10:30, and they’ve spent the entire evening kissing and hugging and laughing like children. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, I'm done with my sophomore year of college! I'm excited to get into the romantic aspects of this story. I hope nobody minds how many pairings i'll be maintaining, it's really not a story focused on just one couple and i don't want to drive anyone away with all the details. Thanks, and until next time!


	11. Under the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dave is a brat and Jane loses her mind.

Jane steps out of the bathroom and nearly walks straight into Dirk. She bows her head and keeps walking, but he catches her shoulder.

“Hey,” he says. She looks up at him defiantly. “Look. Can I talk to you a sec?” She nods. “Okay,” he starts. “I know you like Jake. And I’m sorry I went ahead and made my move while knowing that. I didn’t do it to hurt your feelings.” She folds her arms.

“I didn’t think it was just to make me mad,” she says. Dirk sighs.

“I know. I just wanted to say I’m sorry, and that you have every right to be pissed at me,” he says quietly. “I’d never met anyone who’s interested me like Jake does, and I didn’t want to give that up. And you weren’t making a move, and I wasn’t sure you were even going to.” He sighs. “I know I’ve hurt you, but I don’t want us to be at odds. Can you forgive me?” Jane looks away.

“I guess,” she says. “I just… I’ve liked him for years, you know? And then suddenly he’s swept out from under me, and I can’t even rightfully be mad at you, because I should have said something a long time ago… ugh. I’m sorry. I’ve been shitty to you.” Dirk places a firm hand on her shoulder.

“It’s cool,” he says. “You’re hurt. I get it.” She nods sheepishly. “You know, Jake is really upset that you’re not talking to him.”

“I know,” Jane says, sounding guilty. “I’ll talk to him today.” Dirk smiles and pats her on the back. Jane continues down the hall with a sigh. She really has been hard on Jake.

\---

John stares at the ceiling and sighs. The spaceship is kind of boring, and now not having Karkat to bother has left him with nothing to do. He flips over onto his stomach and pulls his phone out from under his pillow. They’re still only about halfway done with the trip.

“Egbert!” Dave shouts through the door, startling him.

“Come in, doofus,” he says. Dave slides open the door and grins.

“So Dirk found an old Xbox 360 in one of the old luggage compartments. Let’s see if this relic even hooks up to anything anymore,” his blonde friend says, holding out a big, dusty plastic box.

“Sweet dude, are there controllers too?” Dave nods.

“Yup. 3 of them, they’re not too different from the 1800 controllers either. It’s got some cords on it too, but I don’t know if the tvs here will have ports. I mean, everything’s been wireless forever, dunno if this rustbucket is old enough.” John stands up and stretches.

“It’s worth a shot. I’m so bored,” he says. The game system is huge and hilariously retro. The two of them head into the sparse rec room on their sector of the ship, and start looking for ports.

“Ah, here we go,” Dave says. He plugs the cord into its port, and plugs in the power cord. Outlets are thankfully still standard issue.

“Sweet! Got any games?” Dave holds up a few boxes.

“Yep, got Left4Dead 2, Borderlands, Fallout New Vegas, and Halo Reach. Heard of any of ‘em?” John shakes his head. “Yeah, I’ve played Borderlands because it’s the shit, and Halo cause you just kinda have to play Halo sometime,” says Dave. He slides Left4Dead into the console, which whirrs noisily. “Let’s try this sucker out.”

They take some time to get used to the controls, but the game runs smoothly, and Dave and John spend the next several hours killing zombies.

“Whatcha got?” Roxy asks from the doorway? John turns, and instantly gets swarmed.

“Old video games Dave dug up! Wanna play?” he says, offering her a controller. Roxy downs her drink and takes it obligingly.

“Hell yeah, is this a zombie game?”

“Yup. And Egbert just got his ass smoked like a hamsteak,” says Dave. John whips back around to see his screen full of zombies and his character’s icon struck through.

“Oh whoops, I guess I’m dead. Sorry Dave!” he says with a chuckle. The next round, Roxy joins in, and to Dave and John’s embarrassment, Roxy is better tipsy than they are sober. She gets the most kills by several hundred, and saves them each more than once. After showing up the two habitual gamers, she waves cheerfully and runs off to find Jane.

\---

“Janey!” She leans through Jane’s door to find Jane and Jake sitting on the floor talking. “Oh hey Jake! What are you guys up to?” Jake grins up at Roxy.

“Just talking!” he says.

“I apologized for ignoring him earlier,” Jane admits.

“Oh good! I’m glad,” says Roxy.

“Yeah,” Jake says. “Jane said she was intimidated by Dirk, but she talked to him and they’re cool now.” Roxy looks at Jane skeptically. Jane shoots her a look that says ‘roll with it’.

“Well, I’m glad you two are talking again. I was just coming to find Jane,” she says.

“We’re going up to the observation deck to look at the stars if you want to come,” Jake suggests. Roxy smiles.

“Nah. I’ll leave you to it,” she says, giving Jane a subtle wink.

\---

When Jake and Jane get to the observation deck, Dave is up there, practicing his flash step and swinging a broken sword.

“Oh, hey Dave!” Jake greets him. Dave slows down and gives them a casual nod. He’s wearing the same shirt he sparred with Dirk in the other day, and it appears to have new tears in it. Jane is a little frustrated, she had hoped to spend this time alone with Jake, but she smiles at Dave.

“Did you strife with Dirk again today?” Jane asks. Dave shakes his head.

“Nah. Two nights ago at midnight,” he says. “Broke another shitty sword.” He wipes the sweat from his brow and approaches them.

“Well, we’re gonna check out the stars,” says Jake. “You can too if you like.” Dave looks at him, then at Jane.

“Y’know what, sure?” he says, shrugging. He goes over to his bag and pulls out his iPod and large DJ headphones, and lays back on the ground in the middle of the observation deck with them. Jane curses him internally, knowing Dave has little interest in stars.

They lay on the floor like that for a long time, with Jake and Jane pointing out cool formations as they pass, and Dave mouthing raps and nodding to the beat, in another world entirely. Jane smiles brightly the whole time. This is how it should be. Her and Jake, together, having fun with the simplest things.

“Thanks for coming up here with me, Jane,” Jake says after two hours of laughing and stargazing. Dave is asleep on the floor at this point, music still blaring in his ears.

“No problem. I’m sorry for the way I’ve been lately,” says Jane. He hugs her and runs off, exiting through the hatch. Jane sighs, and looks over to her side where Dave is dozing peacefully. _Asshole_ , she thinks. But she can’t really bring herself to be mad at him. He just looks so innocent, and he’s been so helpful the past few days. She sighs and leans back again, watching the stars drift overhead until her eyes flutter closed and she sleeps.

\---

“Well, that’s unique,” Dirk says.

“Hehehe, they don’t even have blankets or pillows,” says Jade. Jane sits up, bleary eyed and confused. This is not her bed. This is the floor. Where is she exactly?

“Welcome back,” Dirk says when she faces him.

“Wha…” Jane groans. “What are you guys doing here? Wait, what am I doing here? Is this the observy bubble thing…” she rubs her eyes under her glasses. Jade giggles.

“You fell asleep in here,” she says. “with _Dave._ ” And suddenly Jane is awake. She scrambles to stand, and observes the sleeping blonde she had been lying next to.  

“Agh, I-“ she stammers. “I didn’t even realize I fell asleep, oh my god, don’t you dare assume anything, shit, don’t tell him I slept here all night.” Dirk and Jade grin.

“Your secret is safe with us,” Dirk says bemusedly.

“Yep! Though I might tease you about it,” says Jade. Jane blushes with embarrassment, and straightens out her rumpled clothes.

“I’m going to take a shower,” she says, running off in a flustered huff. She gets to the bathroom and grabs a towel, ducking into the nearest shower stall and stripping off her clothes. Why did she have to go and fall asleep with Dave? What if Dave finds out? What if everyone finds out?! “Ugh, stupid stupid stupid!” she hisses to herself.

“What’s stupid?” Uh oh. She hadn’t even heard Rose enter the bathroom.

“Nothing,” she says quietly.

“Alright. Just don’t internalize your problems. If you need to talk about anything, we’re all here for you.” Jane sighs.

“Thanks,” she says. “But I’m all right.” No, she really isn’t, but Rose doesn’t need to know that.

“Ok. We’re all a bit worried about you, ever since Jake and Dirk started dating,” Rose continues. “Except probably John, who I doubt has any idea.” Jane sighs quietly.

“I know,” she says defeatedly. “I’m just a little down on myself. But I’ve been talking to Roxy, and Dave.” Who was she trying not to think about again? Stupid stupid stupid.

“Dave?” Rose sounds surprised. “He isn’t usually the type. I suppose if it concerns his brother, it makes sense…” the water in Rose’s shower starts running. Jane washes her hair, hoping to change the subject.

“Yeah. That’s probably it. I patched things up with Jake,” she mentions.

“I heard,” Rose says warmly. “I’m glad for you.” Jane shuts off the shower after a quick rinse.

“Thanks. See you around, Rose,” she says hurriedly before walking quickly out of her room. This time she actually does walk into Dirk. She looks up to apologize, and nope, it’s not Dirk. It’s Dave.

“Sup,” he says nonchalantly. She clutches her towel and pushes past him, apologizing all the way to her room. Dave looks on and shrugs.

“Fuck,” she whispers once she’s inside. She doesn’t need this right now. She’s got enough on her plate with her unrequited love for Jake and their upcoming arrival on Alternia. She doesn’t need to have embarrassed herself last night, and she certainly doesn’t need Jade and Dirk giving her sly looks every time they see her. And most of all, she absolutely does not need to have a nagging and growing crush on Dave Strider. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry I didn't update yesterday, I moved out of my dorm and back home yesterday, which involved a lot of packing, carrying shit, and sorting, as well as a 5 hour drive. Seeing as I write these the same day I post them, I didn't end up having an update yesterday because I was just too exhausted, and I don't want this to become a chore for me. But I'm back, and hopefully I'll be able to maintain an update a day from here on out! No promises. I'm going to have a busy summer. But I'll do my best <3
> 
> \-----E


	12. Under Advisement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane has some heart-to-heart chats with her friends, and Karkat is dumb.

Karkat jerks forward in his seat. _Fuck_ , he thinks. He’s been fighting sleep for days, and he’s barely avoided drifting off 4 times now. He rubs his eyes and checks his map. At this rate, he won’t be there for another 16 hours, and he’s not so sure he can make it that long. Begrudgingly, he pulls his pod over to a cliff with a large overhang and shuts it down. Its hover capabilities dwindle, and it comes to rest on the ground. He undoes the x shaped harness across his chest and reclines the seat all the way back.  

“Might as well check to see if anyone’s shit themselves and died,” he murmurs to himself. He pops open the overhead compartment and fishes around for his wristcrab. 6 messages. He sighs, and opens the list. Terezi, Kanaya, John, Kanaya, John, John. _For fuck’s sake, what does this piss font need now,_ he thinks, scowling. He taps Terezi’s message.

GC: H3Y K4RKL3S, 1 H34RD YOU W3R3 GO1NG TO TH3 N3W H1V3 34RLY. W3LL, H4V3 FUN W1TH TH4T, B3C4US3 W3 H4V3N’T GOTT3N TH3 SOPOR D3LIV3R3D TH3R3 Y3T. TH3 SH1PM3NT 1S SCH3DULED FOR TH3 D4Y W3 4RR1V3 SO 1T DO3SN’T G3T 4LL SPO1L3D 1N TH3 SUN. 1D1OT.

Oh fuck. He should have thought of this. Why didn’t anyone warn him? Oh. Right. Because the only person he told was fucking JOHN, of all people. Miserable shit-sucking past self. Maybe Kanaya’s messages would have better news.

GA: Karkat I Don’t Know If Youre Aware But There Is No Sopor At The Hive I Can Try And Get It Delivered Early However

“Thank fuck,” Karkat hisses to himself. Now what does John want?

EB: I’m so bored. I wish you would stop your dumb car for a bit and get on here.

Disregarding that with a scowl, he flips to Kanaya’s next message.

GA: I Got The Sopor Delivery Pushed Back Two Days It’s The Best I Could Do

He sighs. It’s better than nothing. Maybe he can get away with only sleeping once until then. Now what the fuck does John keep trolling him about?

EB: Are you seriously driving this whole time?

EB: I’m kinda worried about you man.

Karkat rips off his wristcrab and shoves it back in the overhead. He flops down onto the seat and falls asleep almost instantly, nightmares not far behind.

\---

“Hey Jane,” Dirk says when she walks into the mess hall. She grumbles something and goes to get some coffee and toast. Once she has her breakfast, she sits next to John and starts mindlessly ingesting it. John looks at Dirk and giggles.

“She’s the same every morning,” he says. Dirk grins at the sight of Dave entering the room.

“Sup,” Dave says with a yawn. He makes his way over to the buffet and grabs a couple of donuts. Jane grumbles again and hurriedly finishes her toast.

“You okay?” Dirk asks. Jane flips him off. _You know me, just running from my feelings as usual,_ she wants to say, but instead she just drinks her coffee as quickly as she can and walks out. Dave looks after her and gives Dirk a questioning look. “I dunno man,” his brother says. Dave shrugs and sits down.

“Hey John, what’s up?” he says casually. John looks up.

“Nothing, again,” he says. “I really just can’t wait for us to reach Alternia. It’s pretty boring up here.” Dave flicks a sprinkle off of his donut at John.

“Yup. So it is,” he says. “But hey, at least they have good donuts.” John shrugs.

“I don’t even get internet out here,” he says. “I figured with that transmitter thing Karkat said I have, I could get some kinda signal, but I guess not.” Another sprinkle hits his left lens. “Ack, man cut it out,” he complains. Dave stuffs the rest of his donut into his mouth, and starts on the next.

“So, what’s seriously up with Jane, guys. Or really, you for that matter,” he says, mostly addressing Dirk. Dirk puts his hands up.

“I don’t know man,” he says innocently. “What am I doing different?” Dave flicks a few sprinkles at him.

“You’re acting like you’ve got the most hilarious secret in the world,” he says flatly, having learned Dirk’s patterns ages ago.

“Still dunno what you’re talking about,” his brother muses. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to catch up on my ablutions.” Dave scowls for a second, and resumes eating his donut.

\---

Jane knocks quietly on Roxy’s door.

“Yo,” Roxy shouts from inside. Jane opens the door and comes in to see Rose and Roxy sitting on the floor. Rose looks to be knitting something, and Roxy is painting her nails a pale pink.

“Can I talk to you? I fucked up again,” says Jane. She sits down.

“Should I leave?” Rose asks softly.

“No. You’re fine. You probably have a better perspective on the person this concerns anyway,” Jane answers.

“Go for it, girl. We’re listening,” Roxy says comfortingly. Jane takes a deep breath.

“I am an idiot,” she begins. “I don’t even know how you guys are going to think of me now.”

“Jane. Look at me. You’re my best girl. I’m gonna love you. As usual. Lay it on,” Roxy encourages. Jane sighs, and her cheeks flush.

“I… I’m interested in Dave,” she admits, burying her face in her knees. Roxy’s eyes widen, and Rose raises an eyebrow.

“Oh Janey,” says Roxy. “What about Jake? Does this mean you’re okay with… yeah.” Jane shakes her head.

“No,” she says meekly. “I’m not… I’m still into Jake, and it still really hurts that he’s… taken now. I’ve just been talking to Dave, and he’s been so sweet, and then the other day… I just can’t help it, I get all stupid when I’m around him, and I’m probably never going to tell him either, and he’ll end up with someone who actually has the balls to ask him out! And I don’t even know if I’d be okay with dating him because I’m NOT over Jake, and that wouldn’t be fair to Dave at all, especially considering his history… Ugh!” she cries, tears starting to leak from her eyes. Roxy pulls her into a hug.

“Jane, it’s okay to be interested in more that one person. And it’s definitely wise to abstain from confessing to anyone until you know who you want to be with,” says Rose. “But you aren’t foolish, I only question your taste.”

“Heh,” Jane chuckles halfheartedly.

“In all seriousness, it is perfectly normal to be conflicted like this,” Rose continues. “You are going through a lot of emotions, and getting to know a lot of new people. I suggest that you ask yourself why you feel the way you do about each of them, and question whether you honestly like them in that way or not. Infatuation is real, and it is entirely possible that your feelings for one of them are visceral and baseless.” Jane looks down.

“Now I’m not saying you’re in the wrong if you are infatuated,” Rose adds. “It’s just much easier for you if you discover that you are.” Roxy gives Jane a squeeze.

“Don’t worry, okay?” she says warmly. “And what did you mean, ‘the other day’?” Jane smacks herself in the forehead.

“I’m not going to get out of telling you two am I?” she groans. Roxy winks.

“Nope!” she says. “You know how it goes. You mention it, you tell.” Jane sighs.

“Oh, fine, but… don’t tell John or Jake or Dave, especially Dave… okay?”

“Sure, but why just them?” Roxy asks.

“They know already,” she says. “So, you know how yesterday I went up to look at the stars with Jake?” Roxy nods. “Well, when we got up to the bubble, Dave was up there doing his fast-step thing. We talked to him for a bit, and told him we were going to watch the stars. So what does he do, he lays right down with us! And he doesn’t even look at the stars, he just chills there, listening to music and mouthing something. It’s like he did it just to be a pain. But either way it was fun! But then Jake left, and Dave was asleep, and I was so tired, so I ended up falling asleep on accident… It was really an accident! And the next morning, Dirk and Jade woke me up and I was STILL sacked out next to Dave! Ughhhhh, I couldn’t stop thinking about it all day, and I couldn’t get him out of my head.” Her face is flushed and her pulse is quick.

“Oh Janey, it’s okay,” Roxy reassures. “You just fell asleep near him, it’s not like you were half naked snuggling on him.” Jane blushes and whaps Roxy with a pillow.

“Shut up!” she says, flustered. “I know! I just don’t know if he knows, and if he thinks I did it on purpose, and now all I can think of is how damned adorable he looked asleep, and how he comforts me when I’m sad, and how he’s way out of my league, and what his eyes might look like… It’s just a mess, I’m a mess, and I don’t need this.” Roxy rubs her back.

“He is so not out of your league,” Roxy says with determination. “You are beautiful, and Dave Strider would be lucky to have a sharp, gorgeous babe like you.” Jane smiles slightly.

“Thanks…” she says.

“Honestly, I think someone like you would be good for Dave. He has not chosen his previous partners wisely, and he has been hurt as a result,” Rose offers.

“No, no, no, stop it!” Jane cries. “Don’t say things that’ll get me in deeper here!” Rose sighs.

“Look,” Roxy says cheerfully. “You’re awesome. You just need to sort out your feelings before deciding what to do next.” Jane nods.

“I think… I know just who to go to actually,” she says.

\---

“What can I do for ya missy?” Dirk says calmly, leaning against his doorframe. Jane looks to the side.

“It’s dumb and you’ll probably laugh,” she says. “Can I tell you in private?” Dirk motions for her to come inside, and she follows bashfully. His room is strewn with mechanical odds and ends, and a well-stocked first aid kit is spilling over onto the floor.

“K, what’s on your mind?” he says, picking up a wrench and twirling it between his fingers. She looks down.

“You won’t be mad?”

“Unless you were kissing on Jake last night, nope,” he says. She’s not sure how serious he is, and she swallows nervously.

“No, no,” she says quickly. “You know how you found me yesterday?” Dirk raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah?”

“Well…. I guess it started before then, but since then… I’ve been thinking about your brother nonstop, and I really wish I wasn’t, but I can’t help it, I’ve… got a really big crush on him,” she mutters, staring at the floor. Dirk puts the wrench down and steps toward her.

“Hey,” he says. “Don’t act all sad, ok? I’m not that scary.” She looks up. Dirk has the same soft smile Dave wears when he comforts her. “So you’re into Dave, mm?” She blushes.

“Yeah.”

“Well, what are you gonna do about it?”

“That’s the thing,” she says. “I don’t know. I’m not over Jake. And I don’t even think he’d like me back. I just don’t want to make him my backup, because he’s had that happen to him so many times, and he deserves someone who wants only him… Ugh I don’t know.” Dirk smiles softly and puts a gloved hand on her head.

“Hey,” he says. “Dave deserves someone who thinks about his feelings like that. So thanks.”

“What are you thanking me for, I haven’t done anything but freak out,” she says sullenly.

“You’re considering him. It’s better than any of his girlfriends really did, and if you’re already worrying about that stuff, then I’d say I’m rooting for you.” Jane blushes.

“I don’t know if I’m even going to go through with it, how can you root for me if I haven’t decided whether I’m fighting or not?” she says indignantly. He grins.

“I know, I know,” he says. “But I’d like to see you together.”

“Well you’re biased. Double biased cause you don’t want me to like Jake,” she huffs.

“Yeah, maybe,” he says. “But mostly I just think the two of you could be happy together. Is that so bad?” She sighs.

“I guess not. I think I was just kind of hoping you’d tell me to stay away from your brother and I could let these feelings dissipate,” she says.

“No can do,” says Dirk. “Sorry.” She nods.

“Thanks Dirk,” she says. He ruffles her hair, and pulls her in for a hug. She hugs him back awkwardly, and tries not to wonder if this is what Dave smells like too.

“Now, go find him,” Dirk says.

“What?”

“Dave. Go find him and chill with him. You’re never gonna figure out how you feel if you don’t spend time with ‘im.” Jane sighs.

“Fine. But only because you were nice about the thing with Jake,” she says, folding her arms. He grins as she walks out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry this chapter is late! I've been busy registering for classes for summer and looking for jobs and training for a half marathon and seeing my home friends, from the second I got home it's been crazy. Thanks for bearing with me, and thanks for reading!!


	13. Touchdown

Karkat arrives at the new hive right on schedule, still shaken from his 5 hours of sleep. The hive is huge, and it looks more like a hotel than a proper hive. He finds his key and opens the door to a large, spacious foyer. Off the foyer he can see a large kitchen and a living room the size of a swimming pool. The living room is full of couches and tables, and there are bookshelves lining the walls.

He makes his way past the foyer, and up the stairs. It’s a three story hive, with 10 bedrooms on each of the upper floors. He walks down the hallways and notes the symbols on each of the doors. On the left side, there’s Tavros, Sollux, himself, Nepeta, and Kanaya; on the right there’s Terezi, Vriska, Equius, Gamzee, and Eridan. Karkat unlocks the door to his own room and throws his bag onto the desk chair. There is a simple, red recuperacoon, abysmally empty in the corner. Karkat decides he’ll bring the rest of his things in later, and goes upstairs to make sure the humans’ rooms are prepared properly.

He ascends the stairs and looks at the doors. Where the trolls had their signs on their doors, the humans have little pictures, supplied to him by John. He opens up the room with the green ghost, and sees the human bed Kanaya had made during their earlier preparations. He lays down on it, still exhausted. It’s firm and bouncy, and to his surprise, rather comfortable. He decides that if he ends up having to sleep again before the slime arrives, he’ll do it here.

\---

CG: WHAT THE CRAVEN FUCK WERE THOSE MESSAGES?

EB: Karkat! You must be at the house now?

CG: YES, I JUST GOT TO THE HIVE 2 HOURS AGO, NOW ANSWER MY GODDAMN QUESTION.

EB: Hehehe, I was just dropping in to bug you, no big deal.

CG: IS IT YOUR PRIMARY FUNCTION TO WASTE MY TIME?

EB: Oh psh, it took you 2 seconds to read those. You’re just cranky because you haven’t slept.

CG: OH SHOVE IT IN YOUR WASTE CHUTE, JOHN.

EB: Hehehe.

CG: YOUR FETISH FOR MY INSULTS ASIDE. DO YOU STILL HAVE THE INSTRUCTIONS I GAVE YOU THE DAY YOU LAUNCHED?

EB: Of course I do! You told me to save them, not like I really delete my pesterlogs.

CG: GOOD. THE PLAN HAS NOT CHANGED. YOUR PILOT IS AWARE, YES?

EB: Yep, we told them all that the day we took off. It’s programmed into the system, I think.

CG: EXCELLENT. WITH ANY LUCK, YOU MISERABLE MAMMALIAN FUCKS WILL GET HERE WITHOUT ANY MAJOR BULLSHIT.

EB: Mammalian? Like, you’re not?

CG: OH GOD NO, FOR FUCK’S SAKE JOHN. DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE PEOPLE YOU’RE GOING TO BE LIVING WITH FOR AN ENTIRE NOOKCHAFING YEAR? WE ARE NOT MAMMALS, WE ARE SUPERIOR INSECT BASED LIFE FORMS THAT HAVE EVOLVED A CHITINOUS ENDOSKELETON. YOU LOOK A WHOLE FUCK OF A LOT LIKE US FOR SOME UNGODLY REASON, BUT WE’RE PRETTY MUCH THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF ALIKE.

EB: Whoa… so you’re a

EB: Bug?

CG: NO TITSCRAPER, I’M NOT A FUCKING BUG, I’M A FUCKING PERSON YOU INSENSITIVE LOUT.

EB: Jeez, sorry. I’m just surprised is all. I thought you had like, 4 limbs though. Don’t insects have 6?

CG: WE START WITH 6. THEN WE PUPATE. BUT I’M NOT GOING TO SIT HERE ON TROLLIAN FOR TEN FUCKING YEARS TEACHING YOU THE INS AND OUTS OF MY NUBILE ALIEN BODY, SO CALM YOUR BULGE AND SHUT THE FUCK UP.

EB: Hehe, Karkat, you’re grumpier than usual today.

CG: THAT IS IN FACT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I AM FORCED TO SLEEP WITHOUT SOPOR AND THEN DRIVE FOR 16 MORE GODFORSAKEN HOURS TO AN EMPTY HIVE, AND THEN DEAL WITH YOUR BULLSHIT, YES.

EB: You slept?

CG: YES, AND IT WAS PREDICTABLY ATROCIOUS.

EB: I’m sorry Karkat :( I didn’t mean to interrogate you while you were upset.

CG: I’M NOT UPSET, I’M JUST BLOODY PISSED, WHICH ISN’T EXACTLY ABNORMAL FOR ME.

EB: Oh. Well, I’m still sorry. There’s slime now though, right?

CG: NOPE, BECAUSE PAST ME IS A HEADSTRONG ASSHOLE AND FORGOT THAT THE SOPOR ISN’T BEING DELIVERED FOR FIVE MORE DAYS.

EB: Are you going to try and go without sleeping that whole time? :/

CG: YES, AND I’M GOING TO SUCCEED.

EB: Well, as long as you’re awake when we get here!

CG: OF COURSE I’LL BE AWAKE WHEN YOU GET HERE, WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT LEADER WOULD I BE IF I WAS TAKING A FUCKING BEAUTY NAP WHEN OUR SUBJECTS ARRIVED?

EB: Hehe, okay. I’ll see you soon, Karkat.

CG: REGRETTABLY, YES.

EB: Bye :)

CG: SUCK MY NOOK JOHN HUMAN

\---

Jane approaches Dave’s door and hesitates for a moment before knocking. She knows Dirk is right, she won’t really figure out her feelings without seeing him more, but she doesn’t want to face him after the previous morning’s events.

Before she can knock, the door slides open, and Dave is about a foot from her face.

“Oh, what’s up Jane?” he says. She clasps her hands together unconsciously.

“Nothing,” she says. “Just saying hi I guess.”

“You doing ok? This morning you were acting funky,” he asks. She nods.

“Sorry about that,” she says. “I just get grumpy sometimes in the morning.

“Mmk,”he says. “So you wanna come in or something? I mean, I was just going to get a snack. I can chill.” She nods, and they go inside. “What’s on your mind, then?”

“I… don’t know what my feelings for Jake are anymore,” she says. “I’ve liked him since we were ten… but I don’t know, Rose said it might just be infatuation, and I don’t even know how I would tell, and I really don’t WANT to like him, it would be a lot less hurtful that way…” Dave sits in his desk chair and leans all the way back.

“Well, I mean, what do you like about him?” he asks, twirling the pen to his tablet in his fingers.

“A lot,” she says lamely.

“No come on,” Dave says, leaning forward and pointing the pen at her.

“Uh… well, I like how excited he gets over dumb things, and how nice he always is to me, and how much fun we have together, and… I dunno. I guess I really haven’t thought about it in a while,” she says, looking at him nervously.

“Well, if you haven’t thought about it in a while, how do you know you’re not just riding feelings from years ago?” he says.

“I don’t….”

“Well, figure it out then,” he says with a shrug. “It’d be easier, right? If you end up deciding you don’t really have that strong of feelings for him, you won’t be so sad, and you can go scope out hot alien men once we get to Alternia.” Jane blushes, and throws a pillow at him.

“Dave!” she objects. “I am not going to scope out hot alien men! That’s just weird, they’re not even the same species!!” Dave chuckles and hands the pillow back to her. She holds it with her arms crossed under it, and she can smell his scent on it. It’s similar to his brother’s but not quite. It’s a nice smell, and she finds herself bringing the pillow closer.

“Earth to Jane,” Dave says.

“Hm?”

“I said, sure you aren’t.” Jane throws the pillow at him again, happy to get rid of it. Dave adjusts his shades. “Well, either way. Figure out how you feel, and go from there. It’d be way easier for me if you gave up on the J-man.” Jane blushes.

“And w-why is that?” she sputters. Dave shrugs.

“Cause then my friend and my twin bro aren’t into the same dude,” he says casually. Jane nods.

“Right,” she says. Dave leans forward and puts a hand on her knee.

“You seriously okay? You’re acting way different than you were the other day,” he asks.

“I’m fine, Dave,” she sighs. “Just working things out in my own head. Thanks.” He shrugs.

“Okay, if you say so.” Jane stands up from the edge of his bed.

“Thanks for talking,” she says quietly.

“It’s cool, I told you you could,” he says. “Hey.” She looks up at him, and he’s got his arms raised for a hug. She pauses for a moment, but steps forward and hugs him, clutching at the back of his shirt. His scent is all around her, and she’s thankful he can’t see her blushing face. He thumps her on the back twice and lets her go with a smirk.

“Thanks,” she says.

“It’s good.” She nods one more time and hurriedly leaves his room, more conflicted than ever.

\---

Over the next several days, the ship drifts through Alternia’s arm of the galaxy, and the ship’s crew starts coming down to the kids’ sector to give them briefings. Jade spends more and more time at the bridge with her grandpa, and John and Jake get more restless with excitement.

“Okay, the eight of you are going to be the first to disembark,” the officer says. “You will arrive at the designated coordinates, and Ambassador Harley will ensure that the environment is safe and satisfactory. He will then leave you with the Alternians you will be staying with. The leader of these is Karkat, who will guide you through the procedure of installing your translator chips. After than point, you will be able to understand their speech, and they will give you further instructions.” John grins.

“I can’t wait to meet Karkat,” he says to Rose. “All the other trolls too!”

“Do you know any of their names?” Rose asks.

“Uhh, I think there’s one called Kanaya, and one called Terezi,” he says. “And maybe a Sollus? I don’t quite remember. But we’ll learn them!” Rose smiles.

“That is all you will need to know for now,” the officer says. “Assistants will come to get you into your suits for depressurization in two days.” He leaves, and Jake jumps up from his chair.

“Two days! We’re going to be there in no time!” he cries. Dirk smiles at him.

“Yes,” Jade says happily. “I can’t wait to meet our new friends!”

\---

Karkat, meanwhile, is alone and bored, when a chime sounds from outside. He opens the front door to see a large silo of sopor being tipped up onto its base next to the hive. Thank fuck, now he can sleep.

“That’ll be 20 boonbucks for the whole thing,” the delivery troll says.

“Yeah, I’ve got it,” Karkat says, pulling out his wallet and handing him a wad of bills. His friends had better pay him back. He opens the hatch to the sopor reservoir and the delivery troll opens the valve on the silo. Hundreds of gallons of sopor slime flow into the reservoir, ready to be pumped into the recuperacoons. This much slime will last them for months.

“You’re all set,” the troll says.

“Thanks.” Karkat closes the hatch, and runs back inside and up the stairs. He turns the handle on the intake to his recuperacoon and sighs as is fills up with fresh, green slime. He strips naked, seeing as nobody is around who could walk in on him, and settles into the soft, healing cocoon happily. He lets his head slip under the surface and hazily drifts off, dreaming peacefully this time.

\---

The gray, clouded surface of Alternia looms below. Its purple moon floats in the distance, and Dave wonders if landing will be any easier than launching. He sits still as the crewman straps him into his seat again, and he sighs. He has his shades on under his helmet this time. A quick glance around the room tells him that his friends are nervously hoping the same thing he is- that this is quicker and less traumatizing than liftoff.

The crewman leave after a quick inspection of the harnesses, and the 8 kids wait in silence, separated from each other by their spacesuits despite their proximity. A familiar robotic voice sounds, and each of them press the button indicating that they’re clear for descent.

The descent is worse than the liftoff. Their ears pop and their bodies feel like they’ll tear from their seats. Roxy looks like she’s going to vomit, and Dave feels like he might. The spaceship is picking up speed, screaming towards the surface of the alien planet, when suddenly everything comes to a rather peaceful halt. Dave opens his eyes. His friends are bewildered, and everthing around him is tinted blue. The air is rife with sparks, and everything is uneasily quiet. The ship begins a much calmer, slower descent, and Dave releases his death grip on the armrests. He looks through the viewport at the planet’s surface, and can see a tiny dot growing larger, until he can make out the shape of a house. The house is like a mansion, and it doesn’t look too extremely unlike a human house.

As they come closer, Dave can make out 11 people standing outside, all gray with a pair of orange horns in their black hair. One of them is glowing blue and red, levitating off the ground, which is kind of freaky. The ship slows down more, and Dave feels it rest on the ground with a soft thud. The crewmen return after about 10 minutes to get them out of their seats.

“Whoa,” John says, removing his helmet. Roxy removes hers next, and pukes into it. Jane winces and removes her own.

“Rox…” she says.

“What, where else should I puke?”

“Right this way, please!” Jade’s grandpa booms. The rest of the teens take off their helmets, and Ambassador Harley leads them to the exit hatch. “Your belongings will be unloaded while we inspect the house. Come with me.”

John steps out of the hatch first, and looks around at the kids in front of him. They’re all in simple clothes, each bearing a zodiac symbol somewhere. Their skin is stone-gray, and their eyes are startlingly yellow. John steps forward nervously, and the most imposing of them comes to greet him. He wears a Sagittarius symbol on a black muscle shirt, and cracked sunglasses. He holds up a tiny metal device and gestures to his own pointed ear. John looks back at the others.

“He is showing you the translator chip that will be installed in each of your left ears,” the ambassador explains. “He will likely be the one to implant it.” A shorter, thinner troll approaches next, and says something irritably to the Sagittarius. This troll wears a gray Cancer symbol on a long sleeved t-shirt, and has smaller horns than the rest.

John is taken aback by the harsh sound of the Alternian language. It is composed mainly of sharp sounds and clicks, and it doesn’t sound like anything to him at all. The smaller troll, who has a scowl etched into his face and bags under his eyes, approaches John’s party. He points to the house, and the kids obediently follow. John wonders if this is Karkat.

The troll who might be Karkat takes them upstairs and gestures at the doors. Each of them is able to identify his or her room thanks to the symbols. Inside of each is a simple bed, a desk, a chair, a dresser, and a closet. The rooms are small and humble, but suitable for humans. The teens take a moment to remove their spacesuits, and before long, the Sagittarius troll is at the top of the stairs, shouting something in Alternian. The kids poke their heads out of their rooms, and he beckons for them to follow.

\---

The basement of the house is much different from the rest. It is dark and sterile, like an old laboratory, and there are robot parts everywhere. Dirk grins at the mess. The Sagittarius instructs them each to sit, except for Dirk, who he leads over to his workbench. He, a female troll with a Virgo sign on her dress, and the one who may or may not be Karkat gather round, and the female places a mask over Dirk’s face. Soon, the blonde is unconscious, and the imposing troll begins to insert small tools into his left ear. Jake looks indignant, and Dave chooses to look away. The whole operation takes all of ten minutes, and after he is down with Dirk, the large troll carries him like a bride over to the wall and sets him on the ground.

Each of the kids receives an implant, until John is the only one left. He looks nervously at the pile of his unconscious friends on the floor, and looks up at the troll he thinks is Karkat.

“Karkat?” he says hesitantly. The Cancer’s ears twitch, and he looks at John.

“Chahn?” Karkat says harshly. John can’t tell if that’s because of the nature of his language, or the nature of his temper. John smiles up at the troll, and Karkat nods briefly before the female fits him with the mask. He quickly passes out, and the Alternian voices around him fade into nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, they're finally on Alternia! Sorry if it seems like I rushed it, I just really didn't have much more for the kids to do on that spaceship. Jane isn't going to stop being wishy washy in just one week, heheh. So yes, they have arrived, and the next chapter will have all sorts of wonderful human/troll interaction. Til next time!


	14. Zodiac

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trolls explain their connection to the zodiac.

John wakes up in a relatively normal bedroom. He is on a slightly lumpy mattress, and the walls are bare, but there is a normal desk and chair, the only thing that’s truly strange is the window. It has twelve panes arranged in a plus shape, which is pretty unconventional. The window is heavily tinted, so despite it being day, the room is rather dark.

He leaves the room, noting the green ghost symbol on the door, and goes over to the room with the scratched record symbol on it.

“Dave?” he asks.

“Nnn,” is the apathetic reply. John hears some shuffling about, and the door opens to a yawning Dave. “Sup,” he says.

“I just woke up,” John says. “My ear hurts, how’s yours?” Dave grimaces.

“Awful,” he says. “It feels like someone drove a nail into my eardrum, and my hearing’s just off enough for me to notice. I’m sure bro’s having a fit.” John nods, gingerly reaching a finger into his ear and touching the metal. It hurts, and he winces.

“John, Dave, good morning!” Jade says from her doorway.

“Hey Jade!” John greets her. “How are you?” She rubs the side of her head.

“My ear is killing me,” she says.” I’m guessing it’s the same for you?” They nod.

“I’m really excited to meet the trolls though,” John says. “Right before he put me under, I said Karkat’s name, and it sounded like he said mine. It was cool.”

“Which one is Karkat? And how did you know?” Jade asks.

“He’s the one with the gray cancer sign on his shirt,” says John. “Hehe, he’s a lot smaller than I thought he’d be.”

“Who, Karkat? Don’t let him hear you say that!” a cheerful voice says behind them. John turns around to see a perky female troll with a green jacket on over her Leo shirt. John smiles.

“Hi! I’m John,” he offers.

“I’m Nepeta! It’s so good to meet you, I’m sure we’ll be great furiends.” She pulls him into a friendly hug.

“It’s good to meet you too!” he agrees.

“Come on guys, evfurryone’s waiting downstairs to meet you! Get the other humans up so they can join in too,” she says. John is a little thrown off by her speech. Her voice sounds perfectly natural, and in clear English, but when she speaks, her lips don’t move with the words that he hears. She scampers back down the stairs, and Jade grins.

“She’s so bubbly! I was kind of scared they’d be too different for us to relate to, but Nepeta seems really awesome!” she says.

“Yeah, I told you Karkat was pretty normal,” John chuckles. “Relatively speaking.” Dave raps on the door with the orange hat symbol.

“Dirk!” he calls. Dirk opens the door after a moment, looking irritable.

“Hey bro,” he says. “this stupid translator device is fucking with my head something awful.” Dave smirks.

“Called it.”

“Shut up,” Dirk says. “You don’t understand, I’m 100% aware of every part of my body. It’s part of being such a fucking ninja master, and this thing is painful and heavy and it fucks with my hearing.”

“Oh, deal with it, princess,” Dave says. “You’re gonna get your dress all knotted up, and then where will we be? What if they don’t have tailors on Alternia?” Dirk scowls.

“Not now bro,” he says with a sigh. “What are we doing now anyway?”

“Meeting the trolls!” Jade says happily. “They’re all gathered downstairs to meet us.” She knocks on Jake’s door, and he comes out with a hand clutching his ear. Dirk’s mood seems to perk up instantly as he walks over to his boyfriend.

Once all 8 of them are gathered, they head down the stairs as a group, arriving in a large foyer.

“In here!” Nepeta calls from the living room. They turn, and see 10 gray skinned teenagers with orange eyes and horns looking back at them. John smiles and leads his friends over to the three empty couches facing the trolls. He, Jake, and Jade, seated on one couch, can barely contain their excitement, while Dave, Dirk, and Rose, on another, look indifferent. Jane and Roxy take the last, and while Roxy looks preoccupied with the pain in her ear, Jane seems rather nervous.

“Welcome,” the Virgo troll says calmly. Her voice is like warm velvet, and it puts Jane at ease instantaneously. “It’s wonderful to see you all awake. How are your ears?” She gestures to her own gray, pointed ear.

“They hurt,” Rose says. “But none of us seem to have any complications.”

“Perfect,” the Virgo continues. “We all gathered for you so we could introduce ourselves all at once. My name is Kanaya Maryam, and I’m very pleased to meet you all.”

“That’s a beautiful name,” Jade marvels.

“Thank you,” says Kanaya. “I am a Jade blood, and my primary interests are fashion and writing.” She motions to the troll next to her, a girl with red glasses and a cane.

“Hey!” the girl says, turning so the humans can see the Libra sign on her shirt. “I’m Terezi Pyrope! I like role playing, I’m aspiring to be a legislacerator, and I’m pretty damn blind. Oh, and I’m a teal blood.”

“My name is Equius Zahhak, and I am a high blue blood,” the large, intimidating Sagittarius troll speaks up. “I construct robots, and I am exceptionally _strong_.” He nods to the next troll in line, a boy with very large horns.

“Uh, hi everyone,” the Tauros says. “I’m Tavros Nitram. I like to play games, and I guess read fantasy stories…” he trails off, looking a little self-conscious. John smiles at him reassuringly.

“Tavros forgot to mention he’s a brown blood,” the Aquarius troll says airily. “My name is Eridan Ampora, a seadweller, and a purple blood. I serve Her Grace Feferi Peixes, Empress of Alternia .” Nepeta rolls her eyes at him and clears her throat.

“And I am Nepeta Leijon! I like anything to do with cats. I also like hunting, tea, roleplaying,  and shipping!” she says resolutely. Equius clears his throat, and she adds “Also I’m olive-blooded.”

“I’m Vriska Serket, a psychic cerulean blood, and I’m the luckiest troll alive,” the Scorpio girl says. “I like extreme roleplaying, treasure, and winning!” She laughs, and nods to the troll next to her, a skinny boy with 3D glasses and a Gemini on his shirt.

“Alright alright. I’m Sollux Captor. I program and hack computers. I’m a psionic, yellow blood,” he says, folding his arms.

“Hey motherfuckers. It’s cool to finally up and meet you all,” the Capricorn troll says lazily. “I’m Gamzee Makara, and I spend my days relaxin’ and just spending time with my bros.” He sips a Faygo, which all of the humans are surprised to see on Alternia.

“Highblood, your blood color,” Equius says nervously.

“Indigo, brother,” Gamzee says with a thumbs up in the sweaty troll’s direction.

“And I’m Karkat Vantas, I’m leading this operation and you can bring any grievances to me,” Karkat says with a grimace. “I enjoy film, and I choose not to disclose my blood color to you.” John grins.

“It’s great to meet you, Karkat,” he says.

“I see that your brain is deficient as ever,” Karkat retorts.

“Karkles be nice to our humans,” Terezi scolds him. “Don’t worry about him, he’s just a grouchy brat.”

“Why don’t you shut the fuck up and stop making me look bad in front of the subjects?!” Karkat snaps at her, standing from his seat. He really isn’t tall, and he’s rather scrawny too. From the looks of him, John guesses that he weighs about 120 lbs.

“Now now, Karkat, no need to get upset,” Kanaya soothes. “Terezi, don’t bait him. We still need to hear from our guests. Would you tell us your names?” Karkat mutters under his breath and sits down with a huff, and Terezi sticks her tongue out at him.

“Hi everyone,” John says. “I’m John Egbert. I’m really excited to be here with you guys, and I can’t wait to get to know you. I like movies, magic, and video games.” He smiles brightly, and nudges Jade.

“I’m Jade Harley! I like science, gardening, dolls, and music,” she says. “Jake?” Jake clears his throat.

“My name is Jake English, and I love movies, guns, and adventure,” he says enthusiastically. “I’m so pumped to be here on your planet.” Dirk smiles at him.

“Dirk Strider,” he says casually. “I build robots, turn tables, and swordfight.”

“And I’m his twin brother, Dave Strider,” says Dave. “I draw comics and blog, and I also dj and fuck around with swords.” Terezi giggles.

“Hello everybody, it’s wonderful to meet you,” Rose begins. “My name is Rose Lalonde. I am interested in psychology, and I like to knit and write.” She nods to Roxy.

“My name’s Roxy Lalonde, I’m Rose’s sister, and I like drinking, reading, chemistry, and writing,” Roxy says. “Janey?” Jane swallows.

“I’m Jane Crocker, and I like to bake. I want to be a detective,” she says shyly.

“Really? I didn’t know that,” Dave says. Jane sits back against the couch, nodding.

“Well, now that we’ve all introduced ourselves,” Kanaya begins. “I would like to apologize for the absence of our 11th person. Aradia Megido is unable to be here right now, and will likely be joining us in a week or so.” Sollux suddenly looks uncomfortable, Rose notices.

“So,” John begins. “the symbols on your shirts are all zodiac signs. Why are you wearing them? I didn’t think you’d even know about those symbols, I mean, they’re constellations visible from Earth.” Karkat grumbles something, and Nepeta speaks up.

“We were all part of a study when we were first pupated,” she says. “Humans arrived here for the first time ever, and they wanted to study trolls. So they found 12 kids who coincidentally had symbols they recognized, and that was us.”

“Were the studies… inhumane?” Jane asks.

“No,” Equius says. “They were simple case studies of our lifestyles. The primary focus was to observe our interactions and relationships with our lusii. We were unharmed.”

“Lusii?” Jade asks.

“Our custodians. Each newly pupated troll is chosen by a creature called a Lusus, and the Lusus cares for the troll. The troll, in turn, takes care of the Lusus’ basic needs, and occasionally, demands,” Kanaya says.

“Yes,” says Equius. “We were studied, and left to our lives. Because of the study, we remained in contact with one another. Some of us became friends, and others chose to abstain from interacting. And when your expedition was scheduled, the humans contacted us again to ask us to participate in another program.”

“So the zodiac thing is just a cool coincidence?” John asks.

“Of that, we are not sure,” Kanaya says. “There is speculation that our ancestors had some influence at some point in your planet’s history.”

“Whoa, what?” Jake interjects.

“First, you must understand this,” Kanaya continues. “In our culture, it is often believed that a troll’s ancestor is directly tied to his fate. The ancestors are our closest genetic match, and share our signs and surnames. The twelve of our ancestors were all linked in some way, and the twelve of us continue to be linked today.”

“That sounds kinda superstitious,” Dirk says skeptically.

“To you it may,” Kanaya concedes. “But it is a well-documented phenomenon in our society. Ancestors and descendants often have ties too clear to ignore. Terezi and Vriska’s relationship with one another is a direct continuation of the relationship between their ancestors, for example. And Eridan’s service to Her Grace mirrors his ancestor’s service to Her ancestor, Her Imperious Condescension. If it is true that our ancestors had a tie to your planet, then our presence in your company also reinforces the idea.”

“So, your ancestors supposedly visited Earth?” John asks.

“No, their influence would have been much less direct,” Kanaya clarifies. “Her Imperious Condescension was a galactic conqueror whose life spanned thousands of years. As you may know, Alternian history is much, much longer than your own.”

“Yes, though due to the violent nature of your society, progress and innovation were significantly slower in your society,” Rose adds.

“Yes. That is correct,” says Kanaya. “But continuing on, the Condesce, as she has been called, conquered planets and systems all over the galaxy. She kept detailed logs of her travels, and one of the planets she wrote about may well have been your own. This planet was said to be similar to our own, and her intention was to manipulate the evolution of that planet’s creatures to produce troll-esque people. Once those people had established society, she intended to take control of them and rule them. It was like a game to her, she was honestly quite barbaric even by our history’s standards.”

“She intended to, yes, but what happened?” asks Rose.

“Simple,” Kanaya says, turning to face her. “She was stopped. The ship that she piloted was much faster than the others in her fleet, and that was a widely known fact. There was a rebellion, led by Tavros’ ancestor, often called the Summoner. The Summoner took advantage of her ship’s speed, and intercepted her at the planet before the rest of her fleet could arrive. She was injured in the ensuing battle, and forced to retreat.”

“The Summoner had a powerful gift, one that Tavros shares,” she continues. “He had psychic influence over animals, and he likely used that influence to communicate the 12 signs of our ancestors to the aliens somehow.”

“But that only accounts for Taurus,” Roxy says. “What about the other 11 symbols? Why would he include those in the message?”

“I’m glad you asked,” says Kanaya. “First, I should mention that Her Grace Feferi Peixes was one of the 12 of us chosen for the humans’ study. Her sign, shared with the Condesce, is among those the Summoner sent to the planet.”

“So that’s Pisces,” Roxy nods.

“Aradia’s ancestor, the Handmaid, was killed by the Condesce. This happened shortly before the Summoner’s interaction with the planet. Her sign is shaped like this.” Kanaya makes a v with her fingers.

“Aries,” Jake says.

“Sollux’s ancestor was one of the most unfortunate beings in history,” Kanaya says. “He was a part of another rebellion, and his psionic powers attracted the attention of the Condesce. The Helmsman, as he was called, was forced to use his powers to propel her ship at incredible speeds. This was physically and mentally torturous for him, and he lived far longer than his natural lifespan thanks to her interference. Karkat’s ancestor was called the Sign-“

“Sufferer,” Karkat snaps.

“Yes, the Sufferer,” Kanaya resumes, looking a bit miffed. “He led the rebellion the Helmsman was a part of. He was in love with the Disciple, Nepeta’s ancestor and his closest follower. He was raised by the Dolorosa, my ancestor. This behavior is extremely uncommon, but when she found the Sufferer without a lusus, she raised him as her own.”

“Why didn’t he have a lusus?” Roxy asks.

“He just didn’t,” Karkat growls. “The next one Is Redglare. She’s Terezi’s, and she apprehended Vriska’s.”

“Marquise Spinneret Mindfang,” Vriska adds proudly.

“Yes,” Kanaya says, sounding exasperated. “Mindfang was a gamblignant, or pirate. She was the Summoner’s Matesprit, but he was also the one to kill her.”

“Matesprit?” says Jane.

“Lover,” Kanaya says. “Significant other, etc. We can explain the troll romantic system later. Onward is Executor Darkleer, Equius’ ancestor and a servant of the Grand HIghblood. The Grand Highblood being Gamzee’s ancestor. Darkleer famously spared the Disciple’s life when he was ordered to kill her, and was banished. Eridan’s ancestor was Orphaner Dualscar, a servant of the Condesce, and Mindfang’s Kismesis. That word will also be explained.”

“Okay, wow, so the Summoner guy thought they were are important to his rebellion?” Roxy asks.

“That much is unclear,” Kanaya admits. “It is speculated that he simply thought them to be the most important trolls in his time, or that he thought their connection to one another was important for reasons he did not understand.”

“That’s incredible,” Rose speaks up. “He left a message to another world, one that he had saved and would leave behind. A message about his people, and what they did. Did he fear that Alternia and its people would be wiped out and forgotten? Or did he only want to share their story across the galaxy without interfering the way the Condesce did?”

“Psychoanalytical commentary provided by Rose,” Dave jeers.

“Quit your sassing or you’ll be next,” she retorts, prodding his tender left ear.

“Fuck!” he exclaims. “You fight dirty.” Rose grins deviously and turns to Karkat.

“Karkat,” she says. “I’m curious. What about your ancestor’s history is so troublesome to you?”

“Next topic!” Karkat barks. “Troll romance! Nepeta, help me out here.”

\---

After several hours of cultural exchange and learning about one another, the trolls and humans disperse from the living room.

“How’s your ear holding up, Jake?” Dirk asks, catching his boyfriend by the sleeve. Jake turns and flashes a big grin. He looks exhausted.

“It still aches pretty bad,” he says. “How about yours?”

“I’m getting used to it,” says Dirk.

“What do you think of the trolls?”

“I think they’re rad, but totally crazy in the romance sense,” Dirk says. “The idea of banging one guy you like and one guy you hate is just a little off-putting to me.”

“I don’t understand the pale and ashen stuff,” Jake says.

“I think I get the pale stuff. It’s just committing to look after one another, and that’s pretty sweet, I guess. The ashen stuff is beyond me though.”

“You’re not so bad with the Redrom stuff though,” Jake says playfully. Dirk raises an eyebrow.

“Am I to take that as a pickup line?” he asks, smirking slightly.

“Maybe it is!” Jake says indignantly, color rising in his face. He bends over and literally picks Dirk up, shakily holding him bridal style. Dirk throws his head back and laughs.

“Oh Jake, my hero,” he teases.

“You’re the one who’s always being kissing me and flirting with me, I can do that stuff too!” Jake says. Dirk loops his arms around Jake’s neck.

“Take me away, then,” he says dramatically. Jake sticks his tongue out and heads for the stairs.

“Think I can make it up two flights with your heavy ass?” he jokes.

“No,” Dirk says matter-of-factly.

“Then I’m gonna.” He hauls his blonde boyfriend up to the second floor, and he’s already out of breath.

“You alright?” Dirk asks.

“Shut up, I’m fine!” says Jake. He readjusts his grip, and carries Dirk up the second flight. “Ha.”

“Okay, okay, but now that you’ve got me, what are you going to do with me?” Dirk asks innocently. Jake knows he’s trying to get him to blush again, so he defiantly heads over to his room and fumbles the door open. He drops Dirk unceremoniously on his bed and walks over to close the door while the other stares, slightly caught off guard.

“Ah, unspeakable things. I see,” Dirk teases. Jake’s cheeks flare red, and Dirk chuckles.

“Shut it you, I swear to god,” Jake sputters. He sits on the edge of the bed, and Dirk sits up to wrap his arms around his shoulders.

“I’m only teasing,” Dirk says softly. He buries his face in the back of Jake’s neck, careful not to poke him with his shades. Jake sighs contentedly as Dirk breathes in his scent. “You smell good…”

“Eh?” Jake says, turning slightly.

“I said you smell good, doofus,” Dirk says. He turns Jake by the shoulders so that they’re face to face, and lays back against the pillow. “Take my shades.” Jake nods, and reaches forward, removing the pointed sunglasses that normally hide his boyfriend’s striking eyes. He sets them on the bedside table and stares down at Dirk’s face. Without his shades, he looks so exposed, and Jake feels like it’s something he shouldn’t be seeing.

“You’re stunning,” Jake admits. He’s still shy about his attraction to the other male, but it’s hard to deny when they’re boyfriends. Dirk smiles softly, a kindness in his eyes no-one else gets to see.

“Mm, am I?” he murmurs. He reaches up and takes Jake’s glasses off of his face. He sets them by his own shades. “Can you still see me okay?”

“Yeah, jeez, I’m not blind just a little nearsighted,” Jake protests. Dirk laughs and reaches down to pull his t-shirt over his head. Jake blushes furiously and looks away instinctively.

“Jake,” Dirk says soothingly. “You’ve seen me without my shirt several times. It’s okay.”

“I know,” Jake sighs, covering his face in embarrassment. “It’s just different when you’re lying _on my bed_.” Dirk chuckles, and pats him on the back.

“It’s okay, really. I understand. If you want me to put it back on, just say the word.” Jake shakes his head no. Dirk may be a little forward, but he never pushes Jake out of his comfort zone and he appreciates it deeply.

“No,” Jake says shyly. “I’m just processing. It’s okay.” He turns, and places a hand on his boyfriend’s chest over his heart. Dirk’s skin is burning hot, and his heart beats slowly and soundly.

“You are beautiful, you know,” the blonde says, staring intensely at Jake.

“I- I’m-“ Jake stammers. Dirk pulls him down by his shirt and kisses him firmly. Jake is getting more and more used to this, and he’s more responsive than ever. Dirk is surprised when he is the one to open his mouth. Dirk runs his tongue lightly across Jake’s top lip, making him shudder. But the other boy does not pull away. Dirk pushes the open overshirt off of Jake’s shoulders, and the latter shrugs it off of his arms entirely. It’s Dirk who breaks the kiss, pushing Jake away lightly.

“Everything okay?” Jake asks.

“Not while you’ve got that t-shirt on,” Dirk says smoothly. Jake blushes, and for a second it looks like he’s going to say no, but he shakes his head and tugs his shirt over his head in one quick motion. Dirk cups his chin to keep him from looking away, and smiles softly at him. “You can put it back on,” he says reassuringly.

“I wouldn’t have taken it off if I wasn’t okay with it,” Jake says. “I trust you.” Dirk smiles, genuine happiness flickering in his eyes.

“Kiss me, Jake,” he breathes, and the other leans over him, touching their warm bodies together as their lips softly meet. Dirk’s arms come up around his boyfriend and pull him closer. Jake shifts so he’s more on top of Dirk, though he’s careful not to let his hips touch him. “Mm…” Dirk hums, pushing his tongue into Jake’s mouth tentatively. Jake surprises him again when he responds with his own, and the two of them kiss for what feels like hours. When they finally break away, Jake is gasping softly.

“Goodness,” he says shyly, pink dusting his cheeks. “I never really expected making out with another dude to be one of my favorite things.” Dirk breaks into a grin and gives him a quick kiss.

“You’re adorable,” he says.

“Am not.”

“Mmm, I’m the authority on the matter,” says Dirk. “I’m your boyfriend, and as your boyfriend I’m pretty well versed in the topic of your cuteness.” Jake blushes and opens his mouth, but before he can protest, Dirk steals another kiss.

“Dirk…” he sighs.

“Yes?”

“I’m really glad I gave you a chance. I would hate to have missed out on this.” Dirk strokes his dark hair away from his face.

“Missed out on what?” he asks.

“Being… happy with you,” Jake says, smiling down at him. “I’m really happy, and I really like you, and if I hadn’t let myself try this out, I would’ve missed out on all this.” Dirk sits up and knocks their foreheads together lightly.

“You make me happy too, Jake,” he says softly. “Thank you for giving me this.” He pulls his boyfriend into a tight hug, which Jake happily returns.

“Do you really think I’m… beautiful?” Dirk chuckles, the low tone making Jake shiver.

“Of course, why would I say so otherwise?” Dirk says.

“I dunno, you’re always teasing me,” Jake mumbles. Dirk strokes the back of his head.

“I think you’re strikingly beautiful,” Dirk says soothingly. “When I first met you I was fortunate to have my shades, because I caught myself watching you.” Jake feels his own face heat up.

“Wow…” he murmurs. “Nobody’s ever really said anything like that to me.”

“It’s their loss, and my gain.” Dirk shrugs. Jake swallows.

“You know…” he says shakily. “I think you’re really attractive too.” Dirk hums into Jake’s shoulder.

“Thanks. I get that a lot.” Jake smacks him on the back of the head, and they chuckle. They hold one another for a good long time, just breathing each other in. And as Dirk closes his eyes and rests his head on Jake’s shoulder, he can think of nowhere he’d rather be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this chapter is late (by my posting standards anyway)! I had to do some planning to make this whole zodiac thing not total bullshit, and I went to visit my best friend from University (because being separated for a week was too hard). I hope the plot shit makes enough sense, and I hope you enjoyed the bit of Dirk/Jake fluff as much as I did >:D I'll try to get the next chapter up on schedule, but I might have to do less frequent updates now that I'm stuck... at home.... do people still do the /shot thing?
> 
> Anyway, I love you all. Happy reading!


	15. Multicultural Clusterfuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Karkat bond over movies (cliche as fuck), Jane gets her shit straightened out, and Dirk is a butt.

Karkat slides into his recuperacoon with an irritated sigh. The slime is comfortable and makes him drowsy, but he can’t seem to relax. John wasn’t supposed to be _gorgeous_. He’s an imbecile who has delusional happy syrup in his dumb human veins, and he should look accordingly stupid. Karkat rolls over restlessly. Flushed attraction is stupid and it’s never given him anything but trouble. He’s been careful to avoid it for the past sweep, and this kid isn’t about to throw a wrench in his plans.

He settles into the slime and closes his eyes. Stupid Egbert. The thought of that name alone is infuriating, getting idiotic messages from him is infuriating, and those blue, blue eyes are especially infuriating. Ugh. Karkat sits up, poking his head out of the cocoon. He grabs a bottle of pills from his bag and takes two of them before settling back into the slime. Sleep aids are his friends. He allows the sopor to envelop him as he closes his eyes and waits for sleep.

\---

When Karkat comes into the kitchen that evening for breakfast, he sees John poring over the contents of the refrigeration unit.

“Oh hi Karkat!” John says cheerfully.

“Hm,” Karkat grunts.

“Not a morning person, eh?”

“It’s evening, and no, I’m not.” John picks up a carton of pink eggs.

“What are these, Karkat?” he asks. “They’re some kind of egg, right?”

“Yes, those are cluckbeast eggs,” Karkat says, rolling his eyes. “Do you not eat eggs on your planet?”

“No, we do,” says John. “They’re just white, not pink.” He takes a moment to figure out the controls on the stove, and starts heating up a frying pan.

“What the hell are you doing?” Karkat asks.

“Scrambling them?” John says as though it’s obvious. Karkat grimaces.

“You _cook_ them? What the fuck is wrong with you people?” John shrugs. He cracks 3 eggs into the pan, and they start to cook. He stirs them around with a fork, humming as he cooks.

“When they’re done, you should try it,” John offers. “I can’t believe you’ve never had scrambled eggs Karkat.” Karkat huffs.

“We’re completely alien to one another, Egbert, is it really so hard to cram into your think pan that we have different ways of preparing eggs?” John giggles.

“Hehe, I guess not. How do you eat them?”

“As they are,” Karkat says. “What are you- hey dipshit, don’t throw that away!” He grabs John’s wrist before he can discard the eggshells.

“Why not, they’re just the shells,” John protests.

“If you aren’t going to eat them, don’t fucking waste them,” says Karkat. He takes one of the shells and pops it into his mouth.

“Ew, Karkat, that’s gross,” John says, scrunching up his face.

“No, the abomination you’re committing towards those eggs is ‘gross’” he retorts.

“Scrambled eggs are normal!”

“I bet you twats cook salad, too.”

“What, no. That would be weird,” John says. Karkat rolls his eyes and finishes crunching on the eggshell. “I think these are about done, seriously, try one!”

“They are white and look like calcified whale snot,” Karkat objects.

“Try it! We’re here to learn about each other,” John insists, holding a piece up to Karkat’s face.

“Fine,” he says with a scowl. “But if you think I’m going to eat it out of your hand like a goddamn pet you’re a special kind of brain damaged.” He bares his sharp teeth to prove his point. John withdraws his hand, eyes wide.

“Fine, fine. Here, have a fork,” he says, handing one to Karkat. The troll takes a bite, and cocks his head to the side slightly.

“These are not quite as disgusting as I thought they’d be,” he admits begrudgingly.

“Hehe, I told you they were good, Karkat.”

“Shut the fuck up.” John just giggles, and Karkat rolls his eyes.

“Hey, you said yesterday that you like movies, right?” John asks.

“Yes, but not anything your species would understand,” he huffs.

“Oh come on, don’t be like that,” says John. “I brought some of my favorite movies, we could watch each other’s!”

“No, that’s retarded,” Karkat says. “I don’t need to watch your earth drivel.”

“I bet it would be good for the reports though.” Karkat mutters something under his breath.

“…Fine. As the leader I guess I can suffer through a few hours of brain-dead fuckery for the good of the team.”

“Hehe, when do you want to get together?” asks John.

“Fucking never, but that’s not one of the options here,” Karkat spits. “Just meet me in my room after dinner.”

“Okay, can do!” John finishes up his eggs, and puts the dishes in the sink. Karkat takes some fruit from the fridge and wanders off to the living room with it.

“Hey KK,” Sollux says over his shoulder.

“Since when are you ever up before midnight?” says Karkat. Sollux shrugs.

“Had to set up the servers. Someone around here has to do some actual work.”

“Fuck you, you know that?” Karkat shoots. “I was here a week before any of you grubfuckers, and without slime.”

“Yeah, because you’re a dumbass,” Sollux counters. “And what did you accomplish all week besides having hellacious nightmares?”

“I don’t have to answer to your mutated ass, Captor,” Karkat spits.

“Thuit yourself,” Sollux lisps. He curses under his breath.

“You’re still trying to stop that lisp? That’s another one way ticket to self-loathing.”

“Shut the fuck up, I don’t need bullshit from you, Mr. Mystery Blood.” Karkat bristles.

“Fuck off Sollux, you shiteating nooksucker.”

“Ehehehe.” Karkat rolls his eyes and goes back upstairs to his room.

\---

“Hey, you’re Sollux, right?” Sollux looks up towards the doorway. Roxy is standing there, holding her computer.

“Yeah,” he says.

“Nepeta told me you’re the one to ask about computer stuff, y’got a spare second?” she asks, plopping down beside him on the couch.

“No, but I always get roped into this kind of shit anyway so what do you need?” he sighs. Roxy giggles.

“It won’t start properly. I think it got screwy during the landing. By the way, that thing you did with our ship was pretty boss.” Sollux takes the laptop and shrugs.

“It’s what I’m good for,” he says. “Fuck, what are these characters?” He stares at the keyboard.

“Haha, I forgot you wouldn’t recognize our alphabet,” she says.

“Whatever, if I need to type anything I’ll just have you do it,” he says, annoyed. Roxy just giggles.

“You need to relax,” she says. Sollux snorts, and starts messing around with her computer.

“You don’t have to fucking watch,” he says irritably.

“I know,” she says. “But I have nothing better to do.” He sighs and roughly hands her the computer.

“It should work now, so hop off my bulge.”

“What?” she says with a giggle.

“It means leave me alone,” he clarifies. She ruffles his hair and stands up. He grumbles and smooths it back down. “What is your malfunction,” he hisses.

“You need to relax,” she reiterates. “Thanks for the tech support!” She leaves, and he sighs irritably. Humans and their lack of personal boundaries.

\---

After dinner is over, John seeks out Karkat’s room with an armful of movies. He knocks on the door marked with a Cancer sign. Karkat opens the door silently and lets him inside.

“Whoa, what is that?” John asks, pointing at his recuperacoon.

“It’s where I sleep,” says Karkat.

“It’s like a little pod,” John observes. He peeks inside. “Whoa, you weren’t kidding when you were talking about slime.”

“Why would I joke about that shit, are we going to watch movies or aren’t we?” John nods, and sets his stack of movies down next to the tv. He sits on the couch and watches Karkat leaf through his collection.

“What are we going to watch first?” he asks. Karkat puts a disc in the player.

“In which two female trolls on opposing sides of a conflict enter into a kismesissitude, but one is jealous of the other’s matesprit and wishes to flip their relationship into the flushed quadrant, and the other finds out and breaks things off with her kismesis, but when her matesprit dies, she has no one else to turn to and develops red feelings for her ex-kismesis.”

“Karkat, you just spoiled the whole movie,” John complains.

“That’s the tile, shitwit, just stay put and watch,” Karkat growls. John does as instructed, and Karkat shuts off the lights. The movie starts, and John quickly becomes confused by the blackrom interaction, and looks at Karkat occasionally. He doesn’t dare ask what’s going on, the troll looks so immersed in the movie. After a while, when the red feelings start to come into play, John begins to understand a little better, and finds that he actually enjoys the movie somewhat. Even if it is a romcom. He can’t help but giggle under his breath at Karkat’s taste in movies, it seems so uncharacteristic of the grouchy troll. Once the movie is over, John grins.

“That was good, thanks for showing me,” he says. Karkat nods.

“It’s one of my favorites,” he says. “Did you actually understand it?”

“A lot of the black stuff went over my head ,but I mean, I got the red parts. Hehe, I didn’t take you for a romcom guy, Karkat.”

“Oh shut your windhole Egbert, your inability to understand good cinema isn’t my fucking problem.” John giggles, and Karkat rolls his eyes. “Let’s see your movies, if you’re so smug.” John presents Con-Air, smiling confidently. Karkat puts it into the player after carefully returning his movie to its case.

John watches Karkat occasionally to see his reaction to his favorite film. To his surprise, the troll isn’t making faces and grousing about it at all, he actually seems kind of enthralled. When the ending scene plays, he sees Karkat huddle his knees up to his body and rest his chin on them, staring intently at the screen.

“I guess I underestimated your shitty movies,” Karkat admits. “That was… really good.” John smiles.

“I knew you’d love it Karkat! It’s my favorite movie, I don’t see how anyone could dislike it. Dave’s crazy.” John gushes. Karkat hands him the disc.

“Are all of your movies action movies?” he asks.

“No, I’ve got some others,” John says. “Action is my favorite though.”

“Do your human friends have any human romcoms?” he asks, sounding a little embarrassed.

“I’m sure Jade does!” John says. “She loves them, I can ask her next time I run into her.”

“Hm,” Karkat acknowledges. “Do you have time for another movie?” As much as he dislikes admitting it, he’s having a pretty good time.

“Sure thing!” says John. “One of yours, or one of mine?”

“One of mine,” Karkat says as if it’s obvious. “How does In which a young male seadweller is flushed for a female mustard-blood, but she is taken to serve as the subjugglators’ personal slave, and he has to oppose their will to win the freedom of the mustard-blood, who then returns his affections? That sounds a little more straightforward for a human’s little think pan.”

“Are all your movies seriously titled like that?” John asks, bewildered.

“Yes,” says Karkat. “Television shows are not, thankfully. But most all films are.”

“That’s silly,” John giggles.

“No it isn’t. Alternian film is perfect, show some goddamn respect.” The opening credits of the movie play, and John tunes in. Karkat was right, this movie is much easier for him to follow, but there is a lot of troll political jargon that he’s not quite sure on. He focuses instead on the romance aspects, and finds it to be a pretty touching story, and… whoa, is the main subjugglator played by a troll version of Gary Busey? He looks at the back of the box, and sure enough, Troll Gary Busey. Huh.

About halfway through the movie, during a particularly long discussion of politics and blood, John drifts off, slumping to the side and resting his head a few inches from Karkat. Karkat looks down at him. His glasses are crooked, and his hair is everywhere. It’s undeniably cute.

“Fuck,” he hisses under his breath. He looks away and continues watching his movie, but after 15 or so minutes, John starts to snore lightly. Karkat glares down at him and whacks him in the head with a pillow.

“Ahh!” John starts, sitting upright in confusion.

“You fell asleep and started snoring through the movie, shithead,” Karkat scolds. John rubs his eyes under his glasses.

“Sorry Karkat, I didn’t mean to blow off your movie or anything,” he says. Karkat rolls his eyes.

“If you’re tired go to fucking sleep in your human bed, I don’t need you drooling all over the place in my block,” he grouses. John giggles.

“Yeah, okay,” he says. “Thanks for watching movies with me.”

“Yeah, whatever. It’ll be good for the report.”

“Hehe, goodnight Karkat,” John says. Karkat snorts and turns back to the television. John closes the door and goes upstairs to his own room, yawning quietly. He changes into pajamas and reclines on the homemade mattress, gingerly setting his glasses on the bedside table. _Karkat is so much fun_ , he thinks to himself. _We’re going to be great friends._

\---

A week goes by, and the trolls and humans begin to adjust to each other’s lifestyles. The humans get used to eating the food and sleeping during the day, and the two groups begin to mingle and get to know each other. But all that’s on Jane’s mind when she walks over to Roxy’s room is her human friends.

“Ro-lal, you in there?” She calls through the door.

“Yeah, come on in!” Roxy replies. Jane opens the door to find Roxy and Jake playing cards.

“Hi Jane!” Jake says cheerfully.

“Hey,” she says. She looks at Roxy. “Can I talk to you?”

“Sure thing girl, sit on down,” Roxy says, patting the floor next to her. Jane sits.

“Should I leave?” asks Jake. Jane thinks for a second, but shakes her head no.

“Actually, no, you should stay,” she decides.

“What’s up bffsy?” Roxy inquires. Jane takes a deep breath.

“Well,” she says, turning to face Jake. “First I have to tell you: I have wanted to date you since we were young.” Jake’s eyes widen.

“Really?” he says.

“Yeah.”

“Why… didn’t you tell me?” he asks.

“I was too shy,” she says, looking down. “I always hoped you’d catch on.” Jake looks guilty.

“I’m really sorry, Jane, I had no idea,” he says remorsefully. She nods.

“I know,” she says.

“So when I got together with Dirk, you stopped talking to me because you were hurt?” Jane looks away.

“…Yeah,” she admits. “I’m sorry. You didn’t know, and you didn’t deserve the way I treated you.” He puts a hand on her shoulder.

“It’s okay Jane, I don’t blame you. I’m sure seeing us together is really hard, I’m so sorry, I can’t believe I never knew any of this,” says Jake.

“It’s okay,” she says. “You can’t read my mind.” Jake nods.

“I can tone it down with Dirk when you’re around,” he offers. She shakes her head.

“No, you shouldn’t do that. You’re happy with him, right?”

“Yes… honestly, I’m really happy,” he says, cheeks flushing pink. “But you’re my best friend, and your feelings are more important than our PDA.”

“That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to Roxy about,” Jane says.

“What’s that?” asks Roxy. Jane takes another deep breath.

“I’m… actually over you.” Roxy’s eyes widen, and Jake looks relieved.

“Seriously girl?” Roxy asks.

“Yeah,” Jane says with a smile. “I really am. I thought about it a lot, after what Dirk said. I think my feelings were based on feelings I had when I was little, and now that things have changed and we’re older, they don’t make as much sense for me.”

“Wait, Dirk talked to you about this?” Jake asks, looking surprised. “Did everyone know but me?”

“Pretty much,” Roxy says. Jake looks down.

“Wow… I’m sorry,” he says.

“It’s okay,” Jane says. “Like I said, I’m not interested in you that way anymore. Well, maybe a little. But… I honestly have my eyes on someone else.” Jake looks back up at her.

“Really? Who?” he asks. She blushes.

“I’ll tell you if you promise not to say anything to anyone.”

“You got it,” he says. Jane hesitates.

“I… I like Dave,” she says finally.

“Whoa, really? Hehe, that’s kind of cool. If you end up dating Dave, we can have conversations about how doofy those twins are.” Jane giggles.

“And I can lament that everyone’s getting a piece of Strider tail but me,” Roxy jokes. Jake and Jane both look flustered, and she laughs.

“You know,” Jane says, standing up. “I’m gonna go talk to him right now!” Roxy smiles.

“Get ‘im girl!” she cheers. Jane nods to them and walks out, aimed at Dave’s room. She knocks at his door.

“Come in,” he says from inside. She opens the door and peeks inside.

“Hi Dave,” she says. He looks up from his laptop.

“Oh hey, how’s it going?” he asks.

“Really well actually,” she says with a smile. “I managed to sort out my feelings for Jake.”

“Not bad, what’s the word?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m over him,” she says. “My feelings for him were very old, and ended up being kinda outdated. Jake’s one of my best friends, but I don’t really think we’re right for each other, you know?” Dave raises an eyebrow.

“You sure about that?” he asks.

“I don’t know if I’m completely over him,” she admits. “But I don’t want to date him anymore. I don’t think it would be right for me. And he seems really happy with your brother.” Dave chuckles.

“Believe me, Dirk is stoked,” he says. “He gets kinda girly about the whole thing, it’s really damn funny.” Jane giggles.

“Girly?”

“Yeah, he gets all worried about how he looks, and he gets insecure, and it’s really unlike him. He’s really into that guy,” says Dave.

“Aww, shucks buster, that’s adorable,” she says. “I hope things work out for them.” Dave smirks and nods.

“Me too. I wanna see bro in a wedding dress.” Jane laughs.

“So you know how I was conflicted and all that?” she asks.

“Yeah, you sorted things out,” says Dave.

“Well, I was working on figuring out a couple of things, and one thing I’ve really come to realize-“

“Bro. You _have_ to come check this shit out. Equius and I just shredded some robots, and now we’re gonna fight hand to hand,” Dirk says, abruptly opening the door. Jane wants to strangle him.

“Aw, are you leaving me, bro? Strifing with another man? I’m heartbroken,” Dave says melodramatically, holding his hands over his heart.

“Dude, if you want to get in on this shit, be my guest, but this guy’s strong as fuck. I don’t expect to get off without some broken bones,” Dirk says.

“Oh, sure, you’re gonna charge right in, but poor sweet Dave is too delicate, eh? I think I can step out of my glass slippers for a sec and try this uptight asshole on for size.” Dirk smirks.

“Be my guest, bro,” he says. Dave looks over at Jane.

“Sorry to run out on you. We’ll talk later, ok?” he says. She nods. Dave goes into the closet to change into some more appropriate clothes, and Jane goes over to Dirk.

“Nice timing, jerk,” she hisses into his ear.

“What did I do?” he whispers back.

“I was going to tell him how I feel,” she whispers. His eyebrows drop sympathetically.

“Aw man, I’m sorry. You can hit me if you like.” She whaps him on the arm jokingly, and he smiles.

“You’ll tell him. I got your back on this,” he whispers. Dave comes out of his closet dressed in a snug UnderArmor shirt and windbreaker pants.

“We gonna do this or what?” he says. Dirk nods, and they head down the stairs. Jane follows, and giggles when she notices how alike their gait and mannerisms are. She shifts her gaze to focus on Dave, and sighs. She’ll just have to tell him later. She won’t make the same mistake she made with the last man she cared for. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo. This chapter is later than my standard updates. But i don't think it's realistic for me to update every day anymore. I did that when I was basically done and riding out the semester, and now I'm really busy and barely have time to write.
> 
> For example, I did a half marathon yesterday. Good god was it insane. The last time I did any kind of running event, it was a 5k when I was 10. Now I'm 20, and I did a freaking half marathon. Mostly just because my dad asked me if I wanted to, and knowing that he missed me and wanted to do stuff with me, I said sure. This was a terrible idea, but I had a great experience. I powerwalked most of it, and pulled a 3:10, which I'm pretty proud of considering my experience. I also met and got to know an awesome lady who was turning 50 and had survived skin and breast cancer. Now my legs are destroyed and I feel ancient, but I'm really glad I did it. Do dumb things on a whim, it's good for you!
> 
> \--E


	16. Beatdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk and Dave take on Equius like the idiots they are.

Equius leads the crowd of humans and trolls outside to a covered path connecting to a warehouse. They walk under the canopy, shaded from the vicious sun, and Equius opens the huge doors to the building. He takes the towel from around his neck and wipes his face with it.

“Those of you who have chosen to watch, I am not responsible for any harm that comes to you. I assure you I will do my absolute best, as I’m sure these two will, to keep you safe,” he says. “I suggest you stand behind that railing.” He points a clawed finger at a raised platform with a safety rail. Jane, Jake, Rose, Nepeta, Vriska, and Terezi do as instructed, and watch as Equius, Dave, and Dirk clear the last of the robot parts from the wide open warehouse floor.

“So what kinda rules are we working with?” Dirk asks, cracking his knuckles with a smirk.

“It will be hand-to-hand, no weapons, and I will refrain from using my claws,” Equius explains. “Head blows are forbidden, bone bulge blows are forbidden, excuse my language, and when an opponent taps out, you stop. I suggest the two of you come at me as a team.” Dirk looks at Dave.

“You heard the man, let’s gang up and thrash his gray butt,” he says with a wink. Dave nods and gives him a thumbs up.

“Shall we begin?” Equius asks, rolling his head to pop his neck.

“Hell yeah,” Dave says, taking a fighting stance.

Dirk makes the first charge, running at Equius and flash-stepping around him expertly, he lands a jab to the ribs, but the troll’s musculature is thick and he doesn’t get an effective hit. His second punch, right after the first, is aimed for Equius’ kidney (they have those, right?) but the blueblood parries with a downfist and Dirk jumps back. Dave is instantly upon him, kicking sharply at the back of his knee and causing him to falter, but when he leaps to take advantage of the troll’s misstep, he is met with a powerful right hook to the chest. Dave falls flat on his back, coughing, and stands up with some difficulty. Dirk nods his way, and he nods back as if to say he’s alright.

Equius takes the offensive now, and lunges at Dirk. Dirk dodges quickly, and Equius whips around to chop him in the back. Dirk’s flash-step falters and he aims a high kick at the troll’s abdomen to keep him away. Luckily for him, he connects solidly and knocks Equius back a few feet. The blueblood coughs, and bares his broken teeth. He jabs at Dirk several times, most of his punches meeting air, but one connecting powerfully with Dirk’s left shoulder. The latter winces and grabs his shoulder instinctively, and Dave lands an impressive jump kick to Equius’ hip and sends him off balance. Dirk rolls his shoulder back and joins Dave, both brothers darting around the troll and landing swift, well placed strikes.

Equius twists, sending a muscular arm into Dave and sending him crashing into the wall, but this gives Dirk an opening to uppercut him in the diaphragm. Looks like trolls have those. Equius staggers back, the wind knocked out of him, and Dirk doesn’t relent. He kicks the troll’s knee from the side, causing him to kneel, but he is met with a devastating headbutt to the chest. The jagged, broken horn drives into his ribs, and the pointed intact one pierces the skin , drawing a fresh stream of red blood from Dirk’s chest.

“Fuck,” he chokes, holding the wound with his injured arm. Dave flips acrobatically over the kneeling blueblood’s head and knees him forcefully in the back. Equius coughs and rolls to the side, standing up in time to meet Dave’s fist and catch it in his large hand. He twists Dave around as though he was a doll, but not before the latter kicks him deliberately in a barely-healed gash on his leg. Equius’ cobalt blue blood trickles from the sore wound, and Dave hits the ground hard. Equius wastes no time in meeting him there, and Dirk winces as a gray fist slams into his twin’s ribcage with incredible force. Dave cries out in agony, and Equius strikes him again, in the same place. Dave coughs, and a spot of red is visible on his face. He taps Equius’ arm and the troll lets up instantly, allowing the battered human to stand. It takes a great deal of effort for Dave to get back on his feet, and he staggers over to the wall of the warehouse.

Jane’s eyes are wide and her hands are clasped over her mouth.

“He’ll be alright,” Rose says, and Jane nods. Vriska laughs behind them, and Rose sends her a venomous glare.

In the meantime, Dirk is upon Equius again, blood still seeping from his puncture wound. He stops with the flash-stepping and stands his ground, prepared to make some significantly heavy hits. Equius kicks at him and he dodges, just in time. He jumps forward and drives his fist into the troll’s chest, landing them both on the ground. Equius wraps his left leg around Dirk’s right, and they struggle to maintain control over each other. Dirk takes a brutal punch to the left shoulder, shooting pain through his already injured bones. He decides that two can play the headbutting game, and smashes his skull into Equius’ sternum, eliciting a choked noise from the troll. He raises his fist to strike again, but Equius grabs his arm and twists it in a sickening way. Dirk gasps and his eyes widen. His arm falls limp to his side, and Jake joins Jane in covering his mouth with his hand. The twice-injured left shoulder is seeping blood now, and Dirk looks like he’s fighting through massive amounts of pain. He taps Equius’ shoulder, knowing when to quit. The blueblood stands and offers Dirk his hand. Dirk shakes his head, both of his arms too injured to exert more force. He staggers to his feet, and makes his way over to his twin.

“Dave, are you alright?” he asks, voice rough and ragged. Dave nods, eyebrows knit together in pain.

“What about you bro,” he says. “Looks like you got gored.” Dirk looks down at his ruined shirt. The wound in his chest is still bleeding, slightly.

“I’m walking around, ain’t I?” says Dirk. “I’m fine. Let’s go get cleaned up.” Dave nods, and leans against the wall to stand. Nepeta bounds over to Equius and starts inspecting his wounds, congratulating him on his victory. Jake, Jane, and Rose hurry over to the Strider brothers, and even Rose looks rather concerned.

“We need to get you two looked over immediately,” she says sternly. Dave nods weakly.

“For once miss uptight is right, I could use some confirmation that I’m not bleeding out from the inside,” he says. Jake goes to Dirk’s side.

“Do you think anything’s broken?” he asks worriedly.

“Oh yeah,” Dirk says. “Definitely this left shoulder. It’s fucked up enough to be bleeding, I bet the bone came clear through. And my right arm’s probably fucked too.” Jake looks at the puncture wound in his chest.

“That looks awful,” he comments.

“Feels awful too. I definitely wasn’t expecting that one,” agrees Dirk. Rose offers her arm to Dave, who flings an arm around her and leans on her for support. The five of them leave the warehouse together, and when they enter the house, they encounter a bewildered Karkat.

“What the shit happened to you guys?!” he yelps.

“Equius happened,” Dave says.

“What the fuck, what did you do to piss him off?! I am so going to rip him a new one for this. Sweaty asshole has robots to fuck up, why is he tearing you fleshbags apart?” Karkat rants.

“Relax,” Dirk says. “We agreed to spar with him. It was a good time.” Karkat looks at him like he’s the stupidest and/or most disgusting organism this side of the galaxy.

“You picked a fucking fight with Equius?” he asks incredulously. “Why in fuck’s name would you do that?! He can barely keep from destroying everyday objects, you don’t fucking invite him to take his full strength out on anything within a mile of you, much less your own body!” Dirk chuckles.

“We’re fine,” he says. “Besides. He totally didn’t use his full strength.”

“You mean, that wasn’t…” Jake says.

“Yep. The robots took a hell of a lot more of a beating than us,” Dirk affirms. “Though he definitely didn’t go easy on us, Christ.” Karkat scowls.

“We need to get you examined and fixed up,” he says. “And don’t pull any more of this crap! You’re supposed to be _alive_ when you go back to Earth, for fuck’s sake.” Dave chuckles and ruffles Karkat’s hair. The shorter boy bristles.

“Don’t touch me Strider!” he snaps. “There will be missions and assignments during your stay, I can’t have you in critical condition all the time, do I make myself clear?!”

“Whatever, bro,” Dirk says lazily. Rose leads them to a small room off the kitchen that has 3 shallow recuperacoons and two more makeshift beds, folded so the occupants would be sitting up. The room is full of standard medical equipment.

“Lie down,” Rose instructs the twins. The each gingerly recline on a bed. “Take off your shirts.” Dirk attempts to take his off, but the state of his arms prevents him from doing so. Dave pulls his over his head and tosses it at Rose, who smacks him.

“A little help would be sweet,” Dirk says. Rose sighs and helps him remove his muscle shirt, careful not to hurt his arms.

“Any damage to your legs?” she asks them both. They shake their heads. “Stay in here, and I will find the most qualified person to deal with you reckless twits.” She exits the room, and Jake and Jane are left in there with them.

“Hey Jake, could you grab me that jar of cotton balls and that bottle that looks like alcohol?” Dirk asks. Jake nods. He sets them next to Dirk on the bed. “Aw fuck, I forgot my arms are shit.” Jake looks at him and bites his lip.

“I could help you out,” he says. “Just tell me if I’m doing it wrong.” He wets a cotton ball and sniffs it to make sure it’s rubbing alcohol. It is, and he dabs at the wound in Dirk’s chest. His boyfriend inhales sharply, but he continues, wiping away drying blood and cleaning his torso. He goes through several cotton balls, and winces when Dirk has him put his fingers and the cotton inside the hole. Once the wound is sufficiently clean, Dirk smiles up at Jake.

“Cmere,” he says. Jake bends down, and Dirk gives him a kiss on the cheek. “You’re the best.” Jake smiles, looking at his boyfriend’s injured chest. He hadn’t realized before just how many scars the man’s body bore. The lines are faint, but there are dozens, marking his torso and documenting years of fights and training.

“Quit cannoodling bro, I’m still here,” Dave gripes. Dirk shoots him a smirk.

“You’re just mad jealous,” he says.

“Oh yeah, you totally got me there. I want Jakey-Pie’s fingers all up in my chest so bad, you don’t even know,” he says. Jake blushes from embarrassment, and Jane giggles. Rose reenters the room with Kanaya and Karkat in tow.

“Kanaya has basic medical training,” Rose informs them. “She will be looking you over, and determining what your injuries are. If they are too severe, we may have to call for outside help.” Kanaya greets the brothers with a nod, and walks over to Dave first. She listens to his breathing and heartbeat, and furrows her brow.

“The sound in your chest is abnormal,” she says, concerned. “It indicates that you may have internal bleeding.”

“Yeah, I kinda coughed up some blood somewhere along the line,” says Dave. She continues to examine him, and when she is finished, she gives him a pill.

“Take this,” she says. “It will accelerate your healing process, and dull some of the pain.” She walks over to Dirk next.

“Let me see that left shoulder,” she says. She feels it with both hands, and frowns. “Dirk, assuming that human muscular structure is very similar to our own, and it is,” she begins. “You have essentially shattered your shoulder. Your collarbone is broken, as well as the process it connects to. You may have also broken the socket of your arm.” He grimaces.

“That bad, huh?” he says. “Fuck. Are you sure? I mean, you’re just poking it.”

“Jade bloods are exceptional caretakers and have a certain intuition with this kind of thing,” Kanaya explains. “I am not absolutely sure. But I can feel several fragments of bone, and certain pieces move that shouldn’t.” Dirk looks at his swelling, mangled shoulder.

“Shit,” he says. “I don’t think I’ve ever been fucked up this badly.” Kanaya gives him the same pill she gave Dave.

“Yes, you’re in quite bad shape,” she agrees. “We’re going to need to get that treated properly.” Dirk rolls his eyes behind his shades, but he knows she’s right. “Let me see your other arm,” Kanaya instructs, walking around the bed. She feels his right arm, grasping the bone and feeling the joints. “Luckily for you, it looks like you haven’t broken this arm into pieces,” she says. “Your elbow seems to be dislocated, though. I can set it for you, or you can wait for a proper doctor.” Dirk grins.

“Lay it on me,” He says, limply offering his arm to her. Kanaya looks at Jane, Jake, and Rose.

“I advise you to look away,” she says, taking hold of Dirk’s arm. Dirk chews the pill and makes a face. Jane opts to leave the room, while Rose turns to attend to Dave. Jake looks nervously at Dirk, who gives him a smirk and a wink.

Kanaya jerks his arm back into place, and despite his high tolerance for pain, Dirk screams, his face paling a little more. “ _Fucking hell,_ ” he gasps, letting his arm rest at his side. Jake’s eyes are fixed on him in morbid fascination. “You okay, man?”

“Yeah,” Jake breathes. “How much did that hurt, I mean holy shit.” He definitely wasn’t expecting such a reaction from Dirk.

“A lot more than anything Equius did, that’s for sure,” Dirk hisses, tenderly testing the joint. “I’m used to getting battered and screwed up, I’ve never felt anything quite like that.” Jake absently brushes his fingers through Dirk’s hair.

“Whoa. Remind me not to dislocate my elbow,” he says.

“Heh, you said you were wanting to spar with me, did you change your mind?”

“No!” Jake insists. “But I’d hope you wouldn’t hurt me that badly! And besides, you’re not fighting anybody till your shoulder reassembles itself.” Dirk chuckles and lets his head fall into Jake’s chest with a light thud.

“Yes dear,” he muses, making the other blush.

“You’re such a douche,” Jake pouts.

“Gentlemen, if you would stop flirting for a moment,” says Rose. “I got a text from Jade, she said her grandpa’s team has excellent doctors. If we decide it’s necessary, we can take these imbeciles to the embassy for complete treatment.”

“Ugh, isn’t that like 400 miles away?” Dave groans. He coughs again.

“Yes, but you wouldn’t be so tragically inconvenienced if you hadn’t picked a fight with a living Armageddon,” Rose says curtly. “Kanaya, what do you think? Should we send them both?”

“Definitely,” Kanaya affirms. “Dirk’s shoulder won’t heal on its own, he will need surgery. And to ensure that Dave has no unseen injuries, he at least needs a proper examination.” The twins both look irritated, but Kanaya isn’t compromising.

“I will tell Jade,” Rose says, pulling out her phone.

\---

A few hours go by and Jade arranges for the Striders to see the doctors the following day. All they need now is transportation.

“Who here has a vehicle?” she asks the trolls in the living room, Karkat, Terezi, Sollux, and Eridan.

“I do, but I am on call for important duties,” Eridan says smugly.

“Like she ever actually calls you, dickfins,” Sollux taunts. Eridan bares his teeth, and Jade wedges a pillow between them.

“Cut it out!” she orders.

“I had a car,” Terezi adds. Karkat rolls his eyes.

“I have one, and Vriska has a hoverbike,” he says.

“Well, I don’t think two highly damaged Striders are going to fit on Vriska’s bike,” Jade says. “Karkat, it looks like you’re the most likely candidate.” Karkat glowers at her.

“I don’t need a pair of brain damaged clones in my car taking up several days of my time,” he complains.

“Hehe, Karkat they’re not clones. They’re twins,” Jade says.

“They have identical DNA, do they not?” he says skeptically.

“Yes! But they’re perfectly natural, they were one entity when they were just starting to develop, but they divided in half, creating two identical embryos that grew to be two identical people.”

“They began as one, and came out at two. They’re clones,” he says as though she is stupid. Jade sighs.

“I don’t have time to debate this with you Karkat!” she says impatiently. “I need you to fly them to the embassy, are you going to do it or not?”

“I could always borrow your car and do it for you,” Sollux remarks.

“Fuck that, fine, I’ll do it myself,” Karkat huffs. “Can I knock them unconscious first? I don’t need their ‘ironic’ assholery contaminating my car.”

“No!” she scolds, smacking him with the pillow. Karkat grumbles under his breath. To get to the embassy in time for them to be treated tomorrow, he would have to leave this morning and travel through the day. Not like he sleeps anyway.

\---

Jane tiptoes into the infirmary and leaves the door cracked to allow a little bit of light inside. The Strider twins are both asleep and breathing peacefully. She silently comes to Dave’s bedside and looks him over. He looks exhausted and sick, and his breathing is a little more ragged that his brother’s. Wispy blonde hair covers his forehead, and his shades sit neatly on his face. She reaches out, hand shaking, and touches her fingers to his cheek. His skin is warm and soft, in contrast to the stoic front he puts up. He stirs, and Jane withdraws her hand as though she’s been burned. To her relief, he doesn’t wake up. She looks down at his sleeping form sympathetically. She wishes he wasn’t in pain. Dave stirs again, and she steps back.

“Nn… bro?” Dave groans quietly. He turns over, exposing his bare chest to the light. Jane blushes. This is stupid. She shouldn’t be in here spying on her crush like a schoolgirl. But she was worried. She wanted to make sure he was okay. She looks over at Dirk, who looks more like a statue than a slumbering teenager. She worries about him too. She doesn’t want any of her friends to suffer, and seeing someone as strong and stable as Dirk like that is just… difficult.

“Stupid reckless morons,” she whispers, giving Dave one last concerned glance before slipping back out of the room and closing the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I don't know the first thing about combat. My best friend/ex-boyfriend is a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, and he's taught me a couple of things about how fights go, but mostly I have no idea how this shit works. Either way, Dirk is fucked up, Dave is fucked up, and dear Karkles gets to chauffer them to the embassy. So look forward to that little debacle, I know I'm excited to write it :D


	17. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat takes the twins to get medical help, and Sollux's life just plain sucks.

Karkat can’t believe he agreed to do this. He’s sitting in his hovercar, gripping the steering wheel in clenched fists and resisting the urge to smack the injured assholes in the seats next to and beside him.

“Karkat Vaaaaantas,” Dave drawls, pretty doped up on pain medication.

“What,” Karkat says through gritted teeth.

“Vaaaaaaaaantas. It sounds like a fuckin’ vampire name. Y’know, you’re all goofy about your blood, maybe y’don’t have any,” Dave rambles. Dirk just laughs from the backseat. He’s much more lucid than his brother.

“I have blood you retarded fuck!” Karkat snaps. “And don’t say my name like that. Don’t say it at all, for fuck’s sake you make it sound moronic!”

“Aw but Kaaaaar-“

“WHAT DID I JUST SAY STRIDER?!” Dave chuckles awkwardly.

“Where are we even going? I fuckin’ forgot,” Dave says.

“We’re going to the embassy to get you seen by human doctors, because you two fuckers were intelligent enough to pick a fight with a ludicrously powerful alien,” Karkat hisses.

“Right. Are you our chauffer? Are you gonna be the nurse too? Heheheh, I can imagine you in a little white dress and nurse cap, givin’ us shots of whatever the fuck. D’you need me to get undressed nurse Vaaaaantas?” Karkat hunches lower in his seat, nearly shaking from irritation.

“Sober Strider!” Karkat barks. Dirk perks up. “Keep your clone under control for god’s sake! If he doesn’t shut the fuck up in five seconds I’m going to eject him from this car.” Dirk laughs and leans forward to tap his brother on the shoulder.

“Sup bro,” he drawls.

“Dude, you’re totally pissing off Karkat. It’s hilarious. But if he crashes this car we’re probably gonna eat shit and die, so calm your tits and shup up for a bit, k?” Dirk says with an amused smirk. Dave laughs.

“Dirk, bro, man, I don’t even have tits to calm. Can I borrow nurse Karkat’s?” Karkat emits a sharp growl under his breath.

“Sure man, whatever you gotta do to keep quiet,” says Dirk. Dave lazily reaches over with one hand and gropes at Karkat’s chest. Karkat bristles and slams on the brakes, before getting out of the car and slamming his door forcefully. He opens Dirk’s door and pulls him out by the shirt collar.

“Okay fuck face,” he growls. “Control him _better_. You hearing me? Because I swear to whatever fucking deity that permitted your miserable cloned existences that I will abandon you in this forest and go the fuck home.” Dirk just chuckles.

“You got it, nurse Karkat,” he says with a wink. Karkat shoves him back in the car, muttering expletives as he gets back into the driver’s seat. Dirk leans up and whispers in Dave’s ear, and Karkat continues to drive.

\---

Sollux sits at his desk and cracks his knuckles. He has to install and calibrate transmitters in seven of the eight teenagers’ computers, at Karkat’s request. He picks up Dirk’s sleek laptop and flips it open. He plugs his own keyboard into it and begins bypassing the security systems. Dirk has it pretty well locked up, but it only takes Sollux 5 minutes to get in past the password system. This particular computer has a transmitter already in it, but it isn’t functional and Sollux aims to figure out why.

“Hey, Sollux, you in there?” a female voice says through the door. Sollux rolls his eyes and turns to face the door.

“Yes,” he says impatiently. Roxy opens the door.

“Rose said you took all our computers,” she says. “What for? You’d better not be snooping.” She winks, and he sighs in annoyance.

“I’m putting transmitters in because KK told me to,” he explains. “I don’t care about your dumb earth life.” She giggles.

“You’re so pissy, it’s hilarious,” she teases. Sollux ignores her and continues working with Dirk’s computer. “You should smile more.” He looks up, incredulous.

“What is your deal?” he asks. “I don’t even know you, what do you care what I do?” Roxy shrugs.

“Maaaybe I think you’re cute,” she says with a grin. Sollux looks at her like she has two heads.

“Have you been eating Gamzee’s pies?” he asks.

“No, hehe, just this,” she explains, holding up a flask.

“What the hell is in there?” Sollux asks.

“Rummmm,” Roxy hums. “It’s the best. You have alcohol on Alternia right?”

“I’ve never heard of it if we do,” he says. She uncaps the flask and waves it by his nose, prompting him to cough. “Fuck that smells like shit. You drink that?”

“All the time,” she says cheerfully.

“Well keep it away from me,” he grumbles, returning to his work. Roxy shrugs.

“More for me,” she sings. “Take good care of my computer, Sol.” She heads for the door.

“Don’t call me that,” he mutters. “Ampora calls me that, and fuck that guy.” She giggles.

“Okay, then, take good care of my computer, Sollux,” she says with a wink before disappearing into the hall. Sollux shakes his head and continues working.

\---

“Rose I did a dumb thing,” Roxy slurs as she enters her half-sister’s room.

“Was it drinking that entire flask of rum?” Rose muses.

“Nah that was great, this was dumb,” says Roxy. “I totes told Sollux I think he’s adorable.”

“Well, you have been saying that since we arrived,” Rose reminds her. Roxy sighs.

“I knowww. But I wasn’t gonna tell him, I mean he’s kind of a gray skinned horny alien.” Rose smirks.

“All the better for you, then,” she teases.

“Oh shoosh sis, you know what I mean,” Roxy protests. “He’s not even human, how creepy is that?” Rose shrugs.

“They are remarkably similar to us psychologically and even physically. While they are not human, they are certainly very recognizable as people. It isn’t ‘creepy’ for you to take interest in one of them like you would any other person,” Rose tells her. Roxy shrugs.

“I guess,” she says. “But I mean, he’s just kinda grumpy and pissed off all the time, it’s not like I actually know jack shit about him. I just think he’s super cute.” Rose sighs.

“And you told him that, and you wish he hadn’t found out?” she asks.

“Mmmmhm,” Roxy confirms.

“Well, you can’t exactly take it back,” Rose says.

“I know. Blah, this is dumb, I’m gonna get a shower and let myself sober up some.” Roxy stands up, a little unsteadily.

“Okay. Don’t throw up in the shower,” Rose says. Roxy grins and stumbles out the door.

\---

“Okay fuckheads, we’re at the embassy, so get out and walk,” Karkat orders the twins. Dirk gets out and opens Dave’s door, coaxing his brother to get out.

“Come on dipshit, we’ve got to get checked out,” he says, smiling down at Dave.

“Mmmmkay,” Dave slurs, standing up. Karkat leads them to the gate and nods at the guard.

“Karkat Vantas, delivering David Strider and Dirk Strider for medical treatment,” he says flatly. The guard checks his clipboard and waves them through. He marches them down the hall to the lobby, where a bored female receptionist sits. As they walk, Karkat receives many looks of intrigue.

“Strider and Strider to see a doctor,” Karkat says to the receptionist.

“Yes, they’re in the ledger,” she drones. “Take them to the end of that hallway, into the wing with the red cross on the sign.” Karkat heads in that direction, and Dirk prods his brother along. When they reach the medical wing, there are already two men in lab coats waiting for Dave and Dirk. Karkat plops down in a chair in the waiting room and glances over the reading material. Shitty earth magazines from the 2050’s, looks like. He taps his wristcrab and checks Trollian. No new messages, thank all ambiguous deities.

EB: Hey Karkat, did you guys get there safely?

God dammit.

CG: YEAH WE JUST GOT HERE. DAVE WAS HIGH AS A KITE THE WHOLE WAY AND DIRK WAS NO HELP.

EB: Hehehe, Dave has always been really sensitive to meds. I think that’s why Dirk wouldn’t take the heavier ones :)

CG: YES IT’S ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HYSTERICAL. YOUR FRIEND GODDAMN FONDLED ME WHILE I WAS DRIVING, YES, HOW PERFECTLY DEGRADING AND HILARIOUS.

EB: Sorry!

EB: Are you okay?

CG: FUCK EGBERT, HOW ARE YOU SO AMAZING AT GRINDING MY FUCKING GEARS? YOU KNOW WHAT, DON’T ANSWER THAT, THE ANSWER IS PROBABLY INFURIATING.

EB: Hehe, I don’t do it on purpose. But it does happen a lot, doesn’t it? I think it’s kinda funny. You could be my straight man if I ran a comedy act.

CG: WHATEVER YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, IT IS CLEARLY RETARDED AND I WANT NO PART IN IT.

EB: It’s when two comedians perform together, and one is silly, while the other is serious. Your temper is just so funny, it would be a huge hit.

CG: I SWEAR I WILL EAT MY GODDAMN WRISTCRAB IF YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT THIS HORSESHIT. HOW LONG AM I GOING TO BE IN THIS WAITING ROOM, THE DOCTORS KEEP EYEING ME AND IT’S KIND OF FREAKING ME THE FUCK OUT. DID I MENTION I’M ALONE IN AN ALIEN MEDICAL FACILITY? BECAUSE THEY MAKE HORROR MOVIES ABOUT THAT SHIT.

EB: Karkat, you worked with human doctors as a kid, right? They’re all the same people, nobody’s going to hurt you.

CG: THAT CERTAINLY DOESN’T STOP THEM FROM DISSECTING ME WITH THEIR EYES.

EB: Hehe, don’t be nervous. You should be allowed to see the twins soon enough.

CG: OH JOY ON A FUCKING JOY SANDWICH.

EB: Man, I wish you didn’t have to go out there, Jade gave me some really schlocky romance movies to watch with you.

CG: YOU’RE GOING TO BE HERE FOR AN ENTIRE HUMAN SWEEP, I’M SURE YOU CAN CONTAIN YOUR BULGE FOR LONG ENOUGH FOR ME TO GET BACK. WHY THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ME ANYWAY, IT’S NOT LIKE I DO ANYTHING BUT YELL AT YOU. DO YOU GET OFF ON BEING BITCHED AT BECAUSE I SWEAR I WILL THROW YOU OUT THE WINDOW AND LET YOU ROAST IN THE SUN.

EB: You’re fun to spend time with, Karkat, sheesh! Is it really that hard to believe that I like you?

CG: TALKING TO YOU IS LIKE HITTING MY HEAD AGAINST A BRICK WALL, YOU KNOW THAT? I HAVE TO GO, ONE OF THE DOCTORS IS GESTURING FOR ME TO GO OVER THERE. TIME TO GO FURTHER THE CAUSE OF EARTH SCIENCE WITH MY WEIRD ALIEN SQUISHY PARTS. IT WAS ATROCIOUS KNOWING YOU, GOODBYE.

EB: Hehehe. Okay Karkat, have a nice autopsy!

Karkat grumbles to himself and approaches a man and a woman in lab coats.

“Hello,” the woman says cheerfully. She is older, probably around sixty. “You must be Karkat. Goodness, how you’ve grown up.” Karkat stares at her, bewildered. “Ah, you must not remember. It was a long time ago, after all. I’m Dr. Axon, I was one of the researchers who studied you and your friends when you were young.”

“I…” Karkat stammers.

“How have you been, dear?” Dr. Axon asks warmly. Karkat shifts awkwardly.

“Good enough,” he mumbles. This is one of the few people who know his blood color.

“That’s good to hear,” she says genuinely. “You were always such a hot-heated little one, I always wondered how you fared.” He makes eye contact and gives her a sincere nod. He doesn’t recognize her face, but he does remember her, and the kindness she showed him during his time at the lab.

“Thanks,” he says quietly.

“For what?” she asks.

“For… making me feel less shitty about my blood.” Though only marginally less shitty.

 _“Karkat, you’re a handsome young troll with fine blood,”_ she had said. _“And even so, you’re worth much more than your blood color.”_

“Of course,” Dr. Axon says. “Working with you kids was one of the most rewarding experiences of my career. Now, how old are you?”

“Seven and a half sweeps,” Karkat says, looking away.

“Mm, that’s roughly… 16 human years?” she muses. “You’ve grown up wonderfully. It’s good to see you again.” He nods.

“You too,” he mumbles softly. The male doctor next to her smiles wanly. Dr. Axon reaches up and rubs his left horn affectionately, making him blush from embarrassment. But he can’t yell at her, no matter how silly it is. She and her companion walk down the hall and disappear into one of the offices, and Karkat sighs heavily before slumping into a different chair. He doesn’t really like how happy he is to see her again. But she always treated him as an equal, like he was worth something, and she was pretty unique in that regard.

Except, of course, the nagging problem named John Egbert. Dumbass would learn eventually.

“Mr. Vantas, you can come back now,” a nurse calls from the hall. Karkat rolls his eyes and follows her into Dave and Dirk’s room.

“Oh, you’re only a kid,” the doctor says, surprised. Karkat glowers. “Anyway, Dave has minor diaphragm trauma. He will need to refrain from physical activity while he heals, but he won’t require surgery. Dirk has shattered several bones comprising his shoulder, and will need to have them surgically repaired.”

“Okay, so when are they going to be ready to go back to the hive?” Karkat asks impatiently.

“Dave is fit to go home today,” the doctor explains. “Dirk will need to be here overnight, we won’t be able to get him into surgery until tomorrow.”

“Oh joy, so I get to spend the night,” Karkat groans.

“Nah man, you really don’t have to. I brought my hoverboard,” Dirk says.

“Are you shitting me, you think you can fly that thing right after surgery?” Karkat says incredulously. “No, that is not happening, I am waiting here and you will listen to every second of my bitching about it.”

\---

AA: S0llux

TA: aa??

AA: I’m at the entrance t0 y0ur new hive. Please cauti0usly let me in?

TA: Yeah 2ure, ii’ll be riight down.

Sollux breathes in and out steadily. It’s been a long, long time since he’s seen Aradia, and he’s not been looking forward to it. He heads downstairs and stands behind the door to open it, careful not to let the sun into his eyes. A beautifully constructed metal chassis shaped like a woman steps inside and regards him with a nod.

“It’s been a long time, Sollux,” Aradia says calmly. Sollux looks down at the ground.

“Yeah…” he says weakly. She closes the door behind her and places a cold hand on his shoulder.

“You still feel guilty, don’t you?” she asks. “I assure you that all is forgiven.”

“Doesn’t mean I forgive mythelf,” he mutters. “I’ll show you where your room is.” He sounds resigned and depressed, and Aradia stops him before he ascends the stairs.

“Sollux, you must forgive yourself in time,” she says, tone even. He shakes his head and climbs the stairs, with her floating behind him. He takes her to the third floor and points at the door with the Aries symbol.

“Here,” he says. “There’s a recuperacoon but I don’t know if you use them anymore.” She enters the room and nods.

“I do not,” she says. “But thank you.”

“I’m tho fucking thorry aa,” Sollux says shakily. He doesn’t even bother to correct his lisp. She steps towards him and firmly grips his shoulders.

“It is okay,” she says.

“No,” he says. “It’th really fucking not, and you detherve better than you got.” He turns to leave.

“Sollux. I do not blame you for what happened. Your body was controlled. You never hurt me.” He walks out and descends to his room, closing the door with a forceful thump. He kicks his desk chair angrily and takes off his shirt and pants before climbing into his recuperacoon. It’s the middle of the fucking day anyway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everybody! I hope I'm not boring you with these recent chapters. I know they're not incredibly space-explorey. No worries, once the Striders are all patched up, they'll be going on some proper expeditions with the trolls. 
> 
> I deliberated for a while on how I was going to handle Aradia, but I really liked the idea of having her be a robot and tearing up Sollux's poor little heart. I hope you're all still enjoying the ride, because I really love writing this story :)


	18. Cold Steel

“Here’s your fucking computer,” Sollux spits, holding Roxy’s laptop at arm’s length in her doorway. She walks over to him and takes it.

“Thank you,” she says. “And… I’m really sorry about the other day.”

“What about the other day?” he says.

“When… you know, I toldja you were cute,” she mumbles, face flushing. Sollux snorts.

“Whatever, I have bigger things to worry about,” he says callously. Roxy looks at him, concerned.

“I mean, are you okay?” she asks hesitantly. He turns so he is looking back at her out of the corner of his eye.

“No, but I’m gonna thuck it up like any other athhole,” he says flatly, flinching at his lisp. She nods.

“Okay. But if you want to talk there are plenty of people who would listen.” He scoffs, and leaves Roxy to watch him descend the stairs. She sets her computer on her desk and goes down to the kitchen to get a snack. She pauses, fascinated, when she sees a complex robotic woman turn into the living room.

“Hey!” she says. “I haven’t seen you around before. Are you Aradia?” Aradia turns, showing her Aries symbol.

“I am,” she confirms. “I was just about to send Equius to gather everyone. I suppose I should properly introduce myself.” Roxy smiles.

“I wasn’t expecting you to be a cyborg,” she giggles. “it’s nice to meet you.”

“I am not a cyborg,” Aradia clarifies. “I am an android. I will explain more thoroughly when the others join us.” She enters the living room with a series of metallic clicks. “Equius, if you would bring everybody down here.” Equius nods, and runs up the stairs to fetch everyone.

“Sollux will not be joining us,” he says when he returns. Aradia nods. The rest of the humans and trolls filter down into the living room and fill the couches.

“Hello everybody. It’s been a long time,” Aradia greets the trolls. Some smile, others nod uncomfortably. “I apologize for my lateness. I would have been here sooner, but I had important business to attend to. It’s my pleasure to meet you all.”

“It’s good to finally meet you too,” John says.

“As you may have guessed, I am Aradia. I am no longer a troll, but an android built by Equius and infused with my spirit. I lost my life in an accident when I was six sweeps old.” Eridan speaks up.

“It was no accident! Vr-“

“It was an accident,” Aradia says sharply, electronic voice ringing through the room. Eridan scoffs. “Anyway, I have had little contact with the other trolls since then, besides Her Grace, who I occasionally do favors for.”

“That’s so sad,” Roxy says. “Don’t you miss everyone?”

“I do not mind being away from them,” Aradia replies. “I have little quarrel with anything anymore. It is good to see everybody again, though. Where is Karkat? And the other two humans who should be here?”

“Dave and Dirk fought Equius and got hurt pretty badly. Karkat drove them to the embassy to get fixed up,” Jade explains. “They should be back tomorrow or the next day.” Aradia nods, not bothering to find out the how or why.

“I will be available at any hour besides 4:00 am,” she says. “I recharge between four and five-thirty.” She clicks out of the room calmly, and the trolls look at each other.

“Where’s Sol?” Eridan asks. “Still can’t deal with her face to face?” Kanaya takes out her lipstick and paints her black lips a lovely shade of jade. At this, Eridan shuts up again, and Terezi laughs.

“What do you mean?” Jake asks.

“Sollux will tell you himself if he chooses. It isn’t our business,” Kanaya says curtly. Jake nods. He texts Dirk.

GT: Strider, are you doing any better? We met the 11th troll, she’s actually a dead girl’s soul in a robot, it’s crazy! Equius made her body. She’s a right bit prettier than his other robots too, looks like he put a lot of work into her.

GT: I guess you’re busy, then. John said you were going to need surgery, best of luck on that.

TT: Hey you. I’m here.

GT: Oh hello!

TT: She’s a robot? Dude, that’s pretty sick.

TT: And yeah, I gotta get the bones screwed back together, I’ve got a lot of little pieces in there and they’re not gonna heal on their own. But you’re going to do something for me, k?

GT: I’m sure I can spare a moment for my best bro-boyfriend.

TT: You’re a dork. Okay. You have to go to my room and find the locked metal box in the closet.

TT: The combination is 41-36-12. Present for ya. I was going to give it to you later, but I’m in the mood to give it to you now.

GT: Okay, sure thing man.

TT: Another thing, I’m going to be in the hospital like all night, so from here on out my cell reception will be sketchy at best. You’ll hear from me tomorrow at some point before I go under.

GT: Oh, but don’t you want to see how I react to your gift?

TT: I thought I did. But this will be more hilarious.

GT: Okay, if you insist! Away I go!

TT: Have fun Jake.

GT: Feel better. I hope everything goes smoothly tomorrow.

TT: Thanks. See you around <3

GT: I

GT: Uhh

TT: Heh, no worries, less than three isn’t “I love you”. It would be pretty ironic of me to do it that way, but I like you a little too unironically for that ;*

GT: Heh, okay, sheesh, way to scare a guy.

TT: See you soon.

GT: G’night Dirk!

Jake shakes his head and smiles. Dirk is such a punk, always messing around with him, and to be perfectly honest he loves it. He climbs the stairs and opens Dirk’s door. The closet door is already open, and the lockbox is in plain sight, sticking out from under some haphazardly tossed clothes. Jake turns the dial.

“41….36….12,” he says to himself. The lock clicks, and he pulls it open. The box is light, and when he lifts the lid, his eyes go wide. He reaches in and pulls out… pantyhose? No, those are two separate stockings. And… Oh god.

GT: DIRK STRIDER

GT: HAVE YOU GONE OFF YOUR ROCKER??

GT: YOU GAVE ME LADIES’ UNDERWEAR?????

timaeusTestified did not receive your messages.

“Uuuuugh,” Jake groans. “What the fuck.” He lifts up the little green panties. They have a black lace band and a little satin bow in front, and four attachments for the black stockings. He is going to kill Dirk if he doesn’t die of embarrassment. He shuts the lid of the box again, but he begrudgingly takes it into his own room and tosses it in the corner. Rose, meanwhile, receives a message.

TiTe: I definitely just sent Jake upstairs to find a lacy little pair of panties and stockings I found in my bag.

TeTh: Dirk, why on earth did you have that in your bag?

TiTe: Gag gift I got from the head bartender. Dave got a nightie, you know, one of the slinky tiny ones.. Funny shit, I forgot about it until I went to unpack, and I figured I’d play a prank on Jake.

TeTh: Dirk, you are going to ruin that poor boy.

TiTe: I know. But I’m in love, what can I say? I can’t help myself.

TeTh: Mm. Have you told him that?

TiTe: No. I gotta go, I’m going to be at the hospital all night and I won’t have service.

TeTh: Nice dodge, Dirk. Goodnight.

timaeusTestified is now offline!

Rose rolls her eyes, grinning slightly.

“What’s up, girl? Jane asks.

“Oh, just Dirk,” Rose says, sounding amused. Jane smiles.

“I think it’s so cool how close you are to those two. I can tell they really respect you,” she says. Rose chuckles.

“Mm, they have grown on me quite a bit. Though sometimes I find myself taking care of them.”

“Well, someone has to, if they’re not going to,” Jane says. Rose nods.

“They’re foolish. But they know the consequences.” Jane sighs.

“I didn’t get the chance to tell Dave,” she says. “I don’t even know how I had the nerve in the first place. I dunno when I’m going to tell him now…” Rose looks up.

“You have nothing to fear in telling Dave how you feel,” she reassures her. “You know that you will only regret waiting if you do.” Jane sighs again.

“I know… I just don’t know how to say it, and I always choke up and lose my nerve with this kind of thing.”

“You will find your resolve if you want to. But you have to decide to go through with it. You want to be with Dave, and you don’t intend to let him slip away from you without telling him so, correct?” Rose asks. Jane nods. “Then you simply tell him, and if he says no, then at least you gave yourself a chance.”

“I know,” Jane concedes. “I just let myself think stupid things, like he wouldn’t be interested in someone as plain as me, and lose my nerve.”

“Dave deserves someone like you, and I don’t mean that as an insult,” Rose assures her. Jane giggles. “He has been hurt and used, and I’ve told you before, you can give him something better, and he deserves it.”

“Thanks Rose,” she says. “I’ll get around to it. I just worry.” Rose smiles.

“Never a problem. Now, I’m sure our friend Jake could use some calming down right about now. Why don’t you go find him?”

\---

Karkat grumbles the whole way out to his hovercar. There are over a dozen unused beds in that hospital wing, but if there’s no service, he’d rather lie awake in the comfort of his vehicle.

CG: EGBERT, ARE YOU ONLINE FOR REAL? YOU KNOW, THE CHAT CLIENT HAS AN IDLE BUTTON.

EB: I’m here! How are the twins?

CG: DAVE IS FINE BUT HE NEEDS REST, AND DIRK IS GOING IN FOR SURGERY TOMORROW TO FIX HIS SHOULDER.

EB: Oh good, I’m glad Dave doesn’t have massive organ damage or anything like that.

CG: WE CAN AGREE TO DISAGREE ON THAT.

EB: Karkat!

EB: Anyway, what did the doctors want with you?

CG: OH, ONE OF THEM WAS A FEMALE HUMAN WHO OVERLOOKED PARTS OF OUR TESTING.

CG: SHE RECOGNIZED MY SIGN I GUESS

EB: That’s so cool!

CG: SHE WAS KIND. IT WAS ACTUALLY KIND OF NICE TO SEE HER.

EB: Good :) oh, so Aradia showed up today. Nobody told me she was a robot, I was surprised!

CG: OH, SHE’S THERE ALREADY?

CG: IS

CG: SOLLUX OKAY?

EB: Sollux? I don’t know, I haven’t seen him all day.

EB: He wasn’t there when she was introducing herself to us. Why, what’s wrong?

CG: THAT’S NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS.

CG: DON’T TALK TO HIM ABOUT HER, OKAY?

EB: I don’t really talk to Sollux much anyway, but sure thing.

CG: WHAT IS SHE LIKE? IT’S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I’VE ACTUALLY HEARD FROM THAT FLOATING METAL HUSK.

EB: She’s very… calculating? She isn’t emotionless or anything, but she’s pretty indifferent and pragmatic, from what I could tell.

CG: FUCK.

CG: JUST… DAMMIT. SHE USED TO BE SO DIFFERENT.

CG: AND I KNOW IF IT MAKES ME GRIT MY FUCKING TEETH THAT HE’S PROBABLY IN HIS ROOM WALLOWING IN HIS STUPID DESK CHAIR LIKE A WRIGGLER.

EB: :( I’m sorry to hear that…

EB: So she’s not the same as she was before she… died.

CG: NOT AT ALL ARE YOU FUCKING LISTENING? CHECK THE RETENTION LEVEL ON YOUR THINK PAN. SHE USED TO BE A LIVELY GIRL WITH A SHITTY SENSE OF HUMOR WHO PLAYED SHITTY GAMES, AND NOW APPARENTLY SHE’S NO DIFFERENT FROM THE LAST TIME I SAW HER. WHICH IS TO SAY, A PATHETIC IMITATION OF HER PAST SELF LEFT TO HAUNT THOSE OF US WHO CARED ABOUT HER IN THE FUCKING SLIGHTEST.

CG: WHY AM I TALKING TO YOU ABOUT THIS.

CG: HOW ABOUT YOU KEEP YOUR PINK HUMAN TRAP SHUT ABOUT THIS AND FORGET I MENTIONED ANYTHING. IT’S NOT MY STORY TO BLOW MY SEED FLAP ABOUT.

EB: Karkat, it’s okay… I mean, if you’re upset, I don’t mind listening. I didn’t know her or anything, but it’s sad that she’s just never been the same.

CG: ONWARD WITH THE FORGETTING AND SHUTTING THE FUCK UP, EGBERT.

EB: :/

EB: Are you going to talk to Sollux? About this I mean.

CG: EVENTUALLY, INEVITABLY THAT’LL END UP HAPPENING I’M SURE. BUT IT’S NOT SOMETHING I FUCKING LOOK FORWARD TO. HE’S DIFFICULT AS ALL PISS, AND HE’S NOT GOING TO WANT TO TALK TO ME.

EB: Aren’t you guys like best friends though?

CG: YES, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN WE HAVE A REMOTELY REASONABLE RELATIONSHIP.

CG: SOLLUX IS THE TRUMPETING GRANDMASTER OF DYSFUNCTION AND WE DON’T NEED TO GET INTO THAT.

CG: LET’S TALK ABOUT ABSOLUTELY FUCKING ANYTHING ELSE.

EB: Okay, okay. Sorry to get onto uncomfortable topics. Those movies I got from Jade! I got a pretty old one that just about everyone has seen, it’s called “Titanic” and it’s just the saddest, sappiest story. Just breaks my heart, hehe.

CG: TITANIC DOES NOT SOUND ROMANTIC.

EB: Of course not, Karkat! That’s the name of the ship they’re on. The ship sinks, it actually happened a long time ago in human history, and the movie is about two made up passengers.

CG: OH, SO IT’S SOME SORT OF HISTORICAL FICTION ROMANTIC COMEDY?

CG: THAT ACTUALLY SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD.

CG: IS IT ABOUT A PAIR OF MATESPRITS?

EB: Yes, a man and a woman.

CG: DO THEY DIE?

EB: Karkat, I’m not going to tell you the ending! Your goofy movie titles give away all your endings, but you’re just going to have to wait and see!

CG: UGH FINE BE AN OBSTINATE BULGESUCKER.

EB: Hehehe.

EB: I should be getting to bed soon though. It’s getting to be day, and I’m really sleepy.

CG: FINE, GOODNIGHT.

EB: Night Karkat!

Karkat reclines his seat all the way and lays back with a heavy sigh. Talking to Egbert has slowly, surreptitiously become an activity he quite enjoys. He decides he’d better troll Sollux, and reluctantly taps the icon that says twinArmageddons.

CG: SOLLUX YOU PETULANT FUCK, ARE YOU THERE?

CG: I’M BORED AS TITS IN THIS STUPID CAR.

TA: yeah kk ii’m here.

CG: GOOD. I TALKED TO EGBERT JUST NOW.

TA: yeah you kiind of do that a lot.

CG: WOULD YOU QUIT POPPING OFF FOR JUST A GODDAMN SECOND?

CG: HE TOLD ME ARADIA IS THERE. ARE YOU OKAY?

TA: do you want the short an2wer or the long an2wer?

CG: I DON’T GIVE A FUCK

TA: 2hort an2wer iis no.

TA: long an2wer iis go float your hovercar off a fuckiing mountain and leave me the fuck alone.

CG: AND OF COURSE YOU CAN’T POSSIBLY BRING YOURSELF TO BE MATURE AND SENSIBLE FOR ONCE IN YOUR LISPING LIFE.

TA: 2ays the paragon of 2en2e and maturiity.

TA: ii’m not iin the mood to deal wiith your 2hiit, kk. just let me deal wiith thii2.

CG: LIKE YOU’RE FUCKING GOING TO. BY DEAL WITH THIS YOU MEAN HIDE IN YOUR ROOM AND SULK LIKE A COWARD UNTIL YOU HAVE TO COME OUT, AND THEN BE DODGY AND MOODY FOR SWEEPS UPON FUCKING SWEEPS.

TA: ii deal with my problems my way, you deal with your2 your way. ii’m not naggiing you to tell everyone how red your blood ii2, and ii’m not on your bulge about your weiird aliien cru2h on that goofy lookiing human.

CG: OKAY CAPTOR LET’S TAKE A FUCKING SECOND HERE TO ANALYZE WHAT YOU JUST SAID. HERE WE GO, PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION!

CG: I KEEP MY BLOOD COLOR FROM EVERYONE FOR MY OWN REASONS AND I GO ABOUT MY BUSINESS NORMALLY, LEADING THIS HERD OF PAN-CRACKED FUCKS IN THIS LITTLE SCIENCE EXPERIMENT. I DON’T LET IT AFFECT MY WORK OR MY DAILY ATTENTION TO BASIC TROLL NEEDS.

CG: UNLIKE A CERTAIN SELF-LOATHING NOOKROTTER WHO CAN’T KEEP HIS BIFURCATED BRAIN IN ONE PLACE FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS TO PUSH THROUGH THE BULLSHIT.

CG: AND FOR THE LAST GODDAMN TIME I DO NOT HAVE A ‘CRUSH’ ON THAT INSIPID MEDDLESOME BONEHEAD, YOU WRITHING PILE OF SHIT.

TA: ehehe, kk, no need to 2liip into tantrum mode. ii wa2 ju2t tea2iing you about the brat.

CG: OF COURSE NOW YOU’RE ALL CHIPPER AND SNARKY, YOU FUCK.

CG: WHATEVER, IF YOU WON’T TALK TO ME NOW, I’LL SEE YOU WHEN I GET BACK, AND IF YOU’RE STILL WALLOWING LIKE ERIDAN AFTER A DATE, I’LL SHAKE YOU UNTIL YOU VOMIT ALL OVER YOUR STUPID SERVER COMBS.

TA: ehehehehe, no matter what happen2 we alway2 have ampora’2 faiilure2 to entertaiin u2.

CG: YEAH HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT YOUR DICHOTOMOUS TRAP AND GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP YOU BIPOLAR ASSHOLE?

CG: I’LL BE BACK TOMORROW.

TA: Alriight alriight, ii’m out. niight kk.

carcinoGeneticist is now an idle troll!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, so it was suggested to me by Pepper that I use tumblr to announce updates to this story. I do have a tumblr, from back in the day, and it wouldn't be too hard for me to get it up and running again. My url is elisabomb.tumblr.com and from here on out I will be posting the link to each chapter of my story on there, as well as accepting asks and discussing the story if there is any interest. Otherwise I'll probably just reblog stuff and generally lurk around :)
> 
> This chapter was a great time to write. Sollux is just such an angst bucket, and Karkat is such a pissy little thing. Karkat and John bonding over Titanic coming soon, as well as Dirk coming home to a frazzled Jake thanks to his present ;)
> 
> <3 --E


	19. Nerves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Striders come home. John and Karkat watch Titanic.

TT: Jake, are you up?

TT: I’m out of recovery, surgery went fine.

GT: Oh good, I’m glad! Does it still hurt?

TT: Not yet, but it will soon. Pain meds and all.

GT: Are you guys coming back now?

TT: ASAP, yeah.

GT: Good. I’m going to have to delicately kick your ass for that present.

TT: So you liked it then, good.

GT: I jolly well did not!

TT: Hah, well I’ll see you soon.

GT: Yes, I’m glad you’re alright.

TT: I’m always alright Jake. But it’s cute that you worry ;)

GT: I’ll see you later!

TT: Bye.

\---

When Karkat, Dave, and Dirk get back to the house, Jake and Terezi go out to greet them cheerfully. Karkat locks his hovercar and heads inside with his hands in his pockets, leaving them to take care of the twins.

“Hello Karkat,” Kanaya says pleasantly. “How are you doing? Was your trip alright?”

“Frustrating,” Karkat sighs. “But whatever, it can’t really be helped. I saw Dr. Axon.”

“The one from the labs, yes?”

“Yeah. She was real happy to see me. It was nice, I guess,” he says. Kanaya smiles.

“I remember her fondly,” she agrees. “Are you hungry?”

“Yeah, actually. What are you making?”

“Just some sandwiches. Is hogbeast okay for yours?” she asks.

“Sounds good,” Karkat shrugs. He walks over and leans his head on her shoulder. “You’re the best moirail, you know that?”

“But of course,” Kanaya says with a soft chuckle. “Who but the best moirail could have you so calm and courteous?” Karkat rolls his eyes.

“It’s mostly only around you,” he grumbles.

“I know,” she says. “And it’s also probably due to you getting older, but you have been a little less temperamental this past sweep, give or take.” He sighs.

“I guess. I dunno if Sollux or Terezi would say the same,” he chuckles. A rare laugh from Karkat. Kanaya grins.

“Here you go,” she says, holding the sandwich up to his face. He takes it happily and savors a bite.

“Thanks Kanaya,” he says. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m going to take a bit of a nap. Those fucking clones wore me out.” He trudges up the stairs with his lunch and nearly bumps into an enthusiastic John Egbert.

“Hi Karkat! Did you just get back?” he asks cheerfully.

“Yeah, finally,” Karkat says with a sigh.

“Do you want to watch Titanic tonight? I mean, this dawn, hehe,” John giggles. Karkat rolls his eyes, but talking to his moirail has put him in a decent mood.

“Fine, I had you go to the trouble after all,” he says.

“Great, I found my popcorn in my luggage, so I can introduce you to human movie snacks!”

“Whatever floats your aquatic vessel, Egbert. Right now, I’m going to get a nap, so go pester someone else.” Karkat continues up the stairs and into his room. His recuperacoon looks terribly inviting, and he wastes no time sliding in with all his clothes on, minus his shoes.

\---

“Dirk! Top of the… evening to you!” Jake calls excitedly. His boyfriend takes him in a strong, one-armed hug and kisses the side of his head.

“Good to see you Jake,” Dirk says. “Fuck, I’m hungry. You have lunch yet?”

“No, I was waiting for you to get back first,” Jake admits. “But I think the trolls have stuff out for sandwiches. Peculiar stuff, but it’s worth a gander.” Dirk chuckles and plants another kiss on Jake’s cheek.

“Gross,” Terezi heckles. Dirk flips her off with his good arm and goes inside with Jake.

“What’s bugging you, you can’t even see ‘em,” Dave taunts. She sticks her gray tongue out at him.

“I can smell them! And hear them, and all those other four senses. Duh,” she retorts, whacking him on the calf with her cane.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m hungry too, let’s get in on those sandwiches,” he says.

“Okay coolkid, but you have to try grub sauce.”

“Aw seriously, no way. I told you guys I wasn’t gonna touch that stuff. It moves, man, I don’t eat things that are still moving,” Dave protests.

“Nope, you want sandwiches, you have to eat like a troll,” she says resolutely. She takes his hand and leads him inside to make a pair of sandwiches in the crowded kitchen.

“Dirk, let me get that!” Jake insists, taking the bread away from his boyfriend. “You’re injured, jeez.”

“Oh, if you insist, knight in shining satin,” Dirk teases, making Jake blush.

“Here you go Dave Strider. One grubsauce and nut spread sandwich,” Terezi says with a slight cackle. Dave grimaces and takes a bite. It’s pretty much just as awful as he’d anticipated.

“Fuck!” he croaks. “That’s disgusting.”

“Offensive,” Terezi jokes.

“No, I am so done with this,” he says. He goes across the foyer to the living room and hands the sandwich off to Gamzee, who shrugs and takes a huge bite. Dave goes back into the kitchen. “I need something else before I go blind from eating crazy blind chick food.” Terezi knocks him with her cane again.

“Double offensive, coolkid,” she says. “You’re gonna have to make me some lunch if you don’t want to wake up covered in the stuff.” Dave grimaces again.

“Okay, okay, sheesh. Calm your extraterrestrial tits.” He puts together two sandwiches from the supplies Dirk and Jake are using, and hands her one. She takes a bite.

“You humans use the weirdest combinations of ingredients,” she says. “Whatever, it’s still food.”

“Dirk, if you’re going to be this much of a pest, I’m going to banish you from the kitchen!” Jake gripes. Dirk laughs, having just pinched the other’s butt playfully.

“Banish me where? Your room? Yes sir Enlgish,” he jokes.

“Diiiirk!” Jake groans. Dirk kisses him on the cheek, and Jake can’t help to nuzzle him a little bit.

“Bro, I’m gonna retch between this and the grub sauce,” Dave complains. Dirk just flips him off and licks Jake’s cheek.

“Strider goddammit what the bajeezus are you doing?!” Jake shrieks, rubbing his face. Terezi giggles.

“Dave, can I lick your face?”” she asks mischievously.

“Uh… I’d rather you didn’t?” Dave says. Terezi ignores him and drags her tongue up his cheek.”Ugh dammit!”

“Hehehehe, coolkids taste like marshmallows and strawberry cream,” she says.

“Not cool. Not even ironic, just… bleehhh,” Dave complains. “I’m supposed to be resting, and you’re feeding me live space bugs and giving me weird tongue baths.”

“Oh you’ll survive. Aren’t you supposed to be awesome?”

“Damn straight.”

\---

“Ro-lal!” Jane shouts through Roxy’s door. “I need you!” Roxy opens the door. She looks a little tipsy, and there’s a half-empty drink on her desk.

“Sup girl?”

“I just walked by the kitchen and saw Terezi lick Dave’s face. She just walked up and did it! I’m gonna get upstaged again and I don’t know what to do!” she cries.

“Janey. Janey. Listen to yourself and tell me you don’t sound dumb. You know what to do, you go lick that boy’s face right back and tell him you liiiike him!” Roxy says exasperatedly.

“I’m not going to lick him! That’s just weird! And keep your voice down, sheesh.”

“Then just tell him,” Roxy insists. “You said you weren’t going to be dumb about this anymore.” Jane sighs.

“I don’t know how to say it though, what if I screw it up?”

“Jane as your loving bffsy I order you to go put the moves on Dave. Loosen up that tight ass and go for it!” Roxy urges.

“Ugh,” Jane groans.

“No ughsing, Janey, go get that boy!”

“…Fine.”

“You’d better actually do it!” Roxy warns.

“…I will,” Jane says nervously. She hugs Roxy.

“You got this,” she says. Jane isn’t so sure, but she goes back down to the kitchen where Dave is dodging Terezi’s cane.

“D-Dave?” she says shyly. Fuck. Be assertive.

“Sup?” he says nonchalantly.

“Can I talk to you?” Jane asks. He steps toward her.

“Sure thing, want to go upstairs?” he asks. She nods. They ascend the stairs and go into his room, which is cluttered with laundry and odds and end. “What’s up, Jane?” She inhales sharply and sighs.

“Remember how I wanted to talk to you about something before you fought Equius?” she begins. Her face is flushing, and she cant’t bring herself to look at him.

“Yeah, I was wondering. You said you’d realized something?” She swallows.

“I got over Jake, like I said,” she says. “And I… Dave will you go out with me?” Her face turns scarlet and she wrings her hands. Dave uses two fingers to lift up her chin. She looks at him, her embarrassed expression reflecting in his shades.

“I liked you ever since we were on the ship!” she blurts out. “But I wasn’t over Jake and you deserve to be my first choice, because you’ve been used so much, so I didn’t want to say anything…”

“Sure,” Dave says with a small smile.

“Wha…?”

“I’ll go out with you,” he says simply. Jane looks away, not sure what to say.

“Really?”

“Yeah. You care about your people. It’s rad,” he says. “But… you’re sure it’s me you want? I mean, you liked that English kid for a long time.” Jane shakes her head.

“I’m sure, Dave,” she says firmly, surprising herself. “I… haven’t been able to stop thinking about you ever since… yeah.”

“Since what?” he asks.

“Ughhhh… You know how you, Jake, and I went up in the bubble to watch the stars that one night?” she asks. “Well, I kinda fell asleep next to you, and after that point I was pretty much done for…” Dave chuckles.

“I know,” he says. “I know you slept there, that is.” Jane blushes.

“Oh god I am so sorry.”

“It’s cool,” he says. “I woke up in the middle of the night and saw you there. Didn’t make anything of it, I figured it happens.” Jane sighs.

“Well I mean I guess yeah,” she says stupidly. Dave puts a hand on the wall behind her.

“You’re pretty cute Jane. Unironically,” he says. She blushes.

“You really like me? You’re not just doing this cause you feel sorry for me?” Dave flicks her forehead lightly.

“Striders don’t fuck with people’s hearts,” he affirms casually. Jane blushes.

“Dave?”

“Mm?”

“Can I… She blushes deeper.

“Mhm.” Jane leans forward tentatively. His lips are wonderfully pink and just slightly parted. If she could just get herself to lean a little bit closer… But before she can muster up the courage, Dave does it for her, meeting her lips firmly in a sweet kiss. Jane lets her eyes close and reaches up shyly to touch his cheek. His lips are so soft, and wonderfully warm as he kisses her with expert technique. His other hand comes to rest on the small of her back, and she nearly swoons.

“Dave…” she sighs when they part. “I… shucks.” Dave smirks softly and pulls her to him, hugging her tight.

“Thanks Jane,” he says. “It’s good to be wanted, as lame as that sounds.” She smiles happily into his chest and nods.

\---

“Okay, so this movie is named after a giant ship?” Karkat asks skeptically from the couch. John pulls the second bag of popcorn from Karkat’s microwave and dumps it into the big bowl.

“Yep!” John says. “The Titanic was a luxury liner. It was supposed to be unsinkable, but it sank on its first voyage because the crew got cocky.”

“Brilliant. And this was how long ago in your history?” Karkat scoffs.

“Well, it happened in the early 1900s. I think 1912? It’s 2078 now, so a little more than 150 years. Years are shorter than sweeps, but I don’t know the math on it. Things were a lot different on Earth back then, so don’t worry if you need to ask me to explain anything,” John offers. Karkat snorts.

“You humans have such a short history,” he says. John giggles and joins him on the couch, setting the popcorn bowl between them. The lights are off, and Karkat’s equivalent of a TV flickers to life. Karkat presses play and takes a handful of popcorn. “This shit is weird.” John just giggles.

They get through the opening sequence and Karkat turns to John.

“Okay, so now they’re in her past? Fuck, did everyone in your history dress all gaudy like that? Gaudy and colorless?” John smiles.

“Yep! That’s the early 20th century for ya! It used to be even worse, believe it or not,” he says.

“Huh. Dumb.” They continue to watch, and when Kate Winslet appears onscreen, John murmurs:

“Isn’t she gorgeous?” Karkat nods, looking a little irritated that he’s talking, but when Leonardo diCaprio shows up, his breath hitches.

“You thought _she_ was gorgeous,” he mutters. “Fuck.” John giggles again. “Shut your trap, asshole!” Karkat snaps. They sit in silence, besides the crunching of popcorn, until Cal grudgingly asks Jack to dinner.

“Wow, what a grubfucker,” Karkat comments. “And what kind of bullshit fucking name is Cal?”

“Hehe, you’re not usually one to talk during movies Karkat,” says John.

“Whatever, you told me I could ask questions so I’m kind of not in my usual cinema mode,” he snaps. During the dinner he speaks up again. “Are you shitting me? This isn’t really how people acted only 150 human sweeps ago, is it?”

“Actually, yes, it is,” John admits. “Excessively rich people didn’t have much to do, so they spent their time looking rich and feeling rich and competing with each other to be the classiest, most expensive guy. Rich people now do all sorts of awesome things, like fund trips to alien planets.” Karkat folds his arms and scowls at the screen disapprovingly.

“Retarded,” is his only reply. When Jack takes Rose below to party with the steerage passengers, Karkat smirks. “Hah. Is she getting her good fucking stockings dirty? I’d kill myself if I was her too.” John throws a piece of popcorn at him.

“Unless you had Leonardo diCaprio to save your skinny gray butt,” he teases. Karkat glares his way and throws the remote at him.

“Don’t talk about my butt you errant mongoloid!” he snarks. But he returns to watching Jack and Rose’s dancing intently, smiling ever so slightly. He doesn’t speak again until the iceberg warning and the discussion about the lifeboats, at which he frowns incredulously.

“What the fuck are they doing?” he protests. “Oh yes, brilliant idea, let’s charge ahead into a field of natural landmines and hope the 2 fucking boats we brought will save our heavily powdered asses!” John laughs. He’s enjoying Karkat’s commentary quite a bit.

“Sadly, that’s pretty much what happened in real life,” he says. “After the Titanic, a lot of safety regulations were made, and we don’t really have those kinds of problems anymore.” Karkat grumbles something to himself.

Then they come to the famous bow scene. John has seen it a million times before, and it’s old news to him, but Karkat looks transfixed. He finds himself watching the troll just as much as the screen. When Rose lets her arms out into the wind, Karkat sighs happily, a small smile playing on his lips. It’s an odd look for him. And when the couple kisses, he briefly lets a sharp-toothed grin escape. He seems so happy, John starts to feel a little guilty for picking such a sad film.

He tries not to look at Karkat when Rose drops her robe to be sketched. But he can’t help but notice that he has his shirt pulled up to his eyes, hunched forward in his seat. Not wanting to talk during the awkward naked bits, John doesn’t say anything, but he quietly wonders what he’s doing. When Rose writes her spiteful letter to Cal, Karkat emerges from his shirt and snorts.

“Ha! Brilliant,” he comments. The two boys smile through the chase scene, with Karkat laughing at Rose’s giving Lovejoy the finger. When they couple reaches the cargo hold, Karkat turns to John again. “Is that supposed to be a car?” he asks.

“Yeah, cars were a new thing back then,” says John.

“Shit. It doesn’t even look like it should be able to move.” Karkat tenses when Rose drags Jack into the backseat. He grips his collar when he asks If she’s nervous, and covers his face again when she starts kissing his fingertips.

“Um… John?” he asks through the fabric.

“Yeah?” John says, blushing awkwardly.

“Are they… gonna do it? Like onscreen?” John rubs his forehead.

“No… I mean, sort of. They don’t show anything lower than shoulders…” he says. Karkat retreats further into his shirt, eyebrows knitted intensely as he stares at the screen. John munches on popcorn, refusing to look at Karkat. Maybe watching sex scenes with guys is a little weird.

But when the couple returns to the deck, Karkat drops his collar from his face, looking no worse for wear. John sighs, relieved that he hasn’t put him off. Rose tells Jack that she wants to go with him when the ship docks, and Karkat’s eyes widen. And then the iceberg and the ship meet.

“Fuck,” Karkat groans. “I forgot the bloody boat sinks.” John giggles. Seeing grumpy Karkat so engrossed in a love story is kinda… hilarious. Yeah, that’s the word.

The boys watch with bated breath as Jack and Rose are confronted, and Jack is taken below. They gasp when Rose cuts his handcuffs and hold their breath when they desperately try to beat the rising water level. They run out of popcorn, and John sets the bowl on the floor. They watch intently as the disaster unfolds and the lifeboats begin to run out. Both of them end up sitting with their knees huddled up to their chins, and closer to one another.

“Oh fuck,” Karkat murmurs when the ship begins to break. The Titanic splits in half, and the stern that holds Jack and Rose begins to disappear below the surface. Karkat grips his shins tightly, and John glances over at him tentatively. He hears the troll sigh in relief when Jack finds Rose, and they both relax a little when they find the wooden door.

“Come on fucker,” Karkat mutters when Rose tries to wake Jack. He doesn’t move, frozen skin remaining stiff. Karkat tenses again, and John is startled when he hears a small sniffle.

“K-Karkat?” he says nervously. “Are you…”

“Fuck off,” Karkat says weakly. He shields his face from John and curls in on himself more. John feels his own heart lurch as Jack disappears under the black waters, and from next to him he hears an involuntary sob. He puts a hand on Karkat’s shoulder.

“It’s okay,” he says soothingly. “You don’t have to hide your face. I’ve cried watching this movie lots of times.”

“It’s- _hic-_ not that, stupid. I don’t want you to see my blood color,” Karkat says quietly. John is confused.

“Do you cry blood?” he asks.

“No! We cry tears, idiot. All our body fluids are the same color, are yours not?” Karkat sniffles. He wipes his face furiously with his sleeve.

“Karkat… I don’t care what color your blood is,” John says softly.

“It’s not up for discussion, I’m not showing you!” the other boy snaps.

“I’m not asking you to!” John insists. “I just- I’m your friend and I wouldn’t judge you over something silly like that. I don’t want you to think if I found out, I’d hate you or something.” Karkat flips him off, but he relaxes his muscles a little bit.

“Whatever,” he says sullenly. Another muffled sob. Rose is on the lifeboat now, but John isn’t really watching anymore. When Karkat stops crying, he thoroughly wipes his face and stops covering it. His eyes are swollen and pitiful, and John kind of wants to give him a hug.

When the final scene plays, and Rose reunites with Jack in the afterlife, Karkat starts crying all over again, and turns his back to John altogether. My Heart Will Go On starts to play, and the two boys sit in silence, with only Karkat’s muffled sniffles and shaky breaths to accompany the music.

“Why’d you have to pick a sad one,” Karkat grumbles.

“I’m sorry Karkat, I didn’t mean to make you cry,” John says, feeling guilty.

“It’s not your fault, I mean, fuck, it was beautiful…”

_Love can touch us one time, and last for a lifetime, and never let go till we’re gone._

“It’s a classic. I thought you’d appreciate it,” John says quietly.

“Yeah,” is the only reply.

_Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that the heart does go on._

“It’s just such a sweet story. They come from totally different worlds, and they barely understand each other, but they love each other so much, and she never forgets that love, even though she never sees him again…” John says, not even sure if Karkat’s listening. But he is.

_You’re here, there’s nothing I fear, and I know that my heart will go on._

“I need to get to sleep, John,” Karkat says softly. John pats him on the back and stands up from the couch.

“Okay. Thanks for watching with me, Karkat,” says John. Karkat sniffs.

“Yeah, you’re welcome, jackwit.” John giggles and leaves, turning one more time to look at his friend before leaving for his own room. His heart is beating a little faster than normal; seeing Karkat like that made him kind of nervous and on edge. It’s just so different from how he usually acts, and John wasn’t prepared for it.

Karkat changes into more comfortable clothes before entering his recuperacoon, tossing his tear-stained shirt against the wall forcefully. John just had to pick a sad movie. And he just had to gab on and on about lovers from two different worlds. Fuck fuck fuck. A crush on this dork is not happening. Humans are dumb and John is dumb. Fuck. Why did he have to go and cry in front of that asshole like a wriggler? He slips into his recuperacoon carelessly and lets the slime envelop him. Don’t think about stupid John. Think about Jack Dawson and his strange, light hair that shimmered in the sun. Mmm, much better. Fuck. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again to all you lovely people :) I hope you didn't throw up too much onto your keyboards, sheesh, I don't think I've ever written anything that sappy sweet. I love JohnKat, they're easily my OTP, and two of my overall favorite characters. Before yesterday, I had never actually seen Titanic, but I figured if I was going to write this scene properly, I'd better watch it. I wasn't expecting to love it, but god, did I love it. I didn't cry, though. I'm basically an unfeeling monster ;p
> 
> Thanks to those of you who went and checked out my tumblr, and for those of you who haven't yet, come see me at elisabomb.tumblr.com ! Pretty soon here, we'll have some actual space adventures.


	20. Stirrings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: mastur6ati9n.

“Hey Sollux? Are you in here?” Roxy says through the cracked door to his room. No reply. She nudges the door and it opens a little more. Sollux is fast asleep at his desk, and he looks restless. She gives him a sad smile. She’s been worried about him since Aradia showed up 3 days ago, and the computer in her hands is just an excuse to come talk to him. Roxy sets her laptop gingerly on his desk. His face is contorted in a pained expression, and a light yellow tear is threatening to fall from one eye. She looks over him sadly and quietly makes her way to the door.

“Roxy,” Aradia says, startling her as she exits Sollux’s room.

“Oh! Aradia, I didn’t see you, are you coming to talk to him? He’s asleep,” says Roxy. Aradia shakes her head.

“No, I was merely passing through,” she says. “Is he alright? How long were you with him?”

“Only a minute,” Roxy says, looking down. “I came down to have him look at my laptop and saw his door cracked. But when I went in, he was asleep.”

“Hm,” Aradia says metallically. “I worry about his condition. I know that talking to me will upset him further, but leaving him alone is hardly doing him any good.” Roxy frowns.

“I’m sick of beating around the bush here, what _happened_ with you guys?” she asks, frustration rising in her voice.

“That is not something I am willing to discuss in front of his door when he could wake up at any time,” Aradia says simply. Roxy sighs.

“Alright, alright. Sheesh,” she says. Aradia nods at her and clicks down the hall to knock on Equius’ door. Roxy peeks one more time into Sollux’s room. Tears have made their way down his gray cheeks, and he looks positively pitiful. She tiptoes in again and scrawls a note on a scrap of paper, leaving it neatly on top of her laptop. With one more sad glance his way, she hurries out of the room and properly closes the door.

\---

“Congratulations, Jane!” Jake says excitedly. He slings an arm around her neck.

“Thanks,” she beams. “Though you don’t have to say it every day, hehe.” Jake just grins.

“I’m just so happy for you,” he says. “I made you so sad, and I’m really glad you’re happy now!” Jane rolls her eyes good-naturedly.

“You’re a doofus, but I’m in too good a mood to object,” she says. He squeezes her, and she smiles. “You’re a good friend, Jake.”

“You too, Janey! Now where oh where have our darling twins gone?” Jane blushes.

“Jake I’ve been dating him for 3 days! You’re such a brat,” she protests.

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” he says. “Seriously though, where have those scalawags gone, Kanaya wants to check up on them.” Jane giggles.

“I don’t know, I don’t claim to understand them,” she says.

“Jake, c’mere,” Dirk says from his doorway. “Hi Jane. Dave’s out in the warehouse if you’re looking for him. Oh, and I didn’t really get to say much before, but I’m really glad you’re dating my bro. You’ll take good care of him.” Jane blushes, and Jake bounds over to greet his boyfriend.

“Thank you,” she says shyly. “I’m just really happy he returns my feelings.” Dirk grins at her before pulling Jake inside to do god knows what. Jane decides she doesn’t want to think too hard about it.

She stops by her room to slip on some shoes, and heads down the stairs to the common space. Karkat and Kanaya appear to be deep in conversation on one of the couches, and Tavros is making soup in the kitchen. Jane goes outside into the night and strays from the covered path this time. The wind sweeps past her and the stars glisten above her, and she feels her heart skip. She opens the warehouse doors with a lurch, and finds Dave up on the raised platform against the back wall. He’s standing in front of a high, inclined table.

“Hey,” he says, looking up and giving her a small smile.

“Hi,” Jane says shyly. “Your brother said you were out here. Hope I’m not interrupting any secret rituals.” Dave smirks.

“Nah, just busting out the old tables,” he says. “Bro brought ‘em with, they’re some of our old ones.” She comes around to the back of the table and sees that it’s an elaborate electronic setup complete with turntables.

“That’s right, you guys DJ all the time,” she says. “That’s so cool, I’ve never actually seen anyone do it before.”

“Heh, well, hopefully I’ll have these in business here soon. I figured a good old fashioned human party would be a good time, and we’d get to see what kind of weird shit trolls pass off as dancing,” he chuckles. Jane smiles.

“When are you going to have the party?” she asks.

“Eh, not for a while. Right now I’m just getting used to the old setup and playin’ around. I figure once everyone’s a little more used to each other.” Jane peers around him to scope out the table.

“That’s so neat,” she says. “Do you think you could show me?” Dave turns to face her and grins kindly.

“Sure thing,” he says. He flicks a switch and the whole setup lights up. A couple of fast taps on his laptop, and he has a beat laid down. He switches it up every now and then, and adds a heavy bass. “Got any songs you like?”

“I… uh,” she says shyly. “I don’t know. I wasn’t prepared for this, haha.” He smirks and scrolls through his repertoire, picking a song for her. It’s a recent song, with two female singers and an upbeat pace.

“How’s that?” he asks, giving her a sideways glance.

“Great,” she says. “I love this one.” He turns his full attention to his tables and spins out a pretty sick remix, with her tapping to the beat and watching intently. When he’s finished, he steps back and she claps.

“That was so cool!” Jane says enthusiastically. “Your hands were just all over the place, and you said you weren’t used to this!” He grins again and nudges her towards the table.

“You wanna try?” he asks.

“Oh. I um… I don’t want to break anything,” she mumbles. He sets the beat on his laptop and gently takes her wrists, standing behind her. She blushes and allows herself to be led, trying to pay attention to what he’s showing her, but inevitably noticing his scent, relishing his proximity, and enjoying the softness of his hands.

“Here, slide that dealie. That’s the crossfade,” Dave explains. She obeys, and he gives her wrist a little squeeze. He guides her hands faster and faster, prompting her to flick switches and scratch the tables themselves. She has no idea what she’s doing, but she’s having fun, and it makes Dave smile behind her.

“Whoo! I think I’m done for a while,” Jane says once the track is finished. “That was so much fun, thank you for showing me.” She turns slightly and cranes her neck around to smile at him. He gives her a lopsided grin, and tightens his grip on her wrists. He crosses her arms awkwardly in front of her body, trapping her against him.

“No problem, it’s hard to pass up an opportunity to show off my mad shit,” he says. “Gotta keep my image up, if I don’t have at least a minor entourage of fans I lose my credibility. I can’t come back to Earth and have no DJ Cred.”

“Hoo hoo, Dave, I can’t move!” she laughs. She’s pressed right up into his chest, and she’s having minor palpitations.

“Oh, so quick to run out on me? Did I school you that hard?” he teases. Jane blushes.

“No! Well… yes, you did. But I’ve got nowhere to be.” He kisses the top of her head.

“You have a get-out-of-schooled-free card thanks to your girlfriend status,” he explains.

“Beh- I,” she stammers. “I’m still not used to that, hehe.”

“Well, get used to it, cause you and me are dating so hard I dunno if that ship’s gonne hold us on the way home. We might get stuck here with these gray-skinned fuckers forever. I mean, being this great has some serious consequences. I’m gonna miss my bro.”

“Hee hee hee, Dave, you go on the best tangents,” Jane giggles.

“Yeah I know, it’s cool,” he says. She frees herself from his grip and spins around so she’s facing him.

“Hi,” she says bashfully, looking up at him. Another lopsided grin.

“God you’re cute,” says Dave. “It’s kinda silly, honestly.” Her cheeks turn pink. In a sudden moment of bravery, she leans forward and kisses him for second time. His hand comes up to rife through her short hair, and she lets herself go a bit limp against him.

“I think I can get used to it,” she giggles when they pull back from each other. “Being your girlfriend, I mean.” He smirks.

“Sick,” is all he says. He takes her glasses off and places them on top of her head.

“Mm?” she questions. “Mm!” Dave’s mouth is on hers again, more fervently this time, and her whole face lights up scarlet. She kisses him back and clutches the fabric of his shirt. Goodness, kissing is nothing like she imagined, it’s so much better.

After three or so minutes, Dave breaks away and grins.

“Sorry. Too much?” he asks.

“No,” Jane breathes. He chuckles. “But how come my glasses come off, but not yours?” Dave’s eyebrows furrow.

“I’ll show you sometime, ok? Not right now. But you’ll get ‘em off me one of these days.” She nods. “Hey, turn around, I want to show you something again.” She turns to face the turntables again, and Dave starts setting things up his way. This time the beat is heavier, and the bass is deep.

“Do you want me to…” she trails off.

“Nah, I got this one. Just watch,” he says. He begins to spin out the song, a quick, heavy song with a lot of piano. The tempo changes several times throughout, and Jane can feel him tense up to man the controls, and breathe more heavily.

When the last refrain of the song hits, Jane feels chills throughout her body, and wishes she could see Dave’s face as he performs. When the song reaches its conclusion, he steps away from the setup and lets out a triumphant sigh.

“Fuck yeah, I can still throw that shit down on these old things,” he says.

“That was amazing, what was it?” Jane asks.

“I call it Alphamatic,” says Dave. “Fuck, I’m thirsty now though. Want to head back to the house and get some juice?” Jane nods, and waits patiently while Dave powers down the setup and packs up his laptop. Slinging his bag over his shoulder, he offers her his hand. She smiles, and takes it happily. They two of them walk back to the house hand in hand, Dave’s expression no different from the norm, and Jane shyly smiling.

\---

“Kanaya, are you busy?”  Karkat asks from the doorway. Kanaya looks over her shoulder.

“No, come in. Sorry it’s a mess in here,” she says. Karkat closes the door and steps over the heaps of fabric on the floor.

“I’m a wreck and I could really use a jam right now,” he says plainly. Kanaya stands up.

“Sure thing, Karkat. What’s on your mind? Here, would you like to sit in the scrap pile? It’s actually rather cozy.” He sits into the pile of colorful fabrics and sighs. Kanaya kneels all ladylike and relaxes next to him.

“A few days ago I watched some dumb earth movie with John, and it was really fucking sad,” he sighs. “So, class act that I am, I cried. In front of freaking Egbert.”

“Did he see the color of your tears?” Kanaya asks.

“No, I made sure of that, ugh, did you know humans don’t even cry colored tears? They’re just like water,” he says.

“I did, but go on.”

“Yeah. So he goes on some noble tangent about how he doesn’t care about my blood color and that I shouldn’t worry, and all that. Stupid wiggler doesn’t even know what blood colors mean, and he’s being all ‘tolerance acceptance yak yakkety fuck’,” he huffs. “And of course, my think pan can’t be on my side in all this. When does anything ever work in a way that’s not hilariously retarded for me?”

“What are you talking about, Karkat?” Kanaya asks patiently.

“Okay, the first time I saw him in person I was horribly disgustingly attracted to him,” Karkat mutters.

“You never told me so,” she says, sounding surprised.

“I know, and I’m sorry for being dodgy with it. It’s just embarrassing…”

“It’s perfectly fine, Karkat. Just because you are my moirail does not mean I have to know every thought that crosses your mind,” she says, running her fingers through his hair soothingly. He sighs.

“It keeps crossing my mind,” he grumbles. “And then he goes off saying shit like that, and you know the bastard really means it, and I don’t even know what his brain damage is, but all this bullshit is leaving me feeling kind of…”

“Flushed,” Kanaya supplies. Karkat picks up a scrap of fabric and buries his face in it.

“Fucking dammit,” he says. “Yes.” Kanaya can see the blush creeping all the way up to the tips of his ears. She’s known his blood color since they became moirails.

“Karkat, I know you have been opposed to flushed affection for some time, but I don’t advise that you directly oppose your feelings,” she says.

“Then what the hell am I supposed to do?!” he exclaims. “He’s an alien! And the last thing we need is animosity between us and the humans. You know that’s how it would end up. My quadrants are like little bombs waiting to arm themselves with unsuspecting victims!” Kanaya rubs his horns, and he relaxes somewhat, leaning back into her hands.

“You are perfectly capable of having a healthy relationship,” she chides. “I find our moiraillegiance to be most fulfilling. You have never been in a caliginous relationship, and you have only had one flushed relationship. I hardly think you have a basis for your claim.” Karkat sighs.

“Yes, and that flushed relationship is exactly why I don’t intend to have another one anytime soon,” he says. “It was so unstable that we’d flip black, but I never found her to be an adequate black partner, so I’d never be satisfied, and try and force it back to red, and then everyone was just fucking confused.”

“Terezi was a poor match for you, I would agree. She provoked your anger for her amusement, though, which I would say was the basis for the instability,” she says. “John is a gentle person. He enjoys harmless pranking, but it is not in his nature to goad.”

“So fucking what, he’s got one leg up on Terezi, it really doesn’t change the fact that the problem is me. Are you seriously suggesting I proposition this fucker?” Karkat says incredulously.

“I disagree with you. I don’t think you have fundamental problems that would  prevent a good matespritship. And perhaps I am suggesting that,” she says smoothly.

“Kanaya, I appreciate your open-mindedness, but for god’s sake he’s not even a _troll_. He’s completely biologically different, and he’s going back to his home planet for good once this study is finished,” he protests.

“His species is remarkably similar to our own,” Kanaya insists. “Would you be capable of flushed affections for him if that was false? He is perfectly capable of red feelings, just like us.” Karkat rolls his eyes.

“For fuck’s sake, just because he _could_ do redrom doesn’t mean it’s a good idea,” he huffs.

“So I am correct in my assumption that you would disapprove of my pursuit of one of the humans?” Kanaya asks coolly.

“Wait what?” he asks, suddenly very alert. “Since when? Which one?”

“It was a hypothetical question, though that isn’t to say that the elder Lalonde hasn’t piqued my interest,” she says calmly.

“Kanaya…” he says. “I don’t know. It’s not for me to say who you date, I just think it’s a weird fucking idea. For me.” He drags his palm down his face.

“Karkat, I understand your reservations. But if you came to me with these feelings, they must be more than fleeting thoughts, I assume,” she says.

“Ugh. Yes. But I don’t want you to encourage them, I want you to help me get them out of my think-pan before I go shithive maggots,” he grumbles.

“I’m sorry, but as your moirail, I cannot endorse that plan of action. I do not believe it to be best for you,” she says curtly.

“Dammit,” he growls. “I’ll deal with it on my own.” He stands up, and she reaches out to him, looking concerned.

“Karkat…” she says quietly.

“Look, I’m sorry. I’m ignoring your advice like a bastard. You’re a great moirail, so don’t put this on yourself,” he says before leaving in a huff. Kanaya sighs sadly. She loves Karkat, but she suspects taking him as a moirail is her biggest challenge yet.

\---

Karkat groans under the weight of the other boy.

“Are you going to make me do all the work?” John asks playfully. Karkat grumbles under his breath and pulls John’s shirt over his head, exposing his flat chest and knocking his glasses askew. John giggles and takes them off. Those eyes are even more gorgeous without the lens to diffuse the light, and Karkat can’t resist pulling him down to kiss him. He can feel John’s hands between them, undoing his strange blue human pants, and sighs softly into his mouth.

“Someone’s in a hurry,” Karkat scoffs. John only laughs as he wiggles out of his pants, leaving him entirely bare on top of the troll, bulge twisting against the other’s waistband.

“Mm, maybe you’re just too slow,” his partner teases. John undoes Karkat’s pants and helps him kick them off, freeing his bulge and making him gasp. John’s hips are just far enough from his own to prevent their appendages from touching.

“Fuck, John, just do it,” Karkat says through gritted teeth.

“Hehe, but I know you love to take your time,” the other teases with a wink. Karkat grips his lover’s hips and thrusts upward, allowing their bulges to wrap around one another. They sigh in unison, and lower themselves in tandem to the pillows below.

“Fuck,” Karkat moans. John breathes heavily into his neck.

“You’re gorgeous,” he sighs. Karkat blushes. Dammit. “Fuck me, Karkat.”

\---

“Shit!” Karkat curses, sitting up in his recuperacoon a little too quickly and bumping his head. “Fuck!” He clambers out and sloughs the bulk of the slime back into the cocoon. _What the bloody pan-rotted fuck was that dream._ He shakes his head violently and tries to rid himself of the thoughts, but they persist, along with the needy ache in his bone bulge. It desperately wants to unsheathe. “Ugh, _why?!_ ” he groans. He finds a towel and irritably rushes to the ablution block. Nobody else is in there, thank god. He chooses the ablution stall furthest from the door and wrenches the curtain shut.

Once the water is hot and his clothes are off, he steps into the stream and allows the red appendage to slide out from behind its bony sheath. He twists it between his fingers and slides down the wall with a sigh. He hates touching himself. He likes himself far too little to sit around indulging his stupid flesh. But sometimes it’s just unbearable, too distracting, too uncomfortable not to take care of it. He tries his damndest to shove John out of his mind, but as his sensitive organ slicks between his fingers the human boy pervades his thoughts more and more. His eyes screw shut as he comes, and as his genetic material flushes down the drain, he curses himself in shame.

When Karkat arrives downstairs for breakfast, he avoids the gaze of Sollux, Jade, Eridan, Nepeta, and Gamzee. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone. He takes two eggs from the fridge and heads right back up the stairs to eat them in solitude, but as luck would have it, John is on his way downstairs.

“Good morning Karkat!” he says brightly. Karkat scowls and looks down, not slowing his ascent. John watches after him and sighs.

“He’s not a morning person, JH,” Sollux comments. “Don’t take it personally, he’s just an asshole.” John smiles halfheartedly.

“He usually at least acknowledges me, even if it’s to call me a fuckstain,” he says. “I really hope I didn’t upset him.” But Karkat has talked to him since they watched Titanic, and he didn’t seem upset then.

“No, seriously kid, you didn’t do anything. He’s just a fuck,” Sollux says flatly. Nepeta hands him a waffle and he slathers it in some kind of green syrup.

“Well, you know him better than I do,” says John. “Nepeta, do you mind making an extra waffle for me?”

“Not at all!” the olive-blood says cheerfully. “Good meowrning John.” He grins at her.

“How’s it going?” he asks.

“Great! Equius showed me a new recipe for waffles and it’s a big hit so far,” she says. “He never talks about it, but he’s a pawesome cook.” John smiles.

“The two of you are so cute,” he comments. “I don’t really get the whole moirail thing, but it seems really amazing. I’m kinda jealous we don’t have anything like that.”

“Oh, but you have flushed romance!” Nepeta chirps. “That’s possibly the best quadrant of all.” John laughs.

“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never actually had a relationship before, hehe,” he admits.

“Mrrr, I haven’t either, but I love shipping, it’s so much fun to try and figure out who will go best with who, and see which ships come true,” she beams.

“Wait, so you ship real people?” he asks.

“Yes! My furiends are my favorites to ship, tehe. I have all sorts of theories, it’s so fun.” He giggles.

“Do you ship any of us yet?” he asks jokingly.

“Actually yes!” says Nepeta. “I mean, Dirk and Jake are together already. And Dave and Jane just got together the other day! I don’t have many ships figured out with you guys yet, but some of them actually involve some of us!” John looks surprised.

“Wow, so you think there’s going to be some human-troll relationships happening?” he says. “Who with? Or is that private?”

“Well, I never reveal ships involving the person I’m talking to,” she says mischievously. “And I don’t know if I can trust you with classified information.” John smiles.

“Alright, alright. Just making sure you’re not shipping me with Eridan or anything.”

“Okay I can tell you for sure that’s not a thing,” Nepeta says, making a face. “Oh, here’s your waffle!” He takes it gratefully.

“Thanks Nepeta! Nice talking to you!” he says before heading into the living room. He still can’t help but worry about Karkat a little. But maybe Sollux is right, and nothing’s up at all. He is a grump after all. He takes a bite of his waffle and sits down with Jade, pushing the thought to the back of his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sollux's sulk continues. Okay so guys I LOVE writing Dave/Jane. And I can't wait for Dave and Dirk to have some sort of brotherly talk about their love lives and their emotional states. Cause I just love the dynamic these two could have as twins. Also, Karkat having dirty thoughts is the best. And Karkat thinks the humans' eye colors correspond to their blood, so in his dream, John has a vibrantly blue bone bulge ;P
> 
> Thanks to those of you who have started following me on tumblr :) those who haven't, stop by at elisabomb.tumblr.com to say hey!


	21. Assemble and Move Out

“Okay Earth brats. Listen up,” Karkat says crossly, standing in front of a map. The humans have been around for almost a full month, and the twins are almost fully recovered. “We are going south. It’s the dark season in the southern hemisphere, and since sitting around in a crowded hive with you losers is boring, we’re going to show you around the planet.”

“That means it’s night all the time,” Eridan says condescendingly.

“Who is talking here?” Karkat snaps. “We’re going to the catacombs of the old Subjugglators. Ancient indigo bloods who ruled over the land-dwellers. Subjugglators now live in more sophisticated castles in several different locations. The old catacombs were pretty fucking important in the Summoner’s revolution, though.”

“And there’s all sorts of motherfuckin’ secrets down there,” Gamzee adds. “Supposed to be whole areas that only indigo bros can access.”

“Yes, which is why we’re bringing you instead of leaving you to drool in a pile here,” says Karkat. Gamzee honks a horn.

“We’re going to leave tomorrow at the crack of dusk. If we travel all night, we should be far enough south that we’re in dim season territory, and the sun won’t roast our wretched carcasses,” Karkat continues. “Tavros will provide us with mounts.” Tavros nods.

“I don’t need one,” Dirk says. “And I can take one other person on my board.”

“Fine, just shut the fuck up and let me finish,” Karkat snaps. “We’re staying in tents, which I assume you have on earth. Bring your bed textiles and pillows unless you want to stay in a sopor bag. That is all, be ready and packed by dusk tomorrow or we will leave you here.”

“We’re going to explore old ruins, isn’t that capitol?” Jake asks in John and Jane’s general direction. Jane grins.

“Yeah, we’ll get to see all kinds of alien history!” she agrees.

“I’m looking forward to camping,” John adds.

“So hey, which one of you wants a ride on the Strider express?” Dirk says. “Jake, you haven’t ridden the board before, how about you?” Jake grins.

“Sure thing!” he says. “I’ve had a hankering to try it.” As the humans chatter amongst themselves, Karkat and Kanaya work on organizing the supplies.

“Okay, 10 sopor bags, we have those,” Karkat says. “You have the food all packed up over there… reins for whatever abominations Tavros brings in… tents…” Kanaya places a hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry so much,” she soothes. “We already double checked the supplies. I just need your help figuring out how to mount it to a beast.” Karkat rubs his forehead and nods, joining her in lashing supplies together.

“Are we even allowed to go down to the catacombs?” he asks.

“No. But Aradia requested permission from Her Grace, and Her Grace is allowing it,” Kanaya says.

“Ugh, I wish everyone would stop calling her that and just say Feferi,” he grumbles. “So are we going to get attacked by Subjugglators for going down there?”

“Unlikely,” she assures him. “And if we were to be attacked, we have Gamzee with us. Despite his nature, he is an important descendent in the order.” Karkat rolls his eyes.

“Depending on Gamzee to save us all,” he says. “Brilliant.”

\---

The next morning, the gang steps outside to meet several horses, a few oxen, and two giant lizard creatures.

“I have them under my influence,” Tavros says proudly. He himself has a strange purple horse creature of his own at his side.

“For the safety of the humans, I suggest that each rides with one of us,” Aradia suggests.

“Works for me,” Karkat says curtly, loading the last of the supplies onto the oxen. He grabs John’s arm and pulls him over to one of the horses. “Ride with me, I have practice tolerating you.” Terezi calls Dave over, Nepeta claims Jade, Rose joins Kanaya, Tavros invites Jane over, and Roxy approaches Sollux.

“Are you serious,” Sollux says irritably. Roxy just smiles and steps up onto the horse. “Fine. I guess I can’t really justify making you ride with EQ, ED, VK, or GZ.” Aradia blasts into the air with the jets on her feet, and Equius and Eridan each mount a horse. Vriska and Gamzee take the lizards. Jake wraps his arms tightly around Dirk’s chest, and the board lifts up.

“Ready?” Dirk asks. Jake nods against his back, and they zoom around above the others.

“Cut that shit out!” Karkat shouts. “We’re leaving!” Tavros and Jane lead the pack on the purple horse, who Tavros calls Horseaponi, and the others follow, making sure to herd the oxen along. Dirk tries to get Aradia to race him, but she ignores him.

“Whoa, I’ve never ridden a horse before,” John says brightly. Karkat rolls his eyes. The group maintains a steady, quick pace across the landscape, weaving between trees and mysterious alien creatures.

“We’ll be, um, going by my hive at some point,” Tavros says to Jane, just loud enough for her to hear. “My lusus will be coming with us.”

“Oh wow, that’s your custodian, right?” she asks.

“Yes. He’s, my best friend.”

“What do you think?” Dirk asks Jake, looping around a tree. Jake is clutching him tightly.

“It’s intense!” he says. “I daresay you’re doing this on purpose.” Dirk laughs.

“You can handle it!” he insists.

“It is fun,” Jake admits. Dirk turns sharply, putting their bodies at a 45 degree angle to the ground. Jake squeaks, and Dirk only laughs.

They ride for a few hours before reaching Tavros’ hive, where a little white winged bull is waiting for them. They dismount and stretch their legs, while Tavros runs on bionic legs to meet his lusus.

“Tinkerbull!” he says happily. “I missed you.” Tinkerbull nudges him affectionately. The trolls and humans unload some food from the oxen and set up for lunch. Whereas the two groups used to eat separately, now they all mingle and chat together.

“TZ, you’re a little close to the fire don’t you think?” says Sollux.

“Nah, I’m good right here, it just smells so good,” Terezi assures him. Dirk pokes at Jake’s lips with a sausage, making him blush and making Dave pretend to gag. Equius cooks up a thick cut of meat for Nepeta, who waits cheerfully in his lap.

“Dave, would you like grub sauce on your sandwich?” Kanaya asks politely, extending the jar. Dave leans away from it and pulls a face.

“ _No_ ,” he says. Kanaya and Terezi chuckle. Gamzee spreads sopor slime all over his steak.

“Augh don’t touch me!” Vriska snaps at Eridan, who folds his arms defensively. Rose and Roxy share a flask of vodka and giggle quietly to themselves, while Jade plays with Tinkerbull next to them. Terezi’s pants catch fire and she scoots back, splashing her drink on herself and laughing while Karkat shakes his head.

“Don’t you give me that, Karkles. I can tell you’re being a snarky brat over there,” Terezi says. Karkat just folds him arms and huffs.

“Dirk, cut it out, I’ve already had 5 sausages!” Jake laughs, pushing the offending sausage back towards his boyfriend. Jane scoots closer to Dave, and he pulls her by the shoulder into a side-hug. Aradia floats overhead, staying alert in case of trouble. Sollux looks up at her occasionally and sighs to himself, but soon he’s too preoccupied with Tinkerbull landing on his head to think about it.

“John, do you want me to cut that for you?” Jade asks, noticing John’s struggle to cut through the tough meat on his plate. She whips out a little laser, and neatly slices it into cubes.

“Wow, thanks!” John says. “Do you always carry that thing around?” Jade nods.

“It’s so handy!” she says. “And it can be pretty deadly if I need to defend myself. Grandpa always feels better when I have a lot of weapons.”

“Yeah, I’ve never seen you without a gun,” he says, chewing on one of the cubes. “You ever practice with Jake?”

“I really should sometime!” she says. “He’s got those goofy golden pistols, I’d like to see how they shoot.” She lasers her own sandwich into little bites and eats them daintily.

\---

Once everyone is done eating lunch, they load the oxen back up and prepare for more travel. Tinkerbull settles into the hood of Tavros’ sweatshirt, and everyone returns to their mounts. They set a fast pace southward, riding through a stunning canyon striped with vibrant colors.

“Wow, Karkat, Alternia is really beautiful,” John says over his shoulder.

“Yes, it can be,” Karkat agrees.

“What’s your region like?”

“I’ll tell you later if you still give a fuck about stupid things,” Karkat snaps. “Too hard to hear with the damn wind.”

“Okay,” says John. “When we talk about that, I’ll have to tell you about where I live!” Karkat rolls his eyes, but doesn’t object. Egbert may be long winded and talk about stupid things, but he’s always so upbeat and passionate that Karkat strangely doesn’t mind too much.

Roxy leans back into Sollux’s chest and giggles, now fairly drunk.

“Sollux. We are the rider,” she drawls.

“What the fuck are you saying?” he asks. She leans her head all the way back so she can see his face.

“We are on the horse. We are the rider. Into the sun…rise. Hehehehe,” she giggles. Sollux takes one hand off the reins to put his hand over her mouth, and she snorts.

“Whatever is in that shit you drink, it makes you worse than Gamthee,” he says.

“Ehehehe, your lisp,” she drawls.

“What about it, fuck,” he quips.

“It’s really cute. I like it. You shouldn’t hide it all the time!” Sollux groans.

“It’s not cute, it’s actually kind of an atrocity,” he says.

“I like it. I like you. You’re too serious and it’s funny,” says Roxy.

“And you’re too psycho, dial it the fuck down,” he complains.

“Sollux, do you have a red quadrant person?” she asks. He tenses.

“No. I don’t,” he says quietly, quickly transitioning from irritable to forlorn.

“Oh, did I make you sad? I don’t wanna make you sad. Sad riders, bad news,” she slurs.

“I just had a couple shitty exthperiences with redrom,” he says. Roxy frowns.

“Were you and Aradia-“

“ _Stop!_ ” he interjects suddenly. A few others turn to look. Roxy almost falls off the horse, Sollux catching her with his arm. “Look, I’m sorry okay,” he says quietly. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Roxy puts her hand on his sympathetically, and says no more.

“You guys okay over there?” John shouts to them.

“Just peachy JH,” Sollux snaps. Aradia floats higher and further ahead.

\---

When finally the canyon opens up to a giant castle, everyone is tired and hungry for dinner. The castle is ancient and abandoned, and several sections of it are collapsed.

“There is a person ahead,” Aradia warns. Karkat, assuming the role of leader, canters forward on his horse until he can see a cloaked, hooded figure standing in the entrance to the catacombs. It’s clearly a woman, and Karkat approaches her with caution.

“Hello!” the woman says cheerfully. She drops her hood, and Karkat gasps. She is beautiful, a seadwelling troll with upwards pointing horns and a pair of pink goggles. Her hair flows out of the hood in silky waves, and though she is dressed in rags, she has an air of elegance to her.

“Feferi?” Karkat asks, awed. “What are you doing here?” She giggles.

“I came to surprise you!” Feferi says enthusiastically. “Nobody really knows what’s down here, cause the Condesce didn’t like people snooping. And I couldn’t resist meeting our alien fronds. Can he understand me?” She points at John.

“Yes!” John says cheerfully. He extends his hand for her to shake, and she looks at him in confusion. “I’m John Egbert, You must be the new empress? It’s great to meet you.” Feferi giggles.

“I don’t know what you want me to do with your hand,” she says. “But yes, I’m the new girl in charge! I don’t really like empress, it sounds too iron-fishted. But there isn’t really a better word.”

“You shake hands, like, you take my hand and we shake once, it’s a friendly human thing,” John explains. Feferi smiles and shakes his hand, surprising him with her strength.

“Wonderful!” she says. “Let’s go meet the others, I can’t wait to see everyone. It’s been a whale since I’ve seen some of them.” She winks at Karkat, and walks with them back to the group.

“Your Grace?” Eridan says incredulously. “What are you doing here? And dressed like that!” Feferi glares his direction.

“I can do and wear whatever I like, Eridan,” she retorts. “And I must remind you to call me Feferi!” The humans and trolls begin to dismount, hitching the beasts to a half-buried section of gate.

“Hey FF,” Sollux says quietly. Feferi’s eyes light up.

“Sollux!” she exclaims, running forward and lifting him into the air with an enthusiastic hug. “It’s been too long!” He smiles bashfully.

“Ehehe, yeah, it has been. How are you?” he asks.

“I’m wonderful, it’s so good to see everyone again!” She sets him down and ruffles his hair, making him blush a little. Eridan huffs, but Feferi ignores him and goes over to greet everyone else.

“And you all must be the humans!” she says cheerfully. “I’m Feferi. I’ve known these guys for most of my life.” She shakes each of their hands. The humans all introduce themselves, and the trolls begin unpacking for dinner and camping.

\---

“Gamzee, help me get this last tent up,” Karkat says, struggling with the fifth tent. The tall troll saunters over and helps him bend the poles into place, while everyone else tries to sort out sleeping arrangements.

“We have 20 now, but Aradia isn’t sleeping, so we should have 4 to a tent, with one having 3,” Nepeta explains. “So, figure it out, hehe.”

“Well, it makes sense for the human girls to take one, and the human boys to take another,” says Rose.

“Tavros, do you want to tent with Equius and me?” Nepeta asks.

“Sure, I don’t see why not,” Tavros agrees. Equius begins to object, but Tavros cuts him off. “Gamzee, would you like to join us?”

“Sure thing, motherfucker,” he says, shrugging.

“KK, get FF over here before ED can,” Sollux snickers. Karkat rolls his eyes, but he beckons for Feferi. She bounces over, and Sollux smirks. Kanaya, Eridan, Vriska, and Terezi are left, so to diffuse tension between the latter two, Karkat gestures for Terezi to come over.

“Hehe, this is like a slumber party,” Jade says, cuddling into her blankets.

“I can’t wait to see the ruins tomorrow,” says Roxy. Jane nods.

“Jake is going to have a seizure, hehe,” she giggles.

“If sharing a tent with Dirk doesn’t kill him,” Rose remarks. The girls giggle, and Rose couldn’t be more correct.

\---

“Bro, I’m so going to have to separate you two,” Dave groans. He mashes the buttons on his handheld game and John curses next to him.

“Nah, just don’t worry bout it,” says Dirk. “You keep playing with John, and I’ll keep playing with Jake. Dave hits him with a pillow, giving John the edge in their race. Dirk starts tickling Jake, who giggles like a schoolgirl to Dirk’s delight.

“Strider, cut it out, we’re already bugging Dave,” Jake gasps. Dirk lays off and smooches him on the cheek.

“Oh, alright. Anything for you honeybunch,” he says teasingly.

“Uuughhh,” Dave complains.

“So Dave, how are things with Jane?” John asks, trying to distract him. Dave’s usual smirk returns.

“Good,” he says. “She’s a great girl. And she has good taste in cool.” John laughs.

“Dave, you’re so chill about everything. Aren’t you excited?” he asks.

“Nah,” Dave says. “I don’t get too excited over much.” John just shakes his head, knowing full well that Dave’s poker face is bullshit, but he doesn’t push it.

“For real though, Dave,” Jake pipes up. “I’m chuffed as chips that you’re seeing Jane. She deserves a good guy to make her feel special.” Dave shrugs.

“I dunno if I make the cut there, but I’m what the doctor ordered,” he says. “For what it’s worth, even though you two are gross, I’m pretty down with you dating my bro.” Jake blushes.

“Well, thank you,” he says. “Good to know.”

“Oh boy, it’s just a big ball of feelings in this tent,” John jokes.

“Well, I mean, don’t you have any pent up gushy feelings Egbert?” Dirk asks. “Tell us about your late-day movie dates with Karkat.” John sits straight up and glares at him indignantly, cheeks colored pink.

“We both like movies, so what?!” he defends. “They’re not dates, yeesh.” Dave chuckles.

“Wow, that’s some face you’re giving him, bro,” he says to John. “He’s just teasin’. You do spend a lot of time with the old disgruntle-master.”

“Yeah, well, he’s my friend, and he doesn’t make fun of my movies like you,” John retorts.

“I like your movies!” Jake interjects.

“Yeah, man, and I watch movies with you all the time too,” says John.

“Maybe I could join you and Karkat sometime then,” Jake suggests.

“Sure thing, man, invitation’s wide open. Seeing as they _aren’t dates_.” He glowers at Dirk, who just chuckles and squeezes Jake.

\---

“Equius, scoot over, lemme lay by you,” Gamzee says, sopor bag under one arm. Equius tenses.

“Um… yes, as you wish, highblood,” he stammers, edging towards Nepeta to give him room.

“Thanks motherfucker. It’s just easier layin’ in the tall part of the tent, being so lanky and all.” Equius swallows, and grabs a towel from his bag.

“Of course,” he says. Tavros rolls out his sopor bag and opens it up, slipping inside and bumping Gamzee a few times with his horns.

“I’m, um, I’m sorry, Gamzee,” he says. Gamzee just reaches over and squeezes his shoulder.

“No big deal, bro. Just get motherfuckin’ comfortable,” he reassures him. Tinkerbull flutters over and settles on Gamzee’s chest, making him smile.

\---

“So Karkat, how have you been?” Feferi asks. Karkat shrugs. It hasn’t been that long since he’s seen her, but he doesn’t mind her questioning for now.

“Same as ever,” he says. “Reaping the rewards of my past self’s stupidity. I have acquired a human fanboy, to my constant irritation.” Feferi giggles.

“KK if you don’t want to hang out with him all the time, then stop hanging out with him all the time, fuck,” Sollux says. Karkat rolls his eyes.

“I’m in charge of this horseshit, the least I can do is watch a damn movie with the kid every once in a while,” he snaps.

“Ehehehe.”

“Feferi, do you enjoy your new job?” Terezi asks.

“Yes!” she replies. “It’s hard, and I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I’m doing my best to make the lives of Alternians better, and it eels good. I’m lifting the ban on adult trolls next perigee, the hope is to reintegrate some slowly, with regulocean, and have the oldest generocean of trolls still on-planet just stay if they prefer.”

“So you wanna make life a bit more like it was before the Condesce flipped her shit,” Sollux says.

“Yes,” she says. “But I don’t want to throw badly-adjusted adults onto the planet all at once.”

“Reasonable,” Terezi says. “It would certainly be interesting if the place wasn’t so deserted. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to getting kicked out in a couple of sweeps anyway.”

“That was the idea,” Feferi says cheerfully.

“It’s good to hear you’re ok, FF,” Sollux says softly. She hugs him.

“I could say the same about you,” she says. “I worry about you sometides.”

\---

“Vris, you’re takin’ up the whole left side,” Eridan gripes.

“Yeah, well, if you’d gotten here first, you’d have gotten your pick,” Vriska says, sticking her tongue out.

“Can we get some sleep?” Kanaya asks softly. “Vriska, I am a little cramped, if you could move over please.” Vriska rolls her eyes.

“Why do you have to auspistice between eeeeeeeeverybody?” Vriska complains. “I thought I’d gotten this loser out of my quadrants for good.”

“Hey, it was an honor bein’ my kismesis and you know it!” Eridan says.

“Auspisticism is natural,” says Kanaya. “Having someone in a quadrant is not shameful.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Vriska says, rolling her mismatched eyes. “I can deal with being in a quadrant with you. Especially after Karkat snatched you right out of my pale one.”

“Karkat did not snatch me,” Kanaya objects. “You and I broke up. His request for a relationship with me was entirely appropriate.”

“Eh, I’ll find a better moirail anyway,” Vriska says, settling into her sopor bag. “I hear Feferi’s pale quadrant is wide open.”

“Hey!” Eridan bristles.

“Vriska, please, if you would abstain from provoking Eridan,” Kanaya says sternly. “You know that he’ll only start in on a tirade, is that what you want?” Vriska sighs. No, she really doesn’t want that at all.

“Hey, Kan, don’t be picking sides,” says Eridan.

“I’m not, I’m simply reminding her of the consequences of her choices. I would similarly advise you not to give in to her taunts, because she will only take cheap shots at you.” Vriska rolls her eyes again, but says nothing. Eridan settles into his own sopor bag with a huff, and the trio goes to sleep, sufficiently mediated.

It isn’t long before Karkat, Feferi, Sollux, and Terezi are asleep too, with Feferi laying against Sollux’s side, and Terezi snoring peacefully.

With Tavros and Gamzee curled up facing each other, and Nepeta’s head on his chest, Equius is wide awake. He is too anxious to sleep next to Gamzee, even with the comforting purr of his moirail, and he hopes that eventually exhaustion will win out and he’ll catch a few hours. Tinkerbull snoozes happily between Gamzee and Tavros, fluttering his wings every so often.

Jake and Dirk fall asleep snuggled up together, Jake’s face pressed up to Dirk’s chest, and Dave stays up playing games with John until they get bored and pass out next to each other.

Rose looks up from her book to see Jade curled up in a big pile of blankets, and her sister sprawled out on her back. Jane fell asleep with her head propped up on Roxy’s thigh, and Rose snickers. She shuts off the light in her book and lays down next to Jade for a good night’s rest.

\---

“Wake up shitheads, we’re going to the catacombs!” Karkat shouts. “Wear decent shoes, nobody is going to drag you fuckers out of there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, how's that for a change of pace? Next several chapters will take place in the catacombs, and I've got a lot planned >:) I feel like this chapter was good for some character bonding time, even though I have a bit of a hard time juggling all 20 characters. Also, I just had to throw Tinkerbull in there, I just adore him. 
> 
> Sorry the updates have been getting more sparse, I just got a job working at Sears (lol, it's funny because title) and my summer classes have started. No matter what, though, I will see this story to the end. I already know how it ends, and I've already hooked too many of you to let it fall off now, hehe. Also, feel free to give me suggestions for things to have the gang find in the catacombs. Can't guarantee I'll use it, but I'd love to hear your ideas!
> 
> And now that Feferi's here, I can really sign off properly.
> 
> \-----------------E


	22. Into the Catacombs

With Aradia lighting the way, the group descends into the high halls of the catacombs. The ceilings are at least 50 feet tall, supported on massive pillars carved with menacing faces. There are old Alternian symbols everywhere, a language lost to the years.

“So this is where the high subjugglators got their motherfuckin’ start,” Gamzee says, looking around in awe. Jake runs about, inspecting a statue, then a carving, then a crack in the floor, anything he can find, with Jane not far behind him.

“Okay, in about 100 paces we should come to a large door.” Feferi says. The continue forward, and a huge, metal spiked door comes into view. It’s heavily rusted, but still very solid, and it takes Karkat, Dirk, and Equius together to move it. The door gives way with a cloud of dust, and a dark, steep spiral staircase continues down into the ground.

“Any of you wigglers who want to turn back, this would be the time,” Vriska says, leading the way with Karkat and Aradia. Even with the latter’s bright luminescence, the descent is dark and foreboding. The staircase finally terminates in a large dining hall, full of dry and decaying wooden tables and benches, many of which look to have been damaged long before the ruins were abandoned.

“Whoa, is this like the mead hall?” Jake asks. “Look, there are still dishes scattered around, wow, Dirk, look! There’s a skull over there!” He runs over and picks up an old, gray skull complete with brown and brittle troll horns.

“Put that down,” Karkat orders. “You don’t know what kind of chucklevoodoos are in place here.” Jake shrugs and sets it back down.

“Gamzee, see anything you know about?” Terezi asks.

“Nah, sis. I don’t know too much about these motherfuckers. I just know I’m supposed to be one of ‘em, someday,” Gamzee says apologetically.

“There are three large stone doors ahead,” Aradia informs them. “The middle one appears to be sealed with some variety of majyyks.

“Gamzee, this may be one of the doors only you can open. Would you give it a try?” Kanaya asks. He gives her a lopsided grin.

“Sure thing,” he says, approaching the door. There is a large handprint on it, and though his hand is small, the moment he touches it, the door begins to glow.

“Is it opening?” Tavros asks. Gamzee pushes, to no avail.

“Nope, nothin’ doing,” he says.

“Cut your hand,” Aradia says metallically from above him. “And then try again. It may be reacting to your blood, but without direct contact it isn’t opening completely.”

“Hey, you can’t tell him to-“ Karkat begins to shout, but Gamzee holds a hand up to stop him.

“No worries, bro. It’s just a scratch.” He drags his palm along one of his viciously sharp teeth, and indigo blood begins to ooze from the center. He presses his hand to the door again, and it rumbles before sinking into the floor. Karkat hands Gamzee a bandage from the medkit.

“Well how about that,” Gamzee says, wrapping his hand lazily. “Motherfuckin’ miracles.” Karkat rolls his eyes and flicks on his flashlight, flooding the area in front of him with light. He takes a few tentative steps into the corridor behind the door and gasps.

“Oh… fuck. I’m not going in there,” he says before turning and gagging. Vriska peeks over his shoulder and laughs.

“Oh, Karkat, you’re so stupid. What kind of troll is afraid of blood?” she taunts. He ignores her, and stands back out of the way. John peeks his head into the room, and his eyes go wide. Years and years of multicolored blood being splashed on the walls of the corridor have created a sickly, dried drip canvas in dulled shades of the hemospectrum. Hundreds of trolls probably died to paint that wall. He shudders.

“What’s wrong, are you a little bitch like Karkat?” Vriska asks. John frowns.

“Don’t say that, it’s pretty chilling, I can see why he doesn’t like it,” he says. “I don’t think I want to go in there either.” He backs out and stands by Karkat, who still looks uncomfortable. Nepeta pokes her head inside and grins.

“Heh, that’s an awful lot of blood. Equius, are you coming?” she asks. He nods, and joins her. Gamzee, Rose, and Terezi follow them in, while the rest opt to stay behind and inspect the other doors.

The corridor isn’t terribly long, with about 10 doors on each side, and Nepeta wastes no time opening each and peering inside. This corridor appears to be the living quarters of the resident trolls. Each is outfitted with a deep hole in the ground, presumably a latrine, and four large divots in the ground.

“These are ancient sopor pits,” says Equius. "This is what trolls used before the advent of the recuperacoon."

“Fascinating,” Rose remarks. “Four residents, no mirrors or workspaces, it looks like this was solely used for sleep.”

“Yes, it would have been,” says Equius. “Ancient trolls spent very little time in their respiteblocks. There were other blocks in which to conduct other business.”

“They’re all pretty much the same!” Nepeta calls from the end of the hall. "Though two of them have doors at the back of the room. And I can’t get the one at the end of the hall open.” She indicates the rooms with extra doors, and the 5 of them file into the first one. The door is wooden, and barely still standing, but the vault behind it is carved roughly out of stone. It contains two piles, one of objects, and one of bones. The objects appear to be common things like shoes, bags, and jewelry, possibly trophies taken from the bodies that lay here.

“Wow, that’s a lot of bodies,” Terezi comments.

“Yes, it looks to be a private cache of victims and trophies,” Equius says. “Shall we move on to the next?” They all look at each other and nod, leaving the dead with their belongings. The door in the second room leads to a similar vault, this time filled with big, empty tubs and shelves. The tubs are especially dusty inside, but when touched, the dust doesn’t budge.

“It’s like the dirt is motherfuckin’ glued on,” says Gamzee. “Kinda like when I spill my Faygo and it gets all dusty.”

“Intriguing that you mention that,” Rose says, looking at the shelves. “What if these vats were used to make something similar?”

“Oh god, if Gamzee’s nasty pop predates the Legislacerators’ Guild, I think I’m going to cry,” Terezi groans. Gamzee glares at her.

“Respect the motherfuckin’ history, blacksis,” he growls. They leave the vault and make their way to the door at the end of the hall, which has a large, wrought-metal Capricorn symbol affixed to the door.

“Oh my,” Equius gasps. “Could this have belonged to the ancestor to the Grand Highblood?” Gamzee stares at the door in wonder, and traces his sign with his fingers. At his touch, the door gives way to a huge, lavish room full of treasure, skulls, and personal items. There is a series of shelves containing ancient, brittle clothing and ornate jewelry. On its own shelf on the wall sits a large, heavy ring with Gamzee’s sign carved into the centerpiece. He picks it up, and almost drops it when it begins to vibrate.

“What in all that’s wicked is going on with this thing?” he murmurs. He wipes the dust from it, leaving the dull tarnished surface exposed, and slides it onto his right ring finger. It settles down, and he closes his eyes. “It feels like I’ve worn it all my life. It’s like the messiahs meant for me to have it.”

“Yeah, yeah, now let’s get going, we didn’t come here to gawk at your great-ancestor’s wardrobe,” Terezi says shortly. The group leaves, and Gamzee keeps the ring.

\---

“Okay, so who wants to go see what’s behind these other doors?” Vriska offers. “I’ll go left, Karkat, you go right.”

“Fine, whatever, who’s coming with me?” Karkat says irritably.

“I’ll come,” Tavros says, stepping towards him.

“Not so fast, pupa,” Vriska interjects as she grabs him by the collar. “You’re not getting away from me so easily.” Karkat rolls his eyes. After some bickering and shuffling around, Karkat has a group consisting of Roxy, John, Jade, Sollux, Feferi, and Kanaya, while Vriska has Tavros, Eridan, Dave, Dirk, Jake, Jane, and Aradia.

“Okay, grubs, let’s get going,” Vriska commands, leading the way into the left door. Karkat flips her off after she turns around, and pushes open the right.

“Oh. Oh my god,” he says. The walls are splashed with years upon years of blood. On the left side of the hallway, the wall is made up of thick bars, allowing the group to see into a tremendous mass holding cell full of chains and bones. Karkat shudders.

“What’s in there?” John asks from the doorway.

“It’s a prison of some sort,” Karkat says. “Come on, if we’re doing this, we’re doing it quick.” They file in behind him and peer into the cell. It’s so big that they can’t even see to the back of it without shining the flashlights directly into it, and most of them prefer not to see it anyway.

“What’s behind these?” Roxy asks, gesturing at four doors along the right wall.

“Open them and find out,” Sollux says, pulling one open. It was locked, but the lock breaks easily due to age. The room is an elaborate torture chamber outfitted with weapons, restraints, and full body devices.

“Shit,” says Roxy. “That’s freaky. Pretty medieval stuff.” She, Karkat, Jade, Kanaya, and John enter the room, while Sollux and Feferi open the others. Jade gets beneath one of the devices and starts checking it out.

“Huh. Nothing too out of the ordinary,” she says.

“Hehe, only you would say that in a torture chamber,” John giggles.

“Can you silence your squawk gaper for one moment? A lot of people probably fucking died in here,” Karkat snaps.

“Sorry,” John says sheepishly.

“KK, the other 3 blocks are torture blocks too,” Sollux announces from the doorway.

“Great, so Vriska is off exploring while we’re lurking around in the death dungeon,” grumbles Karkat. “Whatever. Let’s just see what’s at the end of the hall and get out of here.” Jade is reluctant to leave in the middle of her inspection, but she doesn’t want to be alone in there, so she follows them out into the hall. They further down the corridor until they can see the end. Instead of a wall, there is just a sharp turn downward into the ground. They approach it cautiously. It’s about a 60 degree slope that goes on endlessly into the rock. The floor of it is dirty, but very slick metal.

“Body chute?” Sollux comments.

“Most likely,” Kanaya agrees. A white bat comes screaming out of the depths at them, causing them all to flinch and jump aside.

“Oh shit- _oh shit!_ ” John cries, losing his footing and twisting around to fall painfully, back-first, into the chute.

“John!” Jade shouts, reaching for him, but she is several seconds too late. He slides headfirst into the inky abyss, and his flashlight rolls and bumps against Karkat’s feet.

“Oh my god, what do we do?” Feferi frets. “Who knows how far down that goes? _John! Can you hear me!_ ” There is no reply. Karkat’s hands ball into fists and he kicks the flashlight into the pit. If he’s alright down there, at least he’ll have a light.

“Come on, we’re going to catch up with Vriska and find Aradia. She can go down there,” Karkat barks, voice strained. “Now!” The five of them hurry back down the hall and through the left door. This hallway is the longest yet, and Karkat growls in frustration.

“Oh no, how are we going to find them?” Roxy says worriedly. She tries her phone, but as expected, can’t get any kind of signal this far underground. Karkat runs down the corridor, wrenching door after door open, and breaking several.

“Come _on_ , people!” he shouts. The others follow suit. They find a few rooms that look like they’ve been used in rituals, a library, several storage rooms, a kitchen, and way at the end of the hall, a huge vault full of bones. This vault is decorated and each skeleton wears a similar pendant with his or her sign on it.

“Are these the subjugglators’ bodies?” Roxy speculates.

“Probably,” Feferi says. “It doesn’t look like they’re in here, either. We’ll have to go the other direction down the hall.” They rush back to where they came in and open the only two doors they hadn’t tried, at the opposite end of the corridor.

“Oh god dammit,” Karkat hisses. Both of them lead to larger areas. “Split up. Meet outside these doors in 20 minutes.” He, Kanaya and Jade enter one door, and Sollux, Roxy, and Feferi take the other.

“What was this, some kind of harem?” he spits disgustedly as he wrenches open room after room full of decorations, exotic clothes, and piles of pillows.

“That’s actually quite likely,” says Kanaya. They search through the entire complex, and turn up empty-handed. They return early to the hallway, with Jade looking wistfully at Karkat for reassurance.

“Do you think he survived the fall?” she asks. Karkat grits his teeth.

“I don’t fucking know, how on god’s gray Alternia would I know?!” he snarls. She sighs, and Kanaya gives him a warning look. He places a hand on Jade’s shoulder. “Okay, look, sorry. He’s probably fine, just rolling around in old troll carcasses.” Jade’s expression softens a little, but she still can’t help but think about how far into the earth John is, and if the chute drops 100 feet at the end, and if there are other beasts in the darkness waiting for him.

“Karkat!” Roxy cries from the doorway. “We found Jake, Jane, and the twins.” Dirk, Jake, Dave, and Jane emerge from the door with Sollux and Feferi, and Karkat groans.

“Where the fuck are the others?” He demands.

“Vriska wanted to screw around in the treasure room some more, so we split up to do some more actual exploring,” Dave says with a shrug.

“We already checked in there,” says Feferi. “We may have missed a door in there somewhere.” Jade hugs Jane.

“Poor John,” Jane says sadly. “I hope he’s alright.” Dave puts a hand on her back for comfort as the group hurries towards the treasure vault.

“We’ll find him,” Jade assures her. The room is vast and littered with valuables, but so far there’s no sign of a door.

“Where could they have gone?” Jake asks frustratedly. He absently runs his hand along a chalice on a pedestal, and it tips, revealing itself to be a level in disguise. The stone wall opens up, and an even more spacious room full of priceless wealth presents itself. There is even an entire wooden ship resting in the center.

“Vriska!” Karkat shouts hoarsely.

“And what do youuuuuuuu want?” she replies, emerging onto the ship’s deck.

“I need Aradia, Egbert fell down some sort of body chute and she’s the only one who can make it back out of that hellhole!” he says.

“John? What happened?” she asks. “Aradia isn’t with us, she got sick of watching us romp in all this wonderful treasure.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Karkat yells. “Where did she go?!”

“Iiiiiiii don’t know,” Vriska sings. “I’ll stay here unless she comes back.”

“Ugh, you’re a serious fucking sociopath, you know that?” he groans frustratedly. “Fine. Eridan, Tavros, are you coming? We have to find her.”

“Hang on,” Sollux says suddenly. “I hear her. I… oh no.” He bolts from the room and tears down the hall. Feferi looks worried.

“The voices he hears,” she says nervously. “The imminently deceased…” Karkat pales.

“God damn it!” he shouts, running after Sollux.

“Aradia’s in danger,” says Tavros. “Is Sollux able to tell her location?”

“No,” Feferi says. “Only her voice.”

“Is there a chance he’s wrong? Like, she’s in danger but not going to die?” Roxy asks.

“I don’t know,” she admits. “But he’s a prophet. He sees the future. We… may not be able to do anything about it.”

“If she’s gonna die, who’s going to save John?” Jane asks, tears springing to her eyes.

“Me.” Everone turns and looks at Dirk. He puts on his leather fingerless gloves.

“What?” Jake asks incredulously.

“You heard me,” says Dirk. He stretches his legs, and takes off flash-stepping at a blistering pace out of the room and towards the entrance to the catacombs.

\---

“AA!” Sollux shouts, his voice becoming hoarse. “Aradia!” His pace hasn’t slowed since he started running, and he’s tripping over himself as he becomes more fatigued. A loud, low, terrible sound like a voice distorted hundreds of times rings out from the end of the hall, in the direction of the subjugglators’ burial vault. Sollux and Karkat backtrack from the mead hall and towards the vault. From inside, they can hear creaking and rumbling, and a strange wave of sheer cold hits them.

Sollux is about to throw open the door when it swings open on its own and knocks him back several feet. Before the two trolls is a towering figure, a skeleton wearing a shining pendant.

“Sollux get the fuck up!” Karkat cries. Sollux lifts himself to his feet using his psionics, but before he can attack the ancient monster, a bone comes whipping through the doorway and cracks him in the head. He wobbles and falls to his knees, eyes flickering.

“Attack him you fucker!”

“For fuckth thake, KK, he really got me with that, give me a thecond. They’re not cooperating.” He tries to fire an optic blast at the skeleton, but only gets stray sparks. Karkat catches the arm that falls towards his head with his two sickles.

“We need help, god-dammit,” he growls through gritted teeth. Sollux stands and fires a concentrated blast at the skeleton, weaker than his usual, but still enough to blow away its right upper body. Karkat uses this opportunity to kick it and snap its left femur. Sollux stamps its skull into shards and vaults over its creaking remains into the room. Nine more skeletons are converging on the center, where Aradia is fending them off with her own psionic abilities.

“Aradia!” Karkat shouts. He lunges forward and sinks his sickle into the skull of one of them, splitting it in two, while Sollux blows away another. A splatter of cobalt blue hits Karkat, and he fights the urge to gag.

“She needth our help,” Sollux cries, fighting his way into the center.

“Watch out!” Karkat warns him. A heavy club slams into Sollux and knocks him back into a pile of bones. He scrambles to his feet and begins charging a shot. His senses dull and he finds his target. Just as he’s about to fire, in deep concentration, he hears Karkat scream.

Sollux’s senses return. He sees it all at once. Karkat hits the ground with a clatter. The skeleton closest to Aradia bellows that same, awful sound. Blue blood begins to flow out towards his feet, accompanied by the sound of shearing, twisting metal. Sollux faints.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLIFFHANGER >:D
> 
> Honk :o) I couldn't stop with this chapter, I just kept writing and writing and writing. We'll see what happens to John next chapter, and find out what happened with Aradia. Hopefully that'll be on its way shortly, though I've been being irresponsible and picking up drawing again. I just did a speedpaint of John and Karkat, which you can see here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3g_N7Eyg4YY
> 
> As always, you can catch up with me at elisabomb.tumblr.com . Much love~
> 
> \--E


	23. Deeper

John Egbert wakes to the sound of screeching bats above him. He shifts, and below him thousands of bones shift with him. He rubs his eyes and finds- to his alarm- that his glasses are not on his face. He feels around in the darkness for them, but all he finds is more bones. He shudders  and feels around him to see if he’s near a wall. He finds a cool, smooth vertical face of rock not far from where he woke up, and sighs in relief. At least he has a point of reference. He stands up and walks precariously across the bones, keeping his hand along the wall.

His foot hits something much heavier than an old bone, and he bends down to pick it up. It’s a flashlight. He knows he dropped his on the ground when he fell, so he makes a note to thank whoever sent it down after him. He clicks the button and it flickers to life. Thank goodness.

The room is rectangular, about 20 feet from wall to wall each way. The sloped ceiling is at least 50 feet above him, and though his vision is blurry, he can tell that the chute he dropped from is far out of reach. John shines the flashlight back the way he came, and sure enough, there is a depression in the pile of bones where his body landed. He makes his way back over there to look for his glasses. After rooting through the ancient broken bones for about 5 minutes, he sees a glint of light under a shoulderblade. He lifts it up, and sighs with relief at the sight of his glasses.

He dusts them off on his shirt and slides them back onto his face. They’re a little bent, but that can be fixed if he ever gets out of here.

“Jade!” he shouts upward. “Karkat!” There is no reply, only his voice echoing in the distance. He slumps against the wall dejectedly and begins inspecting himself for injuries. He has several scratches, some of them fairly deep, but for the most part he got lucky. His head hurts, though, and he makes a note to have it looked at when he gets back. If he gets back.

\---

“Alright, show me where he went down,” Dirk says, out of breath. His red hoverboard is tucked under his arm, Jade looks relieved.

“Follow me,” she says. The humans (minus Rose), Kanaya, and Feferi follow Jade back through the mead hall and into the torture wing.

“Wow,” Roxy remarks. “This is pleasant.” Dave keeps as close to the right wall as possible, and Jane decides not to tell him there are torture chambers behind the doors.

“Down here,” Jade says. “Be careful. It’s narrow.”

“You should take a light. If it goes down far enough, you won’t be able to see after a while,” says Roxy. He nods, and flicks his flashlight on.

“Can I accompany you?” Jake asks tentatively. “He’s one of my dearest friends, and you’re… precious to me.” Dirk ruffles his hair and kisses him on the forehead.

“Sorry man. I don’t like how she handles with 3 people. Just too hard to control,” says Dirk. “I’ll be fine, he’ll be fine, just don’t worry too much, ok?” Jake nods, but looks uncomfortable, and Roxy pats him on the back reassuringly.

Dirk fires up his board, the noise deafening in the stone corridor, and he zooms off into the deep black pit.

\---

“ _No!_ ” Karkat shouts as blue blood splashes against him. He lunges forward and kicks violently at a skeleton, cracking its spine in half. His sickles behead another, and a third is dispatched with a sickle through the face. Two more bare down on him, and he looks over at Sollux. He’s still passed out, and the other two remaining skeletons are heading for him. Karkat abandons the two attacking him and tackles the one closest to Sollux, crushing it into a heap of bones. He throws a sickle at the next, taking off its jaw but not finishing it off. He curses and picks up a femur from next to him and throws it, cracking its skull into pieces. He stands up finally, and retrieves his sickle in time for the other two skeletons to reach him.

He hears a clatter from the doorway, and realizes that the skeletons he dispatched earlier are reassembling themselves with new body parts. They don’t look any worse for wear, and Karkat is out of breath.

“Wake up, you worthless asshole!” he hisses at Sollux. There are ten skeletons advancing on them, and he can’t defend himself and Sollux forever. He starts attacking the ones closest to his friend, but when the others reach them, they’re cornered. The monsters have abandoned Aradia, and he fears the worst, but he can’t think about that now, he has to fight, he has to stay alive, keep Sollux alive, oh fuck, that might be broken, no, don’t let them reach him, fuck-

“Stay the motherfuck away from my best friend.” Karkat whips around so fast he strains his neck. The skeletons stop and turn slowly to face Gamzee brandishing his clubs and staring them down dangerously. He steps into the room and braces himself to fight, but the monsters make no move to attack him. The one closest to him kneels, and Karkat’s eyes widen as the rest begin to do the same. Gamzee looks confused, and his eyes catch the ring on his right hand. “Oh shit, are they? Do they think I’m their leader?”

“Gamzee,” Karkat croaks. “Thank fuck, I’ve never been so happy to see your ugly face.” Gamzee grins halfheartedly at him.

“Are you okay, bro?” he asks. Karkat rolls his arm back.

“I think my arm might be broken but I’m fine, just figure out how to get these freaks to stop killing us,” he spits. Gamzee ponders for a second, then speaks out over the skeletons.

“I, uh, command you motherfuckers to, err, stop attacking,” he says. The skeletons salute him. “Whoa, shit, did that work? Okay, now I command you to go back to whatever you were doing before we showed up in this place.” They each walk to a different part of the room and lay on the piles of bones. They salute one more time before the bones composing their bodies fall lifeless. “Wow, are they just… done?”

“AA,” Sollux murmurs from where he lay.

“Sollux!” Karkat shouts. He kneels down next to him. “Way to pass out on me, fuckstain, I’m the one who hates blood.” Sollux sits upright suddenly.

“Where is she?” he asks pleadingly. Karkat looks down.

“Dude, I haven’t gotten to see her yet, maybe you shouldn’t-“

“No, you’re not going to save me from this KK,” Sollux snaps. He stands up and makes his way to the middle of the room, with Karkat not far behind.

“Oh my god,” Karkat breathes. Aradia’s body is in four pieces on the ground. Her head, her torso and left arm, her right arm, and her legs all lay in a heap in a pool of blue blood. Sollux falls to his hands and knees and starts to openly sob. He’s lost her again. He failed her again. Karkat retreats to the doorway and shakes his head sadly at Gamzee.

‘Come on bro, let’s leave him to grieve,” Gamzee says, resting a hand on Karkat’s shoulder. “The gang I was with should still be in the room with the tables. Let’s go find them.”

“I have to figure out how to save John,” Karkat says weakly.

“What happened to John?” Gamzee asks.

“He fell down this chute, and it goes really fucking far down… Aradia was the best idea I had for getting him out,” he says quietly. “Now I don’t know what I’m going to do… what if he’s hurt down there? What if we have to leave and come back for him? I don’t want to lose anyone else…” Gamzee pulls him into a quick side-hug.

“It’ll be alright, man. Show me where he went down, and we’ll figure something out,” he says calmly. Karkat leads the way through the mead hall, dismissing Terezi, Rose, Nepeta, and Equius with a nod. “One second, motherfuckers, we’ll be right back,” Gamzee tells them. They enter the rightmost door and head down the hallway, only to find a small group at the entrance to the chute.

“Oh, Karkat, Gamzee, hi!” Jade says. “Dirk went down on his hoverboard to look for John.” Karkat drops his sickles on the ground, having neglected to put them back in their holders.

“Why didn’t I think of that, of course that showboating asshole and his board fit down there,” he grumbles. “How long has he been down there?”

“About five minutes,” says Dave. “Just take it easy, they’ll be back in a sec.”

\---

John hears the thrum of a motor off in the distance, growing closer and closer. He looks up quizzically, and breaks into a grin when Dirk on his hoverboard drifts to a stop above him. He floats down to where John sits and steps off his board.

“Good to see you’re okay,” says Dirk. “You hurt at all?”

“No, I don’t think so. I think I hit my head, but I’m alright,” John says. “Thank you so much for coming for me.” He hugs Dirk, who thumps him on the back.

“Dude, what kind of friend would I be if I just fuckin’ left you down here? Of course I’m gonna come for you,” he says. “With Aradia out of commission, I’m the only one who can get down here.”

“Wait, what?” John interjects. “What happened to her?”

“We don’t know, but we couldn’t find her, and Sollux ran off saying she was in trouble and Feferi thinks she’s dead,” Dirk explains. “Supposedly Sollux can hear voices of peope who are about to die, and he heard hers.” John looks down.

“That’s awful,” he says. “I hope he got to her in time.” Dirk shrugs.

“We don’t know yet,” he tells him. “But we have to get you out of this shithole. Everyone’s worried about you.”

“Alright,” John says with a nod. They step onto the board.

“Lock your arms around my chest, under my arms,” Dirk instructs. He obeys, and Dirk fires up the board. “Hold on tight, and lean the way I lean, but not further than me.” They rise up into the air and begin their ascent through the body chute, their lights illuminating the old, dried blood along the surface.

“Here he is, safe and sound,” Dirk proclaims, landing his board a good ten feet from the mouth of the chute. John steps off and straightens his clothes, smiling at his friends sheepishly.

“Sorry to worry you guys,” he says. Jade steps forward to hug him, but Karkat beats her to the punch. He roughly pulls John toward him and hugs him tightly.

“Brilliant fucking idea, standing right next to the edge, you retarded bag of fuck,” he says softly next to John’s ear. Surprised, John hugs him back.

“I’m sorry,” he says again.

“Shut up,” says Karkat. He doesn’t let go of John for another 30 seconds or so, until Dave speaks up.

“Touching reunion and all, but save some Egbert for the rest of us,” he says. Karkat scowls and shoves John at him, folding his arms irritably.

“Have him then you snarky fuck,” he snaps. Dave gives John a fist bump and pats him on the back.

“Glad you’re alright, man,” he says.  John giggles, and happily accepts hugs from Jade, Jane, Feferi, and Roxy.

“Okay, I’m wicked glad you’re okay, John,” Gamzee starts. “But we’ve got a lot goin’ on, and we should probably meet up with the others.” John nods.

“Dirk told me about Aradia,” he says sadly. The group moves out to the mead hall, where Karkat fills the others in on the situation. Kanaya goes to alert the stragglers in the treasure hall, and everyone else goes to the vault where Sollux is.

Karkat pushes the door open as quietly as possible. Sollux isn’t next to the body anymore, he’s against the wall, looking at his hands. They’re coated in her blood.

“Heh,” he says hoarsely.

“Sollux…” Karkat begins.

“Red and blue. How fucking perfect,” Sollux rasps. “Last time I found myself covered in her blood, it was red.” Karkat looks back the the others and shakes his head. They wait outside as he approaches Sollux.

“It wasn’t you fault,” Karkat says.

“This time. I was still too late to do anything about it,” he says.

“It wasn’t your fucking fault last time!” Karkat shouts. Sollux stands up and looks at him, an expression he can’t read. After a long, tense moment, he shakes his head and walks away, out of the room and past the others without acknowledging them. Karkat stands alone, and Kanaya goes to meet him.

“Karkat,” she coos. “You need to rest. Go back to the surface with John and we’ll handle things down here.” Karkat shakes his head.

“I’m the goddamn leader,” he murmurs. “I have to stay here.” She shakes her head.

“No,” she says. “You’ve done enough. It’s okay.” He looks down.

“Fine,” he says. “Make sure someone keeps track of Sollux.” He hugs her and exits the room.

“John, I’m injured and you could be too,” he says. “Let’s get back to the surface.”

“Okay,” John agrees. They walk down the corridor in silence, and when they reach the mead hall, John touches Karkat’s wrist. The troll looks up at him wearily.

“You’re a good friend,” John says. “You saved Sollux, and you wouldn’t have given up on me.” Karkat rubs his eyes.

“You dumb asshole. Did you expect me to just leave you in ancient clown hell?”

“Hehe, no, I know. But I just want you to know I think you’re a really great friend,” says John. Karkat grumbles under his breath.

“Let’s just get out of here,” he mutters. They ascend the spiral staircase and emerge in the grand hall.

“I can’t get over how big it is,” John comments.

“Yeah, yeah,” says Karkat. They make their way through until they reach their campsite. “I have the bigger medkits in my tent.” John follows him inside and sits on the ground next to the rolled up sopor bags.

“Let me see your arm,” John instructs, opening the medkit. Karkat rolls up his sleeve, revealing a heavily brusied forearm. “Ouch, what happened?”

“One of the skeletons brought a bone club down on it,” Karkat scoffs. He feels the area, and the bone doesn’t appear to be snapped in half. “I don’t think it broke all the way, but it might still be cracked.” John looks quizzically at the bottle of pills in his hand.

“Are these pain pills? I can’t read it,” he asks.

“No, dumbass, that’s for sleep,” Karkat says, taking the bottle and stuffing it into his personal bag. “These are for pain and swelling.” He holds up a bigger bottle.

“Okay. You should take some,” says John. “I will too, my head is killing me.” Karkat pops the bottle open and takes a few pills.

“Take two,” he tells John. John complies, showing Karkat the underside of his arm, where he has a long, red scratch. “What is that on your arm?” Karkat asks suddenly.

“Hm? Oh, I got cut up a little by the bones. I’d better clean these out come to think of it,” John replies simply. Karkat hands him some rubbing alcohol and a gauze pad. John begins rubbing the gauze over his cuts while Karkat watches, utterly fascinated. When John lifts his pant leg to reach a particularly deep gash, he begins to bleed, and Karkat dabs the drop of blood with his finger.

“You-“ he chokes. John looks at him questioningly.

“What’s wrong?” he asks. Karkat just stares at him.

“Your blood is bright red.” John giggles.

“Of course it is, Karkat, all humans have red blood,” he says. “Do trolls not come in that color?”

“…No. They don’t,” Karkat says finally. He looks again at the drop of blood on his finger. It’s the _exact same_. It’s what he sees every time he nicks himself, and what he curses every day of his wretched life.

“Hehe, well, humans don’t come in any of your crazy colors either,” says John.

“Look, John, I’m going to tell you this, and you’re going to listen, and you’re not going to tell anyone else,” Karkat says warningly. He lifts his shirt a few inches and rakes his nails across his stomach, which, John notes, has no bellybutton. Red blood oozes from the wounds.

“Wait,” John says stupidly. “Didn’t you just say trolls don’t come in that color?”

“ _They don’t_ , jackass, why do you think I don’t tell anyone what my blood color is? I’m a fucking mutant.” Karkat shoves a bandage to his stomach and drops his shirt. John nods slowly.

“What’s wrong with that?” he asks cautiously. Karkat sighs in frustration.

“Look, it’s not normal, and until very recently, it would have easily gotten me culled,” he says. “It’s disgusting and fucked up, and thanks to it, I had to basically give up on all my fucking hopes as a wiggler. Not that they weren’t stupid fucking hopes.” John looks at him sympathetically.

“I’m sorry Karkat,” he says.

“Don’t. And don’t look at me like that, with all that pity.” John looks down.

“I just think it’s so sad that someone like you had to suffer for something like that,” he says quietly. “You wear long sleeves all the time just in case something happens, don’t you? It’s not out of self-consciousness, it’s out of fear.”

“Can we not talk about this anymore?” Karkat snaps. “Ugh, fuck, yes. I know Feferi wouldn’t let me get culled over it but it’s just a force of habit by now. Easier if nobody knows.” John moves to sit next to him and rests a hand on his back.

“I won’t tell anyone,” he assures him. “I can act like I don’t know if it helps.”

“I fucking showed you, didn’t I? Just don’t bring it up too often, okay?” Karkat says irritably.

“Okay,” John agrees. “Thanks for trusting me.” Karkat just shrugs, looking vaguely annoyed.

\---

“Karkat, are you in here?” Kanaya asks from outside the tent.

“Yeah,” he says. She unzips the door and stoops to enter.

“How long has he been out?” she asks, nodding at John, fast asleep next to the medkit.

“Fuck if I know, he just laid down after a while and kept rattling on at me,” he says, setting down the book he was reading. “Eventually he stopped, but I didn’t pay a whole lot of attention to what he was doing.” He glances at John. His face is peaceful and his breathing is light. He doesn’t have a care in the world at the moment.

“Everyone is out of the catacombs,” Kanaya says. “We’re working on building a fire, if you want dinner.”

“I showed him my blood color.”

“You did?” Kanaya says, looking surprised. She looks at John.

“Yeah. He was cleaning up his cuts, and… his blood is the same as mine. It’s exactly the same,” he says.

“Fascinating, I would have guessed blue by his eyes,” she murmurs.

“Me too,” says Karkat. “But he said all humans have the same color blood. My color.” Kanaya smiles.

“You’ve really taken a shine to him, haven’t you?” she asks softly. Karkat blushes and glares at her.

“He’s right there, you know,” he huffs. She chuckles and pats his knee.

“We’ll talk more extensively later. I’m glad you’re alright,” she says, exiting the tent.

“Thanks,” he says as she zips it back up. He looks back over at John. His mouth is curled into a tiny smile, and his eyelashes lay so delicately on his cheeks. Karkat feels himself blushing, and smacks himself in the face. He’s so fucking happy the dipshit is alright, it’s kind of infuriating.

“Mm,” John stirs. “Karkat? Am I still in your tent?”

“Yes, you are still in my goddamn tent,” Karkat says impatiently. John sits up and rubs his eyes under his glasses.

“Oh. Sorry for falling asleep on you!” he giggles. “Mm, is there a fire out there?” Karkat rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, they’re making dinner,” he says, returning to his book. John opens the tent.

“Want me to bring you something?” he asks. Karkat scowls.

“No, if I wanted anything I’d be out there, now fuck off and get something to eat,” he says. John shrugs and closes the tent behind him. Karkat mashes his face into his book. This is going to be a long human sweep with this asshole around. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so wraps up their trek inside the catacombs! More on everyone else to come, I just felt like wrapping things up on a sweet JohnKat note :) Poor Karkat needs to just deal with his feelings like an adult and TELL HIM he's horns over heels for him. But you know Kanaya, and as his faithful moirail, she's definitely going to get her meddle on ;)
> 
> Thanks again for all the wonderful comments you guys always leave! They make my day. And thanks to everyone who reads and bookmarks and kudos. You're all the best.
> 
> Map of the Catacombs can be found here: http://elisabomb.tumblr.com/post/52568124380/alrighty-this-is-the-map-of-the-subjugglator


	24. Piece

After a quiet and solemn dinner, the humans and trolls disperse to their tents. Jane, Jade, Rose, and Roxy get set up for bed in silence, and Roxy sighs.

“I never thought when we came here that we’d see somebody die,” she says sadly. Jane nods, looking down at the ground.

“What happened?” Jade asks. “I only caught a little bit of the story.”

“My hypothesis is that when Gamzee donned the ring belonging to his ancestor, he awoke the spirits of his servants to do his bidding,” says Rose. “Aradia must have been in the chamber when they were summoned. When Gamzee commanded the skeletons to stop and return to their resting places, they complied without question, presumably responding to his will and not his words. His language would have been foreign to them in their time.”

“Poor Aradia,” Jane murmurs. “She had already been through so much. From what Tavros told me, she used to be much different. Trying to adjust to a life as a robot must have been hard enough, without having to lose her life a second time.” Roxy nods.

“I think Sollux loved her,” she says quietly. “I don’t know what happened with them before, but… seeing the way he’s been acting ever since we got out of there, he’s just… not okay.”

“That’s so sad,” says Jade. “He lost her twice. I can’t imagine how he feels.”

“Not only that, but it’s likely that he blames himself for both incidents,” Rose adds. “You do know what happened to her the first time, yes?” The other three shake their heads. “Vriska took it upon herself to tell me during a conversation with Kanaya. It’s quite a remarkable example of the violent nature of trolls. Basically, Vriska paralyzed Tavros, so Aradia haunted her thoughts with the voices of the dead. A clever trick, in my opinion. Vriska exacted revenge by using her mind control on Sollux and forcing him to kill Aradia. They were romantically involved at the time.”

“Oh my god,” Roxy gasps. “That’s horrific. How can they stand to share a house with her?”

“The story is more complicated than that,” Rose continues. “Terezi  caused an explosion that cost Vriska her left eye and arm to avenge Aradia. So Vriska used her powers in such a way that forced Terezi to stare at the Alternian sun. This is why she is blind.”

“I never would have guessed she wasn’t blind her whole life. She functions so well,” Jane comments.

“She does,” Rose agrees. “But anyway, Terezi and Vriska reached a truce to end the vicious cycle of revenge, and the both of them have upheld it since. Because of this, Vriska is the enemy of several of our troll friends, but she has a place among them.”

“Wow… So all of their injuries stem from that one incident,” Jade says. “That’s kind of scary, to be honest. I guess I didn’t quite realize just how violent trolls are, even to their friends.”

“Do you think we’re in danger?” asks Jane. Rose purses her lips.

“Doubtful,” she says. “I don’t see any motivation for them to hurt us. I doubt they want to commit an act of aggression against a powerful ally.”

“I would hope that’s not the only reason,” Roxy says sadly. “I like to think they’re better than that.”

“Well, you know Tavros wouldn’t hurt a fly,” Jade says. “And Karkat’s all bark and no bite. And can you really imagine Gamzee hurting anyone?”

“Yeah, you’re right,” says Roxy. “Though Gamzee’s blood color, I mean look where we just were. It’s just kind of weird, staying with people who have committed murder and assault and violent acts of revenge, and having everyone around us just think it’s normal.”

“You have to understand though, the world in which they were raised,” Rose reminds her. “Killing is commonplace and even encouraged, especially for highbloods. Or, it was until very recently. Even still, the majority of our troll counterparts care deeply for one another and would need serious motivation to kill another troll.” Roxy nods.

“Sollux probably never would have hurt anybody,” she says quietly.

\---

“Man, thanks again for getting me out of that pit,” John says once they’re back in their tent. Dirk shrugs.

“Wasn’t a big deal,” he says. “Seriously. Hauling Dave around after school is more of a pain in the ass.” Dave flips him off.

“What was it like down there?” Jake asks. John shudders.

“The whole thing was full of bones. I don’t even want to know how far down the actual floor was. There weren’t even clothes or anything, just bones everywhere, most of them broken somehow,” he recalls.

“That sounds unpleasant as fuck,” says Dave.

“It was,” John agrees. “Jake I know you like skulls, but it was just downright depressing.” Jake nods.

“I’m definitely not volunteering myself to go down there,” he says.

“I don’t think we’re going back in,” John says solemnly. “Karkat doesn’t want to. After what happened, he just wants to get everyone back home okay.”

“I didn’t figure,” says Dirk. “For one thing, we weren’t going in expecting to be attacked by fuckin clown skeletons. And I’m sure that woud go over well, yeah, let’s go back and look at Aradia’s dried blood.”

“Man, don’t joke about that. It’s fucked up,” Dave says.

“I’m not joking, it’s just how things would go down if someone suggested going back,” Dirk says with a shrug.

“I know it wouldn’t be good for Sollux to stay here any longer than he has to,” says John. “Karkat’s really worried about him.”

\---

“I said fuck off, KK!” Karkat lowers the hand he had raised to rest on Sollux’s shoulder.

“Fine, sit out by the hoofbeasts and stew in their aromatic feces all day then,” he says. “You don’t have to come into the tent but take your sopor bag.” He drops it with a dull squish and walks back to the tent, throwing one more worried glance over his shoulder.

“Any luck?” Feferi asks.

“No, of course not, if he stopped being a drama queen the fabric of reality would come apart,” Karkat grumbles. “Where’s Terezi?”

“She went out to keep watch,” she says. Karkat rolls his eyes.

“Of course, that makes sense,” he says sarcastically. “Whatever. If she comes back, I’ll take over. Goodday.” He slips into his sopor bag and turns his back to Feferi while he fishes through his bag. The sleeping pills he’d put there earlier are calling his name. He takes two and quickly falls into a deep rest.

\---

“Karkat, get up, sheesh! We called you like an hour ago, everything’s pretty much packed up,” Terezi calls, shaking his sopor bag. Karkat opens his eyes and turns to face her hazily.

“What?” he says groggily. “Oh, is it morning already?” She shakes him again.

“Yeah, everyone’s ready to go, stupid,” she says.

“Ugh, quit shaking me I’m awake!” he groans. “Why didn’t anyone get me up when I didn’t show up for breakfast?” He sits up and rubs his eyes, scowling.

“I tried to get you up. And then Kanaya did,” she scolds. Karkat slides out of the bag.

“Okay, well I’m up now, so if you could fuck off and let me change before I make a bigger ass of myself?” he growls. Terezi furrows her brow.

“You’ve been taking sleeping pills again,” she says disapprovingly. Karkat turns on her.

“It’s none of your goddamn business, I said let me change!” he says sharply. Terezi puts her hands up and shakes her head.

“Not looking for a fight, just saying,” she says, backing out of the tent. She sighs and zips it up. Karkat grumbles to himself and pulls off his clothes. He looks at the bottle. It’s the same stuff he always takes. He must not be as used to them after a few weeks without them, because it’s been a long time since he’s been out cold like that. He scowls and shoves the pills back into his bag.

The group is tying the last of the cargo to the oxen when Karkat emerges from the tent, and John is already up on the horse looking at him with a goofy smile.

“Oh, what do you want?” Karkat says irritably, mounting the horse and sitting behind him.

“Nothing, hehe, you look really tired though,” says John.

“They’ve been making fun of me for hours, haven’t they?” Karkat asks flatly. John giggles.

“Maybe,” he says. Karkat rolls his eyes. Tavros, Jane, and Tinkerbull ride up next to them to take the lead, and the caravan turns its back on the catacombs for good. Dirk and Jake keep pace overhead, but this time there are no tricks or fancy maneuvers. Roxy is riding with Eridan this time, and Sollux is with Equius, who insisted that he was in an unfit state to command a majestic hoofbeast. With no room on the lizards for additional passengers, Eridan was her only remaining option.

“So, when we get back to the hive, do you want to hang out sometime? We could be like John and Kar and have movie nights,” Eridan suggests partway through the trip. Roxy sighs. She’s already given him the benefit of the doubt twice before, and both instances involved him trying to kiss her.

“I dunno, dude. What they’ve got is pretty special. It would be hard to top that,” she says.

“Oh, I can do special,” he says slyly.

“Eridan I won’t go on a date with you, give it a rest,” Roxy groans.

“Why not? You’re supposed to be learning all about trolls while you’re here, and I’m willing to show you.” She brings her hand to her face.

“I know you totes want to show me everything, and I’m sure you mean everything, but maybe I’ve already got another troll in mind to show me the ropes,” she says.

“What? Who?” Eridan asks incredulously. Roxy grins, though he can’t see it.

“I’m not telling,” she says.

“Three guesses?”

“Two.” He ponders for a moment.

“Wait, you can’t be serious-“

“TIME’S UP!” she says. “Guessing closed.”

\---

The rest of the ride back is largely quiet and somber. Tavros drops Tinkerbull back off at his hive, and instead of having lunch, they ride through until they get back to the hive. The cargo is unloaded and the beasts are left to wander off.

“Equius, help me with this,” Karkat says, taking the bag containing Aradia’s body from one of the pack once Sollux is inside.

“As you wish,” Equius complies. He lifts the bag and takes it to the basement where his workshop is. They gingerly pull the pieces of her body out of the bag. Equius looks down sadly. He reaches into her blood soaked hair and Karkat hears a click. Aradia’s forehead opens and Equius pulls out a small metal chip. He pockets it and closes the hatch on her head.

“I’ll leave you to it, okay?” Karkat says. Equius nods.

“I wish I could keep this chassis, if only to remember her by,” he says. “I put a great deal of care into its construction.”

“Yeah, well if I come down here and you’ve got her head on a pike, I’m going to flip shit,” Karkat warns.

“I understand,” Equius says. He reaches for a screwdriver, and Karkat leaves the basement before he can witness any dismantling.

\---

“So, in case you’ve all forgotten,” Rose begins once she has all the other humans gathered in the living room. “We have a report due in two days.” John and Dave look at each other.

“Whoops,” says John.

“It won’t be too difficult, we just need to detail what we’re learning about the trolls,” Jade says. “We just have to pick topics and work on it in segments.”

“Well, naturally I will write about their psychology,” says Rose.

“I have already spent quite a bit of time learning their computing systems,” Roxy chimes in. “Though, don’t tell Sollux. He may or may not be under the impression that I have computer trouble.” Rose raises an eyebrow at her.

“You know, you can just flirt like a normal person,” she says. Roxy sticks out her tongue.

“What other kind of stuff would work for the report?” Jake asks.

“Well, I was thinking of writing about their chill attitude on death,” says Dave.

“I was gonna write about Aradia’s robot body,” Dirk says. “Seems a little morbid, but I took the time to study her with Equius, I might as well do it.”

“How about I write about their nocturnal lifestyle?” Jade suggests.

“Sounds excellent, I could write about our trek into the catacombs,” Jake says.

“I’d like to write about troll food,” Jane says.

“What about you, John? You’ve definitely been the quickest to make friends with a troll,” asks Jade.

“I don’t know, hehe,” he says. “I could write about Alternian movies!”

“Or you could write about your experiences interacting so closely with Karkat,” Rose suggests. John blushes, embarrassed.

“We’re not that close, jeez,” he says.

“I think it’s a good idea, John!” Jane offers. “You talked to him for a while before we got here, so you could talk about your expectations and how he compares in real life, and stuff like that.” John shrugs.

“I guess I could do something like that,” he agrees. “Just don’t show him what I write, that would be super weird.”

“Well, if we’re all settled on what to write, then why don’t we get to work on that?” says Rose.

\---

Roxy doesn’t go to work on the report. Instead, she tracks down Equius. He’s standing over his workbench, making a racket and concentrating on his task.

“Hey, whatcha doin?” Roxy asks from the door. His pointed ears twitch and he turns.

“Oh… hello,” he says awkwardly. She approaches the table.

“Is this Aradia’s body?” she asks.

“Ah, yes, my task is to destroy it 100%,” Equius says. “So that it is not recognizable as Miss Megido.” She nods.

“If you’re busy, I can stop by another time, but I had something to ask you,” she says, leaning over the table to look at the components strewn about.

“I, uh, I can answer your question now,” he says.

“Well, I’ve been wonderin’. How did you get the fair maiden into the robot in the first place?” Equius grabs a nearby towel and wipes his forehead.

“The process was very long and complex,” he says. “But it eventually culminated in this.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the chip he had removed from her forehead.

“And what exactly is that doohickey?” Roxy asks.

“This is a chip created by preserving and encoding her brain as digital data,” he says. “The process was imperfect, as the brain was not wholly intact, but the robot recalled its life as Aradia, and the operation was highly successful.”

“So, it wasn’t really her,” Roxy says. Equius shakes his head.

“It is difficult to conclude,” he says. “I do not have a full understanding of the technology involved. But I know that the other systems in place operating the robot had a significant effect on her personality. She was very different than the Megido we knew before her death.”

“So I heard,” says Roxy. “Can I borrow that chip?”

“If you can assure me that no harm will come to it,” he agrees, holding the chip in his outstretched palm.

“Okie doke,” she says. “You got it. I won’t need it for too long.” She takes the chip and slips it in her own pocket.

“Thanks, Equius,” she adds with a wink before bouncing back up the stairs. Equius reaches for his towel again.

\---

To do any work with the chip or the report, Roxy is going to need her computer. Her computer, which she left in Sollux’s room. She approaches the door hesitantly, unsure if she should bother him. She shakes her head and decides to knock, giving a quick rap on the door.

“What,” Sollux says flatly from inside.

“I need my computer,” Roxy says apologetically.

“Come in and get it,” he says. She opens the door and slips inside.

“Hey,” she says. He holds her laptop at arm’s length.

“I didn’t do anything with it,” he says. “And I can’t read your note.” Roxy takes the computer and glances at the note she had written prior to the trip.

“It’s okay,” she says. “I can fix it myself. And the note says “Hey you, I jacked up my computer again. Cheer up, red and blue looks so much better with a smile.” I’m… sorry to bug you.” Sollux rubs the bridge of his nose and looks pained.

“Look, I don’t mean to be such a grouchy piece of shit all the time,” he says tiredly. “You know it’s not anything to do with you.” Roxy nods.

“I know,” she says. “Read you loud and clear. I just figured I’d try and get a grin out of you.” He nods.

“I acknowledge the effort,” he says apathetically. She smiles softly and opens the door.

“Take it easy,” she says gently. “If you need anything, everyone’s got you covered.” He grunts noncommittally, and she shuts the door behind her with a sigh. Now to get the report out of the way, so she can begin the real work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6/12 update for you guys! The reports are in fact still a thing :o also the gang won't be leaving the hive again for a bit, so there'll be plenty of character relationship development for the next couple of chapters :) 
> 
> Now excuse me while I continue to flail in my bedroom over the update.


	25. Life as We Know it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again everyone! Just a reminder that this is an M-rated fic ;)

“Hey Jake?” John says, poking his head into his friend’s room.

“What can I do for you?” Jake asks cheerfully. He’s got some movie playing on his laptop and a hot cup of tea.

“Well, I don’t know if this is too personal to ask about or anything, but before you started dating Dirk, you pretty much considered yourself straight, right?” asks John. Jake looks to the side and chuckles shyly.

“Yes, I daresay you’re right about that,” he says. “I never really considered being with another chap before him. But I’m very happy to be with him.”

“Mm, makes sense,” John says contemplatively. “Did you have trouble coming to terms with it at first? Sorry if I’m prying.”

“No, no problem at all,” Jake assures him. “I surely did have trouble. I agreed to date him before I really knew what I was doing, so the first week or so of our relationship was a lot to take in. But I’m genuinely attracted to him, I don’t wish he was a lady or anything like that.” John smiles.

“Dumb question time,” he says. “Do you consider yourself bisexual? Or how does it work for you?”

“Oh my,” Jake says with a laugh. “You know, I don’t rightly know. I never thought of myself as interested in fellows, and I haven’t suddenly started noticing delicious male butts… other than his.” He blushes, and John giggles.

“Okay. Sorry to drill you like that, man.”

“No skin off my back,” Jake says. “I am curious though, why do you want to know these things?” John blushes now.

“I dunno,” he says awkwardly. “I’m just curious and stuff. You’re one of my good pals, I guess I just wanted to know?” Jake shrugs.

“Fair enough,” he says, accepting that answer at face value. “Say, when do you want to watch movies with Karkat? I brought Avatar 1 through 4.”

“Oh man, those are so great,” John says. “He’ll love them. I can ask if he wants to watch tonight.”

“Capital!” Jake exclaims. “Let me know then.”

“Will do,” he says. “Thanks.”

\---

Roxy taps away on her laptop while Rose reclines on her bed.

“So, what are you doing with that microchip?” Rose asks, eyebrow raised as she peeks over her book.

“I don’t even know,” she says. “Just trying to access the data in some way.” She already had to rig an adapter for the thing to get her computer to recognize it, and the ~ATH script is totally foreign to her.

“Well, don’t get too behind on the report,” Rose reminds her.

“I know,” Roxy says. “I won’t. I just really want to see what I can do with this. If I can give the trolls some sort of closure it’ll make my life.” Rose smiles.

“I’ve always admired your altruism,” she says. “You do much to improve the lives of others.”

“Thanks, sis,” Roxy giggles. “I figure if I can do something, why not do it?” Her computer beeps, and her face lights up.

“Boss!” she exclaims. “I think I’m getting somewhere!”

\---

“Hey cute stuff,” Dirk says from the doorway. Jake looks up from his desk and blushes.

“Hi Dirk,” he says bashfully. Dirk comes in and closes the door behind him.

“How are you holding up?” he asks.

“I’m doing okay,” says Jake. “It’s sad seeing the trolls upset, and it’s a little surreal that we witnessed someone’s death… but I’m hanging in there.”

“Good,” Dirk says with a smile. “Hey, are you drinking tea?”

“Ah, yep, Nepeta makes the best tea!” he says, sipping it contentedly. “Want a taste?” Dirk stands close enough that his legs are touching Jake’s knees.

“Don’t mind if I do,” he says, extending his hand. Jake takes it and stands up. Dirk wraps him up into a tight hug and kisses him sensually, slowly dragging his tongue alone Jake’s bottom lip.

“Ah, I meant the tea,” Jake chuckles shyly. Dirk pecks him on the lips.

“I can taste it just fine,” he says. Jake smiles and lifts Dirk’s shades off of his face. The striking orange eyes he loves are as intense as ever, and he still can’t help but blush when he sees them. He takes Dirk by the hand and leads him over to his bed.

“Thank you so much for saving John,” he says. “And for coming back alright.” Dirk pushes Jake gently onto the bed.

“There’s seriously nothing to thank me for,” he says. “Never was. Shit needed done. That’s kind of my department.” Jake grins.

“Yeah, yeah,” he says. “Are you coming down here or what?” Dirk raises an eyebrow and gives him a sly smile. Jake moves so that his head is on the pillow and his body is stretched out along the length of the bed.

“Don’t have to ask me twice,” says Dirk. He climbs over his boyfriend and straddles him. Jake takes his glasses off and sets them on the bedside table.

“You’re handsome,” he says, tracing Dirk’s jaw with his finger. “I never can get past it.” Dirk smiles softly and bends over to kiss him. Jake’s hands slide up the back of his shirt, and Dirk helps him tug it off.

“Aren’t you eager today,” Dirk teases. Jake blushes as he tosses the shirt aside.

“It’s not my fault,” he pouts. Dirk kisses his cheeks.

“My sex appeal is just too strong,” he says.

“Ah, shut up,” Jake protests, looking to the side. Dirk kisses his forehead.

“You’re beautiful, Jake. It’s pretty much ridiculous,” he says. He begins kissing the other boy’s neck, drawing out those feathery sighs that he loves.

“You say that a lot,” Jake says. “I’m a rugged man, dammit.” His words have no power behind them, though. His voice is breathy and uneven.

“You might be,” Dirk says between kisses. “Maybe, as a homosexual male, that’s what I find beautiful.” Jake giggles, and his voice resonates against Dirk’s lips.

“I’m sure that’s why you got me the panties and stockings, then,” he jokes. Dirk licks slowly up his neck and begins unbuttoning his shirt.

“Panties and stockings are not sexy,” he informs him. “Panties and stockings on rugged men are sexy.” Jake smacks himself in the forehead.

“So you seriously want me to wear it,” he says.

“Well, yeah,” says Dirk. But I don’t really give a fuck if you do or don’t, I mostly gave it to you to embarrass you.” He nips Jake’s collarbone, earning him a light moan.

“Mm, Dirk,” he breathes. Dirk finishes unbuttoning his shirt and pushes it off of his shoulders. Jake shrugs out of it and throws it to the side. Dirk places his hands firmly on Jake’s hips and licks in circles around his left nipple. “Ohh, why is that even so good?”

“They have to be good for something,” says Dirk. He nips at it with his teeth and gives it one more flick of the tongue before kissing the bottom of Jake’s sternum and continuing down his abs.

“You… sure know what you’re doing,” Jake says.

“Lots of practice,” says Dirk. “On dudes much less deserving than you.” He kisses Jake’s bellybutton and makes him giggle.

“Is it silly that I’m jealous?”

“No. I’m honestly pretty glad I was the first to get to you,” Dirk says. He kisses each of Jake’s hipbones once, and looks up at him.

“I- ah,” Jake stammers. “What? What are you looking at me for?”

“Waiting for your cue,” he says. Jake’s face floods with color.

“Do you mean… going further south?” he asks nervously. Dirk nods, not breaking eye contact with those fire-orange eyes.

“Jake, you know I’m not going to be upset with you if you say no,” he reminds him.

“I know! You’ve always been good about that,” says Jake. “I just… don’t know what I want.” Dirk smiles up at him patiently.

“It’s alright,” he says. Jake squeezes his eyes shut.

“We’re not going to go all the way, are we?” he asks shyly.

“No,” Dirk assures him. “I don’t think you’re ready for that.” Jake exhales.

“I trust you,” he says after a moment. “G-go ahead.” Dirk kisses the bit of hair just above his waistband.

“If you change your mind, tell me so,” he says. He unfastens the button on Jake’s shorts, and Jake squeaks involuntarily. He’s never, ever let anyone see him naked before. What if Dirk doesn’t like what he sees? He shakes his head. Dirk thinks he’s beautiful, he just said so! He braces himself as the blonde pulls the zipper down. Oh god, there is another man opening his pants.

“You okay up there?” Dirk asks. Jake swallows hard and nods, watching his boyfriend intently and nervously. He lifts his hips to let Dirk tug his shorts off, and soon he is lying in his underwear with a conspicuous boner in front of the man who gave him his first kiss barely a month ago.

“Breathe, Jake,” says Dirk. He kisses his stomach comfortingly and waits for his breathing to even out. Jake touches his boyfriend’s hair and giggles when Dirk nuzzles into his stomach.

“I’m alright,” he says. He doesn’t look or sound confident, but Dirk nods and kisses his hipbones again. He licks the groove made by his hip, causing him to shudder.

“Don’t forget you can turn back,” Dirk reminds him. He slips his fingers beneath the elastic band of Jake’s underwear and looks up for confirmation one more time. Jake nods, face tinted red. Dirk tugs down and slides them off, exposing Jake to him completely. He strokes from his hip down his thigh across the now bare skin.

“I, umm… wow,” Jake murmurs. “I’m naked.” Dirk cracks a smile.

“Naked and gorgeous,” he says. “Best combination.” Jake covers his blushing face with his hands, and Dirk kisses his stomach again.

“You’re impossible,” says Jake. Dirk lays kisses all down the dark line of hair on his lover’s abdomen and takes his gloves off. When he rests his hand on Jake’s length, he jumps. “Dirk,” he chokes.

“Yes?”

“Nothing! Just, yeah.” Dirk smiles and takes him in his hand. He strokes him slowly, watching his eyes fly open and his back arch.

“Dirk, how… why is this so different- nnn! From when I do it?” Jake asks in a strained voice. His head jerks to the side and he lets out an involuntary throaty sigh.

“Beats me,” says Dirk. He increases his speed and starts planting kisses next to the base of him.

“Ahhh… Dirk, fuckdammit,” Jake moans. And then Dirk licks him from base to tip, and he locks up completely, mouth open in a silent cry. “Y… yes,” he squeaks after a moments. Dirk smirks and repeats the action, making Jake’s back arch deliciously. He pauses at the tip to kiss the head, and Jake whimpers.

“May I?” he asks coolly. Jake just nods, his eyes screwed shut and his hands gripping the pillow. Dirk shifts positions and slowly, methodically slides Jake’s cock into his mouth.

“Ohhh, Dirk, Dirk, oh god,” Jake groans. He involuntarily bucks his hips into his mouth. Dirk presses down until only an inch or two is left and begins moving him in and out, over and over, tongue working as he goes. Jake is twisting and choking off cries above him, occasionally reaching down to fist his hand into Dirk’s hair.

The blonde takes it all in stride, having seen it all before. But never has a partner made him feel like this. Never has he felt such a drive to please. He feels a touch of color rise in his cheeks when he realizes that _Jake English is letting him suck him off_. This inexplicably wonderful dumbass is his boyfriend, his lover, and he wants to make him see stars.

“Dirk, oh please, oh shit oh fuck I’m going to come, Dirk you don’t want-“ his words are cut off when the other man’s tongue swirls around the head of his cock in just the right way and he comes, hard, into his mouth. Jake covers his face with his hands. “Oh, oh my god… I’m so sorry…” he pants. Dirk swallows without a second thought and sits up.

“Why are you sorry?” he asks softly.

“I… in your mouth,” Jake says shakily. Dirk chuckles.

“It’s okay, Jake,” he says. “I did it on purpose.” Jake peeks at him from behind his hand. His face is still furiously red.

“You didn’t have to, I mean isn’t it gross?” Dirk lays his head on Jake’s chest.

“Will you just quit thinking about it and enjoy it?” he says bemusedly, running a hand through his spiky hair.

“I… I can do that,” Jake concedes. He sighs heavily and lazily lays his arms on Dirk’s back. “Dirk?”

“Yeah?” Jake fidgets beneath him.

“I… love you.” It’s Dirk’s turn to light up like a stoplight. He looks up at Jake, eyes more clear and intense than ever. They stare at each other for quite some time.

“Are you sure?” Dirk asks finally. Jake’s green eyes are vibrant despite his nerves. He swallows.

“I’m sure,” he says. “You’re one of a kind, Dirk.” Dirk’s cheeks remain uncharacteristically red, and he flashes the biggest smile Jake’s ever seen on him.

“God dammit, could you be any more adorable,” he says, closing his eyes. “I love you too, Jake. I fuckin love you too.” Jake squeezes him and sighs.

“I could get used to you blushing like a maiden,” he teases.

“Don’t hold your breath,” says Dirk. He sighs against Jake’s chest. He won’t let his pokerface take over just yet. He wants to enjoy this like a dork just a little bit longer.

\---

_SEARED Report 1, John Egbert_

_A few months before leaving for Alternia, I was contacted by a troll named Karkat Vantas. My section of this report details the friendship I have with Karkat and how the difference in species comes into play._

_The first few times I heard from Karkat, he mostly asked me questions about what humans needed, so he and his friends could prepare. He was prickly and irritable, but he never struck me as being too unlike a human. We obviously had different ways of living, but I found him easy and fun to talk to. The cultural differences weren’t too much for us to relate, even though he insulted me constantly I could tell we were friends._

_When I got to Alternia I actually was able to guess which troll was Karkat. He just carried himself the way I would have imagined him. I guess in that respect he’s very similar to a human if I could pick up on that. One of the first days we were here, since I knew he liked movies, I suggested that we watch each other’s films. The most difficult thing to understand about troll movies is the black romance. Since humans don’t have blackrom, I couldn’t really relate to the motives of the characters involved. Otherwise, though, Karkat’s movies were entertaining, if a little more complicated and violent than ours. Karkat seems to thoroughly enjoy the movies I show him, too. The concepts of romance are relatable to him, and he becomes invested in the characters._

_I feel like since I’ve come to Alternia, I’ve become very close to Karkat. He obviously cares about his friends more than he likes to admit, and I think he’s a lot more lonely than he lets on. He’s obviously a sensitive guy, seeing as he cried watching Titanic, but he always acts like he doesn’t need anybody. I worry about him sometimes. Even though he has a moirail, I think he would be happier if he was more comfortable opening up to his other friends. I know I’m glad to have several people I can confide in. One person won’t have all the answers. He would probably hit me if I told him I want him to open up to me though. But I digress._

_Recently, when we traveled to the catacombs, I fell into an inaccessible place, and Karkat not only went looking for help, but he ended up fighting for Aradia and Sollux’s lives. He did everything he could to try and save Aradia, and when Sollux was unconscious, he defended him until help could arrive. I think Karkat would have died for Sollux if he had to. Even if he is an alien, I feel like I understand him alright. And I care about him just as much as any of my human friends. I want him to be happy and get excited to spend time with him. Sometimes, I actually forget he’s not human. I am surprised at how naturally my friendship with an Alternian is coming, and so far I would conclude that they’re not so different from us at all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bwah, so there you go. The humans getting back into their teenaged everyday lives. Trolls and their reports to come! And you better believe John is asking Jake those questions for a reason >:D


	26. Are You Happy?

John sits on the couch next to Kanaya, who is concentrating on her knitting. “Hey Kanaya?” he asks.

“Yes, John?” she says calmly, not looking up from her work but giving him her attention. He looks around to make sure nobody else in in the living room.

“Well, I mean, you’re Karkat’s moirail, so you talk about feelings together, right?” he asks quietly. She nods.

“Yes,” she says. “Why do you ask?”

“This is probably going to sound strange, but… is Karkat happy?” Kanaya looks up at him.

“I… can’t rightly say,” she says. “He is very guarded when it comes to his feelings. Often, when he comes to me with issues or things that are bothering him, he has been feeling them for a very long time. He only seems to approach me of his own will when things have gotten unbearable. I would say… he is not unhappy and miserable. But I would not say he is a happy person.” John frowns.

“I kind of figured,” he says, looking thoughtful. “Thanks Kanaya.”

“Of course, anything I do not find to be private is my pleasure to provide,” she says, returning to her knitting. John goes off to the kitchen, and Kanaya pulls out her phone.

GA: Karkat

CG: YEAH?

GA: Are You Happy

CG: ABOUT WHAT?

GA: Nothing In Particular Just Are You Happy With Your Life

CG: THE FUCK IS THIS COMING FROM?

GA: Are You Going To Answer My Question Or Not

CG: I DON’T FUCKING KNOW, MAYBE? NOT REALLY. I MEAN IT COULD BE WORSE. SERIOUSLY WHY ARE YOU ASKING THIS, IT’S NOT LIKE YOU TEXT ME TO ASK DEEP LIFE QUESTIONS EVER.

GA:  I Was Asked If You Are Happy And Realized That I Do Not Have The Answer

CG: WHO THE GLOBE FONDLING HELL ASKED YOU THAT?

GA: I Do Not Feel That I Am At Liberty To Tell You That

CG: IT WAS FUCKING EGBERT WASN’T IT.

GA: Yes

\---

Karkat flops facefirst onto his couch and buries his face into a pillow. He can feel himself blushing and he can’t stand it. Goddamn bulgefucking John Egbert is not helping him kill these feelings at all. The dreams aren’t helping, and Kanaya’s not helping.

“God fucking dammit,” he hisses. His mind flashes to his last flushed relationship. He had loved her so dearly. And he would always fuck up and start them vacillating.

 _“Karkat, I don’t know what you want from me. I can’t do this anymore,”_ she had said. _“Sometimes I could swear you hate me. It hurts, Karkat. I’m tired and I’m through with this. I’m sorry.”_ He sighs sadly, recalling that night. He hadn’t even seen it coming. How stupid. He was pretty much a textbook example of a terrible redromantic partner, and he knows it. He remembers how exhilarating it was being with Terezi. He was fooling himself, and he doesn’t want to fool himself again. And he doesn’t want to hurt John.

CG: FUCK YOU WITH EVERY ABOMINABLE CONTRAPTION IN EQUIUS’S MACABRE WORKSHOP.

EB: uhhh

EB: what?

CG: YOU HEARD ME JUST SCROLL UP AND READ IT AGAIN YOU LAZY SHITHEAD.

EB: are you mad at me?

CG: AGH

CG: NO I’M NOT MAD, JUST FUCK OFF.

EB: ok, whatever you say, hehe

EB: also jake and I are going to watch avatar tonight, you should watch with us!

CG: WHATEVER FINE.

\---

AA: r0xy lal0nde right?

TG: holy fucking shit

AA: surprised t0 hear from me?

TG: well yeah you pretty much died

AA: I sure did. twice in fact.

TG: so how the shit am I talking to you, I mean fuckin jeez

AA: y0u tell me, I have n0 idea h0w I am where I am.

TG: where are you??

AA: as far as I can gather

AA: I am riding the signals themselves.

AA: I am essentially 0n the internet.

TG: that’s the fucking sickest thing I’ve heard in my life gotta tell everyone

AA: h0ld 0n a sec0nd

AA: I want t0 make sure I’m n0t g0ing to fizzle out.

AA: I d0n’t want t0 make every0ne sad again.

TG: okay I can do that

TG: let’s figure this stuff out

TG: nice to meet you Aradia :)

AA: nice t0 meet y0u t00!

AA: i feel much better than when I was functi0ning as a r0b0t.

TG: im gonna take awesome care of you internet Aradia

TG: and we’re gonna connect you with Sollux and make him smile

TG: and you can keep being alive and shit

TG: friggin yes

AA: 0ne step at a time.

AA: start by telling me what y0u did t0 get me t0 this p0int?

TG: you got it girl

TG: I plugged you in and pressed some fuckin buttons

TG: screwed around with some dealies I only half understand and reconfigured the computer to recognize you as a couple different things

TG: and uploaded that shit to my personal storage thing

AA: s0 I am currently based in y0ur 0nline st0rage.

AA: w0uld it be p0ssible to m0ve me t0 a few 0ther places?

AA: I d0 n0t wish t0 be deleted.

TG: sure you got it girl

\---

“How’s the knitting?” Rose asks, leaning over Kanaya’s shoulder.

“Well enough,” says Kanaya. “I have little experience with this type of craft, so it’s slow going, but I’m getting better.”

“Mind if I sit with you while I write my report?” Rose asks as she moves around the couch to sit down.

“Not at all,” Kanaya says. Rose opens her laptop and begins typing on her already lengthy section of the report. “What are you writing about?”

“The psychology of trolls as I have observed in my first month here,” says Rose.

“Mm, sometimes I feel as though I have little grasp on the concept myself,” Kanaya muses. “Though my friends claim that I am adept in that area.”

“From what I have observed, you are,” Rose says. Neither looks up from her craft.

“I suppose. Though comparing me to the socially stunted individuals in this hive would always give you that impression.” Rose chuckles.

“I know all about that,” she says. “Nepeta keeps saying I’m like a moirail to Dave and Dirk. Do you know how frustrating it is handling them all the time? They refuse to take care of themselves, and are generally emotionally incompetent.”

“My moirail is Karkat Vantas,” Kanaya says matter of factly. Rose grins.

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” she says. “How is that? From what I understand of moiraillegiance, which is not as much as I’d like, both parties open up to each other and work to keep each other happy and healthy. Is he different when you are alone together?”

“Not as much as he should be,” Kanaya says, sounding concerned. “It can be defeating at times. He often refuses to address a problem in our sessions until it has been overwhelming him for several days. I wish he was more comfortable admitting his feelings to himself, and subsequently to me.”

“You shouldn’t take it personally,” says Rose. “He has a lot of denial, and a lot of trouble allowing himself to have things that would make him happy.”

“That is accurate,” Kanaya agrees. “Do you talk to Karkat often?”

“Very rarely, on the contrary,” Rose says. “My evaluation of his mindset comes mainly from my conversations with John.” Kanaya shakes her head.

“Ah, that would make sense,” she says. Rose looks over at her momentarily.

“You sound frustrated,” she says simply.

“As I said, Karkat is bullheaded and does not face his problems properly. He does not listen to my advice as often as he should.”

“It has something to do with our friend John, I gather?” Rose asks. Kanaya sighs.

“Yes, it does. But it is Karkat’s business, and I need to know this conversation will be in confidence,” she says.

“Of course,” says Rose. “You have no obligation to tell me.”

“To be honest I have wanted to vent my frustrations since this came to my attention. But I can’t vent my frustrations to my moirail if he is the subject,” Kanaya begins.

“Naturally,” Rose agrees.

“Karkat… the past few times we have properly jammed, has been very troubled by his feelings for John,” says Kanaya.

“Feelings of the red variety?” Rose asks, looking up from her work again. Kanaya nods.

“Yes. And he refuses outright to address them. He had a painful experience with the flushed quadrant, and that coupled with his self-deprecating mindset has caused him to believe he can never have a happy matespritship. He has opted to try and suppress the feelings he has for John,” she explains.

“I should have suspected as much,” Rose says. “The two of them spend an uncharacteristically large amount of time together. It makes sense that at least one of them has romantic interest in mind.” Kanaya sighs.

“I continually urge Karkat to pursue his feelings instead of refuse them. He will never be happy suppressing himself like this. And I believe in his ability to be a wonderful matesprit,” she says.

“I haven’t pried into John quite enough to know his feelings on the matter, but I do know that if Karkat were to confess to him, John would treat him with kindness,” says Rose.

“I know. And I think Karkat knows,” Kanaya agrees. “He is afraid of getting hurt. And he is afraid of hurting others.”

\---

Jake plops down on the right side of the couch, putting Karkat between him and John. “Oh, this movie is superb,” he says excitedly.

“Yeah, it’s been a while since I actually saw Avatar 1,” John agrees. He hands the popcorn bowl to Karkat, who looks irritable already.

“Why do I have to sit between you lunkheads,” he complains.

“We can switch if you like,” John offers. Karkat just takes a bite of popcorn and folds his arms.

\---

Halfway through the movie, while Jake and John are enthralled by the visual effects and touching plot, Karkat begins to feel sleepy. His use of the pills has thrown off his sleep schedule already. That music is so soothing, and his recuperacoon is right there, maybe he’ll just get up and slip into the slime…

John jumps a little when Karkat’s head hits his shoulder. He looks down at the black mess of hair and nubby horns, and smiles. Karkat slumps against him, and he adjusts his arm to accommodate him.

“Golly, is he asleep?” Jake asks, glancing over. John grins, slightly embarrassed.

“Yeah, I think he is,” he says. Jake smiles, and pulls out his phone when he gets a text.

TT: hey, how’s the movie date?

GT: It’s not a date!

TT: obviously, cause I’m not there.

GT: You didn’t want to watch, ninnyhammer.

TT: that’s cause that movie is shit. I’m showing vriska how to lay down the sick beats, anyway.

GT: Oh, nice! I need to do better making troll chums. I mean, goodness, Karkat fell asleep on John’s shoulder. I’m getting kind of jealous of you all.

TT: wait

TT: karkat the neurotic brat is asleep on john egbert’s shoulder.

GT: I know, shocking, isn’t it?

TT: jake, why the fuck are you still there?

GT: Beg pardon?

TT: dude, you have to be shitting me. John has a huge boner for karkat. karkat is literally snuggling with him. and you are still. In. the room.

GT: Wait, he does?

TT: you told me earlier today about the questions he asked you, how much more obvious does it get?

TT: whatever man, just trust me on this. I know when a dude is into another dude.

GT: I suppose I’d best leave them be, then.

TT: yeah man go make some troll friends.

GT: Okay, I can tackle that!

timaeusTestified has ceased pestering golgothasTerror

“John, I’m terribly sorry, but Dirk needs me. Perhaps we can watch the sequel some other time?” says Jake. He stands up as carefully as possible, so as not to disturb the snoozing Karkat. John smiles.

“Okay, do what you have to,” he says. Jake leaves quietly, leaving John alone with the young troll asleep on his shoulder. He leans slightly forward to get a glimpse of his face. For once, Karkat is devoid of worry or aggravation. His eyelashes, long and dark, lay delicately on his smooth cheeks, and his mouth is free from its usual scowl. John finds himself grinning at the sight.

“Look at you,” he whispers. “Finally got you to calm down and relax.” A stray strand of hair falls into Karkat’s face. The messy black fringe frames him wonderfully. John shakes his head at the temptation to touch it. It just looks so soft, unlike everything Karkat tries to project about himself.

“Mm,” Karkat stirs. John freezes. The sleeping troll shifts a little, turning more towards him.

“Karkat?” No reply. He’s still out. John sighs in relief. He doesn’t exactly look forward to Karkat’s reaction when he wakes up. One orange horn is nudged up into his shoulder now, and it kind of hurts. “Suddenly I’m thankful for your stubby little horns,” John giggles.

The movie plays on, and John sits patiently, careful not to wake his friend. Once the credits play and the popcorn bowl is empty, he looks over at Karkat again. He could swear there’s a tiny smile on those gray lips, and he laughs softly. He turns the TV off and just sits in silence for a while, playing on his phone and peeking at Karkat when he stirs a little.

“Nnngh,” Karkat groans. John nearly jumps out of his skin. Karkat stretches, one arm coming up over his head and his back arching. “Buh-what… John?” He lifts his head off of John’s shoulder and stares up at him. His eyes are glassy from sleep, and wide as can be as he tries to assess the situation in a sleepy haze. There’s no contempt or irritation in his face, just an innocent, confused stare, and John feels his face getting hot. That’s not a face Karkat makes.

“Good morning,” he says finally. Karkat blinks and rubs his eyes. His brow furrows, and he’s coming back to the real world. A look of horror spreads across his face, and John swallows.

“What- what the,” Karkat stammers, blush spreading on his face. “No fuck this oh my god Karkat you shambling imbecile.”

“You okay?” asks John. Karkat scowls at him.

“What the fuck was that?!” he demands.

“You fell asleep on my shoulder! I didn’t want to wake you, you didn’t look like you were having nightmares,” John says. Karkat looks stunned momentarily.

“I wasn’t,” he says incredulously. “I didn’t have nightmares.” John just looks at him. Karkat shakes his head violently and glares at John.

“What?” says John.

“I don’t fucking know okay, how could I let this happen, oh my fuck,” he rants.

“It’s okay, Karkat, I know you have trouble sleeping,” John says amiably. Karkat growls.

“You should have smacked me and said ‘get up asshole, you’re making a shithead out of yourself’!” he says.

“I didn’t mind.”

“So fucking what?!” Karkat snaps. He covers his face with his hands. “Ugh please for the love of the mother grub, do _not_ tell everyone.”

“I don’t have to tell anyone, Karkat,” John reassures him.

“If you’re anything like me you’re going to need some serious moirail time after this so just be fucking discrete about who you tell,” he sighs. John touches his shoulder, but his hand is smacked away.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” he says. Karkat sighs heavily.

“It’s fucking fine alright,” he says defeatedly. “Just… yeah. Ugh.”

“I don’t really know what you’re saying, but don’t worry, I don’t think less of you or anything,” says John.

“I don’t- oh whatever,” Karkat grumbles. “Just, for god’s sake how long was I asleep?” John looks guilty.

“About an hour,” he admits. John could swear he sees Karkat twitch a little. “I’m sorry!” The troll just rolls his eyes and stands up, tapping away on his wristcrab. John pulls out his own phone.

\---

“Karkat is texting me, one moment,” Kanaya says, setting her knitting down to look at her phone.

CG: KANAYA HELP

CG: I HAVE POSITIVELY OUTDONE MYSELF IN THE REALM OF STUPIDITY

CG: I’M PANICKING AND I NEED A GOOD SLAP UPSIDE THE HEAD.

“And John is texting me,” says Rose. “Interesting.”

EB: hey rose? I kinda messed up, I think

EB: I mean, I don’t think it was that bad, but I think karkat’s really mad at me

EB: can I talk to you sometime when you’re not busy?

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to cut this conversation short,” Kanaya says apologetically. “It seems that Karkat needs me.”

“Not a problem,” Rose says. “John wants to talk to me anyhow. This could be fascinating.” She smirks deviously, and Kanaya giggles.

“Good luck,” she says, heading out to find her moirail. Rose notes how elegantly she moves with a grin.

\---

“Karkat, calm down a second. Sit down, it’s okay,” says Kanaya. She gently pushes him by the shoulder toward his couch. He plops down with a sigh. “Now explain, coherently this time, what is upsetting you?”

“I fucking fell asleep during that stupid movie,” he says through gritted teeth. “I laid my stupid head on Egbert’s shoulder and dozed off for _over an hour_. I am constantly impressed by the depths of my stupidity.” Kanaya sits next to him and lays a hand on his shoulder.

“If he allowed you to sleep there for over an hour, surely he didn’t mind,” she says calmly. Karkat holds his head.

“Of course he didn’t mind, he doesn’t mind anything because he’s an airheaded dipshit,” he mutters.

“Then what, may I ask, is the problem?” He looks at her like she’s stupid.

“I fucking curled up like a houndbeast on John fucking Egbert,” he spits. “Why is that not a problem?”

“I was under the impression that you had flushed feelings for John,” says Kanaya. Karkat rubs his temples obsessively.

“ _I do not!_ ” he shouts. He buries his face in his hands, and Kanaya rubs his back.

“Karkat,” she says. “I don’t mean to make you angry. I just need to understand the root of your feelings if I am to help you.” He sighs.

“You already know, why make me say it?” he says sullenly. She pulls him into a hug.

“You deny your feelings to protect yourself, but you are not sparing yourself any pain,” she says. “You instead ache with wanting and strain yourself refusing it. Even if you were to get hurt, you would be no worse off than you are now. Why can you not take the chance?” Karkat brings his knees up to his chest. He lays his head on them turned to look at Kanaya.

“You already know,” he repeats, voice shaking. She wraps her arm around him.

“Shhh,” she soothes. A red tear wells in Karkat’s eye, and he furiously fights to keep it from falling. “It’s okay, Karkat. Really.”

“It’s not,” he says. The tear slips down his face. “It’s not okay that I can’t deal with something as stupid as flushed fucking thoughts. I don’t want this. I didn’t ask for this.” She rocks him gently.

“I know you didn’t,” she says. “I know. And I’m sorry. I know it can be hard. But these feelings aren’t fading, are they?” He sniffs, and shakes his head no.

“I can’t help it,” he says weakly.

“I know,” she repeats. “Tell me, though, what do you fear about acting on those feelings? You are already hurting.”

“I don’t fucking know,” he chokes, trying not to sob. “I’m a goddamn coward? Humans don’t do same sex relationships anyway, why bother saying something just to get laughed at and become the joke of this glorified shithole?”

“Karkat, John would not laugh at you,” Kanaya says firmly.

“Bullshit, he laughs at every piece of shit that crosses his deficient field of vision,” Karkat snaps.

“John is a kind person,” Kanaya insists. “I can give you my assurance that he would take your feelings seriously. Do you not trust him?”

“I don’t know,” Karkat mumbles.

“You are afraid of rejection,” she says softly. Karkat squeezes his eyes shut and nods.

“Fucking coward,” he says. She strokes his hair.

“Rejection is always a possibility,” she murmurs. “But your feelings will never be requited if the object of your affection does not know.”

“I know,” he says quietly. “I just… fucking hell.”

\---

“Hello John, you said you wanted to talk?” Rose says from the doorway. John grins.

“Yeah, that would be awesome,” he says. She comes in and closes the door, sitting in his desk chair while he sits on the end of his bed.

“What’s on your mind?” she asks. John looks to the side, embarrassed.

“So you know how I watched Avatar 1 with Jake and Karkat?” he begins. Rose nods.

“I do recall.”

“Well… Karkat kinda… fell asleep on my shoulder, for most of the movie,” he admits, cheeks flushing pink. Rose raises her eyebrows.

“Oh? John, you seem flustered.” He blushes more at her statement.

“I- it was just weird,” he says lamely. “Karkat always says he has a shitty time sleeping, and he looked really content. I didn’t want to wake him up and ruin it.” Rose nods.

“Understandable,” she says. “But what was your reaction to this? How were you feeling? That is presumably why you wanted to talk to me.” He scratches his head, giggling nervously.

“I dunno, I guess I liked it,” he admits. “It was nice to see him look peaceful. He always seems so stressed out and upset, you know?”

“Yes,” she says. “That is quite a dichotomy.”

“I mean, I- he was just right there on my shoulder, and it was kinda like something a couple would do, but…”

“You’re not a couple,” Rose supplies.

“Yeah!” says John. “Not at all! And I just kind of felt funny about it, you know? I mean, he’s one of my close friends!”

“Are you insinuating that you may have felt some romantic inclination towards Karkat while he was having his beauty rest?” Rose asks with one eyebrow raised. John hunches his shoulders up, blushing vibrantly.

“I dunno,” he says. “I don’t really know what I feel about Karkat. It’s weird. Like, I really want him to be happy, and I think that’s just because he seems so unhappy. But sometimes I feel really compelled to make him happy, and it’s not like anything I have with my other friends. I just don’t know!” Rose sits patiently, waiting for him to calm down.

“It’s alright, John,” she says. “Your feelings are not necessarily romantic. It was a suggestion only. I know that you are fairly certain of your heterosexuality.” John sighs.

“I knew you’d be good to talk to about this stuff,” he says gratefully. “Thanks Rose.”

“Of course, John,” she says. “I listen to Dirk and Dave natter on about their absurd problems, I can easily listen to your perfectly rational ones.” John giggles halfheartedly.

“You’re kinda like a big sister to them by now,” he says. “I think it’s cool.” Rose smiles.

“I would not object to that accusation,” she says. “But we aren’t here to discuss my pest problem. Let us try to resolve this issue of Karkat?” John nods, looking down.

“I’m confused,” he says quietly. “I’ve never been in love before or anything. I’ve never had a girlfriend, or really a crush besides celebrities.”

“And you don’t know how to identify when you are romantically interested in somebody?”

“Yeah,” he says. “I’ve never done this stuff, you know? Sometimes when I’m around Karkat, I feel different, like… Have you ever had that feeling where heat rushes to your stomach and you feel kind of sick?” Rose smiles knowingly.

“I have,” she says. “It usually manifests as desire.” John’s face blooms into red.

“I… desire Karkat?” he asks meekly. Rose tries not to look too amused.

“That’s not for me to say,” she reminds him. “I am not the authority on what your feelings mean. I can only help you to understand them.”

“Yeah,” he says.

“Are you alright?”

“Mmhm,” he confirms. “I kinda had my suspicions… I ended up talking to Jake, cause you know, he never thought he’d date another guy until he met Dirk.” Rose nods.

“Yes, as Dirk tells it, Jake had little idea at all what he wanted,” she says.

“I just asked him some questions about stuff,” John continues. “It didn’t really help… I’m still just left not really knowing how I feel.”

“You don’t have to know,” she says. “Let the feelings come to you. Do not reject any, and examine them all in the same way, even if some of them may scare you.” He nods.

“I’ll try,” he says.

“Good. Now tell me, how did Karkat look when he was asleep?” John falters and looks away, cheeks still pink.

“He, I mean…” he stammers. “He was really calm and peaceful. You know how he always looks like he’s been awake for days, worrying about something or another? That was all gone, he was just relaxed and careless. I didn’t want to wake him up and take that away from him, you know?”

“Naturally,” she says patiently.

“And I knew that when he woke up he would be pissed. But I never really mind Karkat being pissed at me, it happens all the time anyway,” John continues. “You wanna know something dumb?”

“Sure,” says Rose. He looks down.

“I really wanted to touch his hair. It was weird,” he says. Rose fights the urge to chuckle.

“Oh?”

“Blah, it looked soft okay?” he says, flustered. “Soft isn’t something Karkat usually is.”

“Do you want to see him that way more often?” asks Rose.

“Of course!” says John. “He deserves to relax and stop worrying for once.” Rose smiles.

“Was he beautiful?” she muses. John’s face goes from pink to beet red, and he looks at her like a deer in the headlights. “Okay, you don’t have to answer that,” she says mischievously. John sighs.

“He was kinda pretty,” he admits bashfully.

“And that’s perfectly okay for you to think,” says Rose. He nods.

“Thanks for coming to talk to me. I was kind of panicking a little,” John says.

“Of course, anything for a friend,” she assures him. “Remember to be open to your feelings.”

“I’ll do my best.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know about you guys, but I love this chapter :'3 It was so much fun to write all the emotions and stuff, and I was definitely listening to I'm With You by Avril when I wrote it. On repeat. Hehehe. So yeah, it's 2:30 in the morning, I just finished the chapter, and I'm all giddy. I hope it gives you similar fuzzy feelings :)
> 
> \----E


	27. Heat

A week goes by in the hive, and Roxy sits triumphantly at her computer early in the morning.

TG: Aradia, are you there?

AA: Yes!

TG: Bitchin so hey guess what I got you uploaded into the hive mainframe

AA: I can tell! I’ve been fl0ating ar0und a little, it’s t0tally different than anything I ever c0uld have described bef0re.

TG: I think you’re permanent, girl.

AA: Great!

TG: Now let me get on over to Sollux and give him the good news. Sit tight yo

AA: 0k, can do.

tipsyGnostalgic ceased pestering apocalypseArisen.

Roxy slams her laptop a little too hard and tucks it under her arm. Her scarf trails behind her as she speedwalks down the hall to the stairs.

“Hi Roxy! Where are you off to in a hurry?” John asks as she passes.

“I’ll explain it to everyone later, hold your britches,” she says cheerfully. She descends the stairs so quickly she almost trips, and when she gets to Sollux’s door, he’s just leaving. “Sollux!” she exclaims. He backs up a step.

“Whoa, what,” he says.

“I have something amazing to show you, come on get back in your room doofus!” He grumbles to himself, but turns and trudges back inside. Roxy sets her computer on his desk and closes the door.

“Ok, show me, but make it quick. I’m starving, fuck,” he complains. Roxy points at his computer.

“Open up trollian,” she orders. He sighs, and signs in.

“Now what,” he drones. Roxy giggles. “Wait for it!” She pulls up pesterchum on her phone and gives Aradia the go-ahead.

apocalypseArisen began trolling twinArmageddons

AA: hi s0llux!!

“What the fuck,” he says. He looks up at her with fire in his gaze. “Don’t fuck with me Roxy.”

“Talk to her!” Roxy insists. He looks betrayed and hurt, and Roxy bites her lip.

AA: s0llux are you there?

TA: …yeah

TA: plea2e

TA: ii get that you’re tryiing two cheer me up or some 2hiit

AA: just listen!

AA: r0xy used the chip that was in my r0b0t

AA: equius gave it t0 her

AA: she managed t0 hack me int0 the mainframe!

TA: …aa

AA: it’s me, S0llux

TA: where diid we have our fiirst kii22 then

AA: in the cave under my hive, the 0ne with all the crystals

TA: …

TA: the only people ii ever told about that are kk and ff

AA: I can assure y0u I’m n0t either 0f them!

TA: kk’s two 2hiitty of an actor two pull thii2 off so yeah

TA: you could be ff but why would 2he have tiime two pull that 2hiit

TA: unless iit’s 2omeone you told

AA: I have t0ld nepeta, terezi, and tavr0s, if mem0ry serves

AA: y0u can trace the signal if y0u like

AA: but s0mething tells me y0u never t0ld any0ne ab0ut this

AA: 0ur little pet name

AA: the twin terr0rs

TA: oh my god

\---

“It’s really her,” he murmurs. His face is flushed yellow and he grips the edge of his desk. “Oh my god, how did you… oh my god…” He removes his glasses when tears start to flow, and Roxy looks away out of respect.

TA: iit really ii2 you fuck

TA: aa

TA: ii’m 2o 2orry ii faiiled two protect you again

AA: please, s0llux, d0n’t be

AA: I’m s0 much m0re free n0w than I was in that r0b0t 0_0

AA: I’ve been 0n the airwaves for ab0ut a week, and it’s so amazing!

AA: I wish I c0uld bring y0u here, s0llux

TA: …

TA: you 2ound liike you agaiin

TA: aa

AA: I’m happy

AA: y0u have to believe me

AA: n0w I can expl0re a wh0le new reality

AA: y0u kn0w h0w much I l0ve to explore

TA: ii

TA: and ii can talk two you agaiin?

AA: all the time!

TA: hang on just a second aa

\---

Sollux stands up and looks Roxy in the face. Without his glasses, his eyes are vivid and bright. She smiles softly, and he wordlessly steps forward and captures her in a tight, wistful hug.

“Thank you tho much,” he says shakily. “You brought her back. Rokthy… Thank you.” She just smiles and rubs his back.

“You should get back to talking to miss Aradia,” she says with a wink. Sollux pulls away and smiles genuinely, tears sliding down his face. “I’ll leave you be.” He nods gratefully, and sits back down at his desk. Roxy takes her computer and leaves feeling absolutely elated. She knocks excitedly on Karkat’s door.

“What,” Karkat groans from inside.

“I have sweet news that you’ll wanna hear,” she says. He opens the door, and she instantly notes that he looks exhausted.

“What is it?” he asks. She smiles.

“I’m not screwing with you,” she begins. “Sollux is in the other room talking with her now, and he confirmed that he knows it’s her.”

“Who now?” Karkat says, rolling his eyes.

“Aradia! I managed to upload her data from the chip in the robot, and now she’s tripping on the internet,” she says excitedly.

“Wait, _what?_ ” Karkat snaps. He runs over to his husktop and opens it. “How do I talk to her? This had better not be someone fucking with Sollux.”

“Just troll her at her regular handle,” says Roxy. He quickly pulls up a dialog with a handle he hasn’t trolled in a long time. “My work is done!” she says. She runs off before he can protest and heads to her room to contact Feferi. She can’t wait for everyone to reunite with their old friend.

\---

Three days later, the hive is full of excited conversation about Aradia and curiosity about her whereabouts. Roxy has finally managed to convince everybody that yes, it’s really Aradia in there, and everyone is in a good mood.

“Hey,” Dave says from Jane’s doorway. Jane’s face lights up, and she stands to meet him.

“Hey there,” she says sweetly, kissing him on the cheek. He runs his fingers through her hair.

“Remember that party I wanted to have?” he says casually. She takes his hand and leads him into the room.

“Yeah, are you thinking of doing it soon?” she asks. He nods.

“Tonight or tomorrow maybe,” he says. “Bro and I have the tables all worked out, and Roxy brought an inhuman amount of booze, so we’re pretty much set to throw down whenever.” Jane smiles.

“It’ll be such a bash!” she says excitedly. “Gosh, I’ve never drank before, do you think I should?” He ruffles her hair and knocks his forehead against hers.

“You don’t have to do anything,” he says. “Just have fun and wink at me every once in a while.” She giggles.

“You’re so silly,” she teases. He smirks.

“Runs in the family,” he says. “So, when I’m not up throwing down sick beats, are you gonna dance with me?” Jane blushes and smiles up at him bashfully.

“I’m, hehe, shucks buster, I’d love to,” she says. He chuckles and pulls her into a one-armed hug.

“Cool shit,” he says. “Of course, most of the time, I’ll be busting up the house.” She takes his face in both hands. They’re so soft, he notes. Everything about Jane is soft and pleasant. Dave lazily locks his hands around the small of her back. She’s not the type of girl he ever pictured himself with, but he’s finding out more and more lately that she’s just what the doctor ordered.

“You’re so handsome, Mr. Strider,” she says lightheartedly. He grins.

“C’mere petite princess,” he says. Wow, that’s not very Strider, but he doesn’t particularly give a fuck at the moment. He leans forward and closes the gap between them with a soft kiss. She giggles onto his lips.

When they break the kiss and step back, Dave grabs the stems of his shades. “Lemme show you something,” he says. Her eyes widen. He closes his eyes and removes his sunglasses. She takes a breath, his eyelashes are so light and delicate, and wow, he’s even more handsome without the shades. And then his eyes snap open.

“Goodness,” she breathes. “Dave, they’re so pretty…” He looks to the side uncomfortably.

“They’re just kinda weird,” he says with a shrug. She giggles and tips his chin so he faces her. They’re so vividly red. She’s never seen anything like them, and they’re absolutely mesmerizing against his pale skin. She reaches out and touches his cheek.

“Dave, I’ve never seen anything like them. They’re amazing,” she insists. “I can’t believe you hide them behind those silly old shades.”

“Hey, no dissing the shades,” he says. “John gave ‘em to me, and they’re ironic as fuck.” She giggles. Their faces are extremely close now, with Jane staring intently into Dave’s eyes. His cheeks dust pink, and she rubs their noses together.

“You blushed!” she squeals. “Oh Dave, you’re so cute!” He rolls his eyes good-naturedly.

“I must correct you, I’m not cute, I’m boss,” he says. She giggles and litters kisses all over his mouth.

“You’re wonderful, and you shouldn’t feel self-conscious about your eyes. I think they’re the bee’s knees.” He ruffles her hair.

“You’re a goof, you know? But hey… thanks.” He kisses her forehead. Maybe he can be cute just this once.

\---

“Okay dorks, I’m going to be spinning out wicked beats in the warehouse in the morning,” Dave announces to the living room. Roxy’s got booze we can drink, and we can dance and have a bitching earth time.”

“Ooohh, sounds fun,” Terezi says. Kanaya nods.

“This could be interesting,” she agrees. “I will do my best to get everybody to join in the cultural exchange.” Dave smirks.

“Sweet, don’t let Karkat and Equius skip out like assholes,” he says. Dirk comes up behind him and puts him in a headlock.

“Hey man,” he says casually.

“Augh fuck off,” Dave complains. Dirk releases him and flicks him on the ear.

“You. Gotta talk to you, man. We haven’t had a whole lot of time to just lay it out,” says Dirk.

“Sure, whatever,” Dave shrugs. It has been a while since he’s sat down and shot the shit with his bro. They head upstairs to Dirk’s room, and sit on the floor leaned against the bed.

“So,” Dirk begins. “How’s the married life?” Dave rolls his eyes behind his shades.

“You mean having a girlfriend for like two and a half weeks?” he says.

“Yeah man,” you showed her your fuckin’ eyes, it’s official,” Dirk says.

“Wait, how the fuck did you know I showed her my eyes?” he asks incredulously. Dirk chuckles.

“Dude, she texted me as soon as it happened,” he says. Dave grumbles.

“Oh whatever, it’s not like I care who knows she saw,” he says.

“You really like her, dontcha?” asks Dirk. Dave shrugs.

“Yeah,” he says. “I do. A lot more than any of the other chicks I burned through.” Dirk flashes a genuine smile for just a moment.

“Does she ever show interest in Jake?” he asks softly. Dave thinks for a moment.

“Not that I can tell,” he says. “Honestly she seems pretty smitten with me. It’s… kinda cool.” Dirk throws an arm around him.

“Bro, I’m pumped for you,” he says. “You deserve it. Jane’s the shit, she’ll never steer you wrong.” Dave lets out a small smile.

“Man, enough about my bullshit,” Dave says. “You’d rather hear yourself talk anyway.” Dirk knocks him in the shoulder.

“Talking about Jake?”

“What else?”

“Heh,” Dirk chuckles. “Figured you didn’t wanna know.” Dave shrugs.

“It’s important to you, isn’t it?” he says casually. “It’s fuckin’ gross when you make out and drool all over him in public, but man.” Dirk flips him off.

“Dude, fuck off,” he says.

“Yeah yeah. But this is your first legit relationship, man, how’s it going?” Dave asks. Dirk grins.

“It’s badass,” he says. “He’s a sweet thing, and I think he’s pretty much gotten over the whole ‘ooohh I’m gay’ freakout.” Dave chuckles.

“So you feeling the whole relationship thing?” he asks.

“Fuck yeah, man, this kicks the shit out of slutting it,” says Dirk. “I mean, yeah, the kid’s not letting me bang him anytime soon, but it’s not even what’s on my mind.” Dave raises one eyebrow.

“Bullshit.”

“It’s not the biggest thing on my mind,” Dirk corrects. “It’s his fault for being such a seductive little fucker.” Dave buries his face in his arms.

“ _Bro_ ,” he groans. Dirk shrugs.

“Look. I’m actually pretty serious about this,” he says. “And he’s really opening up to me, I mean for god’s sake just last week…” He grins, recounting that night.

“Dare I ask?” Dave says, rolling his eyes.

“I sucked him off and he told me he loved me,” Dirk says matter-of-factly.

“ ** _Bro!_** ” Dave cries. He shakes his head violently, trying his damnedest to rid himself of that thought.

“Important,” Dirk says. “He fuckin’ told me he loved me.”

“That’s nice bro,” Dave says exasperatedly.

“I told him I love him to. And I mean it.” Dave looks up at him. Dirk is wearing a small, innocent and happy smile.

“You’re gross and obscene,” Dave says. “But if this shit is making you happy, I’m 100% behind you. And _not_ in the way that you’re behind English.” Dirk chuckles.

“Thanks bro.”

“Yeah, whatever. I’m going to get you in your sleep.”

\---

Once dawn begins to break, the trolls and humans begin to filter into the warehouse. Dave’s turntables are set up with his computer, and Roxy arranged a table with various drinks. “What exactly are we, um, doing?” Tavros asks Jane.

“It’s a party like the ones we have on earth,” she says cheerfully. “You dance and drink and have a good time!”

“Oh, okay, what do we drink?”

“Well, Roxy brought a bunch of alcoholic drinks with her. Alcohol makes you goofy and uncoordinated, and it’s a lot of fun.”

“I think I’ll pass,” he says shyly. “I don’t really like, messing with… you know, drugs and stuff.” She nods.

“I’ve never really drank much, so don’t feel bad,” she says.

“Hey kids, let’s get this started,” Dave says over the PA. He starts up his first song and Dirk cuts most of the lights.

“Sollux, are you going to drink?” Roxy asks, slinging an arm around him. She has a bottle of vodka in her hand.

“I don’t even know what that’ll do to a troll,” he says.

“I do!” she says. “I called the embassy. They said it’s not much different from what humans experience.”

“Oh whatever, I guess. I’ve been in a good mood lately,” he shrugs. She grins and pours him a few shots worth, topping it off with juice. He sniffs it.

“Ugh, that still smells like ass,” he groans.

“Drink it, it’s so much fun!” she insists. He rolls his eyes, but takes a swig.

“Diiiiiiiirk!” Vriska calls over the noise. He turns. “Are you gonna teach me how to dance the human way?”

“Sure, I mean I don’t really dance much,” he says. “I’m pretty much a dj or one of those assholes that sits around looking cute.” She laughs and takes him by the hand over to where others are already dancing. She gets down like a pro, while Dirk bobs casually to the music.

“Jane, let’s dance!” Jake says enthusiastically.

“Sure thing!” she agrees, locking arms with him and doing a silly little spin.

“How are things with Dave?” he asks. She smiles.

“Oh they’re wonderful, I’m having a grand time with him,” she says. “How are things with Dirk?” Jake looks upward dreamily.

“Marvelous,” he says. “I told him I love him for the first time the other day.” Jane’s face lights up.

“Oh Jake, that’s so sweet! Did he say it back?” she asks eagerly. He nods, blushing a little.

“Yeah, he did. I don’t know what I’d have done if he hadn’t. Would have ruined the mood for sure…” Jane giggles.

“Mooood, eh?” she teases. He covers his face with one hand.

“Shush, you,” he says.

“I don’t actually want to know, please,” she says. He laughs.

“Oh good, because I don’t know if I could make the words come out.”

“What, why would I drink this caustic swill?” Karkat snaps, shoving Jade’s hand away.

“Aw, come on Karkat, we know it’s safe,” she says. “It’s fun, here, I’ll do a shot with you!” He rolls his eyes.

“Whatever, if it’s only one I can put up with it,” he concedes. He tips his head back and downs the shot. “Jesus fuck, what is wrong with your species and your masochistic complex?!” Jade giggles.

“It’s not that bad!” she says. “It doesn’t taste great, but it feels awesome in a bit.” She does her shot and Karkat reaches for the juice.

“I don’t trust you,” he says crossly. Jade laughs and goes to dance with Tavros and Nepeta. Karkat drinks juice from the bottle until he can’t taste the alcohol anymore, and leans against the stage looking aggravated.

After a few songs, Dave puts on his premade playlist and hops over the railing to the floor. He comes up behind Jake.

“Hey,” he says. Jake, hearing his voice, spins around and takes him by the shoulders, standing far too close for comfort. “Uh.”

“Oh good lord! I’m so sorry!” Jake exclaims, blushing and stepping back a few feet. “With all the noise, I thought you were-“

“Dirk, I gotcha,” says Dave. “Bro!” Dirk comes over, sipping on his drink.

“Sup man.”

“Gonna dance with Jane for a bit. He’s all yours,” Dave says, turning to face Jane. She smiles shyly.

“Hi,” she says.

“C’mon, let’s dance,” he offers, extending his hand. Her face lights up and she takes it, putting a hand on his shoulder. Dirk and Jake watch them, sharing a soft smile.

“They look happy,” Dirk says thoughtfully.

“Delighted,” Jake agrees. “Jane’s a great pal, I love seeing her happy.” Dirk knocks him on the arm gently.

“You gonna let them show us up?” he asks. Jake grins.

“Nope!” He says. Dirk grabs his waist and pulls him in close.

In the meantime, Karkat isn’t feeling so well. He stumbles forward, holding his head. His balance isn’t right, and he feels strangely loose and uninhibited.

“Kanaya,” he slurs at his moirail, who is in conversation with Rose.

“Goodness, Karkat are you alright?” she asks.

“Yeah ‘sfuckin great I drank summa that shit the humans brought,” he says. Kanaya sighs.

“Are you feeling nauseous?”

“Nah fuckin fine ohshit,” he says. “Gotta find Egberr gotta fuckin give ‘m a piece of my highly superi’r alien sponge.” He wobbles off in John’s direction, and Kanaya drags her hand down her face.

“Is this normal?” she asks. Rose giggles.

“He’s drunk. It’s perfectly normal,” she says.

“Well, as long as he’s not going to collapse anytime soon,” Kanaya says. She shakes her head.

“JOHN fuckin Egbert,” Karkat shouts. John looks up from his phone and smiles.

“Hey Karkat,” he says cheerfully. “What’s up?”

“What’ya mean what’s up shitnugget I gotta tell you this shit,” he says.

“Whoa, Karkat, are you drunk?” John asks, stabilizing his friend by the shoulder. Karkat swats at his hand.

“I had a small cup of shit fire drink,” he slurs crossly. “I said listennn.” John giggles.

“I’m listening,” he says patiently. Karkat sighs.

“I’unno what’s up with everyother Karkat,” he begins. “dumb fuggin shit Karkat doesn’t even talk about ‘is own dumb feelings. I’m a fuckin expert on quarrants  asshole.” John blinks. Karkat’s pretty far gone, did he really only have one shot?

“What do you mean?” John asks.

“I mean dumb Karkat gett’n all dumb about ‘is feelings and ignoring the besssst moirail,” Karkat says impatiently. “Jus’ tell the shithead you like ‘im Karkat.” John furrows his brow.

“You like somebody? I’m sure you can tell them, Karkat,” he says. Karkat grabs his forearm.

“You’re a dumbass shit,” he drawls. “I can’t fuckin tell you ‘mflushin for ya. Why would that fuckin be a thing.” John’s cheeks flush.

“You- you like… me?” he asks timidly. Karkat glares at him while staggering to keep his balance.

“Yeah it’s kinda the biggest prob’m in m’life so wouldya fuck off and stop being like that?” he accuses. John looks around frantically, not knowing what to do.

“Karkat, I think you need to sit down,” he says nervously.

“Fuckin Egbert,” says Karkat. John catches Kanaya’s gaze and gives her a pleading look. Rose and Kanaya stroll over, and Kanaya puts an arm around her moirail.

“Is everything okay?” she asks. John just shrugs, flustered.

“He just seems really drunk,” he says. “He told me he likes me, you know, red-like…” He nervously nibbles his finger.

“I will take him back to the hive,” Kanaya says calmly. “He will be fine, he just needs to rest and sleep it off.” John doesn’t look any less concerned.

“Do you think… he meant it?” he asks, looking at Karkat, who is now absentmindedly holding on to Kanaya.

“That is not for me to say,” Kanaya says. “You would have to talk to him about it when he’s sober.” John nods, looking down. Could Karkat really feel… that way about him? What happens if he does? What will he do? Kanaya leads Karkat out of the warehouse and John is left to zone out, lost in his thoughts.

“Hey Sooollux,” Roxy sings. Sollux laughs. “You drunk yet?”

“Hell yeth I am,” he says jovially. “Loving it, fuck.” Roxy takes his arm and spins him around.

“Me too!” she says happily. She’s actually quite a bit drunker than she’s been in a while. “Mmm, Sollux, I’ve told ya you’re hot, right?” He smirks.

“Yeah, fucking irresithtible,” he says. She wraps her arms around his waist from behind.

“You’re all skinny and wiry and shit, aw damn boy you’re not even human but IDC,” Roxy slurs. Sollux maneuvers to face her, cheerful demeanor replaced by sly eyes.

“Whatcha gonna do about it?” he asks coyly.

“Oooh, seductive Sollux, never seen youuuu before,” she says. Wow her head is fuzzy. And damn she’s liking the feel of this troll in her arms. He tips her chin up with one clawed finger.

“Enjoy it while it latht,” he says smugly. Roxy reaches around with both hands and grabs his butt, ignoring the onlookers.

“Dooon’t mind if I do, skinnybutt,” she teases. He raises his eyebrows and laughs.

“Rokthy, you’re the shit,” he says. “C’mon people are looking at you funny.” He pulls back and slings an arm around her. They leave the warehouse together, leaning on each other to keep stable, laughing like fools.

They stumble in through the front door, laughing raucously and ignoring Kanaya and Karkat in the living room. “I never thanked ya much for what you did with aa,” Sollux says as they climb the stairs. “Fuckin incredible, you’re a lyin shit though, you nev needed your comp fikthed.” Roxy laughs and ushers him through her bedroom door.

“Yeah guilty mmhm,” she admits shamelessly. “Thought you were cute, but you didn’t wanna talk to me.”

“Talk to me then,” he growls, pulling her close to him.

“Door’s closed right?” she asks. He looks over his shoulder and nods. “Bitchin.” Roxy pulls him down by the shirt and kisses him sloppily. They tumble backward onto her bed and kiss frantically and messily. His sharp teeth draw blood from Roxy’s lips, but she’s drunk enough not to notice/care, and this is just too good to stop and deal with the blood right now.

“You’ve been waiting for that one, fuck,” Sollux breathes. She giggles and pulls his shirt up. He slides the rest of the way out of it and tosses it aside. Roxy gasps and reaches out to touch his wiry torso. He’s skinny, but strong, and she’s all over it.

They continue to kiss eagerly, and begin to undress each other. They get tangled in their clothes and stain them with blood, but they don’t care, and once they’re naked, they barely pay any mind to the stark biological differences between them. They clutch each other and gasp together as their bodies tangle, sweaty and lustful.

Her hands are all over him and she indulges in the view of him moving above her. He revels in the sensations of sex and alcohol and allows himself to cut loose and fall into her completely. She looks at his face and sees someone she wants to make happy, and kiss, and have as her own. Neither of them are aware of the noise they’re making, or how much time is passing.

Sollux comes with his head thrown back and spine arched, and Roxy lies spent beneath him. He leaves to go release, and by the time he’s back, she’s already asleep. He crawls into bed with her and falls asleep with an arm draped lazily over her. They crash as quickly as they burned, drained from the heated passion of their affair. They can address the reality in the morning, for now there is only satisfied sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weeeell that happened.
> 
> Sorry this chapter took a while, I've been working and taking classes like a madwoman. I'm going nuts. I take my comm final tomorrow though, so that's one less class to deal with from then on.
> 
> *devious author fingers* I've been waiting a long time for this series of scenes. Hope you enjoy the little bits of interaction!
> 
> \-----E


	28. Damage Control

Back in the warehouse, Rose walks over to Jane and pulls her away from Dave.  “Wha- Rose, what’s up?” Jane asks. Rose leans up to her ear.

“Roxy and Sollux just left together,” she says. “Last I saw Roxy she was way drunker than she should have been, and who knows what he’s had.” Jane looks worried.

“Do you think…”

“I know exactly what they’re doing and it’s not a good idea,” Rose says curtly. Jane looks wistfully at the door.

“Should we stop them?” she asks hesitantly.

“I don’t advise it,” Rose says, furrowing her brow. “She isn’t one to listen to opposition when she gets this bad.”

“But she’s going to be upset later!” Jane protests.

“That’s her problem,” says Rose. Jane looks down.

“I… guess,” she says, unconvinced. She knows Roxy wouldn’t listen, but it’s hard to just let her run off and do something she’ll regret.

“I just figured I’d let you know, so you can help her deal with the fallout tomorrow,” Rose says. Jane glares at her defensively for a moment.

“She’s your sister, don’t sound so uncaring,” she says. Rose raises an eyebrow.

“I simply don’t waste time considering options that won’t work,” she says coolly. “I know she’s going to do it, and that she’s going to be upset tomorrow. I fully intend to be there for her, but there’s no use pretending we’re going to stop her.” Jane looks down sheepishly.

“I guess,” she says. Rose pats her shoulder.

“Go dance with Dave,” she says. “I’ve yet to see him happier than when you’re with him.” Jane blushes.

“T-thank you,” she says. Rose gives her a knowing smile and goes over to Dirk and Jake, presumably to inform Dirk about Roxy. Jane makes her way back over to Dave, whose hair shines in the dim glow of the remaining lights.

\---

Karkat lays face down on the couch with Kanaya at his side. “Karkat, I need you to sit up, Rose told me that water will help,” she says evenly. Karkat drags himself upright and takes the cup, but doesn’t drink. “Come on, just drink it. It won’t make you sick.”

“D’wanna,” he mumbles. Kanaya puts a hand on his knee.

“Please, Karkat,” she says. He rolls his eyes and takes a swig, spilling some on his sweater.

“Wanna sleep,” he groans. He stands up shakily and wanders to his end table. He gropes around for something, and Kanaya comes to his side.

“What are you looking for?” she asks patiently.

“Pills,” he says. She furrows her brow.

“You can sleep just fine without them,” she scolds.

“No ‘can’t,” he slurs. “too many, takin’ a lot, need’m or I can’t fuckin sleep.” She pauses. How many of these pills is he taking each day? She knows he’s had issues with this before, but it hasn’t even been two weeks since he was off of them completely.

“Karkat,” she begins cautiously. “How many pills do you take each morning?” He finds his bottle, but she snatches it away from him.

“Give me that fuckin bottle,” he complains.

“Only if you tell me how many of these pills you take,” she says firmly, holding it out of reach.

“Fuckin four now give it.” Kanaya looks at him, horrified.

“Karkat, that’s dangerous,” she says. “You can’t be taking four of these a day.”

“Y’said you’d give it,” he says.

“No, I won’t,” she says crossly. “Get in your recuperacoon and go to sleep.”

“I fuckin need that shit,” he insists. She sighs, exasperated. She reaches into her pocket and finds her box of mints. She hands Karkat four of them, hoping he’s drunk enough to be fooled. “Thanks,” he slurs, popping them into his mouth. She sighs in relief, and helps him up into his recuperacoon.

“Goodnight Karkat,” she says. He slips under the slime and dozes off quickly thanks to the alcohol, and Kanaya sits on his couch for a while just staring at the bottle. She should have known. How could she let it get this bad? How many more bottles does he even have? After a time, she goes back to his end table and opens the drawers. Four more bottles. This is much worse than she’d imagined. She buries her face in her hands.

\---

The music dies down and the trolls and humans begin to filter back to the hive. Rose finds Kanaya knitting in the living room with a distant grimace on her face.

“Are you alright?” she asks. Kanaya looks at her, face pained.

“Karkat,” she says weakly. “I’ve let him down as a moirail.” Rose sits down next to her.

“Why do you say that?” she asks patiently. Kanaya pulls the bottle of pills out of her pocket.

“He has a history of using these,” she says. “They’re sleeping pills. He has had a lot of trouble with sleep in the past, so he used them to keep himself on a normal schedule. Only, he didn’t use them responsibly, and ended up depending on them more than he should have.”

“And he’s taking them again,” supplies Rose. Kanaya nods.

“Terezi was his matesprit at the time. She made him stop. But I think after they broke up he went right back to using them whenever he needed to. And with the recent incident at the catacombs, he has undoubtedly been having night terrors.” Rose takes the bottle. She looks over the label, but she can’t read the Alternian script.

“You cannot blame yourself for his condition,” Rose tells her. “If the problem has been persistent for some time, he has already developed the means to hide it. There is no reason to feel neglectful.” Kanaya nods halfheartedly.

“He said he is taking four each morning,” she says quietly. “Do you know how dangerous that is? He has only been taking them for a short period of time, and he’s already taking that many.” Rose rubs her back soothingly.

“Now that you know, you can help him,” she says. “We need to figure out what is causing him to do this. Once we know the cause, we can find a solution.” Kanaya looks up at her, tears pooling in her eyes.

“You would help me with this?” she asks quietly. Rose nods.

“Karkat’s health is important, and you shouldn’t have to deal with it alone,” she says. “You are a good moirail, but this issue is bigger than that.” Kanaya leans forward and hugs her. Rose rubs circles into her back. “Shhh. It’ll be alright.” Kanaya doesn’t cry, or say anything more, she just rests against Rose for a while, letting her soothe the worry away.

“Thank you,” she says after a while, voice cracking. Rose gives her a small squeeze.

“He will be alright,” she says. “You don’t have to do this alone.”

\---

Roxy wakes up to a blinding light and a splitting headache. She groans, and rubs at her eyes. What time is it? She rolls over towards her nightstand to grab her phone. When her body hits something warm and solid she nearly jumps out of her skin.

Sollux, still naked, is sleeping like the dead next to her, and horror floods her all at once as she remembers the previous night. No. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go at all. No no no! She _likes_ Sollux! No, oh god dammit she fucked up, this wasn’t supposed to be some dumb one-night stand, and-

“Mmmgh,” he groans beside her. She buries her face in her pillow. She doesn’t want him to wake up. She wonders if maybe she can dress him and roll him out into the hall, and maybe he won’t remember any of it and she’ll be off the hook. Shit, why would she ever have thought this was a good idea? “Mmm.”

He shifts a little, and sits up slowly. He looks confused momentarily, feeling the bed beneath him. He’s not used to waking up in anything other than a recuperacoon. He looks to the side at their hastily discarded clothing, and his head snaps to look at Roxy. She pulls the sheets up to her nose and looks at him, guilt and contrition all over her face. He scratches his head, frowning.

“RX, what…” he trails off. He sits up all the way, surveying the room. His glasses are carelessly tossed on the floor. He never does that. “What happened?”

“You don’t remember?” she asks meekly. He holds his head. It aches terribly, but that isn’t exactly unusual for him.

“I… only sort of,” he says. “Fucking hell.” He stands up and pulls his boxers on before placing his glasses back on his face.

“I’m sorry,” Roxy says quietly.

“I was just as gung ho about it as you were,” he mutters. He pulls on his pants, not looking at her. Roxy wants to die. She looks down at her pillow. Sollux pulls on his shirt and pants and heads for the door.

“Sollux,” she says. He looks at her. “You’re not just a one night stand to me, you know.” He shrugs.

“As of right now, yeah, I kind of am,” he says. She didn’t realize her desire to disappear could get worse until just then. He opens the door and leaves, waving without turning back. Roxy balls herself up in the blankets and tries to will away the ache in her chest.

\---

TA: aa

TA: are you there?

AA: I’m always here s0llux!

TA: ii pretty much boned up everything agaiin

AA: I’m sure y0u didn’t, what happened?

TA: ii drank 2ome of rx’2 human 2opor driink

AA: did y0u get sick?

TA: no ju2t fuckiing 2tupiid

TA: ii fucked rx after that 2tupiid human party la2t morniing.

AA: was that a bad decisi0n?

TA: of fuckiing course iit wa2 a bad decii2iion

TA:  2he goe2 two all the trouble two briing you back, and ii treat her liike a cheap grub2kank

TA: not two mentiion ii walked out on her and snapped at her liike an a22hole thii2 eveniing

AA: 0h, s0llux

AA: d0 y0u have feelings f0r r0xy?

TA: that’2 kiind of not the poiint riight now aa

AA: yes it is

TA: 2hee2h

TA: yeah kiinda, ii gue22

TA: ii’m 2orry

AA : s0llux, why are y0u s0rry ?

AA: d0n’t tell me y0u still feel rem0rse 0ver caring f0r s0me0ne 0ther than me

TA: ii fuckiing kiill you and then 2tart makiing red eye2 at other chiick2 and dude2, that’2 kiinda fucked up

AA: s0llux. please.

AA: I wanted y0u to be happy with feferi

AA: and I supp0rt any r0mantic endeav0rs y0u have with r0xy

AA: I am a part 0f a different w0rld from y0u n0w

AA: my wish is f0r y0u t0 find l0ve aside fr0m me

TA: aa…

AA: i mean it.

TA: ii have two go

TA: thanks for talkiing

AA: till next time

twinArmageddons ceased trolling apocalypseArisen

Sollux rubs his temples, trying to rid himself of his horrendous headache. He feels disgusting. He stands up and grabs his toiletries and a towel. He shouldn’t have said what he said to Roxy. He should have stayed and talked it out with her. He knows she likes him, she’s probably miserable right now. He shakes his head, causing the throbbing to increase.

When he gets to the bathroom, Karkat is standing in front of one of the sinks looking ill. “KK, you alright?” he asks. Karkat turns to him.

“I don’t remember anything from that fucking party,” Karkat chokes, voice dry and cracking. “The last thing I remember is drinking that abominable pod fuel with Harley. The rest is just fucking _gone_. And I feel like someone took a bottle of fuck you and bludgeoned me to death with it.” He rubs his head.

“Yeah, my memory is fuzzy,” Sollux says. “I think that’s normal.”

“If that’s fucking normal then count me out of touching that panrotting garbage ever again,” Karkat spits. He leans over the sink. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to spewing my fucking guts out.” Sollux shrugs and goes into one of the shower stalls, and as he runs the water, he can hear Karkat cough and vomit into the sink.

\---

“Hi Dirk,” Jake says, rubbing his eyes. “Guess I spent the night, hehe.” Dirk groans and rolls over to face him. They’re lying on top of the blankets, fully clothed, only with Dirk’s shades sitting on the end table. Jake’s glasses are still on his face, and his shoes are on.

“Looks that way,” says Dirk. He pulls closer to Jake and cuddles up to him. “Why the fuck are you wearing your glasses?” Jake grins and takes them off. They’re a little bent, but he’s fixed them plenty of times.

“My shoes too,” he says. “Are you hung over?”

Dirk shakes his head. “Nah, throat’s a little dry, but nothing big. You were pretty soaked last night, you remember everything?” Jake laughs.

“Mostly,” he says. “I’d forgotten that I stayed over, but I do recall coming up here now.” Dirk hums into his chest.

“You got up here and fell asleep within 10 minutes,” he says. Jake laughs.

“I’m a sleepy blighter when I’m drunk,” he says. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s whatever, I wasn’t about to try and touch you while you were like that.” Dirk runs a hand through his messy hair. Jake flushes a little.

“You could have taken my shoes and glasses off,” he complains. He kicks his shoes off to prove his point. Dirk shrugs, and Jake looks down at him. He’s never seen his boyfriend waking up before, and it’s kind of funny. Dirk usually has such a perfect façade, and seeing him all sleepy and rumpled is pretty adorable.

“What time is it?” Dirk grumbles. Jake looks at the clock.

“8:30,” he says. Dirk groans and maneuvers under the covers.

“Fuck that noise, I’m going back to sleep.” Jake takes off his overshirt and wiggles under the comforter with Dirk. His boyfriend instantly presses back up against him and closes his eyes, already slipping back into sleep.

\---

“Hi, Karkat,” John says awkwardly when the troll trudges into the living room.

“Oh hello John, would you like to help me out? You see, I’m playing a game, called piece together what the fuck happened in the several hours of my life that I don’t fucking remember by talking to all my asshole friends who let this happen in the first place,” Karkat growls. John blinks.

“You… don’t remember anything?” he asks.

“Not since I drank that shot with Jade,” says Karkat.

“Oh man,” John giggles. “That’s probably for the best.” Karkat grabs his shoulders.

“What the fuck happened John?” he demands.

“Let’s just say you’re a great dancer,” John says mischievously. “But you probably shouldn’t get up on the table to to it.” Karkat blushes furiously and his eyes turn violent.

“John Egbert, that had better be a lie, or I will fucking eviscerate you!” he shouts. John laughs.

“Hahahaha, oh you should see your face,” he says. “You didn’t do anything, stupid. Kanaya just took you back and that’s the last I saw you.” Karkat flips him off with both hands and runs off to find Kanaya.

ectoBiologist began pestering tentacleTherapist and grimAuxiliatrix

EB: guys, karkat doesn’t remember what he said to me

EB: can you not tell him

EB: I think if he found out he would act all weird around me

TT: Not a problem, John.

GA: I Think Karkat Would Rest Easier Not Knowing Yes

GA: He Would Only Become Angry With Himself

TT: However, having the knowledge of what happened, John, you should address your own feelings.

TT: Now that you know that Karkat is romantically interested in you, it is important that you know where you stand.

EB: I don’t really know how I feel though :/

EB: I mean I’m not gay

EB: but I dunno

EB: he’s not human

EB: so the idea of gender mattering kind of seems silly if I’m considering dating someone who isn’t human

TT: Are you considering it?

EB: uhh

EB: I don’t know

EB: I really don’t

EB: I need more time to think about it

GA: That Is Certainly Fair

TT: Well, we won’t tell Karkat what he said last night. It’s in your hands.

EB: thanks guys

John buries his face in his hands. What the hell does he feel for Karkat anyway? He didn’t expect this at all. Last night’s confession came out of nowhere for him. But looking back, it makes sense. The way Karkat has been so trusting, the way he looked at him when he woke up that one day… John finds himself blushing against his will. He and Karkat are bros, right? Just like Dave and Jake.

He doesn’t see Karkat the same way he sees Dave and Jake. Dave and Jake are his buddies, and he would fight for them if he had to. If they were hurt, he would help them out, dress up their wounds, and take care of them like a good bro. If Karkat was hurt… he can’t quite admit that his first thought is ‘hold him’.

What is different about Karkat? They started out as online friends, like him and Dave. They get together and watch movies like him and Jake. He teases and pranks him like anyone else. So why is he always just a little more excited to spend time with Karkat? He’s always chalked it up to feeling victorious, getting the crab to crawl out of his shell. That makes sense, right?

His mind drifts back to the night they watched Avatar. Karkat was asleep on his shoulder, and he had a nagging feeling of wanting Jake to leave. And when Karkat woke up, the wide-eyed, confused, innocent look he’d given him… His face was soft and free from the usual lines of his scowl, and it made John feel warm deep in his chest. And Rose had gotten him to admit that Karkat was pretty…  And the night they watched Titanic, of course. Comforting Karkat as he cried and trying to make him believe his blood color didn’t matter. And the night he found out what that color really was, he felt like the most special person in the world. John flops face first into the couch. When he signed on to go to space, he hadn’t expected to end up struggling with his sexuality over an alien boy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been a little while since I last updated. At least by my own standards. I've been so horribly swamped with school and work, and everyone I know having birthdays, and my best friend being in town, and going to visit my other best friend. I've been going to bed early, and night is when I usually work on SEARED. Anyway, here you have chapter 28 :)
> 
> Poor babies. Poor hungover, regretful, confused babies. At least Dirk and Jake are happy.
> 
> Much love to all my readers
> 
> \---E


	29. Bend Until You Br8k

Roxy sits up in bed when she hears a knock on her door. “What,” she groans, not appreciating the loud noise.

“RX, can I come in?” Sollux asks. She swings her legs over the edge.

“GImme a second to get dressed,” she says. She tugs on some sweatpants and a tank top before opening the door. Sollux is there with a bagel and some water.

“Hey,” he says. She lets him inside, where he sits in her desk chair. She closes the door and leans against it. “Bagel?”

“Sure,” she says, stepping forward and taking the plate.

“Look, I’m sorry about what I said this morning,” he says, looking at his hands. “You were trying to apologize and I fucking threw it in your face. And it’s not even your fault.” She softens.

“Sollux…” she says quietly.

“I get it if you just want me to fuck off,” he says. “But maybe we could, egh, talk about how we feel about all this shit?”

“I would like that,” says Roxy. “I don’t blame you. I’m just glad you came back to talk.”

“AA told me I was being a fucker,” he says. “She’s right.”

“Well… so, feelings,” she says awkwardly.

“Yeah.”

“Not gonna lie, I’m really starting to like you. And last night was a really dumb idea drunk me had _because_ I like you,” she blurts out. Her cheeks turn red and she looks away.

“I kinda figured,” he says. “I wasn’t too wild about you at first. But after what you did for AA, I could definitely tell you were a lot smarter than you led on. And a lot kinder than I could hope to be.”

“You’re a good guy, Sollux,” she says.

“No, I’m not, fuck. And… I dunno. Can we just figure this out as we go along?”

“How do you mean?” she asks patiently.

“I like you too, alright, but I’ve got some fucking issues when it comes to relationships and they’re not going away overnight,” he says. “You probably know by now what happened with AA, and I dated FF or Her Grace or whatever you wanna call her, and she left to rule the kingdom. I just don’t want to jump into a matespritship and back out like a coward.”

“I am perfectly fine with that,” Roxy says. “I don’t want to rush you.” He flashes her a look of gratitude.

“Thanks RX,” he says quietly. She walks over to him and bends down to give him a hug. He flinches, but he lets her.

\---

“Karkat’s addicted to sleeping pills?” John asks nervously. “Oh, no, I shouldn’t have let him have that bottle when we were at the catacombs…”

“Nobody knew his habit had returned at that point,” Kanaya says calmly. “But now we do know, and I think you deserve to know, as someone he cares very much about.”

“Thanks,” he says. “I’m glad you told me. We have to help him.”

“We need to be careful about it,” she says. “If I am correct in my assessment that his habit is stress-fueled, we don’t want to upset him to the point where he gets worse.” John nods. But whatever plan Kanaya has, will it really work? What if he’s doing this because of his feelings for him? He wrings his hands. Maybe tonight they can watch a movie, and he can see where the pills are stowed.

\---

Vriska comes up behind Jake in the living room and taps him on the shoulder. He turns around and smiles up at her. “Hey Vriska,” he says brightly. “What can I do for you?” She leans over the couch.

“Nothing much,” she says, drawing out the second word. “How’s it going with Dirk?”

“Oh, rather well!” he says. “He’s very good to me.”

“Good to hear, good to hear.” She grins mischievously. “He showed me some of his music the other day. Pretty good stuff, mm?”

“Oh definitely, his beats are simply the sickest,” he beams.

“I’ve been trying to learn a little from you humans, and he said you’re a friendly guy. Think you could teach me a little something about those guns?” she asks, pointing to the holsters beside him.

“Sure thing!” he exclaims. “Come with me, we can set up some targets, it’ll be smashing.” They go outside and set up some makeshift targets with garbage. He hands one pistol to Vriska.

“Am I holding it quite right?” she asks. Her grip is just fine.

“A little more like this, but otherwise that looks fine and dandy,” he says, guiding her hands a little. Her face tints blue, just a little bit. Jake blinks.

“I keep forgetting that you all have such queer blood colors,” he says with a laugh.

“It’s not queer, it’s noble, you ignorant boy,” she sniffs.

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean any offense!” he says. “Blue is a lovely color on a maiden.” She smirks.

“Isn’t it though?”

\---

Meanwhile Dirk is coming down the stairs to look for Jake. “Hey, anyone seen English?” he asks Tavros and Gamzee in the living room.

“Yeah, he just, went out to show Vriska, uh, how to shoot,” Tavros says. Dirk scowls. He pulls out his phone.

TT: bro you shouldnt be messing around with vriska

GT: what’s it to you, Strider?

TT: shes manipulative

GT: you had no problem spending time with her the other day, mm?

TT: yeah, and I could tell shes manipulative. you really shouldnt spend too much time around her

GT: you’re the one who was saying how I should make some troll pals, and I’m doing it!

TT: jake I wouldnt screw around about this kind of thing

GT: I can handle myself, Dirk.

TT: fine if you want to kick the hornet’s nest in the junk, be my guest jake

GT: I will, thank you very much!

Jake shakes his head and stuffs his phone in his pocket.

“Who was that?” Vriska asks.

“Dirk,” he says.

“What’s he want? He trying to pry you away for some alone time?” she asks suggestively, stretching out the word alone.

“No, he’s just being silly,” he says with a sigh.

“Ohh?” she fires, hitting a target right on the mark.

“It’s nothing. Nice shot!”

“Are you sure? You don’t sound so happy.” Another precise shot.

“He’s just being kinda possessive is all,” he says. “He’s just trying to look out for me, but it’s kind of pushy.”

“Maybe he’s jealous,” she says playfully. She nails another target.

“I dunno,” he shrugs.

\---

Dirk rubs his eyes under his shades. This is no good. One afternoon with Vriska was all he really needed to tell him she’s wily. And the number of times she mentioned how cute she finds Jake was enough to bother him. Of course he has to be thickheaded about this, instead of listening to him… ugh. He texts Dave.

TT: bro you busy

TG: yeah im with jcrock why

TT: nevermind

He sighs. Maybe Rose is available. “Hello Dirk.” What a coincidence.

“Sup Rose,” he says. “Let’s chat.”

“Got something to talk about, mm?” she asks. He stands up.

“Yeah kinda, let’s go up to your room.” She shrugs, and nods. She had other plans in mind, but Dirk so seldom asks for her help she figures she’ll hear him out.

“What can I do for you?” she asks, sitting on her bed. He sits next to her, hands on his knees.

“You’re like a fuckin’ counselor,” he says. “Jake is out buddying up with Vriska.”

“And the problem is?” He runs a hand through his hair.

“I think she has a thing for him, and she’s a manipulative psychopath,” he says as though it’s obvious.

“Why do you think she’s interested in Jake?” Rose asks. “Yes, she is a very manipulative person, but she has no motivation to hurt Jake.”

“She and I hung out the other day, which was fine, except she kept saying shit like ‘ooh, so that’s quite the boy you’ve got there’. It was pretty offputting, but it was whatever until he went all gung ho literally shooting the shit with her.” Rose nods contemplatively.

“And you’re worried that she will try to woo him?” she asks.

“Is that such a stretch?” he sounds exasperated. “Look, I know it’s stupid, sometimes I just wonder if he’s actually all that into me and I don’t want anyone trying to convince him he’s not.”

“Dirk,” she says. “Jake is very fond of you. You said yourself that he was the one to drop the l-word, as you so maturely phrased it.” He puts his head in his hands.

“I know,” he groans. “Ugh, I shouldn’t have bugged him. I told him he shouldn’t be out messing with Vriska. He kinda got pissy about it.”

“You know, you are much more likely to drive him away doing that than she is to seduce him,” Rose scolds. He flops onto his back.

“What do I _do_ then?” he says.

“Trust Jake,” she replies simply. “He may be naïve, but he doesn’t need to be coddled.”

“I’m… just insecure,” he admits begrudgingly.

“I know, you are cripplingly insecure,” she agrees. “But that insecurity has the potential to drive a stake between you two.”

“You don’t think he’ll ditch me for Vriska, do you?”

“No, Dirk, I do not,” she says. He sits back up, and she pats his shoulder. “It will be fine. If you need to talk again, don’t hesitate.” He nods.

“Thanks Rose,” he says, standing up to leave. Maybe he’s just paranoid. Wouldn’t be the first time.

\---

Jake returns to his room after a rousing bout of shooting with Vriska and flips through his phone. He still has plenty of pictures of blue ladies, though he hasn’t looked at them as much since falling for Dirk. He never thought he’d meet one for real. He pulls up his text log and frowns. What is Dirk’s deal, anyhow? He puts his phone away and gets ready to take a shower.

“Hey Jake,” Dave says once he gets to the bathroom. “Sup.”

“Ah, nothing much,” says Jake. “Is your brother ever… a little overbearing on you?”

“Yeah kinda, it’s just his thing. Why, he being a shithead?” Dave asks.

“I suppose you could call it that. He’s just being kind of wary of who I spend time with. I guess he’s just trying to be protective, but it’s a tick frustrating.”

“I dunno, who’s he being pissy about?” Dave says.

“Vriska,” says Jake. Dave raises his eyebrows.

“Dude… you kind of _should_ be careful around Vriska,” he says.

“Ugh, not you too,” Jake groans. “I can handle myself.”

“Well, yeah, but she’s kind of in the upper echelons of dangerous and manipulative, man, you heard what she did to Tavros and Terezi and what’s her face,” he says.

“No, I don’t think I ever did,” Jake says.

“She’s the one who paralyzed Tavros, blinded Terezi, and killed that other chick,” says Dave.

“…Oh.”

“Yeah, man, I wouldn’t screw around with her.”

“Thanks, Dave,” Jake says, heading into one of the shower stalls. He’ll have to apologize to Dirk. It’s only natural to worry about your boyfriend chumming it up with a killer. But still, he didn’t feel like he was in any danger. Vriska was nothing but friendly and fun the entire time they hung out. He isn’t ready to write her off entirely just yet.

\---

John comes to Karkat’s room two days later with popcorn in hand. He raps on the door, and it’s a moment before Karkat comes and lets him in. “Hi Karkat,” he says. “What are we watching tonight?”

“I’m not going to read you the whole title, you’ll just have to watch and see,” Karkat says, shutting the door behind him and heading over to the couch. John puts the popcorn in the microwave and hums to himself as it cooks.

“Is it romantic?” he asks.

“I said fucking watch and see!” Karkat grouses. After removing the popcorn, John sits next to him and gets situated. Karkat always picks good movies. This particular movie is about moiraillegiance between two lowbloods who end up on opposite sides of a revolution, and how their relationships changes and breaks and mends again. John wonders if Karkat thinks he’ll lose Kanaya, and the thought saddens him. The cancer is so afraid of being hurt that it cripples him.

“Karkat?” he asks as the credits roll. Karkat looks over at him, looking weary.

“What.”

“Thanks for watching that with me,” he says. He stands up and walks over to Karkat’s nightstand. The troll visibly stiffens. He opens the top drawer and Karkat flinches forward, but it’s much too late to stop him. He holds up a bottle of sleeping pills and looks Karkat straight in the eyes.

“P-put that-“ Karkat stammers.

“Karkat…” John says, sadness coming over his features. “Why do you do this to yourself?”

“Who fucking told you about this, you don’t know shit so just put the bottle back and get the hell out of my respiteblock,” he spits acidly.

“I… won’t,” says John. “Kanaya told me, because she’s worried about you. And she’s right.”

“John, I am _fucking warning you_ ,” he growls.

“Please, just tell me why,” John pleads. Karkat grits his teeth. “Is it because of me?”

“What?” Karkat falters, staring at him like a deer in the headlights.

“I… oh damn this is embarrassing… I know how you feel about me.”

“I- I… No you don’t!” Karkat sputters. He lunges forward and tries to wrestle the pills out of John’s grasp.

“Karkat I know!” he says. “You told me when you were drunk!” Karkat freezes.

“What the fuck did I tell you and why would you believe me in a brain damaged stupor?” he demands.

“You told me you’re flushed for me,” John says quietly, cheeks turning pink. Karkat looks down.

“You shouldn’t believe the bullshit drunken past Karkat says, he’s a hideously unreliable nookpustule,” he says. His words no longer have any bite to them.

“Karkat… It’s okay to tell me,” John says softly. Karkat shakes his head.

“What would the fucking point of that be?!” he snaps, looking up at John defiantly. “I’m through humiliating myself and burning bridges just because I can’t calm my own bulge!” A red tear slips from his eye despite his best efforts. John raises his hand to gently swipe it away with his thumb, the palm of his hand lightly resting on Karkat’s cheek.

“Don’t touch me,” Karkat protests weakly. John takes a deep breath. He’s not really so sure of what he’s doing. But he cradles Karkat’s face in his hand and tilts his head to plant a gentle kiss on the Alternian’s lips. More tears slip freely down his cheeks, and he kisses John desperately, no longer able to deny himself this desire. More than once, his sharp teeth draw blood from the other’s lips, but John doesn’t seem to mind.

“Karkat,” John gasps when they part. He touches his own lips. Karkat looks away from him, and makes a surprised squeak when he’s pulled into a big, warm hug. He hesitates, but wraps his arms around John’s middle and leans against him. This is no good, he shouldn’t be setting himself up like this, but… fuck, this is nice, this is safe, and happy.

“It’s not because of you,” he mumbles into John’s shirt.

“Hm?”

“The sleeping pills aren’t your fault, why would you even fucking ask that?” John strokes his hair.

“I thought maybe you were worried and upset about having unsaid feelings for me, and it was stressing you out enough to self-medicate,” he says.

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard your degenerate wind hole spout,” says Karkat. “It’s my fucking problem and that’s all there is to say on the matter. He squeezes John’s waist.

“I didn’t know what to think at first,” John starts.

“Think of what?”

“How to handle your feelings,” he says. “I never thought I was interested in guys, really… but I dunno. The more I thought about it, the more I realized… I think you’re really special, Karkat.” Karkat pulls back and looks up at him, searching his face.

“If you’re humoring me, I will fucking gut you and feed you to Dave,” he says shakily. John leans in and kisses him again.

“I’m not,” he says, smiling softly. “I wouldn’t.” Karkat looks away.

“Do you… want to be my matesprit, John?” he asks quietly, face flushing red. John feels his own face heating up. He’s never been in a real relationship before.

“Y-yeah,” he says bashfully. “I do.” Karkat looks up at him, scanning his face again. John looks him dead in the face. “I mean it, Karkat.”

“Fuck,” Karkat chokes. He flies forward and takes John’s lips again, backing him up against the large purple recuperacoon. He pulls back and presses his face into John’s shoulder.

“Hi,” John says gently. Karkat just holds him close and closes his eyes. He’s an idiot, a fool, and he deserves what he’s going to get. But he wants this, and he’s sick of wanting. John is here, John wants him, and by god, John is going to have him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys the moment you've all been waiting for has arrived!! John finally smooched KK <3 Poor Dirk. He doesn't really know how to boyfriend, but he does his best. Thanks for being patient with me on this one, I've been plenty busy!


	30. Iinterventiion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My best friend made me a cute little comic of the first time John and Karkat recognize each other. See it here! http://lookingatthepieces.tumblr.com/post/55900005115/quick-doodle-of-a-scene-from-my-wonderful-best

John Egbert has no idea how to be a matesprit.

He treats Karkat the same as always, greeting him cheerfully when he sees him, and seeking him out to spend time together, but there is a very obvious question hovering in the air. What are they supposed to do now that they’re a couple? Karkat isn’t the physically affectionate type, or maybe he is and he’s waiting for John? He wishes there was a manual for this sort of thing. How do you go from being bros to boyfriends?

“Egbert,” Karkat says sharply next to him. He starts.

“Uh, what?” he says awkwardly.

“You put the popcorn on the other side of your legs where I can’t reach it, dumbass.” He looks next to him, and yup, apparently he did that. He passes the bowl to Karkat.

“Maybe I wanted you to come and get it,” he says teasingly.

“I- holy hell John we’ve only been together for four days,” Karkat says, mouth staying open in shock. John blushes and shakes his head.

“I didn’t mean it like that!” he cries. “I meant maybe I was gonna make you get up and go around to get it, to annoy you, you know?” he sputters. Karkat shakes his head.

“Shrieking fuck. Let’s just watch the damn movie,” he says. John wrings his hands and sits there, flustered.

“I really didn’t mean it that way,” he says after ten minutes. Karkat looks over at him, unamused look on his face.

“I know already, calm your bulge,” he says. John blushes again and gets back to watching the movie. Neither of them says anything for the rest of the film. When the credits roll, John stands up.

“Well, I have to help Nepeta with dinner,” he says after an awkward pause. Karkat nods. “Thanks for watching with me.” He grabs his phone and heads over to the door, but before he opens it, Karkat comes over to him.

“Oh, hey, what is it?” John asks shyly. Karkat glares at him silently for a second before grabbing his wrists. He stands on his tiptoes and kisses John quickly on the lips, then makes a ‘shoo’ motion with his hands. John giggles. “Later, Karkat.”

“Bye.”

\---

He goes downstairs, heart beating a little quicker than usual, and meets Nepeta in the kitchen.

“Hey there John, how was your movie?” she asks mischievously. John smiles.

“It was really good! I’m getting better at understanding blackrom, so it’s a lot easier to follow some of the movies he picks out,” he says. Nepeta waggles her eyebrows.

“Nooo, I mean how was it?” she asks, leaning into his space. John laughs nervously.

“We didn’t make out, jeez,” he says. “You’re really excited about us getting together, aren’t you?” She giggles.

“I’ve had you two paired together on my wall for weeks,” she says. “I used to have the biggest crush on Karkat, but that didn’t really work out… I think he’s a lot better for you than me honestly.”

“Aww, I didn’t know that, I’m sorry it didn’t work out. I mean, I’m glad I’m with Karkat, but I’m sure it sucks not getting to be with your crush,” he says, chopping up some vegetables.

“No, don’t feel bad!” she says. “This all happened when we were only 6 sweeps. His ancestor and mine had a legendary relationship, and I thought it was so romantic, I ended up kind of making him out to be something he wasn’t. He didn’t have feelings for me, and it was hard for a while, but I realized I just wanted to have something like my ancestor had, and put him in that role. I’m over it.”

“Well, I’m glad, I don’t want to make you feel bad,” John says. “So your ancestors were matesprits? That’s cute.”

“They were, but it’s said that their relationship went beyond the quadrants entirely. It’s such a sweet story,” she says.

“Aww, well I guess since I’m a human and I don’t have quadrants, maybe me dating Karkat kinda counts as the same thing?” Nepeta smiles.

“Purrrrhaps,” she says.

\---

Dirk buries his face in his pillow. It’s been four days since he pissed off Jake, and he’s been more and more scarce. He spends a lot of time outside shooting his newly constructed targets, and more often than not, Vriska joins him. His heart hurts and he doesn’t like the feeling at all. It’s uncomfortable and he can’t relax. God dammit. He activates the pesterchum application in his shades. Equius had been a big help in getting it to work.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

TT: hey bro are you there?

TT: look, I’m sorry about the other day

TT: I don’t care if you hang out with vriska, I was just worried about you

TT: where are you dude?

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

He sighs in frustration. He’s just pining like a little girl now. No wonder Jake is avoiding him. He wonders if he’s interested in Vriska now. Probably. Jake was never into guys before, of course he’d rather be with a girl. He gets up and grabs his sword. Maybe he can get Dave or Equius to help him blow off some steam.

\---

Jane knocks on Dave’s door, unable to suppress the big grin on her face. He comes to the door and cracks a lopsided smile when he sees her. “Hey Jane,” he says. “Whatcha got there?” She holds out the plate in her hand.

“I made apple pie. I brought you a piece,” she says. He takes it and his eyebrows rise above his shades.

“Shit, this smells awesome. Thanks, apples are basically the best.” He takes the fork and starts eating right there in the doorway. Jane comes in and closes the door behind her.

“Do you like it?” she asks.

“Fuck yes I do, this is like all my favorite things all mashed up together, now we just gotta get it to play music and it’s the perfect being,” he says, savoring another bite. She laughs.

“Dave, you talk an awful lot for how little you actually say,” she teases. He shrugs.

“It’s cool. You love it and it’s ironic, it’s pretty much an awesome thing that I should keep doing,” he says. She comes up behind him and wraps her arms around him, standing on tiptoe to put her chin on his shoulder while he eats.

“It’s cute,” she admits. “I’m glad you like the pie.” He softens. He still isn’t quite used to being held like this.

“I’m not cute,” he murmurs. He relaxes in her embrace. She smells like cinnamon and apples, and it makes him feel warm and peaceful. It’s not a familiar feeling, but it’s easy and natural, and he hopes it’s something he can hold on to.

“You’re adorable, Dave, hoo hoo hoo,” she laughs. He finishes his pie and sets it on the desk next to them. He puts his hands on hers.

“You’re sweet. Thanks for the pie,” he says. She turns him around and kisses him on the corner of his mouth.

“Oh, you don’t have to thank me, I love to bake,” she reminds him.

“Hey, I just remembered, I gotta show you something,” he says, going over to his laptop. “I mixed up something wicked the other night and I kinda thought hey, this could be for Jane.” He presses play.

It’s a mashup of several different shitty pop songs about love. It transitions between warbling female pop stars and whining males, all singing about their desperate affections among expertly laid beat tracks. It lasts about three minutes, and the whole time, Dave is standing with his arms folded looking accomplished while Jane laughs.

“Heehee, oh Dave, you would make something like that,” she giggles.

“The lamest whiniest love songs of the past century, all for you babe,” he says far more seriously than the situation merits. She chuckles.

“Ahh, come here,” she says, sitting on the edge of his bed. He sits next to her and takes her hand. She kisses him sweetly, and his muscles relax again. He can let himself go when he’s with her. She runs one hand though his wispy straw-colored hair and he kisses her deeply, wanting her to know that even though he’s a dumb ironic prick, he cares so very much for her.

Jane can feel the color rushing to her face as Dave kisses her. Their relationship is often silly and lighthearted, but occasionally he will surprise her with a sudden flash of passion and set her heart aflutter. She pulls him closer. She wants him to show his emotions. He doesn’t let them out too often, but when he does, he’s beautiful.

He breaks the kiss and leans up by her ear. Her breath catches. “Hey Jane.”

“Hello Dave,” she says. Dumb. That sounded dumb.

“Would it be weird or awkward if I said something sappy?” he asks. She tries not to giggle. He’s just a big dork.

“Of course not, say whatever you want to say,” she says gently. He looks away for a second, but returns to her ear. He takes his shades off, even though she can’t see his face.

“Hey, well, I just wanted to tell you, I’m pretty sure I’m honest to Christ in love with you,” he says. Jane’s heart tightens and warmth spreads through her body. Her eyes widen, and she hugs him.

“Dave,” she says softly.

“It’s all good, you don’t have to say anything, I just kinda wanted to throw that out there in case you wanted to know,” he says, not hiding his nervousness well. She sits back and looks him in the face. With his glasses on, she can see everything. His eyes are nervous and he looks so young. She gives him a warm smile .

“Shhh,” she says. “I… I love you too.” His lips curve into a tiny smile. She kisses him lightly and pulls him back into her arms.

“Shit, I…” he trails off.

“I’ve loved you for… a while. But I never really worked up the gall to say it,” she admits. He pushes her backward onto the bed and starts tickling her. “Dave! Ahh! Hehehehe, oh, you little rascal!” she cries. He has a soft smile on his face. He looks happy, and it makes her heart swell. This is the side of Dave that’s only for her. She loves him, god does she love him.

\---

Dirk can hear Jane giggling through Dave’s door. He sighs. He doesn’t need to bust in on his brother and ruin his fun. He heads downstairs to Equius’ workshop.

“Hey,” he says. The blueblood turns from his work.

“Yes, how may I help you?” he asks.

“Do you have any robots to fuck up today?” he asks, deadpanned. Equius wipes his forehead.

“No, not today. I recently finished dispatching the ones that remained from the last time,” he says. “I apologize.” Dirk shrugs.

“Thanks. Figured I’d ask.” He heads back up the stairs. Great. He can’t even distract himself from the bullshit in his head.

\---

“Jake, may I have a word?” Rose asks, catching him on his way out of his room.

“Sure thing!” he says. “Come on in! It’s messy, but not too awful.” She comes into his room and sits in his desk chair.

“Do you know why I’m here?” she asks. He sits on the end of his bed.

“No,” he admits. “I’m afraid I don’t.”

“You and Dirk are the most frustrating individuals,” she begins. “I feel that if I don’t intervene now, you’re both going to get very hurt.” Jake looks down.

“He’s really mad at me, isn’t he?” he asks quietly. Rose shakes her head.

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask him, or talk to him, or respond to his messages?” she says coolly. Jake’s shoulders hunch and he looks very small.

“I… I don’t know,” he says. “I want to apologize to him, but I feel like maybe I waited too long? And if I apologize now, he’ll think I’m just trying to cover my ass… I don’t know.”

“Jake, from what I hear, he has been asking you where you are, and telling you that he isn’t upset with you. Why would you think that?” she asks.

“I… haven’t been checking my messages from him,” he says quietly.

“Good god, you are the most dysfunctional human being,” she says sharply. “You have been ignoring Dirk without giving him a chance to communicate. What do you hope to accomplish by this?”

“Nothing,” he mumbles. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me,” she says. “I may be irritated with you, but he is the one you should be apologizing to.” Jake nods.

“He probably thinks I hate him… Goodness, I need to go set things straight,” he says.

“Yes, you do, and the two of you seriously need to improve your communication skills,” says Rose. Jake stands up and nods resolutely.

“I’m going to find him,” he says. Rose nods approvingly. She knows she shouldn’t meddle, but someone needed to motivate them to reconcile. She cares deeply for Dirk, and it’s not too much of an inconvenience to hassle Jake to fix their relationship.

\---

cuttlefishCullter [CC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

CC: I )(ave some INT-ER-ESTING news!

 

CC: Remember our mission? )(-E)(-E, of course you do! S)(ell t)(ere was somefin we forgot about!

 

CG: AND WHAT THE HELL WOULD THAT BE.

 

CC: Let’s just say I have some good news, and some bad news.

CC: The GOOD news is that I have a POW---ERFUL new ally!

CG: AND THE BAD NEWS, WHICH WILL SURELY NEGATE WHOEVER THE FUCK THAT IS?

CC: We’re going to N-----E------ED )(im! T)(ere’s a rebellion bubbling among the )(ighbloods, and since I’ve opened up t)(e possibility of adults coming back, some of t)(e older )(ighbloods across t)(e galaxy )(ave been in contact with t)(e younger ones )(ere.

CG: SO BASICALLY, YOUR REGIME IS GOING TO BE FUCKING ASSAULTED BY A BUNCH OF BLUE BLOODED FREAKS ADVISED BY THE TOP FUCKING MILITARY MINDS OF OUR RACE?

CC: Not exactly! A lot of t)(e best are on my tide. It’s t)(e )(OT)(--EAD--ED ones you )(ave to watc)( out for. Most of t)(e seadwellers are wit)( me, and most of t)(e )(igh ranking blueblood officers.

CC: )(OW-EV-ER. T)(he opposition is growing, according to my new friend, and t)(ey… I’m sorry Karkat, I don’t know )(ow, but… t)(ey know w)(o you are.

CG:  HOW THE FUCK DID THEY FIND THAT OUT?! WHO IS THIS NEW ASSHOLE YOU’VE PICKED UP AND WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE KNOW? AND WHAT DOES HE HAVE TO DO WITH OUR MISSION, WE COVERED EVERYTHING, I FUCKING TRIPLE CHECKED AND YOU DID TOO!

CC: Karkat, clam down!

CG: I WILL NOT “CLAM DOWN”, IT’S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY WHEN YOU HAVE THAT SHINY GOLD TRIDENT TWIRLING THROUGH YOUR LONG-ASS MERMAID HAIR AND DON’T HAVE A HIVE FULL OF HUMANS TO GRUBSIT. I CAN’T HAVE MURDEROUS REGICIDALS KNOWING WHO I AM, THEY’LL FUCKING COME HERE AND PICK OFF OUR PET ALIENS, AND IT’LL BE MY ASS THAT GETS RAMMED THROUGH THE JUICER IF I EVER SURVIVE THE FUCKING ATTACKS.

CC: KARKAT!

CC: T)(at’s a possibility! T)(ey mig)(t come for you. T)(at’s w)(y I need you to take t)(e )(umans back to t)(e embassea! We can’t risk t)(eir lives.

CG: OKAY, I’LL GET THEM TO GET THEIR ASSES IN GEAR AND SHOVE OUT OF HERE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

CG: SERIOUSLY THOUGH, WHO THE FUCK IS THIS MYSTERY ALLY?

CC: Do you remember t)(e Condesce’s s)(ip?

CG: UH, YEAH, IT WAS KIND OF A GIANT PROBLEM.

CC: It was powered by a V----ERY strong psionic.

CC: With )(er gone, someone found it floating t)(rough space and cut )(im free!

CG: SO YOU HAVE SOME STUPIDLY POWERFUL PSIONIC WHO HATED THE CONDESCE ON YOUR SIDE NOW?

CG: THAT’S ACTUALLY A PRETTY FUCKING SOLID ADVANTAGE.

CC: Y---ES! T)(at’s w)(at I said!

CC: O)(, and one more t)(ing!

CC: )(is name is Mituna Captor, and )(e is Sollux’s ANC--ESTOR!

CC: I )(ave to go t)(oug)(, make s)(ore to get the )(umans ready to leave ASAP!

cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

\---

Karkat rolls his chair back and just sits, staring into space. People are going to be after his head. People are going to be after his friends’ heads. His matesprit’s head. They’re coming to undo everything Feferi has worked for, and they have outside help.

And this bastard who claims to be Sollux’s ancestor? If he’s been a living overdrive for centuries, his abilities must be unreal. But if he’s been around for centuries, then why would he care about the power struggle on Alternia? Can you really care about anything after having the life sucked out of you for that long? Can you feel at all? If this Mituna chooses to help them, they might just have a chance, but Karkat fears what would happen if they had to face the rebellion alone. Feferi is young. Her regime is weak. She’s not ready for an organized attack. He knew it would be an uphill battle, but he hadn’t realized that things would come to a head so soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE! Psii is still alive, since the Vast Glub didn't happen and the Condesce is dead! I just came up with the idea recently, and now I'm more excited than ever for this next plot thing. Sorry the chapter's a little on the short side, I don't really want to dig into the next part until next chapter. Shit is going to go down pretty soon, so stay tuned :)
> 
> As always, you can follow me and my updates at elisabomb.tumblr.com . Thanks for sticking with my story for 30 whole chapters! 
> 
> \---E


	31. Mobilize

“Hurry the fuck up and get out here, you self-important twats! You don’t have time to pack all that shit, just bring what you can carry on the damn beasts!” Karkat barks. He, Vriska, Sollux, Tavros, Equius, Nepeta, Gamzee, and Kanaya each have a horse tied and ready to depart, waiting for the humans to get ready. “Egbert, I swear to piss on everything you own if you’re the last one out here!”

John rushes out with his backpack dragging on the ground. “I’m here, Jesus calm down!” he says. “Dave’s the one who’s taking forever, yell at him instead.” Karkat scowls and leans through the door of the hive.

“Strider, we will leave without you, and it’ll be good riddance too!” he shouts. Dirk walks past him apathetically with his rocket board under his arm. Jade and Jane are soon to follow, joining him, John, Rose, Jake and Roxy by the horses. “I’m coming in after you, globesucker.”

Karkat comes out dragging Dave by the shoulders five minutes later, and by then, everyone else has mounted their horses. John and Gamzee, Dave and Equius, Jade and Nepeta, Jane and Tavros, Roxy and Sollux, and Jake and Vriska pair off and ride together, while Dirk and Rose stand on the hoverboard. Karkat swings up onto Kanaya’s horse and orders Tavros to move them out as quickly as possible.

“Do you have any idea why we’re doing this?” John asks the lanky troll behind him.

“Karkat got some kinda motherfuckin’ emergency, won’t tell me nothin’,” Gamzee says. “We’ll be back for ya when this all blows over.” John sighs. Nobody seems to know what’s going on. Karkat had just stomped into the living room in a huff the previous day and told them to get ready to leave. So now they were on their way to the embassy with no explanation and only a few of their belongings. He was kind of miffed that Karkat refused to ride with him, but he could worry about that later.

For now, Karkat and Kanaya ride at the head of the pack, while Tavros keeps the rest of the horses in a tight formation. John can tell some of his friends are nervous, and to be honest, he kind of is too. Alternia is a volatile place, and the trolls are friends with the new queen. There could be serious trouble in store for Karkat and the others, and he wouldn’t even know it.

“FUCK!” Karkat shouts. John snaps his head forward just in time to see a large black cylinder fly over Karkat and into the middle of their ranks. Tavros tries to pull the horses away from it but there is no time, the object detonates with a blinding flash and a tremendous sound. John falls to the ground with a painful crack against a stump. He can’t see anything. There is smoke everywhere, and his horse is out of sight. Is Gamzee nearby? He feels around in the haze but only manages to find his shoe, which he hadn’t even noticed he’d lost.

Dirk and Rose, having avoided the blast, survey the scene from above. Horses scatter without their riders, and Roxy and Sollux fall outside the cloud of smoke. They scramble back in just as Dirk sees four figures dart lightning fast from the woods into the mess. “No, fuck!” he shouts, hovering down lower. He can’t see a thing, try as he might. When a stray bullet comes flying from the smoke, he is forced to rise again. No sense in putting himself and Rose in that much danger.

Karkat coughs and sits up, blinking back tears brought on by the caustic smoke. The air is starting to clear, and he can make out the shapes of dazed humans and trolls scattered on the ground. A few of the horses have stayed, but most are long gone. He runs over to Kanaya.

“Are you alright? Oh my god, tell me you’re alright,” he says, shaking her by the shoulder. She swats his hand away and sits up.

“I’m fine, we need to make sure everybody else is similarly uninjured,” she says, standing with some difficulty. She and Karkat move through the clearing smoke, checking on their friends and making sure everyone is accounted for. Dirk and Rose land and help gather everyone together.

“Okay, we have Gamzee, John, Sollux, Dirk, Rose, me, Kanaya, Vriska, Tavros, Equius, Jane, Nepeta, Jade…” Karkat counts. He looks from side to side. “Hang on, where the fuck are the others?! Where’s Lalonde, English, and Strider?!” Dirk gets back on his board and starts hovering over the woods, trying to see if any of them ended up there, but there’s no sign of anyone. He lands and goes over to Karkat.

“Rose and I saw at least four people jump into the smoke after you guys,” he says stoically. “It’s possible that they were taken.” Jane’s eyes widen.

“Taken?! Karkat, WHAT is going on?!” she demands, standing up.

“Yeah, what gives, you haven’t told us aaaaaaaanything!” Vriska adds. Karkat grits his teeth.

“Shut the fuck up for a second!” he shouts. “We don’t have time to screw around having a pow-wow about all this crap, we have to get the rest of you to the fucking embassy before we get ambushed again!”

“Excuse me, but my three best friends in the galaxy are missing, and you expect me to sit on my ass in the embassy and twiddle my thumbs?” Jane says indignantly. “I’m a capable fighter and I can handle whatever you trolls can.” Karkat looks to Kanaya, then back at Jane.

“Crocker god dammit, if we lose any of you we are in serious shit with your entire fucking planet!” he barks.

“Well congratulations, but you already lost three of us!” Jade says.

“You’re not helping, Harley, so jam a grub in it,” he growls.

“We’re not going to the embassy without an explanation,” she says, folding her arms. Karkat looks at Kanaya again. She nods.

“Ughh, you stupid wigglers have no idea what you’re fucking with,” he mutters. “Listen up because I’m only going to indulge you once. There’s a rebellion against Feferi and as her friends, we are all targets. What do we really not need on our hands? Dead humans. Bad relations between Feferi and Earth. So guess what they’re probably after?”

“That’s all the more reason to allow us to know the situation, and to help in bringing the others back,” Rose says, staring at him with piercing eyes.

“We’re doing this of our own will, it’s not like you’re making us go out there,” Jade says. Karkat throws his hands up.

“If you assholes want to get yourselves killed doing something we could do for you, then fine, I give, ignore me damn advice, be my guests,” he says. “Tavros, how soon can you get more beasts to take us back to the hive?”

“I’m, already working, on it,” he says, fingers raised to his temples in concentration. The trolls all stand alert while they wait for their new mounts to gather. Dirk sits off on his own, looking tense and aggravated. Jane tiptoes over to him and taps him on the shoulder.

“Hey, DiStri?” she says timidly. He turns. “Just… making sure you’re okay.” He sighs.

“I should have had him on the board with me,” he says. Jane lays a hand on his back.

“He was with Equius. There was no reason to believe he wouldn’t be safe,” she says. He shakes his head.

“No, he should have been with me. I knew something was funny about this.” She sits down next to him.

“If he had been with you, Rose might have been taken instead,” she says. “And Jake and Roxy would still be… gone.” Dirk rubs his eyes under his shades and holds his head.

“I know… god dammit, I should have made Karkat tell me what was up. At least that way we could have been fucking prepared,” he says. She rubs his back.

“We’ll get them back,” she reassures him. “We will.”

\---

The ride back to the hive is quiet and tense. Dirk and Rose fly low to the ground among the others this time, ready to intercept any potential attackers, but none come. Upon arrival, Karkat rushes everybody inside.

“If any of you leave this fucking hive without my permission, I will chain you in the cellar with Equius’ robots,” he says curtly. The humans and trolls hurry into the hive without another word, and Karkat heads upstairs to his respiteblock.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

CG: FEFERI FOR GOD’S SAKE PLEASE BE ONLINE

CG: WE DIDN’T MAKE IT TO THE EMBASSY. WE GOT ATTACKED AND THREE OF THE HUMANS WERE TAKEN.

CC: O)( no! W)(ere are you now??

CG: WE WENT BACK TO THE HIVE. WE DIDN’T EVEN GET VERY FAR BEFORE WE GOT AMBUSHED LIKE A BUNCH OF HOP CREATURES IN THEIR FUCKING HOLLOW.

CG: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FUCKED WE ARE GOING TO BE IF WE LOSE THOSE ASSHOLES FOR GOOD?

CC: Y---ES, I understand t)(is is a problem!

CC: W)(o was taken? Was it your matesprit?

CG: NO, JOHN IS FINE.

CG: IT WAS DAVE, ROXY, AND JAKE IF YOU CAN REMEMBER WHICH ONES THOSE ARE.

CC: Yes, of course I do. You will )(ave to go after t)(em and bring t)(em back! T)(ere is no S)(--ELLING what t)(e rebels will do to t)(em!

CG: WE DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO THE FUCK TOOK THEM OR WHERE. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO THIS? I MEAN, IT’S YOUR CALL, YOU’RE THE EMPRESS.

CC: I’m sending Mituna to you as soon as possible.

CG: SOLLUX’S ANCESTOR?

CC: Y----ES!

CC : )(e is ------EXC------EPTIONALLY drifted !

CG: DRIFTED??

CC: Gifted.

CG: OH. WELL OKAY, BUT HOW IS HE GOING TO HELP US TRACK THIS HIVESCUM DOWN?

CC: )(e won’t! I’ll be in c)(arge of t)(at. And w)(en I know w)(ere t)(ey are, you and Mituna can )(elp me dispatch)( them!

CG: WHO THE FUCK IS GOING TO LOOK AFTER THE OTHER HUMANS IN THE MEANTIME?

CG: WE CAN’T JUST LEAVE THEM IN THE HIVE WITH THEIR THUMBS UP THEIR NOOKS.

CC: Karkat, t)(at’s gross! Mituna can transport t)(em to t)(e embassy muc)( more quickly t)(an you could )(ave.

CG: THEN WHY THE FESTERING HELL DIDN’T YOU SEND HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE?! WE COULD HAVE HAD THIS OVER AND DONE WITH MINUS ALL THE DRAMA AND CRYING HUMANS.

CC: I was TRYING to let )(im recover from )(is injuries before sending )(im out to do my dirty work!

CC: )(e’s spent a LOT of time under GR----EAT p)(ysical drain you know.

CG: OKAY OKAY WHATEVER, LIKE I SAID IT’S YOUR CALL! JUST SEND HIM OVER ALREADY SO WE CAN GET JOHN AND THE OTHERS SOMEWHERE SAFE.

CC: S)(ore thing! )(e’ll be there in a couple of minutes!

CG: WAIT WHAT

cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Karkat shakes his head and goes back downstairs. A couple of minutes? What kind of freak of nature is this guy? Feferi is clear on the other side of the world, and if he’s injured, he should be in no state to make it here in under 5 days.

“Karkat, there’s someone outside,” Nepeta says nervously, pointing out the window. Karkat runs over and looks out to see a tall man in white pants and a yellow sleeveless turtleneck emblazoned with the sign of Gemini. Jutting out of his neat black hair are four sharp horns. He hovers a few feet above the ground, and his eyes flash blue and red. If Karkat didn’t know any better, he would have assumed he was simply a future version of Sollux.

He runs out the front door and the tall troll descends to the ground. He looks Karkat up and down thoughtfully and shakes his head.

“Okay asshole, what the fuck was that for? Do I not meet your expectations for beauty? Cause I have a lot bigger things to worry about and I already have a matesprit, plus you look WAY too much like my best friend-“

“You look remarkably like your ancestor,” Mituna says simply. Karkat scowls at the ground.

“Oh.” That’s right. This man had, centuries ago, watched his ancestor die.

“Her Grace has sent me to aid with your mission. Handle it however you like, I’m only here on orders from the magenta as usual,” he says coolly. Karkat just turns to lead him inside.

“Karkat, who is it?” Nepeta asks. “He looks so much like Sollux!”

“Yeah that’s because he’s Sollux’s ancestor, he survived the Condesce’s ship somehow and Feferi sent him to help us out,” Karkat says. Mituna gives Nepeta the same once-over he gave Karkat.

“Um,” she says shyly.

“You also look quite like your ancestor,” he says. Nepeta smiles.

“Really? Oh, I love the stories about her, what was she like in real life?” she asks excitedly. Mituna shakes his head.

“We have work to do,” is all he says. Nepeta sighs.

“Hey Nepeta, can you get everyone down here? It’ll be easier if I don’t have to repeat myself to every asshole individually,” says Karkat. Nepeta nods and runs up the stairs. Mituna stands in silence, and Karkat can’t help but wonder the same things Nepeta was asking. He must be centuries old. What was he like when he knew the Signless? Surely his years of imprisonment have left him changed.

The rest of the trolls and humans filter down into the living room and sit down, exchanging whispers about the grown troll who looks like Sollux, until Karkat shushes them.

“Shut up for a second and I’ll explain what’s going on,” he says. He jabs a finger at Mituna. “This asshole is Mituna Captor, he’s Sollux’s ancestor.”

“Wait what the fuck?” Sollux asks, standing and looking Mituna up and down. “Holy shit he could be my clone, KK where’d you find him? Shouldn’t he be long dead?

“He should be, but the Condesce extended his lifespan while he was her prisoner,” he says. “Now sit down and let me finish!” Sollux remains standing, watching Mituna with his arms crossed.

“Okay,” Karkat continues. “Basically, this guy is obscenely powerful and Feferi sent him to help us get the humans we so incompetently lost back. But first he’s going to take the rest of you to the embassy where you can be the other humans’ problem and it’s not on our heads if you get kidnapped or killed.”

“I will be excluded from this,” Dirk says coolly. “I will be coming with you.”

“Like hell you will, spikehead!” Karkat snaps. “I don’t need any more liabilities.”

“I won’t sit around in a fucking embassy when I should be finding my brother,” he says, crossing his legs lazily. “If you want me to be all procedural about it, I can report to them myself and let them know I’m acting on my own.”

“Fuck, whatever!” Karkat says, throwing his hands up. “Make yourself a target for all I care, let’s see how that goes for you!”

“I think I want to go too.” Karkat whips around. Jane is staring at him with nervous conviction. “Roxy, Dave, and Jake are some of the most important people in my life.”

“Oh my fuck, you people are all just rushing to the slaughter,” Karkat groans. “You have to be fucking kidding me, all you do is make cakes and giggle with the other human girls, what do you expect is going to happen out there?” Jane stands up indignantly.

“I outclassed everyone but Dirk and Dave in our physical training, and I’m more than capable of handling myself,” she says crossly. “You can insult me all you like, but I am coming with you.” Karkat rolls his eyes.

“Whatever, don’t get your human undergarments in a twist,” he grumbles. “I’m just trying to keep you shitheads from getting killed. Anyone else?”

“I am also very close to the missing parties,” Rose says. “I will come too.” Karkat sighs.

“Jade, John? Are you jumping on the shithive hero bus?” he snaps. Jade looks at John, and he shrugs.

“Are you..?” he asks tentatively.

“I don’t want to see our friends put themselves in danger while we just sit there,” she says.

“And there’s strength in numbers…” he agrees.

“Oh _hell_ no, you are _not_ going!” Karkat says to John. “I already had to save your clumsy ass from one certain death, let’s not go there again.” John scowls.

“Hey, just because I’m your boyfriend doesn’t mean you can put me in a glass case,” he objects, cheeks slightly pink. Karkat’s eyes narrow.

“Are you seriously going to be like this? Ugh, Harley, are you coming or not? John, can we just talk about this shit later so we don’t have a cute little spat in front of everybody like a pair of doucheknockers?” John folds his arms.

“I’m going,” Jade says decisively. “My grandpa will respect my decision, whether he likes it or not. They’re my friends and I want to help them.”

“Whatever.”

“I took the liberty of bringing a mobile residence unit from the palace,” Mituna speaks up. “Her Grace has some leads on where the rebels could be located, and that could lead us to your companions.”

“Shit, I didn’t even see it, where is it?” Karkat asks.

“Above the hive. I can lower it when we are ready to depart. There is no need to encourage sabotage.” Karkat shrugs.

“You heard the smug asshole, get your shit ready to go. Humans, bring some bed platforms if you don’t want to sleep in a recuperacoon,” he orders, and everyone stands and heads for the stairs. Karkat watches John ascend and shakes his head. The dumbass isn’t getting killed on his watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *maniacal laughter* 
> 
> Seriously though, I love you guys, your comments and kudos and bookmarks never fail to make my day. Thank you so much for reading and sticking around!!


	32. Blood

Dirk shoves his mattress through the door of the mobile residence unit. It’s more of a hatch than a door, opening to a small round room equipped with storage compartments and a simple kitchen, with three doors along the wall and a table in the center.

“In here,” Jane calls from the rightmost door. He swings the end of the mattress around and pushes it into the next room, dropping it next to the others with a thump. There are three mattresses in total laying on the ground, and a pile of blankets and pillows from the various bedrooms. The room is too small for any more, and the lighting is poor. Dirk suspects that this was supposed to be the storage room.

“We just all gonna sleep in a pile on these mattresses?” he asks. Jane giggles.

“Yeah, it’s the best we could come up with on short notice,” she says. “We could have built bunk beds if we’d known.” He nods, setting his bag on the strip of floor still not covered by a mattress.

“It’ll do,” he says. It’ll be a tight squeeze with eight people, and Dave will complain, but that’s okay. He won’t want him too far out of sight for a while.

“Hey guys, oh look, you already have things set up in here!” Jade says as she drops her large back to the ground. “The trolls are piping slime into the unit right now, so we should be ready to leave soon.”

“Is John still talking with Karkat?” Dirk asks coolly. Jade sighs.

“Yeah, so far they’re still holed up in Karkat’s room, being stubborn at each other,” she says. “If they’re not ready by the time we’re ready to depart, Mituna can take care of them.”

\---

“You’re being dumb, you know.”

“Do you have any idea how aggravating it is to take your vague and petty insults while I’m trying to do you a fucking favor?” Karkat retorts, eyeing his matesprit from across the couch.

“You’ve told me,” John says, folding his arms. “Everyone is going, and I want to help my friends too.”

“Just because they all have decomposing entrails where their brains should be doesn’t mean you should jump on the rot moron wagon,” Karkat snaps.

“Wow, I fall down one freaky pit and you’re never going to let me outside again, is it?” John says crossly.

“No, ughhh, god dammit you stupid, ass ramming clod, I’m just trying to keep my matesprit from jumping gung-ho into a situation that could get him killed!” he says.

“Yeah, well your matesprit has a mind of his own and he doesn’t want to stay put while his friends risk their lives,” John replies earnestly. “Please Karkat, don’t fight me on this.” Karkat moves toward him and he flinches, wondering for a split second if he’s going to get punched in the mouth. Instead, Karkat’s arms go around him and hug him tightly.

“Fuck, dammit, I know,” Karkat says through gritted teeth. “Do you know how it fucking felt when you disappeared down that chute, John?” John relaxes slightly, resting a hand on Karkat’s back.

“I’m guessing awful?”

“Yeah, it was 8 fruity fucking flavors of awful, John, and I never want to have to think you’re dead again, is that so fucking wrong?” Karkat says, more quietly. John kisses the top of his head.

“It’s not wrong,” he says. “It’s okay to be scared. But I want to do this. I don’t want to leave my friends out there without trying to help somehow. You can’t tell me no, even if you’re worried.” Karkat just sits still, holding him silently.

“I won’t be reckless,” John continues. “I know it’s dangerous, and I’ve never been in a real fight before… but it’s my choice to make. It’s important to me.”

“You dumb stubborn piece of shit,” Karkat says weakly.

John pulls away from him and looks him in the eyes. “You’re not going to lose me,” he says. “I know you’ve been hurt and lost out. But it’s okay. You don’t have to hold onto me so tightly. I’ll still be here,” he says. Karkat looks to the side.

“Look, I know I’m being monumentally retarded,” he says. “Just get your shit together and get going.”

“I’m not mad, you know,” John assures him. Karkat sighs.

“Boy oh boy.”

“You’re such a pain,” John says with a small smile. “Hug?” Karkat rolls his eyes, but moves into his open arms and settles against his chest.

\---

“Hey dumbasses, if you want to be on the mobile until leaves, you’d better stop griping at each other and get it in gear!” Jade shouts, flinging Karkat’s door open. “Oh god, you guys.”

John and Karkat go from tangled up together and locked at the lips to opposite ends of the couch in seconds. John blushes and wipes his mouth. “Sorry Jade! We’re all packed and stuff, we just have to get down there,” he says. Jade rolls her eyes.

“Yeah yeah, just hurry it up, you’re the last ones!” she says, turning on her heel and heading back down the hallway.

“Just leave me here to fester,” Karkat says into the pillow covering his face. John giggles.

“No way Karkat, you’re the leader! You have to come,” he says with a hearty thump on his boyfriend’s back. Karkat groans.

“Fine, but if Harley runs her mouth I’m going to lash her to the bottom of the unit by her fucking hair and drag her along the shittiest spiky underbrush Alternia has to offer.” John stands and slings his bag over his shoulder.

“Can you blame her? We were having such fun running ours,” he says, Karkat flashes the most unimpressed glare he’s ever seen, and he can’t help but to laugh.

\---

Jake is the first to wake up. He sits up abruptly, eyes darting around the room frantically. He has never seen this place before That much he can tell even without his glasses and in the dim light. He looks down at himself. He is dressed in simple, scratchy gray pants and a similar tunic. He looks next to him. Dave is there, unconscious and laying awkwardly on his side. To his other side is Roxy, who seems to be just waking up herself. They are dressed in the same garb as he is.

“Ro?” Jake asks nervously. She sits up and rubs her head.

“Jakey, is that you?” she asks.

“Yeah. Where the blazes are we?”

“Beats the shit outta me. Dave’s out for the count eh?” she says, poking his sleeping face.

“Looks like it,” Jake says. “Dear me, he’s got blood in his hair.” He swipes some of Dave’s hair to the side, searching for the source of the drying blood.

“He’s breathing right?” Roxy asks. She feels his neck, searching for a pulse. It’s there. His breathing is shallow though, and the amount of blood pooled beneath his head is alarming.

“Dave? Are you alright old chap?” Jake shakes him lightly by the shoulder. “You know Dirk will thump me good if anything happens to you.”

“Let’s leave him be,” Roxy says. “Just keep an eye on him. Poor thing.”

“Roxy what if he’s really banged up?” Jake asks nervously.

“I don’t know,” she says, looking down at Dave. “Just stay calm. We don’t know where we are, and we need to be on our guard. Boy you really rack up the old-timey sayings when you’re nervous dontcha?” Jake sighs.

“Yeah, I’ve been told,” he says. His eyes keep going back to Dave’s unconscious face. He looks so much like Dirk. “Rox, are you hurt?” he asks after a while.

“Nope, not that I can tell. Head kinda hurts from getting smackied, but I don’t think it’s too screwed up. You?”

“No,” he says. “A few bumps and scrapes, but I’m fit as a fiddle.” Roxy tucks her knees up and rests her head on them.

“I hope Janey and the others all got to the embassy okay,” she says softly. Jake nods, still watching the sleeping Strider’s face.

\---

Once everybody is loaded into the mobile residence unit, Mituna powers up his psionics and lifts it into the air. It’s completely effortless for him to make it float, and not very difficult to bring it into motion. Sollux watches him discreetly from the table.

“So where are we going? Do we have any leads?” Nepeta asks Karkat, who types furiously on his wristcrab.

“Feferi sent me and the tall asshole Sollux clone some coordinates and locations to try,” he says. “We’re going to the first one right now, just sit tight, it won’t even take that long. Like half an hour?”

“Aren’t we able to go faster than that?” Vriska asks, sounding unimpressed.

“Yeah, if we want this fucker to suffer keeping us all balanced in here while plowing through the air at warp speeds,” Karkat retorts.

“I am going as quickly as I can without causing myself physical discomfort at Her Grace’s command,” Mituna says flatly.

“There you go,” Karkat says. “Her fucking Grace commands it.”

\---

In the meantime, the humans are all in their room sitting on their improvised bed. Dirk is against the wall cleaning his sword, and Jane is leaning against Jade’s side. Jade is rubbing her back in an attempt to comfort her, while Rose and John sit talking softly.

“They are most certainly alive,” Rose says. “They cannot be used as bargaining chips if they are dead. The enemy fully expects us to be safe at the embassy by now, so if they were to kill our friends, they would have no reason to believe they could acquire more hostages.” John nods, looking down at the ground.

“I hope you’re right,” he says. “You’re awfully smart after all. I’m sure you’re right.”

“That means we’re risking their lives by coming after them, though,” Jane says quietly.

“Yes, that is also true,” says Rose. “Once we alert them to our position, we will be creating that risk. However, with Mituna around, and the trolls expecting an ambush, we won’t be so easy to seize and they will know that.” Dirk turns his sword over in the air, inspecting it.

“I just feel so awful thinking about how Dave, Jake, and Roxy must feel,” John says sadly.  Jane sniffs, and Jade shoots him a look. “Sorry.”

“They won’t feel that way for long,” Dirk says coolly. He slides his katana into its sheath and takes his headphones from his bag. “Tap me if you need me.” He puts them on and closes his eyes.

Rose sighs. She knows that the rebels could easily have killed one or two of their friends without losing their bargaining chip. She thinks of Roxy’s face, smiling and silly. She always regretted how little time they spent together. Her sister does not deserve to die. She should be allowed to live free, grow old, and enjoy her life. Rose folds her hands. No matter what measures she needs to take, she will take Roxy back alive.

One look at Dirk tells her he’s thinking the same about his beloved twin. While they are not outwardly affectionate, she knows for a fact that Dirk would kill for his brother, and that he is fully prepared to do so. Whatever rebels they find holding their friends, taking Dave will have been their final mistake. As the mobile residence unit hurtles towards the first lead, Rose wonders if she herself will kill to take her friends back safely. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, long time no see! I've had a chaotic couple of weeks moving into my first apartment, so I apologize for the delay on this chapter. I'm all set up in a really nice place with one of my best friends! I even get my own bathroom uwu. 
> 
> A couple of people pointed out to me that Psii and Mituna are not the same person. I definitely don't plan on making them very similar. Psii has been through a lot for a very long time. He's done with everyone and everything, and he doesn't have time for anyone's shit. He's pretty sarcastic and pessimistic and devoid of passion at this point. This is just my interpretation of the character, and I definitely understand if it doesn't jive with everyone's idea of him. 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for being patient with me, and as always, thanks for reading! Maybe next time around we'll see what happens to Dave.


	33. Recon

Karkat, Mituna, and Nepeta enter the seemingly abandoned hive, on edge and on guard. The rest of the trolls are with the humans in the mobile residence unit, waiting for the signal. Nepeta’s sharp hearing picks up on some movement in a side room, but it’s only a nut creature.

“I don’t think they’re here,” she says quietly. “I don’t smell anything fresh. People haven’t been to at least this wing of the building in a while.” Karkat shrugs and continues forward, heading down a spiral staircase. Mituna and Nepeta are not far behind.

“The whole thing’s caved in down here,” Karkat says irritably. “There’s nobody here.” He stomps impatiently up the stairs. Nepeta sighs. This is the third lead that’s come up dry. The humans are getting nervous and frustrated, and Karkat seems to be right there with them.

“We’re headed to that old courthouse next, aren’t we?” she asks. Mituna nods.

“Correct,” he says. “It will take approximately 30 minutes to arrive once we depart.” They get back out to the unit, and step back inside.

“Nothing?” Sollux says irritably. Karkat ignores him, stalking into the shared respiteblock and going over the map of the courthouse that Feferi sent him. The unit begins to float, and he feels queasy. He hates this fucking thing. Hopefully soon they’ll have the humans and they can get the fuck out of it.

\---

“We have arrived,” Equius says, peeking into the humans’ room. Dirk slings his sword over his back.

“Dirk, is that necessary every time we stop?” Rose asks. He gives her a look that says he’s not in the mood, decipherable even with his shades. Jane sighs. She’s prepared for another false lead. They’ve been flying around all day with no real idea of where the rebels are. The idea of leaving her friends and her boyfriend in the hands of criminals overnight isn’t one she’s keen on.

About 20 minutes after the away team leaves to explore the courthouse, the residence unit sparks with blue and green energy. “That’s the signal!” Terezi shouts excitably. Dirk is immediately on his feet and sprinting out the door. John grabs the hammer he’d found in Equius’ shop, and Rose holsters one of Jake’s guns. Jade has her own rifle slung over her shoulder.

Jane, however, forgot to bring a weapon. She runs to the entrance of the unit and spies a shed by the courthouse. She runs over to it as the others are making their way to the building and rattles the doorknob. No use, it’s locked. She grits her teeth, steps back and kicks the old wooden door with a solid crack. The wood splinters, and she kicks it again. The old door splits in half, allowing her to pull the side with the hinges out of the way.

Inside, there is a variety of groundskeeping equipment, but what catches her eye is the old, red pitchfork leaning against the wall. She was proficient with polearms in basic training, and she can use something like this for defense as well. She takes it and runs to join the others, filtering into the foyer of the courthouse.

“The rebels are concentrated in the underground stories,” Mituna explains. “There are two floors beneath this one. We may encounter some on this floor as well, but I do believe the bulk of combat will occur downstairs.”

“That means tight fucking spaces,” Karkat adds. “We’re gonna be close enough to screw these degenerates, and that means you have to be on the defensive. It doesn’t take too long to bite it when you’re an inch from their knives.”

“There are two stairways,” Mituna continues. “We do not know if they go all the way down, or if there are separate stairways on the first level.”

“So we’re splitting up,” Dirk says flatly.

“Yes. It is the best way to thin their ranks and catch them off guard,” Mituna replies. “I will be leading one team, and Karkat will lead another. I recommend that the humans accompany me, as I am the most capable fighter in the group.” Karkat rolls his eyes.

John looks from Karkat to Mituna. On one hand, he wants to go with Mituna and take the safer option. On the other hand, he wants to go with Karkat and make sure he’s okay. He knows that Karkat would want him to be safe, but he feels uneasy going into real, live combat not knowing where his boyfriend is.

“John, you heard him, let’s go,” Rose says firmly. “We are the least experienced in the field of combat. We should take their advice at all times.” He sighs, and throws Karkat a worried glance. Karkat just points his finger in the direction of the staircase.

Mituna, John, Dirk, Rose, Jane, Jade, Terezi, Vriska, and Eridan make up the right stair team. Karkat, Sollux, Nepeta, Gamzee, Tavros, Equius, and Kanaya comprise the left. Mituna opens the door silently with his powers, and Karkat opens his as quietly as possible. The lower level is shaped like a horseshoe, so the two teams won’t be able to see each other until they each make it around the corner.

The right side is well populated with rebel forces, and it looks like they are just finishing a meal. It doesn’t take them long to notice the mix of trolls and humans coming down the stairs, and they rise with weapons drawn.

“Who are you?” One troll demands, pointing a rapier at Mituna.

“I see no reason to deceive you. We are associates of Her Grace Feferi, and we are here to reclaim the hostages,” he says coldly. “This can happen with your cooperation, or this can end poorly for you.”

“Hah, as if!” Another troll cackles. “Looks like you brought the rest of the bait along for the ride! Wow, gotta hand it to you, this is the shittiest operation we’ve ever had pulled on us.” Mituna floats off of the ground.

“I will eliminate most in one strike. However, you may need to engage the enemy. Be prepared,” he says back to his team. His eyes flash, and a silent, concentrated blast of energy surges forth, plastering rebels to the walls and rocketing them across the room. A mix of mostly blue and purple blood begins to seep across the floor. John gags. There are a few trolls still standing, but they’re in bad shape. They charge at Mituna, who shoots two with concentrated spurts of energy, while Dirk rebounds off the side wall to behead another. John swallows hard and readies his hammer, but it proves unnecessary. Between Dirk and Mituna, the remaining trolls are dispatched quickly.

On the left side, there are only a few rebels milling about. Karkat wastes no time in going for the nearest one’s throat with his sickles, while Sollux fires a weaker version of Mituna’s initial assault. Equius, Nepeta, and Karkat rush into combat, while Kanaya and Gamzee take care of any that make it through their attacks. Tavros watches their back, waiting for any rebels that might have been upstairs to come down and attack from behind.

It doesn’t take long for the two teams to round the corner, trapping the remaining rebels in the middle. Mituna and Sollux can’t use their powers as freely with their friends on the other end of the hall. The staircase leading to the lowest floor opens up to this hallway, so as the two groups battle their way to the center, reinforcements come up to push them back.

Soon, Mituna is unable to keep all of the rebels from reaching the humans. One lunges at Rose, who fires a round into his chest, killing him. She stares at the body in disbelief for a moment, but soon has other things to worry about as another troll charges toward her. She fires and misses, but before her attacker’s blade can touch her, he is skewered against the wall by Jane’s pitchfork. The girls exchange a nod, and Rose takes another shot into the mass of rebel fighters.

John finds himself faced with a rather proficient troll wielding a sword with a blade like a saw. His aggressor takes a swing, which he just barely has the strength to block with his hammer. He jumps back, bracing himself to block another attack, when the troll falls dead. Jade grins at him, rifle still aimed at the body.

John smiles, but his stomach falls when he sees a rebel coming up behind Rose. He is close enough to stop her before she strikes. But is he ready to kill a person? He grips the hammer tighter and takes a powerful swing at the troll’s head. It connects with a horrible crack, and she falls dead at his feet. John gasps and looks at his hands, then back to the troll he just killed. Suddenly Dirk is next to him, and another troll falls to the ground behind him.

“Watch your back,” the blond says coldly, dashing to take care of another enemy fighter. Soon enough, Mituna has the situation under control again, and the humans are able to take a break from combat. The two groups are closing in on the stairs, and the rebels are running out of reinforcements. When the last body falls, the hallway is strangely quiet. John walks over to Karkat and squeezes his hand discretely.

“I killed someone,” he says in disbelief. Karkat looks him in the eyes.

“You killed someone who was responsible for holding your best friends,” he says. John looks back at the body of the girl he killed.

“But she’s still never going to-“

“Stop,” Karkat says sternly. John looks back at him. “That troll could have easily been the one to take Dave or Jake or Roxy with her own hands. She’s never going to hurt you or your friends again, John. That is why you are here.” John gives his hand another squeeze.

“I did it to save Rose,” he says softly. “And Dave, and Jake, and Roxy. It was the right thing to do.”

“Yes,” Karkat says, gripping his hand tightly.

“We should move,” Mituna says, descending the stairs to the lowest floor. It is dimly lit, but the trolls have no issues seeing.

“I don’t see any more rebels!” Nepeta says, sounding relieved. The lower level is just one hallway. Like the upper story, it is lined with doors covered with barred windows. The group fans out and starts peering into the different rooms until Terezi cries out:

“I found them!”

The rest of the group rushes to the door, trying to get a look inside. Dave, Jake, and Roxy are all lying still on the floor. Mituna easily removes the door from its hinges, and Dirk is the first one through. He shakes Dave by the shoulder and flinches when he realizes he’s lying in a pool of dried blood.

“Get me some fucking light,” he snaps. Equius hands him a flashlight, and he begins carefully looking over his brother’s scalp, looking for the wound. He finds it in short order, a split in the skin caused by blunt trauma, now finished bleeding. Rose and Jane shake Roxy and Jake respectively, and the two of them sit up in a sleepy haze.

“Jakey, why’d you let me fall asleep?” Roxy yawns. She opens her eyes, and grins brilliantly at the sight of her sister. “Rose! Everyone! Did you come to get us?”

“Yes,” Rose says warmly. “You will be safe now.” She hugs her sister tightly. Jake sits up and blinks at Jane.

“Blast it, Jane, did you get captured too?” he asks worriedly.

“No, sillyhead, we’re here to take you home!” she says, gesturing behind her. John comes and kneels next to Dirk.

“Is he okay?” he asks nervously. Dirk ignores him, checking Dave’s vitals and trying to determine if it’s safe to move him. Jake and Roxy stand up and go to greet the rest of the group, chatting about the events that happened while they were separated from the others.

“Dave is in bad shape. I think we can move him but it’s going to be tricky,” Dirk says, one hand on his brother’s heart.

“We can go to the embassy from here,” Kanaya says. “The human doctors will be best equipped to treat him.” Dirk nods.

“Let’s get out of here then,” he says, carefully lifting his twin and holding his head steady. He carries him slowly and steadily, standing near Mituna just in case there are any stragglers in the rebel encampment. He takes him aboard the unit and into the humans’ shared room, laying him down and sitting against the wall. He gingerly lifts his brother’s head and lays it in his lap, looking down at the face that mirrors his own. His glasses are gone. He won’t like that.

“John,” Dirk says softly. John looks up. “You gave him his shades, right?”

“Yeah,” John says.

“Is there any way someone could stay and look for them?”

“I dunno, I’ll ask Karkat,” he says, turning on his heel and going to find his boyfriend. Jake is next to enter the room, coming to kneel next to Dirk.

“It’s good to see you’re alright, man,” Dirk says quietly. “Sorry I didn’t greet you before now.” Jake takes his hand and holds it.

“Your brother comes first,” Jake says. “It’s okay, really.” They sit in silence for a few minutes until John pokes his head back in.

“Nepeta and Equius are gonna look for Dave’s glasses,” he says. “Tavros left them some horses, so they’ll be able to get back on their own if we can’t pick them up for a while.” Dirk closes his eyes.

“Thank them for me,” he says, without looking up. Jake looks concerned.

“Are you still soused with me?” he asks, sounding guilty. Dirk looks up just enough to meet his gaze.

“What are you talking about?” Jake looks down.

“I was an asshole,” he says. “About the whole Vriska fiasco. I wanted to apologize to you, but I didn’t, and then I got snatched, and I-“

“I’m not mad,” Dirk interjects. “I dunno. I just thought you were getting sick of me, s’all.” His words become a mumble by the end. Jake grips his hand in both of his own.

“No, gosh mate, whatever made you think that?” he exclaims. “Well, I guess… I ignored you for a few days, and ran off with someone you didn’t like, and, oh shucks, I’m really sorry Dirk.” Dirk shifts a little to face him, being mindful of Dave.

“It’s fine,” he says quietly. “Just… don’t do it again? Please? If you ever have any concerns or we have a fight or something, just talk to me. I’ll listen, you know.” Jake leans forward to kiss him, but hesitates, unsure if he’s allowed. Dirk nods ever so slightly, and closes the gap to kiss him firmly.

“I’m really fucking glad you’re okay,” Dirk says once they part. “I was worried about you.” Jake smiles a bit.

“Love you,” he says shyly. Dirk smiles a little.

“Love you too, bro.”

The trip to the embassy is relatively short, and the humans spend it huddled up together, grateful to be reunited and see each other alive. Roxy and Jake tell the others about their short experience in captivity, and the others explain their mission to rescue them. By the time the mobile residence unit touches the ground outside the embassy, everyone’s mood, even Dirk’s, is a little bit lighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update to make up for the late one last time! I hope the kidnapping arc didn't seem too short, I didn't want it to go on for too long. It was mostly to give the humans motivation and stuff. Either way, classes have started for me, so I don't know how that will affect updates, but I will do my best to keep them regular!


	34. Won't You Wake Up?

Dirk blinks, adjusting to the light. How long has he been asleep? He picks his head up off the bed in front of him and sits up in his chair. Dave is still unconscious. He has fresh bandages on his head, and he’s clean at least. Dirk reaches out and touches his brother’s hand. The word the doctor said keeps echoing in his head. _Comatose_ , he thinks. _That could mean anything. He could be awake in a few days. Or months. Or never._ He lowers his head to the bed again, forehead pressed to Dave’s hand. _Wake up_ , he pleads in his head. _Please_.

“Dirk, you slept here all night?” Jane asks from the doorway. He looks to the side, not lifting his head. She steps closer. “You’re crying…” He touches his face. So he is.

“What are you doing awake? It’s 6 in the morning,” he murmurs. She stands over Dave, laying her hand on his cheek.

“Coming to see him,” she says softly. “Still nothing?” Dirk chokes off a sob.

“…No.” Jane rubs his back comfortingly.

“He’ll be okay,” she says. “He’s strong, just like you. He’ll wake up soon.”

“I’m not strong,” Dirk says shakily. “I’m talented, and I can put up a fight, but I’ve never had my shit together. I’m always caught up in my own head and freaking out about little stupid shit. I couldn’t save him, and I can barely hold my own relationship together. Dave’s better off not being like me.” Jane hugs him.

“Don’t say that,” she insists, squeezing him tight. “It’s not your fault this happened. You are strong, and so is he. He can pull through this.” Dirk squeezes Dave’s hand and another sob escapes him.

“You’re a good person,” he says. “He’s a lucky son of a bitch, with a girlfriend like you.”

“Jake is lucky too,” she says, patting him on the back. “Don’t sell yourself short. You’re a good boyfriend, even if you mess up sometimes.” He sniffs.

“…Thanks, Jane,” he says quietly. She nods, and sits with him in silence for a while, watching Dave’s serene, peaceful face. He just has to wake up. He has to.

\---

Roxy walks around the perimeter of the embassy, idly watching the stars. She hears footsteps behind her, but doesn’t turn to look back. Rose is still asleep, and Jane needs her time with Dave. It’s probably just one of the embassy’s staff.

“RX, hey,” Sollux calls from behind her. She stops.

“Hey. Why are you up so early?” she says cheerfully, turning to face him. He comes up and lays his hand on her shoulder.

“I’m really glad you’re safe,” he says. “I was worried about you.” She grins. 

“Yep, I got off lucky,” she says, cheeks flushing pink. “Thanks, Mr. Noble.” He traces her jaw with one finger.

“Yeah yeah. Gonna make fun of me now?” She smiles.

“Nah. It’s sweet. You’re just a big sweetie,” she teases. He cups her chin and kisses her softly. She steps closer and wraps her arms loosely around the small of his back.

“Hey there,” she says when they part. He takes his glasses off and sets them on his head.

“I’m not a ‘sweetie’, that’s stupid,” he says. Roxy kisses him again, and parts his lips with her tongue. He holds her to his chest protectively and backs her up against the wall of the embassy, kissing her slowly and romantically.

“Ahem,” Rose says. Sollux turns, not backing up from Roxy.

“Sis, kinda having a moment here,” Roxy pouts. Rose smirks.

“I can see that,” she says. “I was wondering, Sollux, if you’d seen Karkat around. John is looking for him.” Sollux sighs.

“Yeah, he went in to see Dave a bit ago. Can you buzz off now?” Rose laughs.

“I hope that was an intentional pun,” she says. “Now, be careful with my sister. Wouldn’t want anyone getting unnecessarily hurt.” She goes back to the mobile unit to find John. Sollux rolls his eyes and turns back to Roxy.

“Your sister is a pain in the ass, fuck,” he says.

“Yeah, it’s cool, she just doesn’t want me to end up getting hurt. She won’t mess with you unless you really fuck up.” He sighs.

“Yeah, well, she can try.” Roxy giggles, and steals another kiss. He smiles.

“Thanks for worrying about me,” she says. “And kissing me. That’s better than worrying.” He rolls his eyes again, but takes her face in his hands and kisses her again,

\---

John enters the embassy and heads to the hospital wing. There’s Karkat, talking to one of the female doctors. Maybe she has some good news about Dave?

“Hey, found you,” he says, approaching the two of them. Karkat flushes and steps back from the doctor.

“What the hell do you want?” he snaps. John sighs.

“I was just looking for you. Any news on Dave?” he asks, a little less cheerfully.

“N-no, we’re talking about something else,” Karkat says sheepishly. "Dave is the same, last I heard." John nods.

“Well… if this is a private conversation I guess I’d better leave you alone,” he says with a forced smile. He turns and heads back the way he came. Karkat runs to catch him by the shoulder.

“Hey! I didn’t say you had to leave, holy shit. What did you want to talk to me for?” he asks. John shrugs.

“I’m just worried about Dave, and I was thinking since you can always make me smile, I would see if we could cheer each other up,” he says. Karkat closes his eyes and drags his hand down his face.

“Fuck. I’m so stupid. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you, okay? I’ll come hang out with you if you want, just… yeah.” John hugs him.

“It’s okay, Karkat,” he says.

“And don’t you get any stupid ideas, that’s just one of the doctors who handled my case when I was little,” Karkat adds. John smiles.

“You don’t have to be all secretive about it,” he says. Karkat shrugs.

“Come on, dipshit, let’s just go,” he grumbles. John takes his hand and leads the way outside. He’ll get Karkat to trust him with embarrassing things eventually.

“Want to sit up on the mobile res unit?” asks John. Karkat nods. They climb the ladder and recline on the metal roof. “Ahh… it’s good to know everyone’s alive. I was so scared I’d lose somebody.” Karkat lays his head against John’s shoulder.

“We can’t let our guard down yet, cause that’s when someone will jump out of fuck-nowhere and tear our assholes out,” Karkat reminds him. John giggles.

“You’re so vulgar. It’s funny how creative you get,” he says. Karkat rolls onto his side and lays his arm across John’s chest.

“And you’re a condescending son of a bitch.”

“You’re still cuddling with me though,” John teases. Karkat scoots to the side and crosses his arms.

“I don’t fucking have to be if you’re going to be a petulant wiggler every time I do something affectionate,” he growls. John just giggles more.

“See? You always cheer me up,” he says. Karkat huffs.

“You’re pants shittingly retarded, but they say ignorance is bliss,” he snaps.

“Karkat?”

“What?” he says, turning his head.

“Come back and snuggle with me. Pretty please?” John says softly. Karkat rolls his eyes, but scoots back over to put his arm around John and his head in the crook of his neck. “Thanks Karkat.”

“Yeah, you’re welcome,” he murmurs, closing his eyes. John is so very warm. He feels like an asshole for snapping at him earlier. As usual. “You deserve better than I treat you. Sorry.”

“Hm?” John perks up. He hugs Karkat tightly. “No, no, you’re just impulsive. I know you don’t really mean it. I kinda learned to filter out what you say sometimes.”

“Yeah, well, I shouldn’t be saying it in the first place. I just fuck up and get defensive sometimes, and you shouldn’t have to wade through my bullshit,” he sighs.

“You’re sweet,” says John. Karkat closes his eyes.

“Where the fuck did I find you?” he says rhetorically. “Hey, look asshole, a matesprit that can put up with the 40 pounds of crap you shovel onto everybody who crosses your path? Since when do I get so lucky?” John kisses the top of his head.

“I like you, though. I like you a lot. If I didn’t like you for all that you are, I wouldn’t be dating you. So you don’t have to be afraid I’ll leave you over something stupid you say,” he reassures him.

“Yeah, well you looked really upset when I yelled at you earlier,” Karkat retorts.

“That was my own dumb fault,” John chuckles.

“How the fuck was that your fault? Are you playing the self-loathing game now too, because there’s no room for you on the roster.”

“I dunno, you were all defensive and wouldn’t tell me what you were talking about, so I got… jealous?” he admits. “I was worried for a second that you were interested in someone else.” Karkat headbutts him in the jaw, clocking him painfully with his horns.

“Are you shitting serious?” he says incredulously? “ _That’s_ what you were worried about? God dammit, John, I felt like shit for being a douche to you and you were just worrying about me running off with some broad? Yeah, okay, that one was your fault, genius. I don’t feel bad anymore.” John laughs.

“See? There’s the Karkat I’m used to,” he says brightly. He rubs his chin gingerly. “Did you really have to headbutt me though? You’re like a baby goat.” Karkat headbutts him again. “Ow!”

“Call me a baby anything again and you’ll feel my wrath,” he says crossly. John laughs and squeezes him tight.

“Okay, okay, jeez! Heh. You’re the best,” he says. Karkat hums. John’s pulse is steady and soothing. He really is a lucky bastard.

\---

Another day passes, and Dirk once again sleeps at his brother’s bedside. Despite cajoling from his friends, he’s refused to leave him alone. They’re twins. They stick together.

“Morning, Dirk,” John says quietly as he enters the room. Dirk stirs and opens one eye. He’s not wearing his shades, he has more important things to worry about than who sees his eyes.

“Hey. Nothing yet,” he says. John comes over and stares sadly down at Dave.

“I miss him. I really hope he wakes up soon,” he sighs. Dirk nods passively. “You know, if you want to sleep here every night, I’m sure the nurses could move another bed in here. You don’t have to sit in that shitty chair with your head on his bed.”

“Whatever,” Dirk mumbles. “Doesn’t really matter.” John pats him on the back.

“Ok. Just trying to help. I’ll see you later, ok?” Dirk nods. John gives Dave another worried glance, and leaves to get breakfast. Dirk lays his head back down by his twin’s hand, and finds himself getting drowsy again. He closes his eyes. Just a little more sleep couldn’t hurt.

\---

“Ow, what?” Dirk grumbles, looking to the side. Nobody’s there. Did he imagine it? He could swear someone just smacked him in the head. “Hey!” There it is again. He sits up and looks behind him. Then his eyes grow wide. Dave’s arm is now laying across his stomach, instead of at his side.

“Bro? Bro are you awake?” he says in disbelief, shaking him by the shoulder. “Dave, c’mon, you hit me in the head you little shit, answer me.” Dave doesn’t move. Dirk sinks to the floor, clutching Dave’s arm to his forehead. “You can’t do this to me, you asshole. Just wake up…”

\---

Three days later, while Dirk is sleeping, Dave opens his eyes. He looks around blearily and finds that his neck is horribly stiff. He sits up. Ugh. His whole body feels like dead weight. Where the fuck is he, anyway?

His hand brushes against something soft, and he looks down. His brother is asleep, looking troubled and exhausted, leaned against his bed. This… looks like the embassy hospital. What exactly happened? He flicks Dirk on the ear, and he wakes with a start.

“Hey bro. What’s up?” he asks. Dirk stares up at him incredulously. He doesn’t even see him move, but suddenly there is a painful impact to his shoulder.

“Hey, what the hell was that for? I’m fuckin injured here, man,” Dave protests, rubbing his arm where he was punched.

“You didn’t wake up when I told you to. And you smacked me in your sleep like 3 days ago. You deserved it,” Dirk says simply. Dave scowls.

“Three days? How long have I been here? What’s going on?” he asks.

“You, Rox, and Jake all got knocked out and taken by the rebels. We came and got you, but you’d suffered a nasty blow to the head. You’ve been out for a couple of days now.” Dave rubs his head.

“Whoa… Shit, man, I don’t remember anything after we left for the embassy. Did we get ambushed or something? Are Roxy and Jake ok?” he says, still trying to wrap his head around it.

“Yeah. They’re fine. And yeah we got ambushed. We didn’t make it to the embassy, we all went after the rebels instead. We killed ‘em and took you guys back here.

“You… all went and fought? Even John and them? I mean yeah we went through basic training but holy shit,” he says. Dirk shrugs.

“Jane was impressive with a pitchfork,” he says. “We managed. Mituna did most of the work honestly. Dude’s wicked powerful.”

“Huh,” Dave says. “So you guys… killed people.”

“Had to. It was that or get our shit wrecked, and lose you three,” Dirk states. Dave nods slowly.

“Fuck. Everything hurts,” he groans.

“Yeah yeah. I’m going to call the doctors in to see you,” says Dirk. He stands up, and hugs Dave tightly. “Don’t fuckin do that to me again, y’hear?” Dave nods, and tentatively hugs him back. This is weird. They haven’t hugged in years. But he’ll humor Dirk for now.

\---

“You are very lucky,” the nurse says to Dave. “You might experience periodic memory loss, but for the most part, you don’t seem to have sustained any permanent damage.” He lets out a sigh of relief.

“Can I get out of this bed then? I feel like if I stay here any longer, I’m going to meld with the mattress and have to live out my life as a bed. Getting burn victims laying all over me and shit,” he says. He catches Dirk hiding a smile out of the corner of his eye.

“Yes, you can, but be careful. You haven’t used any of your muscles in several days. It will take adjustment,” says the nurse. He nods, and sits up slowly. Dirk watches carefully from the corner of the room. Dave tries to swing his legs over the edge of the bed, but doesn’t quite make it.

“God damn. I really can’t move,” he says. He tries again, and manages to hang his legs over the side. “Okay. I got this.”

He drops to the floor, and his knees almost buckle. He manages to keep his balance holding onto the bed, but his legs are shaky.

“You can do it,” the nurse says. “Don’t rush yourself.” Dave pushes his weight off of the bed and up onto his feet.

“Alright. I got this. I’m good,” he says under his breath. “Fuck.” Dirk heads over and puts an arm around him stoically. Dave rolls his eyes, but leans into him.

“Cmon, let’s go see everyone so they can settle down,” Dirk says, nodding to the door. Dave takes a step in that direction, and with the support of his brother, he manages. “There. You’re fine. You’ll be back on your own feet in a couple days.”

Dave shrugs. He wonders where his shades are, suddenly feeling very naked. Then he realizes he’s in a hospital gown, with only his hot pink boxer briefs underneath. Oh well. He’d rather have the shades.

“Bro, where are my shades?” he asks. Dirk shrugs.

“No idea. Probably the mobile res with your clothes. Nice undies by the way.” Dave whacks him on the arm.

“Don’t you dare steal em,” Dave gripes.

“Oh yeah, I’m gonna put my junk where your junk’s been. That’s nasty, Dave,” Dirk shoots back.

“Good.” They enter the hallway, where Jane, John, and Rose are sitting against the wall. John stands up abruptly with a grin on his face.

“Dave!” he cries. “You’re awake! I was worried about you, man.” Dave gives him a tired half-smile.

“Yup. I’m alive after all,” he says. Jane stands and hugs him, holding the back of his head protectively.

“Thank goodness,” she says softly. “How do you feel?”

“Shitty. Kinda weak and shaky, it’s the breaks. But I’m pretty much unharmed for the long term, so that’s cool,” he says. She holds his face in her hands and stares meaningfully into his eyes.

“I’m so happy you’re safe…” she murmurs before planting a firm kiss to his lips. He chuckles.

“Good to see you too, J-Crock,” he says, ruffling her hair. Rose is next to stand. She hugs him too, rubbing his back fondly. “Jeez, someone’s affectionate today,” Dave teases.

“We didn’t know if you’d be okay, asshole,” she whispers by his ear. “You could have been brain damaged, or lost your memory, or been brain dead. Give us a break.” He pats her on the back.

“Sheesh Rose, way to take it personally,” he says. “I’m just pickin’ on you.”

“The others will be happy to hear you’re doing well,” Jane says. “Can we go see them?”

“Yeah, I think I can swing that,” says Dave. He and Dirk head down the hallway to the waiting room, then out of the building. Jake and Roxy are loitering outside, throwing rocks to keep themselves occupied.

“Dave!” Jake cries. “By gum, you’re up and moving!” He runs up to the twins.

“Hey man. Guess I am,” Dave says. Jade and Karkat peek out of the mobile unit, and the former runs to meet them.

“Dave, I’m so glad!” Jade cries. “Are you going to be back to normal?”

“Yup, that’s what the doc said,” he says. “Looks like I got off easy. Don’t remember shit though, last I checked we were leaving the house.” Jade squeezes him tightly around the waist, and he chuckles. Karkat, meanwhile, goes to inform the trolls.

“Does that mean we can head back to the old hive?” Jake asks.

“Yes, that is the plan,” says Rose. “We decided that when Dave was able to travel, we would return there. Mituna will be staying with us for an unspecified period.” Dave wobbles, and Dirk stabilizes him by his shoulders.

“We should get him inside,” he says. “He shouldn’t be up and moving for too long right away.” They take Dave into their makeshift bedroom, and get him propped up against the wall. Dirk reclines on the mattress with a sigh of relief. Of course Dave is fine. He was always going to be fine. Nothing to worry about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this is so late. School is evil and I'm dead. But I'm working on it, slowly and surely, I won't give up on this story! I didn't kill Dave. You're welcome. He is going to have some minor issues, but nothing to be too worried about. 
> 
> Also. Dirky. He loves his brother.


	35. Back Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry I haven't updated in a while, college is hard and I just now got a bit of a break. This chapter is rated M because smut.

Over the next couple of weeks, Rose and Dirk keep a watchful eye over Dave. He’s slowly getting his strength back, but he’s suffering from headaches, and Dirk doesn’t want to take any chances. Roxy and Jake, meanwhile, make a full recovery within a few days. Mituna stays at the hive on Feferi’s request, staying in the block that would have been Aradia’s.

“All this Dave business is wearing me out,” Rose sighs, leaning over to lay her head on Kanaya’s shoulder. The troll doesn’t look up from her embroidery, but she nods.

“You do know that if you and Dirk accepted help with all of this, you would feel much better,” she says softly.

“Yeah, I know, but Dirk is difficult like that,” says Rose. “He trusts me, and he trusts himself, so we get to be the ones to play doctor with his brother. I think it’s stupid, but such is life.” Kanaya pats her on the head, and pauses to stroke her hair lightly.

“He will get over it,” she says. “Dirk is stubborn. But once the initial fear of losing his brother wears off, he will be more reasonable.” Rose closes her eyes. She isn’t really listening anymore. Kanaya’s slender fingers running through her hair feel nice and soothing, and she feels herself growing sleepy.

“Thanks,” she says lazily. Kanaya chuckles softly.

“Are you going to fall asleep on me, Rose?” she asks, lips curving into a small smile. Rose just nods, and shifts to get more comfortable. Kanaya continues her work, but when she’s certain that Rose is asleep, she plants a chaste kiss to the crown of her head.

\---

Dirk sits in his room working on the pesterchum app for his shades. It’s going slowly, and he can’t quite concentrate. Jake keeps floating through his train of thought. He’s barely spent any time with his boyfriend since they got back, and he’s starting to feel guilty, not to mention lonely. He pulls out his phone.

TT: Jake, are you busy?

GT: Not especially no!

GT: Just finished up a movie with John and Vriska.

Dirk leans back in his chair. Don’t be jealous, don’t be that guy, he thinks to himself.

TT: Want to hang out for a bit? I’ve been busy looking after Dave, and I miss you.

GT: Sure thing! The others skedaddled but Im still in my room if you want to stop in.

He reassembles his shades and places them on his face before heading over to Jake’s room and knocking. The other boy answers the door with a bright grin.

“Hello there Dirk,” Jake says. Dirk steps inside and leans over to give him a peck on the lips.

“Hey. Sorry I’ve been scarce lately,” he says, going over to sit on the bed.  Jake closes the door and joins him.

“Not a problem, buddy, family comes first after all.” His tanned fingers intertwine with Dirk’s pale ones, and the blonde smiles ever so slightly.

“Yeah. Been thinking about you, though. I was trying to work on these today, but all I could think about was my sexy boyfriend,” he says with a smirk. Jake’s face colors.

“I’m not sexy, you doofus,” he says. Dirk leans over and kisses his neck softly.

“Are too. Have you seen your ass?”

“Of course I have, it’s my own ass!” says Jake. “It’s not that special, it’s just an ass.” Dirk chuckles.

“It’s just a damn fine ass,” he says, and to make his point, he gives Jake’s butt a pat. His boyfriend sticks his tongue out.

“Whatever you say, mate. But yeah. I’ve missed you too. We haven’t really gotten any time to ourselves at all lately, have we?” Jake says softly. Dirk nods, and snakes his arm around his waist.

“Did you lock the door?” he murmurs next to Jake’s ear.

“Y-yeah,” he replies, blushing again. Dirk removes Jake’s glasses, then his own, and sets them on the bedside table.

“I’ll never get used to your eyes,” Jake says quietly. “You know, you should show them more often.” Dirk shakes his head.

“Nah. Too used to the shades. And eyes are expressive as fuck, it’s better not to show that kind of thing,” he says.

“Except around me?”

“Yeah.”

Dirk cups his boyfriend’s chin and kisses him slowly. Jake’s arms come up to rest on his shoulders, and he kisses back, increasing the pace. It’s not long before he feels Dirk’s hands slide down to pull up the hem of his t-shirt and roam along the muscles of his back. Dirk breaks the kiss momentarily to relive them both of their shirts, and lay back on the bed.

“Hey Dirk?” Jake says timidly. Dirk looks up at him patiently. “Mind if I try something real quick? If you’re wanting to fool around, that is. I mean, no pressure, I certainly don’t want-“

“Go for it,” Dirk says simply. Jake nods, and swallows hard before going into his closet and shutting the door. Dirk hears some banging around, and some rustling. What the hell is Jake doing?

“Alright, here goes nothing!” Jake says from the closet. He steps out, and Dirk’s mouth falls open. Jake is wearing the lacy pair of green panties that he gave him a while back, complete with hold-up stockings. The underwear barely holds him, especially with a boner. Dirk’s face flushes red, and he sits up.

“Holy fucking shit,” he says. Jake’s eyes dart around self-consciously.

“I know it’s silly, and I didn’t really know if you were pulling my leg when you said you liked this sort of thing, but I thought I’d take a gander,” he says bashfully. Dirk beckons him over, and kisses his stomach while grabbing two handfuls of his ass.

“Fuck, Jake, I didn’t think you’d actually wear this,” he breathes. His pants are uncomfortably tight by now.

“It’s silly I know, ha…” he trails off. Dirk turns him around and gets a look at his butt in that underwear. Absolutely glorious.

“No way dude,” he says. “This is the hottest thing I’ve seen in my life, hands down. God damn. Your legs go on for miles, bro.” Jake turns back around, a nervous smile on his face.

“I’m glad you like it, then,” he says. Dirk scoots backward on the bed so his back is to the wall, and motions for Jake to come join him. Jake obeys, and straddles his legs, still unable to look him in the face.

“You don’t have to do this kind of shit, you know,” Dirk reassures him. “If you’re that uncomfortable you can change back.” Jake shakes his head.

“No siree, It was my idea after all,” he says. Dirk kisses him deeply and pulls him closer by the hips. He grips his butt possessively, and Jake starts to relax a little. He sighs contentedly as Dirk’s mouth travels down to his neck, sucking a light hickey onto his skin.

“Mm, you’d better not be leaving marks, Strider,” he murmurs. Dirk moves down to his collarbone and kisses it sensually.

“Sorry bro, these are the casualties of turning me on so bad,” he says, grinding his hips up into Jake’s. The other boy moans softly.

“You really like it that much?” Dirk’s mouth leaves his skin with a pop.

“Yeah.” He slides his fingers under the waistband of the silky panties and squeezes his ass.

“Strider…” Jake says hesitantly.

“Mmhm?” Dirk hums, mouth occupied with Jake’s neck again.

“How far are we going?” Dirk sits up and kisses him on the cheek.

“Up to you,” he says. “I don’t care. Whatever you’re comfortable with.” Jake swallows.

“If it was up to you though,” he trails off.

“It’s not up to me, though,” Dirk reiterates.

“But if it was! You’d want to…”

“I’d want to what?” he says patiently, eyes fixed on Jake’s.

“I- the,” he stammers. “The full- all the way?” Dirk removes his hands from Jake’s butt and rests them firmly on his shoulders.

“Look,” he says sternly. “I only want what you are okay with. If you want to have sex with me, then I want to have sex. But if you don’t, I don’t. Okay?” Jake looks down, suddenly self-conscious in his attire.

“Okay,” he says. “So… if I was perhaps interested in something of that persuasion…” Dirk’s expression softens.

“Are you? Because if you’re not, I won’t be disappointed,” he says. Jake swallows.

“I think- yeah,” he says. Dirk kisses him gently.

“If you change your mind, let me know,” he says softly. “We’ll stop.”

“Okay,” Jake says. He wraps his arms around his shoulders and kisses him again. Dirk’s hands make their way back down to his butt, and their hips make contact again. Jake moans quietly against his boyfriend’s lips.

Soon, Dirk pushes Jake back onto the bed so his head rests on the pillow, and hovers over him. He unbuttons his pants and kicks them off as he kisses Jake with increasing fervor, and shudders when he feels warm hands on his sides.

“Jake,” he says between kisses. “Do you have supplies?” Jake looks up at him, confused.

“I’m sorry?” he says.

“Condoms. Lube. You got ‘em?” Jake’s face flushes and he shakes his head. “Alright. Sit tight, I’ll be right back.” Dirk climbs off of Jake and flashsteps out of the room. He nearly bumps into Jade, who blushes and giggles at the sight of him in his underwear. He ducks into his room and digs through his suitcase. Bingo. One box of condoms and a small tube of lubricant.

Jake is sitting up by the time he gets back, playing nervously with his hands.

“Sup,” Dirk says, setting the supplies on the bedside table.

“I don’t know,” says Jake. “I guess I’m just nervous? I’ve never done this before.” Dirk sits down next to him.

“We still don’t have to do this,” he reminds him. Jake glances at the lube.

“No, it’s fine… I just- it’s going to hurt, isn’t it?” Dirk shoves him lightly.

“I’m not gonna make you receive on your first time, dipshit,” he says. Jake blushes.

“So I- I’ll be on top, then?” he asks. “I don’t know mate, I wouldn’t want to hurt you…” Dirk kisses him on the ear.

“Just let me take care of it,” he says smoothly. Jake nods. He trusts Dirk. It’s just all a little nerve-wracking. Dirk cups his chin, and they’re kissing again, stirring up butterflies in his stomach. This is really about to happen, isn’t it?

A few minutes, and he’s on his back again, and Dirk’s mouth is traveling lower, down his neck, over his chest, and pausing at the waistband of his underwear. Orange eyes glance up at him for permission, and he nods quickly. He watches as those confident hands pull away the last of his clothing, exposing him to the open air.

“I love you,” Dirk murmurs, kissing his stomach tenderly. Jake takes a shaky breath.

“I… love you too,” he says, laying a hand on his boyfriend’s blond head. Dirk sits up, and kisses the tips of his fingers. He shifts, and wiggles out of his boxers, causing Jake’s face to turn scarlet. He’s never seen Dirk naked, even though they’ve fooled around a couple times.

“Like what you see?” Dirk teases with a smirk. Jake covers his eyes and groans.

“You’re horrible, Dirk,” he complains. “…yeah. You’re handsome.” Dirk bends over him and kisses him sweetly.

“Thanks babe.”  He sits up again, and reaches for the lube. He slicks a few fingers, and reaches behind his back.

“Do be careful,” Jake says quietly. Dirk chuckles.

“I’ve done this plenty of times, bro. I’ll be fine. Just enjoy yourself, k?” Jake nods, and shudders as Dirk tears open a condom and rolls it neatly onto his dick. A lube-covered hand wraps around him and pumps him a couple times, and he sighs contentedly. Dirk wipes his hand on the sheets and climbs over top of him, and Jake’s breath catches in his throat.

“You good?” he asks, lining Jake up with his entrance.

“Yeah,” Jake breathes. Dirk lowers his hips, and he sees white. Tight, velvety heat floods his senses, and he moans out loud. He only opens his eyes when Dirk comes to rest on his thighs. Holy shit, he is inside him.

“Fuck, Jake,” Dirk gasps. It’s been a while since he’s done this, but it’s nothing he’s not used to, so he’s caught off guard when it feels… different? His face feels hot, and his stomach tingles. He can feel Jake under him, in him, and it’s overwhelming. So this is what it’s like to lay with someone you care about. He rolls his hips. The brunet beneath him sighs, looking up at him with glassy eyes. Beautiful. He wants to make him lose it, hear him shout, push him over the edge.

“Mmm, look at you,” he sighs. Jake stares up as his lover. Dirk’s chest rises and falls at a quickened pace, and his perfect composure is gone. And god, does he feel _good._ As he picks up the pace, Jake can’t help but push his hips upward, and Dirk doesn’t seem to mind one bit. He leans back, tangling his fingers in his own spiky hair, and Jake loses control of his voice.

“Dirk, that’s- like that,” he gasps. The blond nods and quickens his thrusts, drawing more wonderful sounds from Jake. Every little sigh just drives Dirk forward, he wants to hear more, he wants to be closer to him, take him in deeper. He finds himself grinding down on him desperately, and he blushes. He doesn’t do this, he doesn’t let go of his control so easily, god, what is this boy doing to him?

Jake is twisting beneath him now, crying out with every snap of his hips. He must be close, Dirk thinks. He ramps up the pace even more, and his own voice starts to come through his labored breaths against his will. Jake grips the bedsheets.

“Dirk-!“ he cries sharply. His body goes stiff and Dirk can feel his cock twitch inside of him as he comes. He moans unabashedly and takes hold of himself, pumping hurriedly. Jake’s breathing slows down and he melts into the bed, opening his eyes to the sight of his disheveled boyfriend. Dirk’s eyes screw shut and he spills onto Jake’s stomach with a gasp.

“God,” Dirk breathes. He lifts off of Jake and collapses face down next to him. Jake turns to look at him.

“Wow,” is all he can manage to say. Dirk chuckles tiredly.

“You have fun?” he asks. Jake nods.

“That’s… one word for it, yeah,” he says. “Boy, Dirk, I’ve never seen you like that.”

“What, naked?” Jake smacks him on the arm.

“No, dipshit!” he groans. “Well. That too, but I meant, you were so into it, I’ve never seen you let go like that.” Dirk can feel himself blush, to his dismay.

“…Yeah, well don’t make too big a deal of it,” he mumbles. “It was my first time doing it with someone I actually give a shit about.” Jake scoots closer and kisses his shoulder.

“It was nice,” he says. “Mmm… wowee. I’m not a virgin anymore.”

“Yup. Welcome to the club,” says Dirk. He kisses Jake on the forehead. “Hope you’re okay with that.”

“Yeah. I- I really am. I’m glad it was with you,” Jake stammers. Dirk grins.

“Thanks Jake. Means a lot, y’know.” He shifts, and pulls the covers out from under them, snuggling up to Jake underneath the fabric. Sleep is coming fast, and he drifts off with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking around while I've been on hiatus. I haven't forgotten you guys! I know this chapter is kinda short. There shall be longer, more indepth chapters coming soon. Though I would like your input: would you like to see more actiony stuff, or more slice of life?


	36. Lost by Time

Nepeta is absently fiddling with a handheld game in the living room, when Mituna comes and sits across from her. She looks up, and her cheeks flush green. Interacting with him has been nothing but awkward thus far.

“Hi,” she says lamely. He nods. Stupid silent Sollux clone. She goes back to focusing on her game, hoping someone else shows up soon, or he leaves, or something. No luck. He’s still sitting there, stony-faced, ten minutes later.

“Um,” Nepeta says quietly. “Did you want to… talk to me?” Mituna folds his hands in his lap.

“Yes. I apologize for making you so uncomfortable. But I would like to have a word,” he says. She mutes her game and sets it down.

“What do you need?” she asks. She hopes she doesn’t sound too exasperated.

“It’s kind of an embarrassing matter,” says Mituna. “I simply hoped to hold a conversation. From what I can tell, you are remarkably similar to your ancestor, Meulin.” Nepeta’s eyes widen.

“Her name was Meulin? Wow, I never even knew that,” she says, suddenly interested. Mituna nods.

“Meulin Leijon. She was a playful, impressionable girl, and very dedicated,” he says. Nepeta’s expression softens.

“Do you miss her?” she asks sympathetically. Mituna sighs.

“It is truly difficult to say. Living as long as I have, conventional emotions morph into other things, and become more difficult to express or understand. My past with your ancestor and our companions seems less and less like an experience I had, and more like a tale that I heard long ago.  I find myself feeling younger and less despairing in the presence of our descendants, but… It also leaves me feeling, more than usual, that I should rightfully be dead. ”

“You shouldn’t feel that way,” Nepeta says. He shakes his head.

“I apologize,” he says. “I did not expect to launch into such a diatribe. My feelings should not be your concern.” Nepeta frowns.

“I know I don’t really get how it feels to be you, but it’s okay to talk about it,” she insists. Mituna hums, and she could swear she sees a tiny smirk on his lips.

“You are quite the altruist,” he says. “She would have liked you.” Nepeta gives him a weak smile.

“Thanks. It means a lot.”

\---

Jake wakes from his nap to find Dirk sleeping soundly on his stomach, barely covered by the blankets. Jake smiles and tugs the covers up over his boyfriend’s body before settling back in against him.

“Morning.”

“Ah, Dirk, did I wake you?” he says apologetically.

“Yeah. It’s fine. C’mere,” Dirk mumbles, rolling onto his side and pulling Jake to his chest. The brunet blushes.

“Well alrighty then, we’re still naked,” he squeaks. Dirk buries his nose in Jake’s hair.

“Mhm. Nice, isn’t it?” he mumbles. Jake relaxes slightly. It is pretty nice, if a little embarrassing.

“I… yeah. I really fancy waking up with you,” Jake says shyly.

“Y’know, we don’t always have to crash in our own rooms,” he says. “We don’t have to bang every time or anything, just maybe get our cuddle on some nights.” Jake closes his eyes. He can hear Dirk’s heart thumping slowly and steadily in his chest.

“Sure thing, I’d like that.” They’re silent for a moment.

“Still okay with what happened?” Dirk asks apprehensively. Jake can feel himself blush.

“Ah,” he falters. “Yes. Quite. I could definitely stand to take another crack at it.” Dirk waggles his eyebrows, and Jake covers his face.

“Heh. Crack. Because we had anal se-“

“YES, Dirk, I get it, Christ on a crouton,” Jake says exasperatedly. Dirk just chuckles and gives him an affectionate pat on the butt, and a kiss on the crown of his head.

\---

Karkat comes to John’s room mid-afternoon, looking more irritable and exhausted than usual.

“Hey there,” John says cheerfully. Karkat nods and pushes past him, making a beeline for his desk chair. “You okay there, Karkat?”

“I’m fine,” Karkat grumbles. “There’s just this ever present threat of rebel highbloods coming to gut me and everyone I love.” John frowns, and leans against the wall.

“You know Mituna can handle anyone who comes to attack us,” he reminds him. Karkat shakes his head.

“It’s not just that,” he says. “Look. Let’s just say I was part of a highly secretive mission, and somehow, someone figured out who was under the cloak and now I have a gigantic fucking target painted right between my horns.” John, on cue, goes around behind the chair and starts massaging the bases of his horns.

“Stop that you shitting nookhuffer,” Karkat snaps. He stops.

“Sorry,” says John. “But… what was your mission? Why does anyone care?” Karkat rubs his eyes.

“I can’t fucking tell you, okay? I just wanted to blow off some steam because it’s stressing me the fuck out, and Kanaya hid my pills, and I’m kind of on the verge of a goddamn insomnia-driven anxiety attack, so can you just cut the questions?” he says, becoming increasingly upset as he speaks. John steps around to face Karkat.

“Hey,” he says, touching his shoulder lightly. “I’m sorry. I won’t ask anything else about the mission. I’m glad you’re not taking the pills.” Karkat lets out a long, much needed sigh.

“Okay,” he says. “Fuck. Sorry.” John smiles.

“It’s okay. Do you want to cuddle?”

“Ever since the first time, that’s all you want to fucking do,” Karkat says. He stands up and walks over to sit on John’s bed.

“But it’s so nice!” says John, blushing lightly.

“Just come here,” the troll says. John happily joins him on the bed, and they curl up on top of the blankets.

“You’re… really sweet,” Karkat mumbles after a while. John blushes, and his heart flutters. He kisses one of Karkat’s horns, and pulls him closer. His body is warm and comforting, and he fits nicely in his arms. Yes, cuddling is definitely the best.

\---

Dirk drops by Dave’s room later, sandwich in hand.

“Sup bro. Way to miss dinner, Jane and Jade cooked and it was bomb,” Dave says. He raises one eyebrow at the state of his brother’s hair.

“Yeah, well it was worth it,” Dirk says, grinning to himself. “Guess who got some?” Dave holds his hand out for a high five, and Dirk slaps his hand triumphantly.

“Way to go man. First time with him, yeah?” Dave asks.

“Yep. Beats the hell out of hooking up with random club guys, I can tell you that,” says Dirk.

“Cool. No details alright? It’s bad enough that you’re limping.” Dirk narrows his eyes.

“I’m not limping,” he says.

“Are too. Barely.” Dirk frowns.

“Do I always…?”

“Sometimes yeah. Not like anyone else can really tell. Minus that one time you went home with the drag queen. That was special,” Dave says smugly. Dirk smacks him upside the head.

“Fuck off Dave,” he says. “I was wasted and he didn’t prep me, that son of a bitch.” Dave makes a face.

“TMI, bro,” he says. “Ouch, though.”

“Yeah ouch. Anyway, I’m gonna go get a shower.” Dirk pops the last of his sandwich into his mouth and heads out.  

\---

Jake, meanwhile, sits in the kitchen eating some leftover casserole from the other night. He’s not exactly sure what’s in it, but it tastes good enough.

“Hey Jake, way to skip out on my home-cooked meal,” Jane says from the doorway. Jake turns, blushing involuntarily.

“Oh! I’m sorry, Janey. I… took a nap,” he says. She raises one eyebrow.

“Oh yeah? With Dirk?” she says slyly. He looks to the side.

“Perhaps.” Jane giggles.

“Don’t worry, you can say so. I’m over it, you know,” she says. Jake nods, stirring his food around his plate.

“Ah, yes, of course,” he says.

“Jake,” Jane says playfully. He turns his head to face her again.

“Yes?”

“You’re sporting quite the hickey!” she laughs. He scrambles to cover the mark with his shirt. Stupid Dirk! He said no marks!

“Oh, I’m sure you and Dave have never had them before,” he retorts. His face is getting redder by the second.

“Mmm, maybe, maybe not,” she sings.

“It’s perfectly normal,” he huffs.

“Oh, I know,” says Jane. “By the way, Jade saw Dirk run out of your room and back with condoms. You’re busted, buster.” Jake hides his face in his hand.

“Criminy,” he says exasperatedly. “She told everyone, didn’t she?”

“No. Just me, and John. Don’t sweat it, though. We’re happy for you!” Jake mumbles to himself and continues eating. The whole group of humans probably knows by now, if not some of the trolls too.

“Thanks,” he sighs. Oh well, it’s honestly a little difficult to care right now. Waking up from his first post-coital nap with Dirk put him in a pretty fantastic mood.

\---

Rose sighs heavily as she sifts through the latest drafts for the humans’ monthly report. The events of the past few weeks have made them dismally late for their deadline, and she still only has drafts from Roxy, Jade, and Dirk. Soon, they will need to start compiling the third month’s document, which will be a whole separate headache. Of course, the girl who likes books gets stuck with the job of assembling the final copy, how typical. She knows for a fact that Jade would be better for this, but she is nowhere to be found as usual.

She sends out a mass text to Dave, Jane, John, and Jake.

TT: Lady and Gentlemen, it is far from pleasurable for me to nag you like a grade school teacher.

TT: Repeating a year of high school, while appealing, is not on my agenda, so please get your reports to me so I can finish this task you all so graciously shoveled onto me.

TT: Dave, I realize that you almost died, and that you haven’t had many opportunities to work on this.

TT: But I also realize that you are a lazy prick.

TT: Please complete your reports and give them to me as soon as possible.

She rubs her temples. Is the embassy even going to condone their continued stay on Alternia after what happened? She did ask everyone to leave the details of the ambush out of their reports this month, just in case, but still.

“Something wrong?” Rose recognizes that voice. It’s become one of her favorites over the past couple of months. Kanaya comes up behind her and rubs her shoulders soothingly.

“I have only half of the report segments I need to compile the latest month’s document,” she sighs. “I want to strangle a few specific people at this point.” Kanaya leans over her to set a small mug on the desk.

“Take a break and drink some hot beige milk,” she says. Rose’s mouth turns up at the corners.

“The way you refer to certain things is positively endearing,” she says. She sips the beverage. It tastes milky, and slightly like chocolate. It seems Kanaya has been experimenting with the cocoa powder John brought. “Thank you.”

“Not a problem.” The troll comes around to sit on the edge of the desk. Her lipstick is a deep, striking red today, and Rose finds herself staring. “Is something the matter? Do I have something on my face?” Kanaya asks.

“No,” Rose says, shaking her head. “I was just admiring your lipstick.”

“Thank you,” Kanaya says with a smile. “I was perusing one of your human fashion magazines, and I noticed that red lips were a popular motif. So I conferred with Aradia, and she told me how she used to make her labial pigment.” Rose smirks.

“Would you perhaps share your… labial pigment?” she asks coolly. Kanaya pulls a compact out of an unseen pocket in her dress. She dabs a makeup brush in the waxy lip color.

“Tilt your head up, and open your mouth slightly,” she instructs. Rose obeys. She feels the tickle of the brush as expert hands paint her lips in bold red.

“Do you have a mirror?” asks Rose. Kanaya closes the compact and turns the mirrored bottom of the case towards her. Her lips are perfectly stained with the pigment, and it makes a stark contrast to her pale skin. She grins.

“Do you like it?” Kanaya says. Rose tilts her head, checking herself out at a few different angles.

“I think I do,” she muses. “Perhaps we should play with makeup more often.”

“I do not consider it playing. But I suppose we could make it more fun. And maybe, if you are interested, I could measure you for a dress and play with fabric as well.”

“That sounds infinitely better than staring at this unfinished garbage,” Rose scoffs, gesturing at the pile of papers that currently comprises the report. “Let’s head up to your room?” She picks up her hot beige milk and takes the other girl by the arm.

“It will be like a human slumber party, except with only two people and no sleeping,” Kanaya says, sounding a little excited. Forget deadlines and due dates. It’s not every day that Rose Lalonde gets to play makeover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally done with my studio work for the semester! That means more posting, sleeping, and other things that I like :D the next chapter is already in the works, this is a pretty significant one coming up, so stay tuned!


	37. Coup d'État

_Karkat stands at the edge of the water at Gamzee’s hive, shoulders tense and mind preoccupied. The heavy fabric of the cloak covers his eyes more than he’s comfortable with, but he can’t compromise his identity even for a second. He has been staying with Gamzee for several weeks now, shrouded by the gray hood any time he steps outside._

_The water bubbles , and his hands go to his sickles. Feferi’s head breaks the surface with a splash, and he relaxes._

_“Oh good, you’re here!” she says brightly. Her mood never falters, it seems. “Are you ready to go?_

_“As ready as I’ll get,” he says irritably. He isn’t looking forward to this mission, but she needed someone she could depend upon, and he was apparently the most trustworthy candidate._

_Feferi wades onto shore, and visibly absent is her usual jewelry and colorful dress. She has a sleek bodysuit now, and the only real accessory she’s kept is her trademark goggles. After all, she doesn’t want to be too anonymous. This is meant to make a statement._

_The two of them head to the small boat Karkat prepared for the trip, and Feferi double checks the supplies he packed. They have just enough food for a few days, in case they can’t go straight to their destination, and various tools and weapons for the occasion._

_“Thank you,” she says solemnly. “I know you’re risking your life.” Karkat just grunts and starts pushing the boat into the water._

_\---_

Sopor isn’t helping to stave off these particular nightmares, and Karkat lays awake with bloodshot eyes. Why he had agreed to go on that mission- well, he knows exactly why. Feferi  needed help, not just for her, but for the species as a whole. She had known he would help her, she was offering him a chance to be free from the system that would kill him based on his blood.

That may not matter at all, he thinks as he rolls over onto his side. If the rebellion catches up to him, he’ll be dead no matter what color he bleeds.

\---

_Once they’re out to sea, Feferi jumps out of the boat and swims alongside it. This way, they won’t have any trouble from seadwellers, and she can continue to receive direction from her lusus. She surfaces every so often to check on the situation above the water, but they are lucky. Very few ships cross their path at all, and none attempt to accost them._

_“We are apploaching the island. The target’s position has not changed, and her injuries remain severe,” Feferi says quietly, drifting next to the small craft._

_“And you’re sure she doesn’t know we’re coming? Cause that would be a great fucking welcome, hey, nice to meet you, here’s an unwashed horde of rabid seadwellers who would love to gnaw on your bones, all of my problems are solved,” Karkat growls. Feferi shakes her head._

_“No. She does not know. Gl’bgolyb has made sure of that. And she is alone. Her pride doesn’t allow for her to ask for help, and besides, if anyone knew how badly she was hurt and that she was on-planet, chances are they would make a grab for power.”_

_“And how can you be so sure that monstrosity is willing to double cross her, but not you?” he says skeptically._

_“Her loyalty has been to me for sweeps. I trust her, even if you don’t,” she says with finality. Karkat sighs._

_“I guess that’s what we’re risking our lives on, then, so you’d better be fucking right.”_

_\---_

Karkat sits up in his recuperacoon, giving up on a peaceful sleep. He might as well get cleaned up and work on his report, or something. He climbs out and grabs his shower supplies before padding to the ablution block as quietly as possible.

\---

_The massive red ship is impressively camouflaged as a part of the island landscape, but knowing where to look, it doesn’t take Karkat and Feferi especially long to locate the entry point they’d decided on. They hide their small craft in an inlet and prepare to make their attempt._

_“You know…” Feferi says quietly. “You never had to do this. It is my task… asking for your kelp did not mean an obligation on your part.” Karkat snorts._

_“And here I thought you’d abandoned your asinine puns and decided to be serious for once,” he says. He pulls his hood further over his eyes. “I wouldn’t be here if my mind wasn’t already made up. Let’s just get this done.”_

_Feferi watches for a moment as Karkat turns and approaches the entry point. He looks fearless and commanding, but she knows him better. There is a quiver in his step, and his fists are clenched tightly beneath his billowing cloak. There are a multitude of reasons that he cannot allow himself to fail this._

_“Ka-“_

_“_ Do not _finish that,” he growls. “No names. That was the deal. Now what do you want.”_

_She shakes her head. “Forget it. Just bidding us luck. Let’s go.”_

_They enter on a lower level of the ship, and steal through a side corridor as planned. Feferi recognizes the rare hue of her blood splashed across the wall in several places, probably several days old. Karkat shudders. Their footsteps seem entirely too loud for comfort as they proceed._

\---

Karkat rubs his towel over his unruly hair before wrapping It around his waist. Fuck, he’s exhausted. He needs his pills. If Kanaya knew the kind of shit that kept him in fits every night, she would at least allow him one pill. Maybe two. God, he is a fucking wreck. He bends over the sink and scowls at his reflection.

\---

_The door to the royal suite is coated in sticky fuschia blood, and not even properly locked. Feferi enters first, trident in hand, and it takes everything for her not to react. On the floor of the most lavish room she’s ever seen in her life, amid miles of once-beautiful hair and soaked in blood, is the Alternian Empress. The Condesce narrows her eyes in disgust at the sight of the two renegade trolls, and spits out a mouthful of blood._

_Karkat looks her over as best he can from the shroud of his hood. Wounds covering her body, and not from corporeal weapons. She must have gained a powerful psychic enemy in her conquests through the galaxy to sustain such persistent injuries. Her face is twisted in pain and hatred, and regrettably, he can see no fear. He had hoped that she would taste a bit of her own favorite medicine before she went._

_“I am Feferi Peixes,” Feferi declares. She points her trident in the Condesce’s face. “Heir to the Alternian Empire, and as of today, your successor. Our lusus has betrayed you to me. If you have anything to say, say it quickly, for I think you have lived quite long enough, you tyrant.” Karkat stands his ground behind her. He is honestly rather surprised at the cold demeanor with which Feferi addresses her ancestor._

_The empress does not speak. She only bares her remaining teeth in a sharp and deadly sneer, and her eyes flash. Within seconds, the sound of rending metal echoes throughout the ship, and Karkat draws his sickles from his belt. Feferi turns to him and he shakes his head._

_“Animal communion. Now hurry and do it or this will only get worse!” he barks. He grits his teeth and assumes a fighting stance, eyes flitting between Feferi and the open hallway._

_Her Condescension raises her arm weakly, and Karkat dives. He can’t let her use her abilities, they’ll have no chance. Her severed hand falls to the ground. The terrible sound in the halls grows louder._

_“_ Feferi! _”_

_And then, with a flash of gold, the young princess embeds her trident in the queen’s chest and gives a powerful twist. The Condesce never makes a sound. She reaches out with her remaining hand, and Karkat and Feferi watch in awe as it falls limp at her side. The Empress of Alternia, tyrannical ruler of the trolls through nearly all of their history, is dead. Feferi withdraws her weapon and turns to Karkat._

_“Now, we fight our way out of here.”_

_\---_

This is a stupid idea. But who gives a shit at this point. Karkat makes his way up the stairs to the human floor of the hive and counts the doors on the way to John’s room. Sleeping up against that prick during Avatar was the closest he had come to normal sleep in over a sweep, so why the fuck not? He doesn’t bother to knock, just turns the knob as quietly as he can and slips inside.

John is sound asleep on his stupid bed platform thing, and it looks like there’s enough room for Karkat if he tries. He tiptoes over and sits on the edge watching as John’s chest rises and falls beneath the covers. He looks warm. Karkat climbs in next to him and curls up against his side. He can get pissy about it in the morning, as long and sleep happens right now.

“Hnh?” Karkat freezes. Fuck. John reaches across him looking for his glasses, and seems startled to find another person in his bed. “Kar…kat?” he murmurs. Karkat sinks into the blankets.

“Yeah, jackass, it’s me.”

“Aww, you came to sleep with me?” John says tiredly. He puts an arm around Karkat and pulls him to his chest. Shit, he really is warm.

“I couldn’t fucking sleep, isn’t that a new development,” he grumbles. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.” John just snuggles him closer.

“Mmm, well c’mere then,” he says. “Blehh, your hair’s all wet…” Karkat sighs and lets himself relax against his matesprit.

“I just took a shower,” he mumbles. “Go back to sleep, moron, this isn’t some steamy grope fest. I just want to get some rest.” John giggles softly.

“Okay Karkat,” he says. “Goodnight. Love you.” Karkat’s heart seizes in his chest. He what? What the fuck? No, fuck that, he can’t just spring that kind of thing on him in the middle of the night in a sleepy haze. God dammit. But the warm comfort of his matesprit’s body is just what he needed, and he can already feel his eyelids growing heavy. It’s not long before he falls asleep, finally able to rest for the night.

\---

“Rich browns and violets will complement your eyes and prevent your complexion from washing out,” Kanaya says, smoothing eyeshadow across Rose’s lids. “Middle bloods such as myself and Nepeta tend to look best in similar colors, once our eyes fill in with our blood color.”

“Your eyes will fill in? About how old will you be when that happens?” Rose asks. She tries to sit still as the brush tickles her skin.

“Usually somewhere around 8 sweeps old. Though some do not see any change until 9 sweeps, and some are early bloomers like Tavros. If you look at his eyes, you will find a ring of brown around the center,” Kanaya explains.

“Interesting,” says Rose. “I’m guessing Karkat isn’t looking forward to this metamorphosis?” Kanaya sighs.

“No, he is not,” she says sadly. “I do wonder how he is going to handle it. Hopefully by the time it happens, he will not have so much to fear.” She steps back, admiring her work. Rose opens her eyes and blinks a few times, looking herself over in the mirror.

“I can’t recall the last time I wore eyeshadow in a shade other than black,” she muses. “I think I like it.” Kanaya smiles.

“Makeup is not exactly my forte, I have a bit of a shaky hand in application. But I do know my colors well,” she says. She picks up a canister of something else.

“What kind of cosmetics are you wielding there, Maryam?” Rose teases. Kanaya opens it to reveal a black paste.

“Mascara,” she says. “Do you have eyelash pigment in your culture?” Rose nods.

“Yes, though it usually comes in a tube. Lay it on me,” she says. Kanaya takes a small brush and dabs it in the mascara.

“Look up for me,” she says. She swipes it across Rose’s upper lashes. “Let that dry a moment, and I think you are done.” Rose keeps her eyes fixed on the ceiling, which has several hooks on which fabric is hung. Various colored cloth spans across the room in a beautiful decorative fashion.

“Did you bring all these draperies from your hive?” asks Rose.

“Ah, yes I did. I think they add a lovely atmosphere to a block. Much better than simple stark walls with unseemly posters.”

“They are quite beautiful,” she agrees. “You have a way with aesthetics, that’s for certain.” Kanaya blushes slightly.

“Thank you,” she says. “It is refreshing to have someone who appreciates such things. Most trolls are distressingly tasteless.”

“So I have noticed. Daily black t-shirts with zodiac signs, the same color of pants every day. I don’t know how you manage,” Rose says.

“I think you are making fun of me,” Kanaya says flatly. Rose giggles.

“Maybe a little. But I do like my makeup.” Kanaya rolls her eyes and fishes through a drawer for her camera.

“Let us hope you can supply a decent picture of it, then,” she says dryly. She aims at Rose’s face and snaps several pictures, while the other wears an amused smirk.

\---

Dave is getting better all the time. His head occasionally throbs if he whips around too fast, but it doesn’t hurt consistently anymore. His bro is thankfully starting to back off, too. Shit was getting annoying.

He spends the morning in the warehouse with Jane and Jake, taking turns dicking around on a scooter Dirk had built at some point.

“Dude, he’s been looking at me funny all day,” Dave says quietly while Jake is obliviously riding. Jane giggles.

“Yes, I noticed that. He’s such a goober,” she says.

“What’s his deal, anyway? Did my bro tell him something weird?”

“Dave,” she says. “Didn’t Dirk tell you what happened?” He shrugs.

“He said they boned, so what? What’s that got to do with me?” Dave asks. Jane giggles some more.

“You’re twins, remember? I think he’s having a hard time with knowing what you pretty much look like naked,” she says. Dave blushes. He’s got to get that reflex under control, shit’s embarrassing.

“God dammit, I didn’t even think of that,” he says exasperatedly. “We don’t even look exactly alike as it is. I’m skinnier than he is, and we have different scars.”

“Yes, but he probably hasn’t thought of that,” Jane says mischievously. Jake drops the scooter and runs over.

“Strider! It’s your turn to have a go at it,” he says cheerfully. Dave stands up and walks over to the scooter, and Jake sits in his place.

“You certainly seem to be having fun,” Jane says.

“You bet your knickers I am!” he says brightly. “I haven’t gotten to spend time with my best gal in ages, it seems.” She smiles.

“Yeah, sometimes we just get caught up in all this hubbub,” she agrees. “It’s nice to just be silly again.”

“I do miss the old adventures we used to get up to,” he says. “We could make a day out of goshdarned anything if we tried.”

“Are you saying you wish we hadn’t come here?” she teases. He shakes his head.

“No way! The things we’ve seen here are priceless, it’s the adventure of a lifetime. And… we’ve formed important bonds along the way.”

“You’re talking about Dirk,” Jane says softly. He reddens.

“Maybe a smidgen. We never would have talked if it weren’t for the program after all. But I’ve made cool alien friends like Vriska! Golly I hope we can still talk to the trolls when we go back,” he says. Jane laughs.

“I’m sure we can. They put transmitters in all of our computers, remember?” she reminds him.

“Yeah. It’s still going to be a doozy. I can’t imagine what poor John and Roxy will go through when we have to leave,” Jake says sadly. Jane frowns. He’s right, Roxy and John will have to leave Sollux and Karkat behind in a separate part of the galaxy. That would be hard for anyone.

“Jane you’re up,” Dave says, dropping the scooter at her feet. “I’m all scooted out.” He sits next to Jake, and neither of them have much to say. He watches Jane ride in circles in the open warehouse and lets himself space out.

\---

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

AG: Megido are you there?

AG: Araaaaaaaadia. Come out wherever you are.

AA: yes hell0

AA: im s0rry f0r the delay

AA: what can I d0 for y0u vriska?

AG: Ugh. You don’t have to do anything for me. I just want to talk. No tricks, no plots, just conversation.

AA: I did n0t accuse y0u 0f any such things vriska

AA: and even If I did there is very little y0u c0uld d0 t0 affect me in any way!

AG: Well gr8, that’s reassuring ::::/

AG: Look. I know I’ve 8een awful. Like, truly seriously awful.

AG: And yeah the whole robot 8ody thing was totally my idea!

AG: 8ut I guess I wanted to let you know I’ve realized how much I fucked everything up and hurt every8ody.

AA: vriska y0u d0nt need t0 tell me that

AA: I am happy where I am!

AA: y0u d0nt 0we me anything

AG: That’s just it though!!!!!!!! I’m not doing this 8ecause I think I owe you.

AG: I’m doing it 8ecause I want to, 8ecause I know I fucked you over and I feel horri8le a8out it!

AG: I figured I should give you a real apology instead of leaving things how they were, for my sake just as much as yours.

AA: very well then

AA: thank y0u

AA: y0u d0nt have t0 feel bad f0rever th0ugh

AA: let y0urself catch a 8r8k if I may?

AA: hehe

AG: I’ll let myself off the hook when I feel like it. Don’t worry too much a8out that, I’ve got 8etter things to do than sit around 8itching a8out myself like a certain 8ipolar asshole we know.

AG: Heh. Sorry.

AA: n0 I can s0rt 0f agree with y0u 0n that 0ne

AA: s0llux has his issues

AG: Uh yeah, that’s the underst8ment of the sweep. 8ut he’going to 8e Roxy’s pro8lem soon from the looks of it :::;)

AA: that aside th0ugh im curi0us

AA: what has spurred 0n this change in attitude?

AG: Er, well……..

AG: It’s kind of dum8 really. Hanging around those two losers John and Jake makes you think, you know?

AA: I d0nt kn0w but c0ntinue

AG: They’re both such total sweethearts! They’re all friendly and idealistic, and I just got to thinking a8out myself and how nice it was that they weren’t like me, and they’d never hurt anyone unless they had to, and I just started feeling shitty.

AG: Like wow look at these dopey human 8oys showing me up!!!!!!!!

AG: Anyway I’m sick of 8eing the jerk everyone skirts around.

AG: And I miss my old friends.

AA: forgiveness might n0t c0me as easily t0 0thers as it did t0 me

AA: but I think y0u will be happier this way regardless 0f them

AG: Yeah, you’re pro8a8ly right.

AG: I guess I’ll have to apologize to Tavros, ugh……..

AA: he deserves it m0re than any y0u kn0w

AG: I knowwwwwwww. I’ll do it. I just don’t have to like it.

AA: as l0ng as y0u mean it yes

AG: Yeah. Thanks for talking, Aradia. Glad you like 8eing a computer ghost.

AA: n0 pr0blem! best 0f luck with the 0thers

AG: Oh believe me, I have luck on my side ::::)

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

\---

The last thing on Feferi’s mind before she gets to sleep is Karkat. How could anyone possibly know his identity in relation to their assassination mission? They hadn’t encountered any trolls during their escape, and even if they had been seen, Karkat’s hood was never off, even for a second. Could they have seen him bleed? And anyway, how could they know Karkat was the one connected to that blood color? He bled on dark fabric, so it shouldn’t have been obvious, and they bound him up before long…

She thinks back to earlier phases of the mission, planning and whatnot. They had only ever met in private, away from either of their hives. The only time any other person was involved was when Karkat staying with Gamzee, and he wasn’t even informed about the plan. But what if… what if someone questioned Gamzee? They had told him not to tell anyone he was going to be there, but that doesn’t mean he remembered not to answer. Or maybe he only thought he was supposed to keep it from their friends online? Trusting someone like him without giving clear instructions, of course someone found out… She shakes her head and resolves to ask Karkat about it in the morning, and hopefully find some answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year, followers! We're past the 100,000 word mark! I'm so happy with this chapter. I've been working out the details of how this mission happened since early on in the story, and I'm excited to share it with you guys at last.


	38. Discovery

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

CC: Glub glub glub glub! Shello, Gamzee!

TC: wElL sHiT, tO wHat ThE mOtHeRfUcK dO I OwE tHiS mOtHeRfUcKiN pLeAsUrE, sIs?

CC: I shrimply have some questions for you. Do you remember when Karcrab stayed at your hive for a whale and wouldn’t tell you why?

TC: fUcK yEaH i Do, ItS aLwAyS gOoD tO sEe My BrO.

CC: I was just wondering, did you ever tell anyone anything about his visit, or where he went?

TC: nAh SiS.

TC: kArBrO uP aNd ToLd Me NoT tO sO i didn’t.

CC: And nobody asked you any susfishious questions around that time?

TC: hEh, YoUrE aLwAyS kIlLiN iT wItH tHe PuNs.

TC: i DoNt MoThErFuCkIn ThInK sO

TC: wAiT

CC: Yes?

TC: tHeRe WaS a DuDe WhO wAs HaRd On HiS lUcK aNd NeEdEd To UsE a CoMpUtEr. BuT hE sEeMeD cHiLl

CC: …

CC: Gamzee, we pacifically took measures to protect your trollian account because it was dangerous to have anyone sea your conversations with Karkat!

CC: You know that whoever was on your computer looked at your contact list and read your transcripts! It’s not hard to follow him in the boat and find out what he was doing after.

TC: oH

TC: mOtHeRfUcK :o(

TC: iM aLl HeLlS oF sOrRy, SiStEr.

CC: You didn’t mean to! But it’s still a problem.

CC: Thank you for your time!

TC: nO pRoBlEm. SoRrY i MeSsEd ShIt Up FoR yOu GuYs :o(

CC: It’s okay Gamzee. Just be careful in the future.

TC: aLrIgHtY tHeN.

CC: BY----E!

cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

Feferi slumps in her desk chair. Of course it was Gamzee. The mellow troll never meant any harm, but it’s hard to put your faith in such an absent-minded guy. Ah well, what’s done is done. She should tell Karkat. Maybe in a little bit, when she knows he’ll be awake.

She rubs her eyes under her goggles and sighs. They had worked so hard at covering their tracks, too, even taking measures to launch the ship back into space once they had dispatched the monsters summoned by the Condesce in her last attempt to kill them. Her body had been discovered some days later, and Feferi had claimed the throne, presenting her bloodstained trident. Nobody would think to search for remnants of the ship or footprints on the surface if they believed the ship was in space the whole time.

But someone knew exactly what had happened, thanks to the words of carcinoGeneticist, now most likely tapped and regularly read by the rebel forces. Even now, Karkat’s communications weren’t safe. Anyone on Gamzee’s contact list could be dangerous, for that matter. She would have to ask Sollux to take countermeasures against the hackers, and get safe communication open between everyone again.

\---

Karkat shifts uncomfortably, trying to snuggle against John but finding that his phone or something is in his pocket and digging into his hip. He tries flipping around to face away from him, but John is insistent on holding him right where he is while he sleeps.

“John.” No reply.

“John you assbarfing fuckwad, either take your goddamn phone out of your pocket or let me turn around at the very least,” he hisses. John grumbles.

“What? Karkat, it’s early…”

“There’s something in between us and it’s jabbing me in the freaking pelvis, so kindly deal with it before I have a decidedly unsexy bruise next to my bone bulge,” he snaps. John’s eyes widen and he draws back into his shoulders a bit. His face is flushed bright pink.

“O-oh, sorry about that, Karkat,” he says meekly. “I’ll turn around.” John lets go of his boyfriend and starts to roll over.

“Hey, no, you don’t have to do that, it’s not like I hate cuddling with you,” Karkat protests. “Just take that fucking thing out of your pocket and we’re good.”

“Kar- oh god…” John groans. “I… can’t.” This is not happening to him. He is not explaining boners to his alien boyfriend at this ungodly hour.

“What the fuck is- oh.” Realization dawns on Karkat and he blushes madly. “Is that a part of your screwed up human anatomy? Why the fuck is it _hard?_ Please for the love of shit and all you assholes that eat it every day, tell me that’s not your _bulge_.” John hides his face in his hands, facing the wall.

“I- Karkat this is normal. Human guys always wake up with erections,” he says.

“Erections?”

“Oh my god Karkat can you just ask Rose about this?” John pleads. Karkat huffs, but stops pushing the issue and wraps one arm around John from behind.

“Fine. But if I find out you were having some fucked up nookwetting dream about me I’m going to flip my shit through the wall and into Strider’s room and beat the crap out of him,” he says, closing his eyes.

“Karkat go back to sleep,” John whines. Karkat rolls his eyes, but it doesn’t take him very long to do exactly that. John, however, lies awake for a while, cheeks burning red. It hadn’t even occurred to him that he and Karkat might have different parts down there, everything else seemed similar enough. He started to wonder exactly what trolls were equipped with down there, and considered asking Kanaya or someone who wouldn’t laugh at him.

\---

Sollux sits at his computer, tapping busily at the keys. Feferi has asked him to encrypt everyone’s trollian, especially Karkat’s, and it’s proving to be a pain in the ass. Plus, with that freaky clone of him running around, he’s not working that efficiently. He’s kind of curious about him, but mostly he just wants him to go away. Mituna hasn’t tried to talk to him yet besides simple greetings, but he is dreading the night it happens.

“Ohhh 3d man!” Roxy calls from outside his door. For once, a welcome distraction.

“What do you want RX?” he says boredly. Quite the smooth talker there, Captor.  Roxy is undeterred, and opens the door. She has a flask in her hand, and hasn’t changed out of her pajamas.

“I just figured you could use some company while you hacked away at those com lines,” she says. She sits down on the floor, leaning against his desk, and opens up her laptop. “Also figured I’d let you know I already did mine and the other earthlings’ accounts just cause.” Sollux looks down at her. As much as he would like to be annoyed by her, Roxy is constantly proving to be a very pleasant surprise.

“Oh really then? Let me test that,” he quips. He temporarily abandons the task at hand and sets to work at tapping into her own Pesterchum account. It is only with great difficulty that he manages to get in, and even then, he has limited access. “Heh. I’m reading your conversation with DK from the other night,” he says.

“Nooo, not that one! Read the one with Jakey, he’s so much funnier anyway,” she protests, standing up and diving in front of his monitor. Sollux gives her a skeptical look.

“This isn’t making me want to read it less, RX.” Roxy shakes her head emphatically.

“No, fuck that, I’m locking you out!” she says, tapping away on her own computer. She bars him from reading her logs, and he just sits there for a few minutes and works around her solution again.

“I’m in.”

“You’re a pain in the ass!” she says, sticking out her tongue. “Also, I’m reading your messages with Feferi from a loooong way back. Hot damn you had some spicy shit going on there, ehhhh?” Sollux flushes yellow and hurriedly blocks her out.

“Damn it, no, don’t read that far back,” he says with a scowl. “That’s all water under the- ugh, no, I am not making aquatic puns. That was a dark time in my life.” Roxy just giggles.

“Yeah, yeah. I didn’t actually see anything, dumbass. I just know you used to be matespirits or whatever,” she says. He just blushes deeper.

“Fuck you, RX,” he says. He flips her off with both hands. “And it’s pronounced matethprits- oh fuck.” She giggles a little longer than necessary at that.

“Well,” she says, dragging out the word. “John and Karkat got together. And after all, we have been dancing around the issue for quiiiite a while now…”

“RX if you wanna be my matesprit just say it, fuck.”

“Sollux I totes wanna be your matesprit, fuck!” she says, bubbling over with laughter at the end. Sollux taps his claws on the desk. It’s been a long time since he actually tried the whole commitment thing. But he’s having a lot of fun with Roxy, and hell, they already act enough like a couple.

“Fine,” he says. “We’re matesprits. But this doesn’t mean I’m gonna hold your stupid hand whenever we’re in the same room.” Roxy just grins.

“Of course not, his grumpiness,” she says. He grunts, and turns back to his work. Roxy pulls out her phone excitedly.

TG: jany

TG: janey*

GG: Yes?

TG: janey me and sollux are O-FFICIal

TG: 100 percent datign

TG: he even called me that weird alein word thing karkat calls jonh

TG: alien* john*fuckkk

GG: Roxy, that’s great! It’s about time he gave you a real answer.

TG: well I mean tbh I didn’t rly ask outright? we just kinda bumped junk and then kissed whenever we felt liek it

GG: Well, yes. I know. But it’s better to know what’s actually going on, isn’t it?

TG: DUHH, janey.

GG: Anyway, I’m pleased as pudding for you Roxy!

TG: thankies gurl

\---

Rose is at her usual spot on the couch, reading and drinking tea, when Karkat comes in looking pissier than usual. He sits down next to her and stares at the floor with an intense glare.

“Can I help you?” she says without looking up from her book. He makes a strange, irritated noise, and she shrugs. Just when the book has her full concentration again, Karkat finally speaks up.

“What the flying fuck is an erection?” he spits, a little louder than necessary. Rose nearly spits out her tea, and it’s all she can do not to giggle. He looks so serious, and so pissed off. She sets her book down on the coffee table and faces him.

“Why are you asking me, and not John?” she asks, a small smile on her lips despite her best efforts. Karkat grips the fabric of his jeans.

“He told me to ask you,” he mumbles. Rose can’t help the giggle that escapes this time.

“Of course, he doesn’t handle embarrassment well, does he?” she muses. “When a human male is sexually aroused-“

“I fucking knew it!” Karkat groans.

“-his penis fills with blood and hardens, the purpose of which is to facilitate intercourse,” Rose finishes simply. Karkat is hiding his face in his hands, hunched over in embarrassment.

“Penis is a terrible word,” is all he can manage.

“If you prefer, there are plenty of colloquial names for it,” she offers. “Dick, cock, schlong, junk, weiner, dong, man meat, heat seeking missile-“

“Rose why the fuck are you reciting that shit at Karkat. He has enough problems, don’t give him more,” Dave  says from the doorway. Rose turns, giving him a smirk.

“Karkat came seeking enlightenment,” she says innocently. Karkat glares at her.

“This conversation is edging too far into John’s dick territory, I’m out,” he says. He turns on his heel and heads upstairs, and Rose turns back to Karkat. He has a pillow over his face to cover his blush.

“I’m going to kill him,” he says.

“Did you encounter his boner?” she inquires.

“This morning when I woke up, it was fucking jabbing me like an indecent goddamn ridgeworm,” he mutters, pulling the pillow back just enough to talk.

“Oh, that changes things,” she says. “I hadn’t realized you two were sharing a-“

“It was just the one day!” he snaps.

“Well, either way,” Rose says. “All human males get erections in the morning. It was most likely not sexual at all.” Some of the tension drains from Karkat’s posture, but he still covers his face.

“I’m still going to fucking kill him,” he sighs. Once his face has calmed down a little, he throws the pillow to the other couch and goes back upstairs to his room. He texts John.

CG: I TALKED TO ROSE, AND WE ARE NEVER SHARING A FUCKING BED AGAIN YOU MISERABLE CRETIN.

EB: karkat, i’m sorry!  i told you i can’t help it in the morning!

CG: THAT DOESN’T CHANGE THE FACT THAT I WAS JABBED AWAKE BY YOUR WEIRD STIFF BULGE AND AM TRAUMATIZED FOR LIFE.

EB: oh quit being such a baby :p

CG: YOU DON’T SEE ME WRAPPING MY BULGE AROUND YOUR ARM IN YOUR SLEEP.

EB: wait

EB: what?

\---

John stares at his phone. Karkat’s last text can’t have been a typo, right? Wrapping… around? Oh god, he’s never really thought about the possibility that he and his boyfriend have different stuff going on down there… He giggles a little at the thought of Karkat with a miniature arm where his dick should be, grabbing his wrist. Okay, nevermind, that’s kind of a freaky thought. Oh boy, this is a conversation they’re totally going to have to have if they decide to get physical. John blushes to himself. Sure, he’s thought about Karkat in some pretty compromising positions, once or twice… but he’s definitely a virgin, and the thought of doing anything sexual with his fairly new boyfriend… it makes him kind of nervous. He shakes his head. Karkat doesn’t seem comfortable with that kind of thing yet, so he doesn’t have to worry. But he is curious about what the differences between them are, now that the subject has come up. He makes a note to ask Kanaya. She seems like the least embarrassing person to ask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm really sorry. I know there was a time when I updated every single day, and that was totally awesome. But now it seems like forever since the last time I updated this, and I'm sorry for making you wait. 
> 
> I have decided on a chapter number, and am planning the rest of the fic with a little more structure than i previously used. There will be time skipping, which was planned from the beginning. I hope you guys haven't gotten bored or sick of waiting and given up on me :x i will see this through!


	39. Closure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I know it has been ages and ages since I have updated this story, and I would like to apologize. When I was writing this, my mental health took a dive, and by the time I got back on my feet (sort of), I felt very disconnected from this story, and it was extremely difficult for me to write anything that felt like it did this fic justice. After a while, I kind of assumed nobody was following it anymore, and I let it go by the wayside. But recently, I have been writing fics again (for haikyuu) and I've seen all the comments people have been leaving on this story, and I feel like I owe you closure. I am sorry for disappearing, and I know this isn't a satisfactory ending, but this is basically a summation of what I was planning for this story, based on the few notes I wrote for it (part of the reason it was so hard to pick this fic back up after i got my head back on straight was that i kept almost zero notes. it was all kept straight in my head, and being that i have adhd, once it was out of my focus, it was gone). So thank you for reading this far, and again, I am sorry for not finishing it properly.

39: Feferi talks to Karkat about Gamzee and the security breach, and he decides not to tell anyone because he doesn't want to cause panic over nothing. John talks to Kanaya about troll anatomy differences because he wants to take his relationship with Karkat further, Roxy and Sollux flirt.

40: Kanaya talks to Rose about John and Karkat being dumb and dancing around each other. The conversation ends up turning to their own flirting and dancing around one another, and Rose kisses Kanaya, confessing that she wants to be her matesprit. Kanaya accepts, and they steal away to her room to make out. Vriska apologizes to Tavros, who forgives her, to her surprise. Seadwellers show up to kill Karkat.

41: The whole group fights against the seadwellers, despite Karkat ordering the humans to stay out of it. After they beat back the attackers, Feferi formally declares Karkat as the one who helped her rise to power and starts campaigning against the hemospectrum.

42: Eridan, Vriska, and Tavros split off and leave the group in light of the drama and politics. Mituna talks to Karkat about his history with the signless. Karkat realizes he has a lot on his shoulders, and a huge legacy to live up to. John comforts Karkat and tells him he loves him.

43: Feferi brings the remaining group to her palace to stay, and the humans catch up on their reports. Dave and John hang out and reflect about the trip so far, and how it was nothing like they expected but they wouldn't trade it for a normal SEARED expedition. Jake and Jane do the same, and Jane tells him just how glad she is that he talked her into this even though it's risked their lives.

44: Time skip to the 8th month. Karkat has been training tirelessly as a warrior. Mituna and the palace guards have staved off a few rebel attacks, but no serious, large scale skirmishes have taken place. The humans take a walk and shoot the breeze just the 8 of them, while Karkat talks to Kanaya about what will happen when their human matesprits leave. They worry that since they won't be able to see each other in person anymore, their relationships will eventually fall apart.

45: Sollux and Roxy start working on a secret project together. John and Karkat are so full of sexual tension they’re gonna die so they try to talk about sex, but they're painfully awkward about it and they don't really get anywhere. Gamzee accidentally discovers, when talking to a palace guard, that his ring lets him control living trolls of his blood caste. 

46: Dave and Jane spend some quality time together, and Dave gives her a necklace he saved up to buy her as a souvenir of their trip. Roxy and Sollux sleep together for the first time. Afterward, she admits she quit drinking. Roxy talks to Jane about quitting, and Jane cooks her a fabulous dinner to celebrate and congratulate her. Karkat tries touching john’s dick and things get sexy, but they are too shy to go all the way just yet. 

47: A few weeks later, Roxy still hasn't drank since then and is feeling good. Roxy and Sollux spend a lot of time in his room working on their project, and the others debate on whether they're just banging all the time, or up to something. Gamzee and Feferi work on a plan to convince highbloods to turn to her side, now that they know about the full extent of the ring's power. Karkat has a run in with an assassin while he's out of the palace, but he manages to subdue her and she is imprisoned. Karkat and John cuddle, and John admits that he very often worries about Karkat.

48: Continuing the cuddles from last chapter, John and Karkat start to get hot and heavy and end up having sex. Gamzee commands some highbloods to support Feferi and it works pretty well actually. More highbloods begin to change their tune about Feferi. Jane and Jake talk about life and their relationships. Jane admits that she is glad things didn't work out the way she initially wanted them to, and that she and Jake probably wouldn't have made a good match after all. They talk about the Strider twins and their little quirks, and how much they care about them. 

49: Skipping ahead a bit more, the rebellion against Feferi is growing and the humans are stunned when hq tells them grandpa Harley is leaving planet early because of the war, and that means they are too. Nobody is ready to leave, and those in relationships weren’t expecting to say goodbye so soon. Roxy holes herself up with Sollux working on science, and the others barely see either of them. Everyone else spends as much time with the trolls as they can, and meanwhile Feferi and Mituna start flirting.

50: Each troll human couple discusses what will happen when they separate. None of them want to break up, but they know they may never see each other again. They all pretty much agree to keep seeing each other for as long as they can, even if it's unrealistic. The humans discuss going back to school, and how weird it's going to be going back to something so mundane after being part of a political revolution. Feferi and Mituna become closer. She apologizes to him for the actions of her ancestor, and Mituna tells her never to say that, and that she is not the condesce. He tells her that she is more than he ever hoped for in an empress.

51: John and Karkat fight over the issue of John leaving, and take to avoiding each other. Dave tells John he's being an idiot and to go make up with his boyfriend before he's gone forever. Dirk confesses how deeply he cares for Jake. Mituna makes red overtures to Feferi, and she accepts. Karkat prepares for a new position in Feferi’s empire as her right hand, and worries that he's not up to the task. He wishes he could talk to John about it, but they are fighting, so he stews about it in his room.

52: The trolls take the humans to an island to have fun before they have to leave. John and Karkat make up, and everyone has a great time together without any worries for once. Feferi and Mituna tell the group that they are newly matesprits. 

53: Everyone compiles their final reports.

54: The humans fly home, and the atmosphere is quiet and melancholy. Even those that weren't dating trolls made important friendships, and none of them wanted to leave so soon. They hope everyone stays safe, and they all have issues focusing in school because it just doesn't seem that important anymore. 

55: Epilogue, two years have passed, the kids are sophomores in college. Roxy and Sollux finally finish their project, which they had both been working on this entire time. Roxy gives John and Rose each a strange, window-like device that plugs in, and tells them to make sure it is plugged in and unobstructed at 8pm that night. John leans his against the wall, plugs it in, and begins to work on homework, and by 8 he has forgotten about it. At 8pm, the window shatters, scaring the shit out of him, and he turns around to see Karkat on his bedroom floor. He throws his arms around his boyfriend and they kiss for the first time in forever, and Karkat tears up just a little. Neither of them expected to see each other again, possibly ever, but now they have a way to be together. They admire how much each other has grown up, and John calls Roxy to thank her profusely for making the device.

Meanwhile, Rose already suspects this has something to do with interdimensional travel, so when Kanaya comes through the window, she is ready with a bouquet of flowers. Kanaya is thrilled, and kisses Rose, telling her how much she missed her, and they end up having sex for the first time that same day. 

Roxy and Sollux also meet up via the portals, although it's not a suprise for either of them. They high five over their accomplishment, and Roxy insists on showing him around the human world. They go on a standard human date, and Sollux gets some weird looks, but nobody really says anything about it minus one person who asks what he's cosplaying.

In Alternia, Feferi and Gamzee have managed to reduce the rebellion significantly, thanks to the power of his ring and the strength of Mituna's forces. She and Mituna are still together, and Eridan has returned as a diplomat toward the seadwellers. 

After the couples reunite, Roxy introduces the windows to the rest of the group, and they all get the chance to visit with the trolls and catch up in person. Jade suggests to Roxy that she show the technology to her grandpa's institute, and she agrees. The insistute not only gives her a job, but they manage to improve on the technology and begin using it across the galaxy. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's what I had. I know it's not enough, and I'm sorry I couldn't finish it properly, but I hope this at least gives you some closure on the story. <3


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